OT: What has happened to the world??? - YouLookFab Forum

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OT: What has happened to the world???

Theresa

(website)

Veteran

I read Angie's post on Shopping Rage this morning as I had my morning cuppa, and wondered when manners seemed to evaporate. But, this afternoon I had an experience that has left me really quite surprised and very disappointed...

I went up to the big town 45mins away this morning and driving home, my car broke down on the side of the highway. I was within walking distance of the first service station in my home town, so quite close and the highway that I broke down on is VERY busy.

BUT, in the time it took from me breaking down & calling the car club, to them arriving - 1.5hrs... only 1 yes ONE, person stopped to see if I was ok. There was never longer than 15 seconds of time that would have elapsed without a car driving by.

Now I personally probably wouldn't stop (unless it was a woman with kids), as I'm very aware of my personal safety, especially if I had the girls with me, but there were DOZENS of men in work utes (some even belonging to mechanical type companies) and our council vehicles who drove by and not one stopped - the man who did stop was just a normal guy on his way to work.

15 years ago, I had a similar experience, breaking down on a busy road, and I had a constant stream of people stopping to see if I was ok while I waited for assistance...

Am I wrong to have expected that, if a woman, with 2 kids, were on the side of the road, with the bonnet up and an obviously broken down car, people would stop to check?

Maybe I'm just expecting too much of people...

So on top of Angie's post this morning, I'm sitting here wondering what has happened to the world.... Did manners and concern for our fellow people disappear when the Mad Men era of clothing disappear? Is it just that we as a collective group seem to have higher standards and expect more of people?

Oh and as for the car... well it looks like I could be SYCing for a very long time! It had to be towed and the problem is either fixable for around $700-1000 or requires a whole new engine... or new car... So I've hired a car for the next few days to get around in until I find out the verdict...

*sigh* perhaps the stress of the afternoon is just clouding my view of the world!!

So, besides venting, I am curious - have you noticed a decline in things like this where you live?

General

19 replies

Latest reply was from Isabel

Sharon

Veteran

Bummer about the car. In answer to your question - YES! I attributed it to getting older, but I feel like I am always being struck by how rude, entitled, selfish and thoughless people are becoming! Even little day-to-day things, like letting people in in traffic, or not blocking aisles or escalators whilst chatting to friends in shopping centres. There seems to be an increasing lack of awareness of the people we share out environment with.

Or maybe I'm just becoming a grumpy old woman. Also possible.

Tara

(website)

Veteran

Poor Theresa!

Sadly, I am constantly struck by how inconsiderate others are. There's just a sense of complete oblivion about how one's behaviour affects those around us, it's like people are not even conscious of their behaviour at all.

I also think this stems from an increasing lack of trust between people and a reluctance to "get involved".

But rather than dwell on how crapulous people can be, I try to really appreciate someone when they do go the extra mile and show consideration and, heck! even go out of their way to help me (fairly rare these days).

Dusty

(website)

I do think it's getting to be rare for people to stop to help those with broken down cars, but I think that has more to do with the fact that it's pretty much expected that everyone has a cell phone (so, of course, they've already called for help) and a general mistrust of strangers than a lack of manners. Now, that's not to say that I don't think manners have gone out the window, because they have, but I think there's more fear involved than lack of consideration.

Barbara

Veteran

I agree with Dusty. EVERYONE has cell phones these days. Personally, I would think twice before stopping on a busy highway to assist someone. That's what our Highway Patrol are for.

And It's not being selfish or inconsiderate or rude -it's pure common sense and self-preservation to protect your OWN life.

Especially the way folks around here drive, fast with one hand on the wheel and blabbing away on their cell phones. Seriously, it's that bad. I would probably be run over!

shana

Veteran

Agree with Dusty & Barbara. I once broke down right some years ago on a deserted stretch of highway in South Carolina and managed to get my car off the highway and onto an exit figuring I would find a gas station. No gas stations to be seen but I did have a cell phone and had already called for help when an older man stopped. At first, he just asked if I needed help. I assured him that I did not but he wouldn't leave. He kept chatting with me and then started to ask me if I was "Injun" and tell me how much he liked "Injun" girls with their black hair. Though my car was really not in a driveable condition, I started the engine and got myself outta there quick!!!

MsMary

Veteran

Oh, Theresa, I'm so sorry about your car!

