Out of the (shopping) groove - YouLookFab Forum

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Out of the (shopping) groove

Liesbeth

Veteran

Warning: extreme first world problem coming up.
As pleased as I am with my summer wardrobe, I’m in a bit of a slump with regard to shopping. Starting to think of transitional dressing but out of the groove.. My last purchase, a pair of replacement expensive (for me) sneakers, turned out pretty bad when the shoes gave me blisters on their first longer outing. I’ve become exasparated with online shopping as the plethora of options sometimes still doesn’t seem to contain what I’m looking for (a multicolor transitional scarf with a nice print in my colors e.g.) and also because I’ve spent too much of my precious time these past months picking up packages, repackaging and sending back and checking my account for refunds. I’m also frustrated with b&m shopping as the offering is so much more limited and I don’t have much time for it anyway. So the pressure for each trip to yield results is high.
I’ve been wondering if a short break is due. Or if my dissatisfaction has anything to do with the fact that I really should focus on some basics which I know require ultimate patience and pickyness! Perfect white shirt and bootcut jeans, I’m looking at you!
Do you have episodes like this? Any strategies on how to deal? Should I take a break until a true wardrobe hole reveals itself?

Shopping

23 replies

Latest reply was from Barbara Diane

Anonymous

You wrote: I’ve spent too much of my precious time these past months picking up packages, repackaging and sending back and checking my account for refunds.

That sentence speaks volumes to me. It is truly exhausting. I began to calculate how much my time was worth to me. I am currently in a period of blah. Nothing appeals to me. My solution has been to shop for TRUE wardrobe needs. I wear my wardrobe and only buy what is a TRUE wardrobe need. This allows me to really focus in on the buying parameters. It has served me exceptionally well in 2019.

Liesbeth

Veteran

Sounds very sensible, sterling. You have pointed out another thing: so much that is available right now does not really speak to me either. I have a picture in my mind of my evolving fall-winter style, that I think is quite trendy, but there’s not a lot on offer that fits with that picture. So many warm colors too. Otoh, only shopping for my true needs contradicts another of my resolutions namely to allow for more emotion when shopping. Pff, am I overthinking again?

Anonymous

"A plethora of options doesn't contain what I'm looking for" YES 100%!
I've seen so little that sparks my interest at all, so I end up buying the easy things gear and accessories. The colors are wrong, the fabrics too thin, the prints too high contrast, they just hang or fit wrong, etc. Plus I'm afraid to buy much of anything with big wildcard impending!
It's those basic pieces like the jeans that seem the hardest. They're the ones that wear out due to a lot of use, and you want to replace with same, but same doesn't exist when you need it. Shoes in my case!
My imposed shopping limit was a way to try to force myself to buy those needed pieces, instead of the easier things. I've also made myself buy nothing before buying some essential.

Helena

Veteran

I agree with everything Sterling said, and I'll just add that it sounds like your emotions are saying "I'm not into shopping right now!" ... That's as legitimate as any other emotion. The one thing I know, in this world, retail will tempt you again sooner or later ... So if it's not right now, I'd just let that be (barring, as you say, essential requirement).

Anonymous

I’m feeling this way too . I often feel like a crank on the forum because I don’t live for on- line shopping and don’t think it’s necessarily much fun . I too am mentally exhausted by all of this and don’t want to think about shopping for awhile either . I think any online buying I do will be very limited now .

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

My dear, Liesbeth, This is suppose to stay fun! You have to relax into it, or the fashion and style world will boss you around. That's not good for you, fun, and it's not important

Walk away, give it a break, and focus on something else. Enjoy what you have and wait till things speak to you again.

Gaylene

Veteran

When I lived in a small city with limited shopping, online shopping seemed like a dream come true. Last year, though, I cut my ties to online shopping except for the occasional replacement item.

I’ve now reverted back to my former habit of going into a larger shopping centre for a few days in the fall, and again in the spring— list in hand, budget in mind, and Angie’s thoughts reverberating in my head— for a marathon of trying on stuff in B&M setting. As I did in the past, I spring for a hotel room. The hotel room is a necessity because it gives me the space and time to make careful decisions. I can retry on items and immediately return anything which is doubtful in the cold light of a second day. If I need adjustments, I can drop off the item to the in-store tailor and have the item mailed out to me. And, because I buy multiple items at the same time, I can figure out how they will work together and see if there are holes which must be filled to complete a look. These “extra” items then can be worked into my shopping budget by eliminating other, not so necessary, pieces.

I’ve realized the marathon approach, twice a year, works best for me. If the odd 10/10 item crosses my radar during the year, I’ll grab it. But, for me, online retailing puts me into an endless buying cycle where I spend way too much time, energy, and money chasing after that phantom “perfect” wardrobe.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Actually, Gaylene's "marathon approach twice a year" is how many of my clients shop because they want to maximize their shopping time with me - especially clients who are out of town. We do though supplement with online shopping in order to get exactly what we want.

