OT: Thanks for noticing... - YouLookFab Forum

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OT: Thanks for noticing...

ironkurtin

Veteran

We are in NYC as a present for my daughter's 8th birthday. She is getting to spend time with her nanny, the loveliest possible woman. We haven't seen her in 4 years. So they get together this morning, and after all the hugs and kisses this sweet woman says to me in the nicest possible way, "Put on a little weight, hon?"

Um. Yes...? Shoot.

General

24 replies

Latest reply was from Jenava

Isabel

Veteran

I am sorry IK, but this sort of cracks me up..motherly types and caretakers seen to feel ok telling you that you have gained weight, have facial hair, dress terribly, and so on. Once I started feeling a little better, my mom said, " You have gained weight , especially your stomach. You look 4 months pregnant. It 's not attractive at your age. "

I responded with, " It's the cancer meds. I would rather have a big belly than have metastic cancer." Shut her up. ( By the way, my dad audibly gasped when she said that. Time for a male nanny, LOL )

Have fun in NY and eat to your heart's content, right in front of the nanny !

Anonymous

Aw, hugs.

Anonymous

Arghrrrr... Not even sweat it!

ironkurtin

Veteran

Oh it's fine! It's just that I just LOST weight (or at least inches) from where I was. But not back to my previous super skinny NYC incarnation, I guess!

ironkurtin

Veteran

Isabel, I can't believe your mother said that! Actually, yes I can. My mother would have said something along those lines, I can hear her now. Only she wouldn't understand why I would have snarled at her about it, because of course she's only saying it out of love!

Isis

Veteran

Awww, ......ignore! FWIW, you always look super fit in your WIW's.....

Have fun in NYC!

cheryle (Dianthus)

(website)

Veteran

I think you look great as is too. Ignore. People sometimes say things that aren't what they meant to say and don't know how to dig out without making it worse.

Freckles

Veteran

Sigh, what is the weight issue with mom's or almost mom's?

You look great in your pics and they always tend to look like you carry more weight than you actually do.

rae

(website)

Veteran

Ah, heh heh, I agree this is the motherly instinct in her! You don't need to be super skinny, anyway. xo

rachylou

Veteran

Wait! Is she German Catholic? That's what my aunties would say to me.

Elly

Veteran

My mother pulled an "Isabel's mother" last January. I had been feeling really poorly with fatigue and shortness of breath when I visited her over the holidays-- and she told me that everyone gets tired at Christmas. I was back for a visit a couple of weeks later and she started talking about my weight and how I looked "puffy" (my mother does not have a healthy relationship with weight and food, so I find it particularly annoying because I would never talk to her that way). After the first 3 times she said it I just had to tell her that my doctor thought that I had gone into heart failure. Sure enough, all 20 pounds turned out to be fluid pressing on my lungs because my heart wasn't able to keep up.

Unfortunately, she still talks about the size and shape of my thighs, and if she has the opportunity-- anything about my behind. Some people never learn . . . .

ManidipaM

Veteran

I had to smile, IK! I can just imagine the mothering tone of voice this would be delivered in!

FWIW, you look great in the photos, though I've no point of comparison! And it's probably better than the old chestnut I get handed --- 'You've lost weight! What have you been doing?!' (erm, no, actually I've put ON five pounds! How fat did you think I was last year, again?)

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Groan.

I love and miss my mom dearly, but I can't help but remember the time I showed up at her house to paint her living room ceiling, with my new boyfriend (now my husband). She took the opportunity to remark that I looked like I'd gained a few pounds. Gee, thanks, mom. :-/

Meredith1953

Veteran

IK,
Sorry, but some people just say inane things!

I'm really lucky because my sweet 83 year old mom thinks I look beautiful no matter what!

biscuitsmom

Veteran

My sister NEVER misses the opportunity to talk about *any* perceived weight gain of mine... One time she actually gasped and said 'oh my gawd, whats that? oh, I guess its your stomach' even though she sees me WEEKLY! Some people need to put others down to satisfy some need of their own, I guess....please dont let it get to you! I (and many others) think you are VERY lovely!

Sara L.

Veteran

My mother-in-law always says things like that to me. She always says it really loud too so everyone around can hear.

biscuitsmom

Veteran

Sara, mine did too Im so sorry...

ironkurtin

Veteran

OMG, your mothers-in-law say this?! The urge to say something deeply catty back would be almost unbearable... something like, "Oh ha ha yes, your son just won't ever let me out of that bed!" or "Oh yes, it helps to keep me looking young! Skinny women can look so haggard, don't you think?"

Luckily I know my nanny would never say anything mean to hurt me. She's from Trinidad, I wonder if getting a little bit softer is a compliment on the islands? (It certainly can be in some places!) She went on to say that she could tell life was a little bit easier for me now. The comment just hit a sore spot because I miss being as fit as I once was.

soobee

Veteran

It was always my awful father who made the nasty comments. I had "puppy fat" growing up and as a young adult I finally lost it and was a healthy weight. Instead of the nasty fat comments, then it was "oh - you've got that disease - you should see a shrink". He meant that I was anorexic. There's no pleasing some people! I wonder what nan would have said if you replied "Oh my goodness! Have I?" lol

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

My mother gave my second oldest brother a plaque for his bedroom door when he was an obnoxious and mouthy teenager: "be sure brain is engaged before putting mouth into gear".

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

"Hon" ?

ironkurtin

Veteran

She always calls me by endearments. She's the only person who ever really does!

Michelle

(website)

Veteran

Sigh, indeed. I'm well and truly perplexed by what makes people think such comments would ever be welcome. When was the last time you marched up to anyone and said, "man, that's one hell of a zit on your chin!" or "Good lord, someone's hairdresser was drinking on the job." Weight, like either of these other factors, is so very personal. My sincere comiserations. I go through this regularly with my family, who are otherwise marvellous. It's so bad that I'm actually freaking out about an upcoming vacation with them all. Like, losing sleep freaking out. You're going to be my role model for handling it with such aplomb.

Shannon: That plaque needs to be mass-produced and posted everywhere.

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

My best friend in college did basically the same thing to me after I came back from spending the field work term with my grandmother (who spoiled me with food), only she accompanied it by smacking me in the bottom as I was going up the stairs in front of her! Of course, she didn't mean I looked bad...it was more like a term of endearment.