OT: Weight Loss and Self-Esteem - YouLookFab Forum

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OT: Weight Loss and Self-Esteem

velvetychocolate

Veteran

A few months ago, I was all set to jump on in and really try and participate here, and find a place to take pictures, get advice on outfits and all of that.

Somehow, between Christmas/New Year's and now, I've managed to gain ten pounds.

This is extremely upsetting for me, and I have to admit it's made me back off quite a bit from the whole idea of trying to dress better and so on.

In the meantime, I did manage to lose over a hundred pounds over the last few years, and was struggling with the last bit I still needed to lose.

So now I not only have those last few pounds to get rid of, I also have an additional ten pounds that just showed up to deal with on top of that. I'm feeling *really* badly about this, and as a result, have stopped all buying of clothes and/or even trying to look nice.

I'm kind of taken aback by how much this has been bothering me - because I feel much worse right now, than I did when I was upwards of 90 pounds heavier. Not sure why this is, it just is.

Just wanted to sort of explain why I never got around to posting pictures of outfits, and I'm surprised at just how much these extra pounds are bothering me. It's going to take a huge amount of effort to get them off, but at the same time - I'm not up for going on some kind of drastic, crash diet. Been there, done that and it *never* works.

It's clear that I need to sort of clamp down, but in the meantime I feel horrible about myself.

I guess I just wanted to explain my jumping in, all gung-ho, earlier in the fall and winter, only to clam up ...

Really upset and mad about this. That said, it stops here. I've spent the last couple of weeks trying to whittle the pounds back down again, but there's been weight loss, followed by weird bounce-ups, even though I'm trying. I suppose this just means I'm just not trying hard enough and that I'm going to have to get even tougher about it all.

Not sure why I'm posting this - I think it's mostly to explain why I jumped in all gung-ho in the fall/winter and then sort of backed off. Now you know why.

I suppose I could use some encouragement. Some encouragement toward the last bit of "get tough" would be most welcome. Because that's what it's going to take. Back to the gym, and probably some hard-care workouts are going to be required. Some serious food-monitoring and all of that.

I've done it, and it just seems like this last bit is going to require some sort of extra effort. And having already lost so many pounds, the idea of having to amp up the effort that much more to get this last bit dealt with is ...kind of daunting.

Just wanted to open up a bit about where I'm at and why I kind of dropped off out of the blue before ever really getting started here.

General

36 replies

Latest reply was from Laurinda

taylor

Veteran

You have worked very hard on this weight loss journey of yours and should be very proud!! VERY hard work!

You must post you wiw photo's here...we would love to support you on your style journey!! Dress the body you have...the one you have worked so hard to be proud of!! We will support and cheer you on every step of the way! You are much loved here...photo's or no photo's!!

Anonymous

Oh, VC, I've missed you and it's good to know what's been going on in your life. It makes perfect sense to me why you're more upset about where you are now than before you really started losing weight. You were almost there (and you still are, in the grand scheme of things) whereas before, you didn't care or had just given up. You can take your time and start posting WIW's whenever you're ready, it's all good! Thank you for letting us know how you're doing because we care about you.

You helped me so much over the winter with your careful and thoughtful analysis.Thank you so much! I love the way you think and figure things out. I hope I get the opportunity to return the favor for you really soon. I'm proud of you for all of the hard mental and physical work you've done to get this far, and I KNOW you can see your plan through to completion. It will be hard, that's for sure, but you've got the stuff! We are here for you anytime you need some encouragement. It would be great to hear from you more often because you are such an asset to the forum. <<Big Hugs>>

velvetychocolate

Veteran

Thank you taylor - your post means a lot, and thank you so much for your support. I'll get out of this funk one way or another.

catgirl

Veteran

Big big hugs and commiseration. I have been trying to lose a few pounds myself. Although I've been successful recently due to the wonderful "Eat to Live" book I mentioned in another post, I have had to be really vigilant about not becoming totally obsessive when I gain back even a pound. I HATE the whole weight obsession and yet I still do it. I somehow unexpectedly lost two pounds in NOLA (probably from stumbling around drunk and dehydrated like a moron every night!) and it was ridiculous how elated I felt, and then how cranky when it only took a couple of days to gain it right back.

Please feel free to vent or ask for support any time. I know I'm on this journey too, and whatever the goal, we can all relate in some way. It is incredible that you have lost 90 pounds, and I think the last few pounds are like the end of a long race, when you just don't feel you can take another step toward the finish line.