Some of us have to shop online to get our size, and don't have a choice. Sometimes for the right colour too. I'm one of these people, and am all too happy that the option of the right size even exists as B&M stores narrow what they offer more each year.

Sal

Veteran

I browse online but don’t buy so much( two things this year). But I consider the in store options near me quite good - although expensive.

I agree - take a break- the urge does come back. We rarely truly need something- even if it is a case of making do without for a while. The only clothing items I would consider I would need to replace would be my running shoes, my raincoat and my wool coat. If my white sneakers or favourite boots broke down I would miss them but I could make do.

I often get blisters on the first wear with new shoes so your sneakers may become fine after a wear or two more.

Gaylene

Veteran

Ah, in my mind, Angie, I always have you beside me when I do my marathon shops.

You’ve been an excellent teacher!

cindysmith

Veteran

I haven't been inspired by much on after this far this year either. I've had to replace a lot of summer tops due to the way my lifestyle chews up clothing, and I've done most of the replacing via thrift shopping. I wind up with nice pieces that I won't be heartbroken over when the inevitable happens and the clothes get destroyed.

It's good to take a break from things sometimes. When the mood strikes you, the retail world will still be there waiting to welcome you with open arms

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I love the "twice a year" shop. I put it in quotations because I generally shop about 4 times a year (some in person and some online) and even after that, I supplement occasionally -- when something wears out and I need a replacement, when I happen across something perfect that catches my eye, when I find something via thrift or consignment.

But generally, it goes like this. I buy quite a lot of items at the NAS for fall, and also replenish basics (undies, socks, bras). That sets the tone for my autumn closet.

Sometime around October, if I'm noticing any holes, I will pick up the "completer" items I need. This is a much smaller, more focused shop. Often I just need a few tops to replace worn or pilled knits from previous seasons.

In May or thereabouts, I'll do a spring shop. And sometimes a smaller one in June.

By June and October, a lot is on sale, and I'm clearer on my seasonal needs. So this saves me money.

Apart from those months, I really don't shop at all. Instead, I wear the heck out of my clothes, read the forum, and get on with my life!

Sal makes a good point -- it's a rare clothing item that we need (once we have a generally working wardrobe, that is.) I would not try to "make do" without underwear, without one comfortable pair of sandals, one good pair of jeans, one raincoat, one puffer, one pair of boots, one warm sweater and one cool dress -- but apart from that, there's really no emergency.

Gretchen

Veteran

I agree that if you aren't having fun, you need to take a break. Maybe it's time to take a look at pinterest or create a mood board so you can better refine your interests or document a style shift?

You also might need to look for an overlooked store that sparks something for you. I'm that way with WHBM - some seasons the color and cut are perfect, others I just ignore them. And I agree that you shouldn't settle. The challenge of online shopping is more comes home than will end up staying (she says, looking at the 4 boxes of NAS returns waiting for the post office).

Kathie

Veteran

Definitely listen to your impulse to focus on basics. This summer ended up being a bit of a let-down for me, in terms of finding a couple more summer dresses. So, I updated my swimwear capsule (long overdue) and left it at that. I’m also finding that, two years in with participating in YLF, I truly don’t need to buy much, as others have alluded to. A few pieces every year to keep my style evolving, filling in wardrobe holes, and replacing items that wear out, but I’m definitely in a place that taking a few months off from shopping is not a problem. As for the buy/return cycle, are you able to browse on-line, but buy/return in store? Would that help you save some time?

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

I know I don't need any clothes with my super casual lifestyle and super full closet. I go from phases of being more focused on refining what I have and rethinking how I dress to being more outward focused on finding a new jeans silhouette or whatever. But style and thrifting are my therapy . Just step away from shopping until your interest returns. If it gets to the point that your clothes are all threadbare and you still don't want to shop, we will do an intervention !

Runcarla

Veteran

Bricks and mortar shopper, here! When it is time to do a big shop, I use it like a treat. I set a day (or two) aside. I dress up a bit, but ensure I'm wearing neutral u-wear and items that are easy to take off and put on. I work from a list. I make sure to take breaks and treat myself out to a nice lunch. If I'm not having much luck, or feeling panicky that I didn't find anything, I go to a bookstore and pick up a magazine or a book as a treat, and then go home. In general I do 2-4 big shops that tend to be capsules of sorts, and supplement in between. I also stick to a budget.

I'm taking August (and possibly September) off from shopping. It is just too hot (and no break in sight) and I want to be doing other things anyway! So, I play in my closet with the things I love, think about my style and how it might evolve, read books, magazines, and online articles about style and fashion, and wait for Angie's F/W trends list!

