Outfitting very elderly women? - YouLookFab Forum

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Outfitting very elderly women?

judy

Veteran

Do any of you have experience with dressing your very elderly moms or female relatives?

I know a sweet one...she is my ex-mother-in-law...who is in need. Her eyesight is failing and so she can't tell whether or not something looks presentable. She spends a long time every day trying to figure out what to wear with clothes that don't work. We are looking to help her get rid of most everything and replace them with easy care fabrics that won't wrinkle and that have elastic waistband...she needs Depends at this point....so she also wants tops that can cover her bottom.

She is still beautiful. She always reminded me of Rita Hayworth. I'd love it if it were some fabric that looks nice, not fleece or pajamas, or Golden Girl lounge suits :). I just don't have much experience with wearing this type of clothing, so not sure where to go. She could have a stack of pants and tops, like a uniform supplemented by some really pretty scarves. She lives in elderly housing, and they don't actually let them walk around in their pajamas. She just needs some help keeping up appearances and at the same time making her life easier, like the rest of us I guess, but the requirements change.

I knew if there was any place where people were in the know about this, it would be YLF ! Thank you in advance and sorry this is sooo long!

Shopping

26 replies

Latest reply was from velvetychocolate

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Hi Judy!

Does your dear ex mother in law have any problems with dressing herself? I know that zippers and buttons are sometimes tricky for people; so is lifting shirts over their head.

Anonymous

Judy, in my experience Alfred Dunner is a good brand for this age group. Lots of coordinates, easy-care fabrics, and elastic waistbands.

Good luck!

judy

Veteran

Lyn, yes, she can dress herself...though the zippers and fussy elements tend to be a bit painful for her.

Alicat, I'll check that out.

modgrl

(website)

Veteran

I don't have any suggestions for you but that is a very nice thing you are doing. I wish you the best in the process.

catgirl

Veteran

Oh, you are sweet to help with this. MY MIL has advanced Alzheimer's and lives in a nursing home now. We got her lots of matching washable cotton separates - tops that pull on, cardigans with big buttons or none, stretchy pants. She wears mostly light colors - pinks, light blues, white, little florals, so she has a lot of those styles - the little prints help them look less PJ like.

Also, her room is HOT but she is always freezing, so layers are good. And whatever she chooses for the day matches everything else because of the simple color scheme. She still puts on her lipstick every morning. It takes her a LONG time to get dressed, but really, what does it matter?

Liz

Veteran

I'd base some of the decision on where / how her laundry is done. With my elderly relatives, the laundry was done at the care center, and clothes got "industrial" treatment. That meant fabrics needed to be sturdy and expensive clothes weren't a good investment. I don't have any good sources for you, but I bet others will chime in to help.

Linda

My mother loved to be in fashion, and I had a lot of trouble getting her things that look nice but are easy care and easy to dress with. Alfred Dunner sounds like a good tip! For a long time I could "shop her closet," because we both are notorious in the family for collecting clothes. If your ex MIL has not lost a ton of weight, I think the suggestions here are great! When my Mom began becoming frail, I looked for things more and more covered-up, long-sleeved Ts, tops with small crew necks or henley-type tops (since those are easier to pull over the head than crewneck tees. As Mom shrunk more and more, I tried shopping girls' departments, but that's sometimes SO trendy that it isn't possible to find many real basic, sort of classy pieces. Like everyone, I salute you for helping her out!

Classically Casual

Veteran

Judy - You might have look with JC Penny's if you're near one. In the petite dept. I visited, the SA was well versed in the needs of her elderly customers. They had very affordable washable pants with elastic tops that evidently is the go to outfit. I know, (ugh), but it is what it is. I don't remember the brand, but they always have it she said. My mother-in-law too uses small neck scarves to personalize her outfit. Tops and bottoms without buttons seem to be the ideal. Good luck!

Meredith1953

Veteran

I think the Afred Dunner or comparable lines would be very practical but still look nice. There is no reason that elderly people shouldn't have great clothing that works on a comfort level and is also easy for them to get in and out of. Too bad there aren't more designers addressing this sort of issue. My grandmother lived to be 96 and it was really only few months of her life when she was declining that she stopped wearing nice shirtwaist dresses, earrings, lipstick, the whole nine yards! Good for you to help her with this.