I have to agree with Dusty, et al., though, about people stopping. If I were in that situation I would much rather be left alone to wait for the auto club than to have to deal with strangers stopping to help, or "help." And I don't stop to help people by the side of the road because I do assume everybody has a cell phone these days. The only time I would stop to help a woman with children would be if she were standing on the side of the road, actively flagging me down.

Steph

Veteran

That stinks Theresa, particularly that you had to wait so long for the service people to come and help you. I will agree with most others that cell phones have made stopping seem somewhat unnecessary. I don't think it's a coincidence that a bunch of people stopped for you 15 years ago and not this time. I don't think they have become ruder in 15 years, but cell phones are far more widespread. (In fact, my cell phone battery died yesterday while I was driving and I remember thinking "If I break down, no one will stop because they won't know my phone isn't working!")

Having said that, there are also nice people who do stop. Last spring there was a big story here in DC about one of our professional hockey players. The team had just been eliminated in the playoffs, losing a really disappointing final game. It was rainy when the game ended (I know, I was there). A woman and her daughter were driving on the highway after leaving the game when they got a flat tire. They called AAA, and were waiting for them to come when a car pulled over. It was one of the hockey players, still wearing his post-game suit (all players have to wear suits when the game is over). He proceeded to change the tire--in his suit. When he was asked about it, he said that it was dark and rainy and he figured he had more experience changing tires than two people standing outside of their car waiting for help.

I thought it was such a great story, particularly because you know the player was completely devastated over losing the game.

LeahJanes

I would stop but I'd be a fat lot of good, I have no knowledge of cars. But I would have stopped and checked to make sure you had it under control. Seems like I am in the minority though. I also bemoan the lack of common courtesy these days. Maybe my manners are from another era!

Anonymous

What happened to the world? Everyone got cell phones.

That said, people ARE less considerate and sometimes even completely oblivious these days. I am constantly appalled and saddened by how many cars do NOT stop for a mom and her little kids IN THE WALKWAY of a parking lot (you know the area right in front of a store with lines painted on the ground and signs that say "yield to pedestrians"). *I* end up waiting in the heat, rain, cold while cars just look at me and keep driving I try to always stop for the pedestrians because, hey, I'M sitting in a sheltering car, so it doesn't bother me to wait the two seconds to let someone cross over.

Same with opening doors. Why are so few people too self-absorbed to even open a door for a mom struggling with a stroller? Yet when people see my TODDLER struggling to open the door, they JUMP to the rescue. I don't get it.

That's really lame that the car club took THAT long to get there! Yikes! I'd be complaining about that.

AJ

Veteran

Oh, so sorry to hear about your car, Theresa! On the bright side, a car bill is definitely better than a hospital bill. : )

I agree with the cell phone commenters. If the person just looks like they are calmly sitting and waiting, then I would assume help is on the way.

I personally would not want a bunch of strangers checking on me if I already had a solution to the problem.

catgirl

Veteran

Oh, ((((Theresa)))) - how miserable for you!

I agree on the cell phone comments. I will say that here in Alaska, at least, people DO stop to ask if you need help, often because it is a relatively small community, it is freezing, and it's not just a matter of waiting but being physically safe. Last winter, I had someone drive home, get his truck and yank me out of a ditch (I swerved to avoid a giant plow turning the corner). In return, I sent them a gift certificate for the local pizza place.

That said, there are tons of weirdos out here too, and I never stop for guys. A mom with kids, I would definitely help. I also tell my son if he's ever separated from me and can't find an authority figure, then to find a mom with small kids.

The world is a scary place sometimes.

Becky

Veteran

Well, here in the boondocks, people do still stop to help. Maybe not as many as would have before cell phones became ubiquitous, but people will often stop to at least ask if you need help.

Louise

Veteran

I would be more inclined to stop if it was an eldery person (usually they don't have a mobile phone). If someone was flagging me down there is the whole safety thing, are they flagging me down for a dodgy reason? I think it's sad but nowadays you have to put your own safety first and I would prefer to carry on but ring the police if I was worried about the person. Having broken down myself and having RAC membership and a mobile I prefer to wait in peace rather that opening the window every 2 seconds to tell people I'm fine x

Lisa

Veteran

Yes, I think manners have fallen to the wayside. It's rare for someone to hold open a door for a lady anymore. It's rare to hear the simple "please" and "thank you." And really rare for someone to give you their undivided attention, it's always texting or checking emails or something. Even in the movie theaters you can't watch the film without a constant glare from cell phone screens in the dark.

