I will second Jayne on calling in any official group. My daughter is my daughter because foster care is devastation. Neglect is, frankly, not as bad as total devastation. You know, children are blindfolded often enough when taken into foster care - to disorient them and making running back home the more difficult. They are kidnapped and it goes on from there. Barring rape, imprisonment, torture, and murder, being kidnapped is not helpful. The children also get nothing when turned loose at 18 - no schooling, no financial support, no nothing. If they aren't taken, then it's all the same except the ante's been upped on the bad parent.

"I devoted my life to her and I can't even do anything on my own, she is so selfish."

I've had variations of this phrase said to me many times - it's pretty much a sure sign that this woman is living on her own planet, where she is never wrong and everyone is out to aggitate her. Likely, if you approach her abou this, she will turn it around in her mind until she believes that you are attacking her for some far-fetched reason.

That said... look, her behaviour is working for her. In her mind, she has a man, she has friends, she must be doing things right. I echo Una's question on how much you value her friendship, since she doesn't seem like someone I'd want to be friends with. If *enough* people say something, it might eventually sink in.

If that isn't an option... well, the DD only has a few more years before she is an adult and can make her own decision about where to live and who to depend on. :T

rae, thanks for the words of wisdom-I actually spoke to her briefly today because she was complaining again how much her daughter hates her bf and told her that her daughter feels that she puts men before her and that the incident of her dissappearing overnight is a perfect example. To that she said"well, can you understand that I just didn't want to deal with her? That day I already had one argument with her and I didn't want to talk to her anymore. She is too spoiled and wants me all to herself". I felt like I might as well be talking to a wall..why did I even bother..

Honestly, I don't think anything you say to her can change her. If she had a child for 14+ years and did not learn how to treat her I don't think there is any hope here. Some women are just not created to be mothers and she is one of them. I pity the poor daughter and hope she won't get into all too common teenage troubles because she is neglected.
I think this woman is building a lonely old age for herself...

Just remember: You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

I don't know what can be done to help someone who doesn't want help. Maybe this poor soul hasn't hit rock bottom and doesn't yet realize she needs to get her act together. The tragedy of it all is that her daughter is suffering so much. It's so sad!