OT: Why don't people reply to emails? - YouLookFab Forum

Category

General

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

OT: Why don't people reply to emails?

Maya

Veteran

Of all the things that have frustrated me most during unemployment, it's the total lack of responsiveness to emails that infuriates me most. So many employers finish off their job posts with "No calls please" but then refuse to reply to emails EVEN AFTER you have been selected for an interview or even for a job! It's maddening. It's just so unbelievably RUDE and unprofessional.

The place where I'm working starting this week is especially bothersome. Every time I send an email, the woman I send it to (we'll call her Jill) doesn't respond. I'll wait and wait and still not hear back from her. Then one day she will send me a totally unrelated email that doesn't answer any of my questions, and I'll respond to that, and still nothing. I know she is getting my emails because she used to respond to them in the past.

For example, she emailed me asking me what my rate was and if I had any questions. Before I could give her my rate I needed to know more about the position (i.e. is it mid or junior level, what kind of work was involved, etc). She never replied so a week later I just wrote back and gave her a rate (which is admittedly high, but I was always told to start high and negotiate back down). Then she called me but I couldn't take the call, and left a message asking me if this was the rate I discussed with HR. Uhh, of course not, because HR hadn't responded to me either.

I called her back and she did not answer the phone, so I left a message. I then followed up the call with another email. And I'm still waiting on a response. I start on Thursday and I'm wondering if they are going to get back to me before then. I don't even know what time to show up, what the dress code is like, etc. because NO ONE REPLIES TO MY QUESTIONS.

It's upsetting because it is causing me to go into this job with a very negative attitude and I don't want that. I want to be excited and look forward to working with them, but instead I'm left with the impression that they are going to be a pain in the *#$% to work for. Sigh.

General

23 replies

Latest reply was from Rosie

Rosie

Veteran

Frustrating indeed! I would put a call in to her and a call in to HR.

Sometimes email gets lost in the shuffle (as do calls.) People have every intention to reply and then just forget. There may be stuff going on on their end that you don't know about that is causing a delayed response. People often wait until they have all the information they need before they respond - she could be talking with HR to check on your rate - which often causes a delay.

If you don't hear from her today, definitely contact tomorrow to check in on when you start, what the rate is, etc. Try not to be disheartened yet - who knows what's going on over there!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I don't want to get hot under the collar which is why I have to keep this comment short because I get irate when my emails, both business and personal aren't answered - which I know is an extreme reaction and something that I have to work on.

Rosie, you rock. Those are excellent reasons. Also, even though this is not likely to happen with potential employers, email can get stuck in junk mail folders.

Maya

Veteran

I'm the same as you Angie. I just wish it wasn't something that happened so consistently. It makes me feel bad, like I'm just a pest wasting their precious time.

Once in a while I can understand--even I can be slow with emails--but it happens with such remarkable consistency that I am at a point where I never even expect to get a response and consider myself lucky if I do.

I'm just surprised that this isn't even a potential employer--they ARE my employer--and the response is still so poor. It makes me question how much they want me to work for them when a conversation that could have been done in a week (even with breathing time in between) is being dragged out to three weeks.

Rosie

Veteran

Well, I guess you'll find out! For better or worse... What she seems to be forgetting is that you are also testing the waters with them as much as they are with you. Do you have the same response rate with calls as with emails? Er, lack of response rate?

Just another thought - I've had one heck of a month and been sick the majority of it and have had bouts of no internet at home so both my work and personal emails have not been well-attended to. (I actually owe Angie an email! Ack!)

Carole

Veteran

I just realized that a few people I had sent emails to for my art class, never responded because they didn't get my email even though my "sent" folder shows them going out! It really fouled things up. Not all of my emails were problematic, just a few and I can't figure out why. Makes me feel very insecure that messages I have sent may have never been received! Just a thought, Maya!

Steph

Veteran

I hate this too Maya, and think that it is annoying and unprofessional. Before I started my last job the same thing happened to me: During the application process everyone was very receptive, but once I accepted I heard almost nothing from them. I would send e-mails and not get a response. A few weeks later when my contact apologized for not being better about corresponding I said "I was getting worried you didn't want me anymore" and she was mortified. So I do think that sometimes people don't realize how horrible it is not to respond to e-mail.

Kind of similar, but on a bit of a tangent, I am also completely demoralized by the lack of response to e-mails I send in response to job postings. I absolutely hate that employers no longer seem to think they have to respond to applicants with a rejection letter. Oh, and my other pet peeve is when I send an e-mail asking three questions, and the person will respond to only one of those questions.

It actually seems like there is no e-mail etiquette. When people handwrote (or typed) letters, there were rules of etiquette that governed how to respond. Over time a lot of people started ignoring that etiquette, but it still existed. With e-mail, it seems like everyone has decided anything goes and somehow the rules of basic courtesy no longer apply. It's frustrating and sad.