Liesbeth

Veteran

Wow, thanks everone for your words of commiseration and wisdom! And thanks especially for confirming my suspicions that a break may be in order.
Here's some reflections on your thoughts in random order.
Online browsing with in store trying on seemed like a good option for me too but that's where I realized most stores no longer carry the entire online asdortment (not just talking about petite sizing which is non-existent here anyway). Frustrating.
Taking a break to do some pinning etc sounds like a good idea. And buying only musts in the mean time... my underthings capsule could use some attention...
The two to four shopping trips a year idea actually sounds appealing! Doing an overnighter to let things sink in and be able to make returns is genius! I'm not sure I have the stamina for such a marathon, but it may be worth a try. If I refrain from shopping now I would even have the budget for such a trip at some point!
This may mean I'll stay away from here for a while because I do get great inspo here that I then like to IMMEDIATELY find in-store ;). Yep, still working on my patience. Shopping is a nice outlet and hobby for me too, which is why I have a hard time stepping back when it stops working.

Anonymous

My problem with B&M shopping is that it represents a very small subset (and getting smaller) of possible choices. It is especially problematic for me because I wear "long" or "tall."

Opening it up to the internet was a dream come true for me. But I do see how internet shipping has set me up for endless buying in which I spend too much time, energy, and money chasing after that phantom “perfect” wardrobe. Well spoken, Gaylene.

I want to add a few other reasons that perhaps foster the endless buying cycle: hobby, sport, bargain hunting, boredom, and stress relief. Those are only a few of the things I can think of off the top of my head. I'm sure there are others. I had to take a break from fashion and retail websites, Liesbeth, to step off the shop/buy/return treadmill and regain my footing. I was worried that NAS was going to upend all my hard work and put me right back on the treadmill .... but for some reason it did not.

Good luck, Liesbeth.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Liesbeth, I'm going to be an Eeyore about pinning. Personally, I find that a time suck, of no value to me, and I never look back at what I pinned. Make sure you have a pinning goal so that you are not wasting your time.

Gaylene, I'm hardly a teacher. I just kick around the topic of fashion and style. But, thank you.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I understand and have times when I totally relate to this feeling. This year the colors have not been particularly to my liking, but I have found some good pieces nonetheless.

My approach, rather than an intense shopping session a couple times a year, is more casual. I cruise through the shops (online and b&m) when I have a free hour in between work tasks or errands. I generally have something in mind I'm keeping an eye out for, but I keep eyes and mind open. The other night I had a birthday coupon in hand and decided to cruise through Anthro while our car charged (the charger in our house is dead and we are waiting for the new one to be installed), and happened upon a great skirt for me, so with a 20% discount, I decided to jump on it even though it's late in the season and I have a decent number of summer skirts now. I figure it's good to stock up on this easy, printed midi style while it's trending, since I like the colors and pattern, and it's flattering and breezy. I have an older skirt in my closet that's really starting to show some pilling so I may retire that one to make room for this.

So my approach is clearly more spontaneous. But I think it's important to take breaks when you're not feeling it, and to allow for it to be fun again.

Gigi

Veteran

I have periods like this too. I would take a little break, until you feel like you want to shop again. For me, that break usually lasts 2-3 weeks.

I wouldn't wait until a true wardrobe hole reveals itself, though, because it sounds like you have some items that you're looking for. So I would keep looking, because you never know when you might find that highly elusive item. Just be sure that you're not buying things just to be buying them. Sometimes putting stuff in the cart online and then waiting a couple of days before following through can help you know whether you really are interested in the item or not.

It can take a long time, but you'll eventually find what you're looking for. It requires a lot of perseverance.

Liesbeth

Veteran

Thanks sterling!
Janet, your approach might work for me if only I had that time or lived/worked closer to the shops. Now, a planned, longer trip is easier for me to schedule.
Angie, thanks for the warning. I do get value out of pinning though: as a not so visual person I often look back at silhouettes I collected to pinpoint what exactly appeals to me (eg dress pants + loafers combo). It helps me define the type of items I need to get a specific look that's fuzzy and wordy in my mind :).
Janet, good thinking. I do have stuff in several baskets, just very hesitant to buy because of the work involved in the return cycle. Need to think on it: take a break, or just take it slower. Or take a short break like you suggest :).

Barbara Diane

Veteran

I too tire of the order online, try on, return cycle, but it is also how I find a good portion of my wardrobe.
I didn't shop almost at all for an entire fall/winter when I was losing weight and knew that I would need to purchase a large spring/summer wardrobe. I bought a few pairs of pants to get me through (for me tops can cover a wider size range but my pants have to fit). I actually had a lot of fun "making do" with what I had and coming up with new combinations. It was a really creative time. And a real relieve to ignore the store emails and coupons.