Also, do post WIWs as you will get lots of good feedback as well as genuine compliments that will provide a much needed boost and sense of confidence in your style. You can do it!

velvetychocolate

Veteran

Thank you Claire - I'm feeling better already I think I just needed to get that out and explain the 'goings on' a wee bit.

I pretty sure I can do this. It's just going to take some extra effort at the tail end ...a little more work than I'd anticipated, but I didn't come all this way only to quit or give up.

Anonymous

That's the spirit!

Aziraphale

Veteran

VC, I think you're being too hard on yourself. You have done AMAZINGLY well to lose all that weight, and if your body is resisting the last bit, perhaps that's because it has settled itself into a comfortable new "set point" and you don't really need to lose any more. It's hard to mess around much with your body's natural set point(s). Once you have established a healthy lifestyle (i.e. a good diet and enough exercise), the bod's going to be what it's going to be, and going much lower than that is usually a bitter uphill battle. I would argue that it's often unnecessary, too. I don't know what you look like, but I *do* know that beautiful bodies come in all kinds of shapes and sizes. Full figures are not less beautiful than slender ones; it's all in how you present them.

I'm also reminded of that guy who ate nothing but McDonald's for a month (much to his vegan girlfriend's horror) and made a movie about it. He gained all kinds of weight that he then set out to lose afterward. I saw him being interviewed by Katie Couric and he said he still had five pounds to go. I remember him whining, "The last five pounds are haaaaaard, Katie!". I laughed because it's true -- even for men.

ManidipaM

Veteran

VC, don't be too hard on yourself. What you have achieved already is monumental! And you must remember that you are fighting basic biology ALL. THE. WAY!

Those last few pounds closest to your target weight are always not only the hardest to shift but also the easiest to put back on. I know. I've been there many, many, many more times than I can even start to enumerate. Don't worry too much about it --- there are always temporary lifestyle challenges in all our lives --- as long as you *mostly* keep eating healthy and getting some exercise. That last, with its endorphins, should also help boost your mood, especially if you can get yours out of doors or with a view of some natural light or a few plants.

That said, your body does not understand what your mind knows! It only thinks you're suddenly losing all your 'protection' (fat!), so it's going to try harder than EVER to try and hold on, and pile some back the minute your back is turned, figuratively. Knowing this, and recognizing that everyone's metabolism slows (to different degrees) with age, is half the health battle.

Please try not to let self-consciousness and guilt keep you away from participating not only in this forum, but also in other activities in life you might enjoy. (Again, I speak from *knowing* how hard that can be --- there were absolutely days when I simply wouldn't go for the walk around the park I was aching for because it was the wrong time of day and there would be, you know, *people* in the park, meant for *public* enjoyment!!!) Giving yourself permission not only makes you feel better about yourself, but also actually makes this weight-loss/health/style journey a HUGE BUNCH easier.

I too had lost a bit of weight and gained a bit of confidence when I first de-lurked on the forum. And I too have a put a bit back on, and off again, and on again, in the few short months I've been here --- and am still so-close-to- yet-too-far-from my target weight. Hang in there, VC. I'm sure we can make it there, with support --- we're lucky that we do *not* have to do this all alone.

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

Ah, sweetie. *hugs* I am my heaviest right now; I am 10 pounds heavier than my "normal" weight, and 20 pounds more than I ought to be. And I know how you feel... I have all these clothes but some are tight, others just don't fit, and it's depressing to realize that, so I'm almost afraid to try stuff on!

I just wanted to say, while I know you're upset, you won't get where you need to go by being so hard on yourself. Give yourself a break. Think about why this happened and I'm sure you'll find a good reason and that you should give yourself a break. You lost the weight once before, and you CAN do it again! Just take it slow and remember you are more than just your weight!

velvetychocolate

Veteran

Alaskagirl - I really appreciate that you get the idea that at the very end of the finish line, it's a bit tough to just keep going. That's been the toughest part for me, those last few pounds, and then to add insult to injury - I've actually put on a few pounds, making it that much tougher.

I'm looking forward to just getting it done. It's just a bit harder than I expected, but since I'm already here...at this point, I might as well keep going...right?

Thanks again for understanding and recognizing that the very last stretch is a bit tough.

catgirl

Veteran

The other hard part to swallow is that (unlike a race!), once you get to the finish line, you don't get to stop - you still have to maintain so as not to backslide. I've reached my goal a few times, only to slack off. Sigh.

I'm going to start posting my fitness thread updates again. For pete's sake, if I can't regularly post a thread, how am I going to exercise consistently?

Also, I have to say my mood is so much better when I exercise regularly, even if I have to force myself to do it. Endorphins topped with a healthy dose of self-righteousness does wonders for the spirits.