Anonymous

One thing I found with my mom was that, because of her osteoporosis, her body shape really changed and many of her old clothes didn't fit. She needed larger jacket and top sizes to accomodate her "dowager's hump."

This link has some good tips:

http://www.nof.org/aboutosteop.....ashiontips

rachylou

Veteran

My grandma found a dress pattern she liked with some modifications. She ran up a whole bunch of these dresses. It was a uniform, but very stylish. The dresses had a mandarin collar and a tie belt to define the waist. I think they were very easy care. My cousin nabbed them I think.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I dress my mother. She is 86, very frail, legally blind. But she lives in her own home and still does her own laundry.

We get her clothes from two places. The first is Laura, a Canadian chain. (We live in Canada). That's probably not much help to you, but here is a web link: http://www.laura.ca/ At least you can see the styles; they are quite contemporary. We are careful with what we pick and try to avoid fiddly buttons, etc. She can manage one or two buttons but gets frustrated with more than that.

These are her "going out" clothes.

But most of the time she is in the house, and for her in the house clothes I look for very simple pull on styles and cardigans. I have managed to get quite a few from Land's End. She has what I'd call a classic tailored with a hint of prep style; she likes navy, cream, pinks, purple. So I get her pull on knit pants, nicer Ts and knit tops, and cardis that coordinate. It seems to work. The clothes launder well and she finds them comfortable.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

My mom also had some Alfred Dunner pieces and lots of Land's End. There's also a brand from Kohl's she was fond of, but the name escapes me now. She enjoyed shopping there the last few years of her life and seemed to find easy-to-wear pieces that were also easy to take care of. I know she also found some things at Sears.

When we would shop together, we'd go to Macy's and Nordstrom, but then she'd mostly look for things for me! Dang, I miss her.

Anonymous

I miss my mom too, Janet! She always loved clothes, and she loved clothes even when she had dementia. Accessorizing was one of the last pleasures to leave her. . . even with dementia she could choose the perfect necklace and earrings for an outfit.

judy

Veteran

Gosh, thanks for all the help, ladies. I knew you would all be a wealth of knowledge and experience.

Yes, it looks like JC Penney and Macy's cater to this type of customer with the Alfred Dunner line. We'll probably start there.

Janet and Alicat, your missing your mother's post has me tearing up. Those of us who dress our Mom's and/or still support them through this phase of life are very lucky indeed. I'm going to go call mine right now!

Linda

Oh, Janet, -- my Mom was just like yours! I used to try to weedle her into buying something for herself, but she mostly resisted, and her real joy seemed to be in buying me things I liked. I soooo miss her. I think that's why for some time, I've been sort of avoiding doing real fashion shopping -- it's not the same without Mom.

Anonymous

After buying clothing for my mom for years (she had MS and couldn't get out) and later my dad in a nursing home, I also recommend elastic waist pants in polyester for taking a beating in the industrial washers. If she wears Depends, get dark, stainproof colors that also won't obviously look wet. My dad had problems and felt most confident in black pants. He liked cords. However, dark cotton fades fast in the hot water used, so polyester may work better. It's important to have pockets for a hanky or whatever.
Mother had a dowager's hump and especially favored polyester tops with fabric gathered on a back yoke that made it less noticable. Colorfully patterned tops will not show food stains if eating gets difficult.
Many elderly women do not feel comfortable in pants and would prefer dresses. They are getting harder to find, but a zip front colorful housedress with pockets (not too short) may be just the thing. She may want a slip or at least a halfslip for a dress.
I hope this helps and wish you luck. Don't let it get to you if nothing pleases. That can be disappointment at no longer being able to care for one's self talking, not anything that you've done.

Carole

Veteran

Some great suggestions. I will add my 2 cents. I shop for my disabled 85 year old mother who has arthritis and can't use buttons or zippers. She has a very difficult time getting dressed without help. She can't really wear shoes either except for Merrill type slip on mules. We have pretty good luck at Kohls. They have wheel chairs available too.

Sveta

(website)

Veteran

I don't have any experience with dressing elderly but wanted to wish you good luck. You are doing such a sweet thing!

