:| Parents. - YouLookFab Forum

cheryle (Dianthus)

(website)

Veteran

Pah. Her eyesight must be deteriorating and she sees distortion that is not there. You look gorgeous and always have.

13 years ago

Gaylene

Veteran

You can use the same line that my son uses on me when I step over the line: "Mom, that was not helpful!" delivered in a stern tone usually makes me back up quite quickly, apologizing all the while. Just remember that we can all say dumb things to each other at times and you, the gorgeous creature that you are, have the grace to forgive her for making such an insensitive remark.

13 years ago

Caro in Oz

Veteran

These things do hurt. Hope you are feeling better:)

13 years ago

Anonymous

Ah! What a blow! I'm sorry.

13 years ago

Anonymous

: (

I'm sorry she said something so dumb! Big hugs.

13 years ago

Mochi

Veteran

Not cool, Mom! You are slim and anyways, elegant and beautiful! FWIW, I'm not Asian but I married into that culture and lived there and have heard and personally experienced a lot...and boy are people free about calling anyone who's not like a size 000 "fat".

13 years ago

Inge

(website)

Moderator

Oh no!-((( Parents... sigh... sometimes they just drive you bonkers... I'm so sorry this happened beautiful lyn*. Warm hugs and please know that you always look gorgeous!

13 years ago

Irene

Veteran

i'm bigger than you -not that that's a difficult thing since you are a very slim woman- and peple around me always comment on my body being too thin. I've been told to 'eat more' by shop assistants (selling jewelry). It is offensive, in a way.

I wish people stopped commenting so much on other people's bodies, at least in a negative way... I mean, even if it's your mom, that's still not ok and I would politely tell her so. I have done that myself.

13 years ago

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

My mom always has disparaging remarks about my body - it's either fat or too thin; and I'm never good enough for her.

I thought she'd stop after I got into/graduated medical school - she used to tell everyone (including the dentist) I was too stupid to get into medicine unlike my smarter cousin (who got in 2 years earlier than me).

Thanks ladies - I think it might be an asian family/competitiveness thing; now that my "career" is okay; she is freaking out that I don't have a partner. Oh well. Moms will always freak about one thing or another.

Does anyone wanna adopt me

13 years ago

Caro in Oz

Veteran

Absolutely I'll adopt you but I'm sure I'll have lots of competition:)
Your mum is looking for reasons why you aren't living the life she wants for you imo.
Just remember you are perfect the way you are:)

13 years ago

Gaylene

Veteran

I'll be competing with Caro for the privilege of adopting you. Raising two sons meant a whole lot of testosterone in our house, so that is why I ADORE my DIL. Another female would make my world perfectly balanced!

13 years ago

Anonymous

I'll adopt you! My nieces and nephews would love to have such a cool new cousin!

13 years ago

pil

Veteran

Lyn, add me to the list of potential adoptive parents. I think you're pretty fab.

13 years ago

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Yay! Loved

*squee*

13 years ago

ManidipaM

Veteran

Oh, Lyn --- Mochi's SO right about the competitiveness of many Asian cultures, and coming from a different one, I suspect also that the older generations from this part of the world are far more leery of bestowing approval than is usual in the Western cultures. It is almost as though they *must* give us something to strive for, some avenue for self-improvement --- or they'd fail in their duty as parents to help us be 'better'.

That said, objectively speaking, you do NOT have a beer belly, or *any* untoward belly-age either. And I absolutely second Gaylene's son's strategy --- polite but firm drawing of lines.

13 years ago

Glory

Veteran

I am sorry to hear about the hurtful comments. It is hard not to let that take up space in your head and your heart. Hugs!!

13 years ago

Stuti

Active Member

Oh lyn.
You are beautiful.
I second manidipa (coming from same Indian background)
That Asian parents have to find something to make us strive for better.
There is NO praising effort.
And also as pp said firm stern line can do it.
5 years out of residency and 2 kids later my mom can still comment on stuff I can and can't do.
And she knows it doesn't matter any more as I have stopped seeking approval.
And I love my mom to death. And she does too. Haha it's complicated. isn't it always.
So take it with grain of salt and disregard.
It's your life and you are BEAUTIFUL.

13 years ago

Stuti

Active Member

Oh lyn.
You are beautiful.
I second manidipa (coming from same Indian background)
That Asian parents have to find something to make us strive for better.
There is NO praising effort.
And also as pp said firm stern line can do it.
5 years out of residency and 2 kids later my mom can still comment on stuff I can and can't do.
And she knows it doesn't matter any more as I have stopped seeking approval.
And I love my mom to death. And she does too. Haha it's complicated. isn't it always.
So take it with grain of salt and disregard.
It's your life and you are BEAUTIFUL

13 years ago

rachylou

Veteran

Lol. Beer belly! The idea of you having one is hilarious!

That's an Asian thing for sure. Born to suffer!

I would offer to adopt you, but since I'm Asian too, you understand I'd have to shackle you to the piano and hand-cuff you to a tennis racket... ;>

13 years ago

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

I already play professional level piano ... but I suffer on the tennis court, so I will spend my hours there crying and eating my orange slices

13 years ago

rae

(website)

Veteran

Oh, my. I'm both laughing and hurting for you... I agree that it is a cultural thing. My friend and I would always make dark jokes about Asian mom syndrome. Dollars to donuts she also brags about you to lord it over other moms. When you can't hear, of course.

13 years ago

rachylou

Veteran

Hahaha! Crying and eating orange slices!

That is soooooo funny, Lyn. You're very good at this Asian thing ;>

13 years ago

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

I have 27 years of first hand experience at being asian, you know

13 years ago

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