Anonymous

I could go on and on about people, email and manners in general. I have a good friend (although I'm second-guessing that status) who, despite having my email address, sent my husband a Facebook message with a link to something she thought I'd be interested in.

That really had me steamed. I mean, come on. She and I have regularly emailed and she sends my husband a FB message in order to communicate with me?

Perhaps the next time you speak with her (as in, actually talk), ask her if email is still the best way to keep in touch with her. If she asks why, you can tactfully observe that your emails go unanswered, so you were thinking she would prefer another method of communication.

(Maybe she'd prefer it if you sent her significant other a FB message containing whatever info you need to relay to her ...)

Katja

(website)

I also get extremely upset about this.

But...some people really don't do email well, and prefer either SMS, phone, or face to face conversations. Sometimes you just have to find out what a person's preferred communications style is, and use it.

Itari

(website)

Sorry for being late...

I think that not replying to e-mails doesn't always mean that a person is rude or unprofessional. Many people tend to forget things, especially if they get a lot of messages.

Kristen

(website)

Veteran

I get over 300 emails a day at work. I respond to the most urgent first, then if I have time I try to get through the backlog. Sometimes I never do.

When I get home and I am on the computer, I converse via FB or on forums like YLF or on blogs. Email reminds me of work too much, and I often let that slide for days or weeks, sometime months, especially if it's not urgent.

I was a recruiter for a number of years, and some of it was only while email was just taking off. When we submitted a job online we would literally get THOUSANDS of replies per job. Every day. We barely were able to sort through to find people we wanted to when the next onslaught would come. Then followup calls and emails asking if we got their resume -- and those weren't even the good ones! There was hardly time to contact the ones we liked, and even then I kept waiting for them to start hounding me in emails too. If I had time to answer the first question asked, I considered it a victory.

I grew a thick skin about emails very quickly after that. People can reply to me on their own time, and that is fine by me.

marianna

Veteran

Add me to the irate club -- I hate when people don't respond. When I quit my job a few weeks ago, the manager I talked to asked me to email another manager to let her know of my decision. I emailed her the minute I was by a computer. Think she responded? Nope. After a year of working for her she didn't even have the decency to say "Thanks for letting me know" or something like that. There is no excuse for such rudeness, in my opinion.

I also hate when you're trying to schedule an appointment and the person takes eons to respond. It drives me crazy.

Rosie

Veteran

Marianna, that certainly falls into the unacceptable category, no matter what!

Isabel

Veteran

Maya, that is sooo frustrating. Unfortunately there are so many methods of communication, that it is hard to keep up with. ( I am an SAHM and I have 2 email accounts, a cell phone, a home phone....sometimes the same person leaves messages on all 3, which sucks up a huge amount of my time. ) Managing all this also demands really good organizational skills..since most people cannot respond on the spot. I just learned recently that my email has a TO REPLY folder, so I dump on those emails in there and then answer them when I have to time. And from my days in corporate, I write down every message in one central place when they come in and I use shorthand to track what has been anwered or moved to another day.

With all that said, I would email ( document, document, document ) and copy HR. Say that you are really looking forward to starting. As per your conversations, you want to document the details for starting :" My rate is X, my hours will be X, I am assuming the dress code is Y. Unless I hear from you, I will assume that we are all on the same page. I look forward to seeing on Monday !"

Michelle

(website)

Veteran

For me it's the double-standard that stings the most. Prospective employees have it drilled into them that prompt email responses are a key part of on-the-job etiquette and failure to respond in a timely manner is a deal-breaker for any potential offers. I've never understood why some people feel the rules change once the ink is dry on the conntract. I absolutely get that email bombardment is a genuine problem, but I firmly believe sorting through emails and replying to them in a reasonable length of time should be a top priority.
That said, I do the same thing as Kristen sometimes and get lacks with my personal email, just because I get email burnout at work.
Maya, good luck with this situation. How annoying!

Maya

Veteran

Thank you for all of your responses (oh the irony), especially those of you who are on the other side of the situation. However, I start work presumably in 3 days and I have absolutely nothing nailed down yet. It makes me uncomfortable. They could definitely pull the rug out from under me at this point. This has been going on for weeks and if it isn't settled by now I question when it will be! Once or twice is understandable, but repeatedly is annoying. Not just because my questions go unanswered and everything is up in the air, but because it puts ME in an awkward position where I don't know what to do. Do I call? Do I send another email? Do I just sit there by the phone/computer and wait?

Also, I am not just some anonymous person submitting an application to a recruiter. This is someone who made me an offer and asked me if I had any questions regarding the offer, and when I asked, there was simply no response.

I understand people are busy, but as Michelle says, too bad. I don't mind a quick line saying "We're swamped today but I'll let you know ASAP" or something like that. It's part of your job and you can't neglect it.