Freckles

Veteran

My mom has trouble with arthritis, double scoliosis so therefore dowagers hump and uneven spine. She finds something like a hoodie picked up at Old Navy much more comfortable than items designed for older people. She lives in her own home still but when she is able to get a hoodie on a whopping sale when the kids go back to school she really doesn't care that it doesn't last forever. Most of her friends are either dead or in old age homes of some sort and they get her to pick them up for also even though their children buy them something else. Not all of them use the zippers up the front as that is too difficult for them but prefer the layers and more of a cotton feel fabric than other things,

They also really like camisoles and find even the half ones great in the summer as it helps with feeling cold.

Deborah

Veteran

Judy, you are so sweet! My MIL is in her 80's and living in an aged care facility and is still very interested in looking good. I usually shop with her and we tend to go for items that are easy to put on. She mostly wears pants (I think because she carries a lot of fluid in her ankles) with elastic waistbands, tops she can pull over her head and cardigans. She has some nicer tailored pants (again elastic waist) and a few blazers. She favors navy, pinks and other variations of blue. She is actually very mobile so dressing is not too difficult for her at this stage. We have a lovely store near where she lives suited to ladies her age. Quality is good, lovely service and reasonably priced (but we are in Australia). It's very easy to think that women loose interest in these things as they get older but I find that is definitely not true so I think it is wonderful that you are caring so beautiful for your ex MIL in this way.

Mander

(website)

Veteran

I don't have much experience with this, but how would any of these ladies feel about ponte knits and waterfall cardigans? No idea how durable these are but they both seem to come in styles that are easy to put on, yet they are also quite fashionable. My grandmother is partly paralysed and she prefers pull on stretch jeans, but she lives in her own home and does her own laundry so that isn't an issue for her.

Oh, and what about wrap style dresses in a jersey type material? If the neckline wasn't too low it might work.

It's strange how neglected this age group is in some ways. When my grandmother had her stroke she lost the ability to read, so I wanted to get her an easy to use mp3 player with a speaker, loaded up with audio books. I had to hunt high and low for something suitable. But you'd think something like that would be ideal: rechargeable so you don't have to buy batteries, no tapes or CDs to fiddle with, no headphones to mess with.

Anonymous

I was going to respond to this yesterday but didn't have time. Looks like everyone gave really helpful advice, so I only want to add one thing. If possible (if you know the person well enough), try to keep the clothing and accessories compatible with that person's style. I got kind of annoyed with my mother's caregivers (she died 2 years ago at the age of 89) when they dyed my mother's hair a warm reddish brown color and painted her fingernails and toenails a bright red color. My mother was a summer, so the hair color they chose looked hideous. Also, my mother wore minimal makeup and never painted her nails. Had she been lucid enough to know what they were doing, she would have pitched a hissy fit. Maybe they meant well, but you'd think they could have looked at her clothing (all traditional summer pastels) and her hair color (which was never completely gray; she had plenty of cool light brown hair left) to know that the colors they chose would not work. Then again, maybe they were just clueless. At any rate, they made my mother look like a stranger... not like the mother I knew and loved.

judy

Veteran

Thank you again for all the responses! It is an a different phase of life for these women, for sure, what with body changes and restriction of movement. I appreciate all your experience and recommendations very much.

Ruth, I'm sorry to hear how the caregivers dealt with your mom. My father has two caregivers come every day....morning and evening....and it's amazing how most of them are very exceptional and talk to him with respect...but occasionally there is someone who treats him like a child or talks very very loudly. (He got Parkinson's at age 90, and can't walk any more...but he's going on 94 now). My mother will say "He isn't deaf". It's nice when they really look and see who is there instead of their interpretations of what is there.

Anonymous

Thanks, Judy. We now have my DH's parents living with us, so yet another challenge with the elderly. My FIL has dementia, and while his memory is nearly all gone, we still treat him with respect, knowing that how he feels at the moment is important. It doesn't matter if he forgets a moment later. Live in the moment and make them as happy and content as possible. Good luck in caring for your loved one (even though she's an ex-MIL) and God bless!

velvetychocolate

Veteran

Also - try Coldwater Creek's Travel Collection - most of the pieces are designed to "go with" each other, they don't wrinkle and I think they are all machine washable.

http://www.coldwatercreek.com/.....spx?page=1