I also like "How to Listen." It works! Even on adults!
Also, in my experience, it is important to remember:
- You are the boss in all parental situations. This is not a relationship of equals. It is also not a popularity contest. Sometimes kids don't like doing what you tell them, but oh well. My favorite response is "Must." As in, "I don't want to leave now!" "Must." "I'm not brushing my teeth!" "Must."
- Discipline is not the same as punishment - setting rules and boundaries and expecting them to be honored and obeyed is good parenting! A well-disciplined child is a joy. A poorly disciplined one makes friends without children congratulate themselves.
- There are developmental stages that may be causing friction. Not every kid hits these stages at the same time, but they do all usually go through them. So difficulties you're dealing with now are opportunities to teach for later - but they sometimes mysteriously go away by themselves or turn into new ones with time. And don't be surprised if you have to teach them again when your kid hits another bump in ego development.
- If your child is very verbal, different things work than if they are not. Sometimes kids act out at 2-3 because they can't communicate with words as well as they'd like. In those cases you need to be their words, making lists for them or having them do drawings to express their emotions. Also kids this age love to playact. When my daughter was afraid, I'd ask her what a lion did when he was afraid. She said, Roar! So she'd take a deep breath and roar her way through what scared her. Sometimes being playful helps a lot, at least it did with my kiddo.
Just wait until they're 10 and know everything. That's fun, too.