Ultimately I know it comes down to the fact that I am not giving them money so I am knocked back on the list of priorities, and while I know that is how the world works, it still annoys me. Sigh.

Marianna, that is awful. I'm glad you left that place

Ana

(website)

Veteran

I think in a professional/business (or school) setting, that if e-mail has been indicated to be the preferred method of contact, that a reasonably prompt (ie, within 12-24 hours) should be forthcoming. However, when it comes to personal correspondence, personally, I don't really like e-mail. I would much rather talk to someone on the phone, or over a chat program, or video chat (that's my favorite). E-mail just seems so one-sided, can be easily misinterpreted, and it takes a long time to write a thoughtful response. That's what gets me and makes it difficult for me to respond. I generally don't like one or two line e-mails, unless they are for a specific purpose (ie, planning where to go to lunch or what time to schedule a meeting, etc). So, I end up writing epic e-mails that sometimes take up to an hour to write (or 20 minutes here and there over the course of a few days). And because I feel the conversation is so one-sided (here is what I am doing....I'm not even sure you're interested because I can't see your facial expressions or hear your voice or get any kind of feedback at all from you....what are you up to?) it's very difficult for me to really stick to writing it and force myself to respond. Also, I get a lot of e-mails in a day, and I'm becoming aged and confused, so sometimes I think I have responded to someone, but then it turns out I haven't. Or I get the e-mail on my phone and read it, and mean to respond later, and then I forget. By far, the best way to reach me is to call me or if you see me online, message me on a messaging program. I love getting phone calls, even out of the blue. If I can't talk, I let it go to voicemail and call the person back when I get a chance (usually the same day). But people seem to hate talking on the phone (even my family and some friends), so I am the odd one out, and then they get mad at me when I don't respond to their e-mails. Oh well, that's life I guess.

elpgal

Veteran

Ana, I love email for the very reasons you state - it takes time to formulate a thoughtful response, drama is kept to a minimum, no need to make excessive small talk and you can respond at your leisure. I find phone conversations very exhausting. can you tell, I am a introvert )

Mellllls

Veteran

I actually attended an email etiquette class awhile back. One of the things that was stressed was when it is appropriate to send an email and when it is not. At this point, Maya, I think you have passed the time when it is appropriate to send an email and should be using the phone to get in contact with your new employer. Unless they specifically told you to only contact by email.

The class also talked about the fact that it is expected of the sender of an email to follow up with an email to make sure it is received if you don't get a timely response, particularly if you are emailing someone who receives hundreds of emails a day. Personally if I responded to every email I received each day I would never get any work done. I set aside time each day to answer emails and answer the important ones as they come up but some fall through the cracks. It is inevitable. I wonder how offices functioned before email

Ana

(website)

Veteran

elpgal, my mom is the same as you, she hates talking on the phone, and when I talk to her she sounds like she can't wait to hang up. I don't take it personally, since I know she's an introvert and it's just very tiring for her. I just don't call her anymore, I let her call me. I rarely respond to her e-mails either.

Maya

Veteran

Well if you read above, I *did* call them. but it's very awkward for me to do so with any frequency due to their discouragement of phone calls.

Even so there is not even any acknowledgment that my emails were received. Mind you these are all ONE thread. Not multiple emails. They entire history of our conversation is nicely compacted into one email. So clearly she is receiving them, because when she finally does send me something, she digs up that email conversation and replies to it, and I can see my unanswered email in the "history" if that makes sense. It bothers me that there isn't even any acknowledgment of what I wrote or a "sorry for not getting back to you sooner" or anything like that, especially when she asks "Do you have any questions?"

I hate talking on the phone but you know what? I do it because it's part of my job! I don't just sit there and let it ring because I don't feel like answering or because I have too much work, blah blah blah. If I have to deal with my non-preferred method of communication, so should everyone else.

Rosie

Veteran

Maya, did you hear anything today?

I find it is a very strange way to deal with someone coming to work for you in two days' time. It doesn't matter how many emails people get or calls they get. You have made a mutual commitment and you need to know the specifics that aren't ironed out. At this point it's pretty ridiculous, no matter how busy the person is. I'd be just as frustrated as you are.

Maya

Veteran

I finally got an email around 4:00 today asking if everything had been sorted with HR. I said no one had contacted me at all. Eventually I did get a call from HR at 5:00, when I was on the bus and couldn't hear a thing. I tried calling back around 6 (when I got the voicemail I was in Penn Station, where my calls always get dropped or don't go through at all). Looks like we're phone tagging. Sigh. I said in my voicemail that I would like to speak with her first thing tomorrow and if I didn't hear from her I'd give her a call around 11.

Rosie

Veteran

Sounds like things are a little confused over there. Hopefully tomorrow she will call you first thing. You left the right message, for sure, indicating a time you'd follow up. I hope it all gets worked out to your satisfaction!!