Thank you for posting this and reminding me to stay focused with you!

velvetychocolate

Veteran

Thanks so much everyone - I'm a bit teary eyed reading these posts. I think it took a lot for me to even post this, but I just wanted to sort of explain myself a wee bit - jumping in and totally wanting to participate, and then backing off because of gaining some pounds.

In the meantime, even though I feel a bit embarrassed - I feel relieved and even glad that I said something, because it's only in acknowledging what is and where you'd rather be - that you can make changes.

I have a good feeling that just getting this off my chest will help me dust myself off and keep going.

Thanks again, I really appreciate everyone's support and understanding.

MsMary

Veteran

Hugs, VC! This is such a fraught topic that I hardly know what to say, other that in my experience there is no finish line at all! I lost a bunch of weight two years ago and it is a daily struggle to keep it from creeping back up. I still log all my food, weigh every day, and exercise HARD six days a week. It is just. plain. hard. Hang in there and be kind to yourself!

velvetychocolate

Veteran

Thank you MaryK - I think the missing link is that I haven't been exercising. When I was actively losing weight I was in the gym six days a week, and walking for one-two hours per day in addition to gym. Seems absurd, but that's what it really takes (for me) to get the weight off.

I really appreciate your chiming in here, because I know you have been there, and done that - and you have succeeded *fabulously.* You're an absolute rock star when it comes to this sort of thing! Thank you!

Just need to get off my....and get moving. Tighten up the food just a tiny bit, although I do think I eat better than most would realize.

christieanne

Veteran

Don't be so hard on yourself VC as the 90 you have lost is an amazing amount and I'm sure was not easy. I am inspired just thinking of how you must have been so determined to come this far! The last ten and then a bit of gain back seems normal from everyone i know.

My sympathy is indeed personal as i need to lose right now and the amount seems insurmountable. My dr. suggested getting back to what I weighed as high school senior and I honestly almost fainted but suggested something in between as more attainable for a pre-menopausal, non athletic woman. It's the right thing to do for myself and my family and not just to look better in clothes.

I know you will have a cheering and booster club on YLF for whenever you need one!

goldenpig

(website)

Veteran

Hugs VC! Weight loss of ninety pounds is absolutely amazing and something you should be proud of every day! You shouldn't feel like you have to get to a certain weight to be able to post WIW's--we love you just as you are, right now! Would love to see some of your outfits and your pretty smile! We are cheering you on to reach your goal, but just know that we support you no matter what size or weight you are! You've been so helpful to me, and I wanted to thank you for your insights and support--I really appreciate it! Hopefully I can return the favor sometime!

Mochi

Veteran

Oh, it's hard to stay unemotional myself when trying to reply to this. Hugs, huge hugs, is all I can say. I lost about 50 lbs so easily about 8 years back, but have been in a holding pattern ever since, and am so frustrated with myself right now, needing to lose another forty or so and beating myself up over my lack of resolve and ability to do what's best for my body. On the other hand, if ever there was a place to get really kind, helpful, uh, supportive support in learning how to dress to the best of one's abilities, YLF is the place for it. And I always did feel heartened that I could post my pics here, and not feel like I should be hiding under a rock or something. And believe me, I struggle with serious body issues (I mean, to the point where I am concerned that no matter what amount of weight I lose, I will still be unhappy with my body's basic characteristics...I think maybe I'm afraid to see what I'd end up looking like at my "ideal" weight? How's that for body issues? : (

So I can promise you that you WILL feel better if you start posting here. You never know what it could be....even a pic where you see your hair, and gee it looks nice, or you never realized you had that cute twinkle in your eye that the photo managed to pick up, or you know, I really do have nice legs...something like that! You know, velvety, that we will not be lying when we finding reasons to heap praise on you!

In any case, please appreciate all your achievements (most definitely including ones not related to weight-loss). Try posting a pic here, too! I guarantee it will make you feel better. Start with shoes and feet, if you need to take baby steps!

Sona

Veteran

VC: LIke so many on this board I truly empathize. Never mind what my weight loss/ weight issue story is the truth is your story resonates with many of us. Angie has a veryw ise saying that dress for the body you have today as someone lse has mentioned and I've found this single statement to be hugely empowering and its what makes me post my wiw's. We are all here for you to give you honest feedback and encoragement. Please post and YOU WILL lose those dreaded last few lbs !
Huge hugs to you!

