OT: Work/Life Balance - YouLookFab Forum

Over the last month and a half my life has been frantically busy as I have tried to juggle work, study, having a social life and organising myself to go back to NZ for the first time in 4 years. I am pretty sure that I am going to get on the plane next Wednesday evening completely mentally drained!

One of the surprising outcomes of seemingly having very little time to think is that my husband and I have made some really big decisions about the direction our lives might take over the next 12 - 18 months - kind of exciting - but will mean some big changes, which got me thinking (and slightly freaking out!)...

This forum has such an amazing group of women contributing to it and what I wanted to ask is how to you ensure that you balance work, your family and your own personal needs. Are you completely disorganised or have you had to learn to organise yourself better? Is it a matter of just muddling through or do you really have to organise your time? How do you make decisions about what to do and what not to do?

15 years ago

Michelle

(website)

Veteran

OH wow, Fiona, sounds like you've had a lot on your plate! I hope this trip to NZ will give you a chance to unwind a bit?

Personally I find it imperative to organize myself if I know there are big decisions pending. If I have a lot of things to get done and that drowning sensation starts to set in, I sit down and make lists. I find it satisfying to check items off as I accomplish them, plus I have peace of mind knowing I've systematically accounted for everything that needs to get done and haven't left out some crucial detail. For major life decisions, I need plenty of time to think and usually wind up doing a list of a different sort (prose and cons or something similar). Trying to fly by the seat of my pants in scenarios like that will inevitably leave me feeling frazzled, frightened and unsure of my judgment. Ironically, though, I find I get a lot more accomplished when my days are full. I need a lot of structure, and I'm far more likely to let my time budgeting strategies slip if I'm not forced to use them.

chewyspaghetti

I'm a creature of habit, so I sit down and plot out a schedule. Of course we have social events and get togethers that come and go, but we all just do better as a family with a schedule of regular activities. I actually have our scheule posted in the kitchen, because my husband tends to forget what times our daughter has dance class, or when I go to Yoga at the gym. We've had to re-do this lately, and are still working out some bugs. It helps me to make sure that everyone has their activities included, and I get some "me" time regularly. Now if our babysitter even comes back form her medical leave, we can get a date night once in a while again.

MNsara

Fiona - this topic is near and dear to my heart I don't know your age or stage of life, but I have learned a few things that have work for me (and therefore help my family)
1) we have a large calendar on our fridge with HUGE squares for writing (Amy Knapp's Big grid Family Organizer - I seek this out EVERY year) and commit to keeping it accurate. My husband never keeps track of things - even regular weekly activities, so it's necessary. It helps so we don't forget, double book, or just get too busy - the balance we each need.
2) I have had the luxury of flexible work schedules, so I used to "X" out one day per week to make sure I didn't make any plans for that day at all!! No appointments, no work, no kid things, nothing!! It helped give me a chance to do whatever needed me the most that day.
3) As I get older, I find I am less willing to be busy from start to finish throughout the day. I want more downtime and appreciate when days aren't tightly choreographed.
4) Years ago, a time management 'expert' taught our corporate group, and one thing I found truly useful was to take a few minutes every evening for planning & solitude. If you used a daily planner, you were supposed to actually put it on your schedule - every day. He suggested 20 minutes - yeah, right - but, I have found even 5 minutes of reflection on the day helps me to figure what worked and what didn't and use that for future days. This could also be the time when you think forward about bigger plans and how to work toward them.

Rushing through life (flying by the seat of our pants) seems to be the norm these days, but I bet you'll be more comfortable with the major decisions if you've taken some time to ruminate on them first.

Hope you have lots of fun and time to recharge in NZ

We also have a big calendar that we post in the kitchen (http://www.flylady.com/pages/FlyShop_calendar.asp) and I try to write appointments and such on it right away. On the weekends, Hubby and I review what is coming up for the week.

Hubby and I are big time list makers. Although he actually gets more of his items done in a day than I do. : ) We work good as a team when it comes to immediate needs. I am the coordinator and planner and he is the efficient task man.

As far as managing the household, I find this site very useful:
http://www.flylady.com/pages/flyinglessons.asp

With kids, there's always some unpredictability and emergencies, but it it lessening as they get older (at least the unpredictability aspect).

I think good communication between a couple is so important in the relationship and in planning for the future. So that's great that you both sat down and made some plans. Now what daily/weekly/monthly steps will you need to make those goals happen?

I do find that when I take a few minutes each night to think about the next day and prepare what I can ahead of time, the next day goes much smoother.

I never really thought about it, but that few minutes at the end of the day to plan out the next one really does help. I do that, too. I used to do Fly Lady, but I just couldn't keep up. I did make our own schedule of chores, though. We do a little bit of cleaning every day, so that it all gets done at some point.

RoseandJoan

Two things on my life are inflexible, my children and my work so they form the skeleton of my days. Other things, housework, me time, friends time have to remain flexible, if I don't get the ironing done, I have learned to shrug it off. Not seeing friends very often is more difficult o I try to ensure when we do meet we have quality time.

With regards to Ben, he works shifts so there are days were I barely see him, I always try to ensure I am up when he gets in from work so we can spend time on the sofa talking about our day and reconnecting. Quality time is more valued than quantity so when we do have the time we really like to do things as a family, days to seaside, long walks to the park, taking the kids out for lunch. As Patience once put it ensure you bank the good times.

I hope things get a little calmer soon Fi, just remember to cut yourself a little slack, if you have to let something drop from time to time, let if go. You are only human not wonder-woman.

Angie

Fashion Stylist

I'm excited about your trip back home to NZ, Fiona!

I don't know why life gets more and more hectic each year, but it does. Like Michelle, I am a list maker and need to feel that I have accomplished enough during the day. I am a bit of a control freak and get stressed when my life is out of control. So I need to alleviate that stress by making sure it's in control - from work, to spending quality time with Greg and friends, to the dogs, and doing to the laundry. Greg and the girls always come first.

If I don't feel I've accomplished enough in a day, I actually stay up until I feel that I have. No, I don't sleep enough :0(

As for the big decisions, these get lots of attention with Greg. I like to talk about things as that also helps me get things done.

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