Ele I'm very late in reading this thread. I hope you're doing ok? Have you made a decision yet? Its tough either way.

My grandfather died of cancer when I was 18. He lived 2 hours away and even though that was many years ago now, I still remember the last time we went up to visit him. I remember I was studying for my year 12 end of school final exams and being bratty about needing to study but I'm glad that my parents made all 3 of us kids pile into the back seat for the visit. It was extremely upsetting to see him so ill and I think that was a large part of why I didn't want to go. That being said he knew we were there and more than 10 years later I'm still glad I got a chance for that one last visit, even though I didn't know it'd be the last one at the time.

My flatmate went back to Sri Lanka 3 weeks ago to visit family. Just 2 days ago she found out her 94 yo grandfather there passed away. It has brought her and especially her mum a lot of comfort to know they were there recently.

Anyway I hope this doesn't sound preachy about forcing you to go. Hopefully you'll get a chance to go at a time that suits both you and the rest of the family. Trust your heart though, and look after yourself.

Ele, I'm so sorry to hear about your difficult situation! I also thought you should go, but then your parents seeming to change their minds makes it a tricky situation. Good luck with a difficult decision.

I also wanted to echo Kristine and say that you should ask about "bereavement fares" from from the airline - they have lower-cost tickets available for last-minute trips for funerals and ill loved ones.

Ele, this is a tough time made tougher by having to make such a decision when your hurting so much. I'm sorry.
I was wondering if you could call a hospice professional for some feedback as well? They are ofcourse very familiar with these situations and may be able to shed some fresh insight on some of the complications you are dealing with as far as all the people there and how your grandmother is faring.
I think a couple of people have said it very well already but any memory you have of seeing your grandmother like this will certainly be outnumbered by the times you remember her healthy and you won't regret it. I was with my Mom when she died and while I do recall that time (it was special in it's own way) it is not foremost of all the wonderful memories I think of regularly.
Whatever you decide focus on the lifetime of memories you have with her. This is an important time but it is not the sumtotal of your relationship with her.
My heart goes out to you and hope everything can work out the best for you and your family and ofcourse your grandmother.

Ele - I wonder if there's a way to visit even with other relatives there and make it all add up as time so you can support each other too by being there at once. I had another random thought to add from my previous post. What if you wrote a letter to your grandmother that captured some key positive memories you have of her and the impact she has had on your life? You could read it out to her if she's in any shape to listen, you could read it out to other family members so they can share their own experiences, and it could be therepeutic for you to remember the times when she has been vibrant and a large presence in your life. Big hugs again.

I want to thank EVERYONE who commented on this- if I could give you each a hug, I would! I feel so supported by all of you, as I knew I would be. YLF is such a great place

Well, I'm not at home, and I'm not likely to get to go until the funeral. Unfortunately, things have developed and various circumstances (most of which are too confusing/OT to get into here) are making it impossible right now. Still, I feel strangely comforted by the fact that I had decided that I WANTED to go home, even if I didn't get to. I did speak to my Granny on the phone which was special, and my sister and I are getting daily updates from our Mum. I know that Granny is thinking about me too, because my Mum says she talks about us often when she is able. I will go home for the funeral and I'm going to focus on making that a meaningful experience for me.

It feels strange to talk about those things while she's still alive, but I guess that is how the mourning process works in these cases.

Thanks for all your support xo

I'm sending hugs, love and homemade hot chocolate your way.

Ele, I'm so glad that you have reached a decision that makes sense in your heart AND in your head. Keep us posted and take care.

Ele, can you set up a Skype session with your grandma?

Ele, so glad you have been able to make a decision that you are at peace with.

shiny has an excellent point. My brother used to setup skype conferences on his laptop at home. It really helps.

Ele, that's so nice that you were able to speak with her. I'm sorry there is so much going on for you right now. Hope things smooth out soon. When the time comes for you to go back it will still be a special time and comforting to share time and memories with your family.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Ele, HUGS!