Meredith1953

Veteran

VC,
You have accomplished so much with your weight loss! I believe you are so right about not crash dieting . It is the worst thing in the world for people to do. Exercise is critical for me in maintaining my goal weight If I don't exercise I gain weight plain and simple. I'm actually up about 8 lbs myself so I'm working on getting more exercise. It is so important. That is what made me feel so powerful! I know it is hard not to feel discouraged but if you can put together just ONE outfit that just makes you feel awesome then it can help you combat some of the negative feelings you are having. ETA You have very thoughtful comments and I always appreciate reading them. I also like Mochi's point about sort of easing into posting some pics.

Traci

Veteran

I know it's really hard to buy clothes for the body that you want to change, but it can be so helpful and even motivating to have just a couple of outfits that fit you beautifully and you feel great in. I don't recommend buying the absolute best quality, but buy just a few things that make you feel great and wear the heck out of them while you lose.

I find that dresses, especially wraps, are more weight adaptable.

I've also noticed that this community is incredibly supportive of whatever level of involvement someone is ready to give. I think that's pretty cool. It's also neat to me that the group is ever evolving.

Take it at your own pace and don't' feel guilty, or like you owe it to anyone to work through your stuff any faster than feels good to you. We'll be here to support you however you need.

Michelle

(website)

Veteran

VC, I'd like to jump in with some advice that may seem contrary. Don't get tough with yourself, be kind instead. That is in no way license to purchase the nearest quart of Ben and Jerry's and just sail in...Rather it's a plea to keep your accomplishments in perspective and not punish your body or mind for the slipups that befall us all from time to time. Weight loss is very, very hard as you know perfectly well and I am discovering for myself. I am absolutely in awe of your accomplishment, and quite frankly I want to reach the point you're at. I can understand perfectly how this setback feels like a personal failure and wholesale rejection of all you've done. It's not that. It's just one of life's bumps in the road.
So rather than doubling down, berating yourself for your shortcomings and cracking the whip, try and refocus your efforts and lead yourself gently back down the right path. Monitor your food and exercise, but tell yourself you're doing it to make yourself feel better instead of punishing yourself. It will be true, too. You will feel physically better and emotionally vindicated as you reclaim that sense of accomplishment that you no doubt enjoyed earlier in the process.
You have done fabulously well, VC, and are still doing so. Don't forget that. And just focus on yourself right now. If that means dressing better, perfect. If not quite yet, that's ok too.

Sarah A

Veteran

VC, we are all cheering for you to do what makes you feel happy and satisfied. Weight loss and acceptance is so so so hard. Losing 90 pounds is AMAZING ! After ee get close to our goal Manidipa is right our evolutionary body with no clue we won't be starving even though our mind knows the supermarket is the land of plenty struggles to hold onto the weight as a survival mechanism and makes it hard hard hard! I think the idea to get back to exercising is a great one, personally I have found that most helpful for the final 10 pounds I've worked on In the last 5 months. Especially if you can find a few activities you like doing walking is great and I always recommend weight lifting to my female and over 40 years old athletes (I am a part time cycling/triathlon coach) because of the long term bone mass benefits and injury prevention benefits. Perhaps if you aren't comfortable starting a routine on your own a few visits with a personal trainer to learn some basics would be a great way to invest in yourself and your well being? Also, accountability keeps me motivated.. Knowing I will see a friend at the gym, even though we do different workouts, is nice and good for me! All the best to you during this emotional struggle and *more hugs*

Anonymous

You've already gotten such good advice. Big hugs!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Oh, VC. BIG HUGS!!!

And I am so glad you have posted here. This is a forum that truly believes beauty comes in all sizes. I have often wished that I knew about it before I lost weight; it would have helped me so much to learn how to dress the body I had. Instead I just tried to hide it, which was a real shame, and led to more fashion faux pas than I can count! (In fact, I probably didn't even know how many I was committing, I was so out of it!) If I'd been here, instead, I would have been learning like crazy. And taking notes from the gorgeous women of all ages, sizes, ethnicities and shapes who demonstrate, day after day, outfit after outfit, that weight is no limit on style.

Your participation in this forum is so valued. As Claire said, your posts are always so thoughtful and analytic and you have very good insights. We value your input, however you choose to offer it! And of course, we would love to see your pics, whenever you feel ready. You don't have to be this or that weight to post, and you can always post partial outfits if you wish, and as Mochi said, the feedback might really be inspiring! But we also understand if you are feeling too self-conscious to post at all. Just do what you need to do to feel good, whatever that might be.

Now...a few more thoughts and please forgive me in advance if I go on and on. First, as you see, many of us have been in a similar position. Not too many of us have already lost NINETY pounds, however. Please, please recognize this as the huge accomplishment it is, and know that you are amazing!!