Theresa

(website)

Veteran

You know... now that I've slept on it and am much calmer (LOL!), I think that most people would have either a) not even noticed, or b) assumed help was on its way due to most people having a mobile phone (its still quite common where I live to find people who don't have them at all).

I guess I come from a rural family where everyone stops to help everyone, and I KNOW my brothers would stop to check on someone and I'm one of those people that often helps little old people with things, I forget that not everyone is like us LOL (And if you knew my family you'd realise that's probably a good thing LOL!).

But having said that, I live in a small community where most people do know each other and are more inclined to offer to help each other out etc so I kind of figured seeing as I was practically in town, it would have been the same. Assumptions... never a good thing!!

As for the car club, I was cranky initially because I had both girls with me and they are both sick (fevers and horrible stuff), but because of the size of my town, we only have 1 car club contractor, and he was flat out all day - so I guess there really wasn't much I could do. But I am going to write to the car club and suggest they get more contractors here because last time I had to call them out it was a 2hr wait - but I was at home that day so it didn't bother me.

Of course, I still firmly agree that manners and concern for others has gone out the window, and that saddens me. Leaving the mechanic shop yesterday I actually had to hold the door open for a younger man (say early twenties), because he wasn't prepared to hold it for me, even though I had my hands full of paperwork.

hehe I suspect I'm going to be a grumpy old woman for at least a few days until I find out exactly how much damage has been done to the car and the stress subsides!

So thanks for letting me vent and be unreasonable!

MNsara

Veteran

Theresa - so glad you did get the car towed *and* a good night's sleep.

As I read through the comments, I agree that "looking out for #1" is rampant - could be because of self centered society, always on a deadline, fear, etc.

But the cynical side of me thinks there are so many people on their cell phone WHILE they drive that most of them didn't even NOTICE you on the side of the road! :-\

Kari

Veteran

Theresa, that's too bad. I'm glad to hear that you got the car towed safely.

I do understand the issue you mentioned, but on the flip side, I probably wouldn't stop either - not out of rudeness or callousness, but because stopping on the side of the freeway and getting out of the car can be very dangerous to begin with when cars in adjacent lanes are driving 60mph. Maybe that's selfish of me, but I'm a very nervous driver, and having to accelerate on the shoulder from 0 to 60mph without being on an on-ramp terrifies me, especially when drivers in this area will speed up and crowd you if they see you are trying to move over into their lane at a slower speed. If someone looked like they were in serious distress or was trying to flag someone down, I'd probably get off at the next exit and call the police to assist the driver.

If it was in a location (not a freeway) where there was a shoulder that was safe to stop, I probably would stop and check to see if I could call anyone for assistance. I used to have AAA insurance, which made me more inclined to stop - AAA will come to assist a driver even if it isn't their car as long as the cardholder is there.

(Edited to add: And yes, with so many people that have cell phones now, I think it's reasonable to assume that someone may not need assistance unless they are actively trying to flag drivers down for help!)

Katiepea

(website)

Veteran

Theresa, I'm sorry that you have gone through this experience!

I imagine it would have been incredibly frustrating, uncomfortable and just plain discouraging.

Whilst I'd agree that overall people are more insular these days, I can still say that both myself and people I know have been on the receiving end of some very kind acts from strangers in a time of need.

Don't give up on the world, there really are still plenty of good people about. I hope that you feel better soon. xo

Isabel

Veteran

I am so sorry Theresa. That is a terrible experience. I will stop for women and children, women ( especially teenagers or young women ) and for elderly people. I am especially cognizant if the weather is super hot or really cold. I also tend to call the police and report my concern for someone's "safety".

I can actually answer your question, believe it or not. Seven years ago I heard a radio program with a couple of pshychiatrists, a psychologist and a sociologist and they all believed that we were on the verge of a "narcissism" epidemic. I have since heard reports ( very recently ) that many mental health and social professionals feel that we in the fact of the grips of one now. I found the term "epidemic" very jarring.

They listed many reasons, one being that we all consider ourselves so incredibly busy that we just don't have time for other people unless it is strictly on our terms. It is very sad. This has made me acutely aware of how I behave in public and what I expect of my children. I don't want to "catch" it.