OT - what would you say in response? - YouLookFab Forum

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OT - what would you say in response?

marianne

Today someone at work said to me, "You sure have a lot of shoes! Seems like you're wearing different shoes every day", or something to that extent. It was coming from an older and more senior person, so I was taken aback and tried to laugh it off, but didn't have a good answer. What would you say in this situation?
Ironically, I don't own that many pairs of shoes compared to other people, but I work mostly with men, and their criteria are different.

General

17 replies

Latest reply was from Steph

Maya

Veteran

I don't know what I would say but I would feel a little uncomfortable knowing that anyone was paying that much attention to my feet...

It seems like it warrants some kind of witty/funny/clever response, but as you know, we introverts aren't so good at that. I defer to the experts.

Anonymous

I'd probably say, "Yes I know, I love shoes". Or, "It's a hobby of mine". I think keeping it short and sweet would be the way to go.
He might have been making silly small talk, do you think?

Anonymous

I don't think you need a retort of any kind and I'd chose to not read into it. Life's too short to invest emotional or mental energy into trying to decode everything. I'd assume that he meant nothing malicious by it.

That said, I do know the feeling of having people notice what you're wearing and it's not an outright compliment such as, "Great shoes!" or "You look nice today." The "just the facts ma'am" statements like this guy made are socially inept and possibly passive-aggressive. It can be uncomfortable being on the receiving end of these comments because you don't know how to take them, so I chose to let them go or, in this case, I'd shoot back a friendly, "You like them? I think they came in a size 13." But that's my personality.

marianne

San, he is not one to engage in small talk. In fact hardly any of the guys that I work with are, that's why I am totally out of practice. I think if it were someone my age/level I would have had an easier time. I feel like I lose credibility if I draw people's attention to my shoes. I do like your your idea though - that should put an end to the discussion!
Anne, just saw your post - I am not worried about hidden meanings, and I don't think it was a criticism, but I know what you mean and I don't like feeling unprepared to these types of remarks.

taylor

Veteran

Ha, I hear that too...my response "You have no idea"

marianne

LOL Taylor! I should muster up some confidence and go with that

Mellllls

Veteran

I agree with Maya. Unless he has a keen interest in fashion or footwear, I'd wonder why he notices my shoes everyday. Which would make me personally uncomfortable.

Refugee

Veteran

I have come to be of the opinion that comments of this variety (obtuse and unsolicited) have a lot more to do with the commentor than the commentee (yes, I know these aren't real words, hang with me). My first thought is this person has/had someone in their life with a large shoe wardrobe that they don't agree with. And now they are obsessing with everyone's shoes. I would really not worry about this. Of course just my opinion, I could be be wrong.

Mac

Veteran

At my ripe old age, I've finally realised that not every comment or even every question deserves a response. I'm the type who was raised to try to politely answer anything anyone says to me, and as an extrovert I tend to want to turn everything into a conversation, but I'm working hard to get over that.

What I try to do when someone makes an odd comment or asks a silly question is smile at them, and then keep on doing whatever it is that I'm doing.

Katiepea

(website)

Veteran

I have to confess that provided I wasn't deeply intimdated by the person, I would more than likely have by been a bit of a smart alec. (I know, I know, you are shocked, aren't you? )

I think I would retort with something along this lines of "Yes, I know and I'm glad you noticed! Such is my passion for shoes, from now on I wish to be called Imelda." (Depending on the person I may say this seriously with a straight face, or if on more friendly terms, it would be said more light heartedly, followed by a giggle.)

Mind, that is not necessarily the most professional response...... (Mac's is probably far more mature reaction.)

Queen Mum

Veteran

I'm in the camp that this really doesn't require much more than "yep, I love my shoes!" or Taylor's line. Responding with a sarcastic or cutting response really isn't fair when the intention was probably purely innocent.

and isn't our intent with shoes that they are noticed? so why should we be taken aback when someone actually notices our efforts to finish off our outfits with the perfect shoes

Taffy

I second queenie. We all now that Marianne is very fashionable, and it's a pleasure to see her ensembles. Is it a bad thing that a co-worker maybe feels the same way?

Isabel

Veteran

I am in total agreement with the ladies that say that not everything deserves a response. Technically it wasn't a question. I think that you laughing it off was really perfect. I've never figured out why people think out loud like that. I don't know what they are looking for in return.

But I do like Taylor's comeback quite alot. Another option would be something like, " I am surprised you would notice. " Put it right back on them.

MNsara

Veteran

marianne - I agree that no real response was necessary. I am learning to just say "thank you" and move right back into the previous conversation. It is working well for me, because

1) if it was not meant as a compliment, the person usually realizes they were a bit out of line.
2) if it was a compliment or just a comment, I acknowledged it without letting the conversation go any deeper.
3) if it was a sort of backhanded probe, I stopped it. (Although some people's nosiness knows no bounds!)

marianne

Thanks for your thoughts, ladies!
My work environment is not the most socially adept (IT), so it's not like I am taking it seriously, I just would like to be able to handle these situations gracefully (being quite awkward myself).
Mac, I am actually close to you in age, so maybe my instincts are not completely off

yublocka

(website)

Veteran

I love Anne and Taylor's comebacks!! I'm sure I would try and make some smart-alec comment if I thought of it in time, like "Thanks! I need to spread the love around!"

Steph

Veteran

I love my shoe collection so much that whenever anyone would mention them at work--be it compliment or just a statement like you received--I would get ridiculously excited. However, if I were you I probably would have said something like "I love shoes," or if you don't feel like you really have a lot of shoes and felt uncomfortable with him thinking you do, I would say something like "really? I feel like I'm always wearing the same two pairs. Maybe I'm better at switching it up than I thought. Thanks for noticing!" Or something along those lines.

One thing that would annoy me would be when a male colleague would mention my shoes and then say something like "Your poor boyfriend [I am in a very long-term live-in relationship]. You spend so much on shoes." I would always retort with "you shouldn't pity him, I can afford my own shoes with my own money." I would get this comment from a man whose wife stayed at home, while I worked at the same job and made the same salary as this guy, so his comments--assuming I needed my boyfriend to purchase my clothing for me--drove me up a wall. I probably wouldn't go that route with most people, though. This guy was a friend.