Next, I could not agree more with what Michelle has said. Kindness will help far more than self-criticism. Kindness. You and your body do not need or deserve punishment. Your body needs movement and nourishment, and you need love, support, and acceptance.

I have just taken a job as a writer for the fitness company where I was once a client. And if there is one thing I have learned from that program it is that kindness, and gentleness to self is crucial in this journey. Real progress happens when you take tiny steps day by day and change habits gradually. It doesn't happen when you try to starve yourself or try to whip yourself into submission.

Here is my (unofficial) prescription. Given that you say you have not been exercising for a while: Baby steps. Start with a 15 minute walk per day. Do that for two weeks. Then start building in more. If you miss a day, no worries. Just wake up the next day and do the walk. It is okay to make mistakes and be imperfect; in the long run, it is the overall picture that matters.

Do you still have a gym membership? What form of exercise (if any) do you actually enjoy? That is the one to go for, especially at first. Ideally, some resistance training should be part of your program, for a whole pile of reasons, but for now, don't worry about the specifics. Just get moving.

As for diet, you probably already know everything you need to know if you have lost the amount of weight you have, but again, I do not counsel a harsh attitude. Very small changes do add up over time. And it may take less than you think to tip things to a different level.

I won't go on, but if you want to PM me, please feel free. And hang in there!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

VC, I really resonate with what Taylor said and echo every word.

(((HUGS))). But you are perfect right now, so let's see some outfits!

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

This resonates with me so much right now. You are not alone. About three years ago I lost about 40 lbs. When I moved from a third floor walk-up to a first floor place I gained about five pounds. On my trip to Mexico I gained another 5 lbs. I've lost about 4 lbs, but it's taken me two months to do that. Currently I'm 5 lbs over my ideal BMI, and about 7-8 lbs over my previous weight.
Some of my clothes don't fit. A lot of my jeans are giving me pretty bad muffin top. Yesterday's fiasco with the neon citron jeans did not help at all.
I'm going to gym on my off days, and trying to be more vigilant with my diet. But it hard, slow and tedious.
ETA I've also thought of stop posting WIW's till I get back to a fighting weight.

ButterflyLady

(website)

Veteran

You've had brilliant advice, so I just want to send a hug, and say that I empathise, and that the starting point is to love and respect your body, because we tend only to be good to things we love and respect.

A 90lb loss is brilliant - an amazing achievement.

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

VC - holey moley - can I ever relate to your post! I lost 75 pounds 8 years ago and in the last two years, have put back on 15 of those pounds. Sure - I'm still on the "upside" of the loss but it frightens me how easily and quickly it comes back.

Strangely enough though, posting WIW on the forum has been incredibly helpful with my self esteem during this time. I see in pictures it's not as bad as I thought. I get back positive comments from other YLFers and helpful hints on how to disguise bits I'm not so happy with. I've embraced fashion for the size I am now and although am continuing with my health and fitness goals to try and get that 15 pounds back off, I am happy with who I am and how I look in HUGE PART to this supportive and warm placed called YLF!

Weight loss and health goals are a never ending journey for some of us and I will always have to be careful. But we can't let wee slips here and there get us down and pull us into that spiral.

You have accomplished so much VC with losing 90 pounds - don't let ANYTHING take that away from you!

This Dr. Phil moment has been brought to you by YLF.

Sylvie

Veteran

VC, losing 90 pounds is amazing and I'm sure you'll be able to lose those few extra pounds that have crept back on. The key is that you didn't (as some do) gain ALL of it back and need to start all over again. You already know what you need to be doing to lose the weight and now you just need to go out and do it.

I know a little of how you're feeling as I lost 15 pounds over 2010-2011 which makes a surprisingly large difference when you're short. Even though I still had 5-10 left to lose, I could at least buy clothes off the rack in certain stores and have them fit me. I'm now about 8 pounds up and counting (the scale has gone up a pound for three days in a row now), and find myself rejecting certain clothes as they don't work/fit anymore with the extra weight.

I've never dieted as being in a mental place where food is "good" or "bad" or I'm "cheating" would just make me eat more poorly. Working out is key for me (minimum of 2.5 hours a week) and helps suppress my appetite. Last year, I was so committed to working out, I went to my weight training class on my birthday and scheduled my birthday dinner for the day after. This year, I find myself excusing myself from working out for frivolous reasons. As of this week, I'm recommitted to making my schedule fit around my workouts, no matter what.

Anyway, sorry to blather on about myself but I just wanted to offer some commiseration since you've already gotten very helpful advice from everyone else. Let's restart the weekly workout thread and use it to keep encouraging each other in our fitness goals.

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