OT- Texting thru lunch with a friend - YouLookFab Forum

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OT- Texting thru lunch with a friend

biscuitsmom

Veteran

I lunch with a old work friend once or twice a year (dont see her in person outside of this, just facebook contact once in a while) at a nice restaraunt (my treat) and she texts with her friends all thru our lunch. I think this is very rude....I asked her once if she would like me to come back when she finished, but she didnt catch the hint. Not just a quick 'Im at lunch' but a ongoing conversation with whoever texts her...Am I right to be annoyed?

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26 replies

Latest reply was from Scarlet

Laura

(website)

Veteran

Super annoying!
I can't believe she didn't get your hint.

Ornella

(website)

Veteran

You have every right to be.

kellygirl

Veteran

Absolutely. My kids even know better than to try that. Sheesh, how annoying.

KristineK

I have a friend who does this too, and I don't enjoy it either. I think one of the reasons it's so annoying is because it makes it really obvious that you don't really have the other person's attention. I don't think you're at all wrong to be annoyed by it, or to tell her it bothers you and ask her to stop (if you're comfortable doing that).

MsMary

Veteran

Good grief! Really? Yes, you are right to be super-annoyed!

Me personally, I'm kind of an up-front person and since she didn't get a fairly un-subtle hint I think I'd say -- ONE TIME ONLY -- "It's such a treat to see you! And since we see one another so rarely, I'd appreciate it if you'd put the cell phone away so we can have a good visit!" If she kept it up after that, it would be the last lunch.

Beth

Veteran

That would make me nuts. Really rude:(

Elly

Veteran

Super rude! I don't do that kind of thing, but I will admit to texting in restaurants. Of course, I only text if I am eating alone. I have a family member that continually texts during meals, but I forgive him because he is usually texting another family member to include him in our weekly "family dinner" since he lives around 300 miles away and he shares all the funny banter with the table and occasionally takes embarrassing "mouth full" pics of everyone eating with us. I honestly wish the man had learned to text back when I lived 2 states away-- he doesn't talk on the phone, so I spoke to him a few times a year.

Sheila

Veteran

Okay, I get so steamed up about this kind of thing that I had decided not to post! But here I am...because you deserve my support for thinking this is bad behavior. I would call it classic narcissism...obviously your so-called friend was so interested in what she was doing that she was incapable of putting her own desires aside to focus on you, the friend who cared enough about her to carve out some time for a visit over lunch. I admit that I am probably as self-interested as most "normal" people, but I know when I am paying more attention to myself than those around me, and that's what was lacking in your friend's behavior.

Queen Mum

Veteran

I agree.. that is the epitome of rudeness. I usually don't even answer my phone if I'm out with a friend unless I see that it is my husband or one of my kids.
Honestly, that would be the last time I took that friend to lunch.

elpgal

Veteran

My cousin does this ALL the time. Drives me crazy. I would be super annoyed too.

Sveta

(website)

Veteran

I hate when people do this. What happened to us that electronic devices are more important than real people? I think it is very rude and I would tell her how you feel about it. After all if she is a good friend she would not want you to feel this way.
I find that hints may be pretty bad for relationships. You make a hint and expect another person to react to it and she does not. Is it because she does not care or because she did not get your hint? I find that talking straight (but carefully and polite) works much better for me.

biscuitsmom

Veteran

Thanks so much for your replies, everyone.... I dont text at all, so I thought perhaps I was overreacting by being annoyed/upset over this....I know I should politely say something outright, but I have a hard time doing that...I think she is the type you need to be very blunt with and I think she would be very resentful if I said anything at all....even as gracefully as MaryK put it.

Anonymous

That is totally rude of her!

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

This is a pet peeve of mine, too. We have friends whose phones are glued to their hands. The one lady keeps her phone in the bra strap! We go over to have dinner, and they are constantly checking their Facebook on their phones, texting, or taking phone calls. I just feel like if you are spending time with someone, they should have your full attention.

nicoleb

(website)

Veteran

Totally rude. I love my phone but i wouldn't do that to a friend that i only see every once and awhile. Unless it was something important in which case i think she would of said something.

Edit: owning up to accidently pushing "nay" when i meant "yay" lol. I didn't read the "am i right to be annoyed part" i was thinking "nay" to texting during lunch!

Maya

Veteran

Ugh, that is extremely rude. I love texting, but not at the expense of a face-to-face encounter.

I used to have a friend who would have extensive conversations with her roommates while on the phone with me. She wouldn't even say "hold on" or "can I call you back?" I would actually be mid-sentence before hearing her talking to her roommates--and it wasn't anything important. Just "hello, how was your day" kind of chitchat. It made me so angry.

She would also sometimes turn on the TV while on the phone, and get completely sucked in, ignoring me completely.

Unsurprisingly, we eventually had a falling out for other reasons, but we have since reconciled and it hasn't happened since. I guess she finally realized how obnoxious she was being.

What I hate about this kind of behavior is the implication that you simply not interesting enough to be worth the other person's full attention. I would have been tempted to just get up and leave.

Jonesy

Veteran

Are you kidding me?! I find this sort of behavior absolutely outrageous. It's bad enough with students in class (it has gotten so bad that I've instituted a new policy: if I even see any sort of hand-held electronic device, they are counted absent for the day) but an actual friend? When you are taking her out to lunch? It blows my mind.

Louise

Veteran

Very rude, I usually put my phone on quiet when visiting or perhaps I'm just not that popular that people need to text me anyway

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

This drives me batty! Esp if I'm on a date! HEY! HELLO! I AM NOT A BAG OF FRIED POTATOES HERE> HELLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOO?

I txted the guy who did this and he was like, "Why are you texting me? I'm right here." Uh, no, no you're not.

And don't get me started on people who txt a conversation in the doctor's office...

RoseandJoan

Veteran

Simply bad manners and completely unacceptable!

biscuitsmom

Veteran

I'd like to thank all of you for answering! Helps SO much to know Im not being silly and also that Im not alone! Thanks so much....Chewy, believe me- I *was* tempted! lol. Maya, Sounds like she is friend's twin-aaggh...you are better off without her, imo. Jonesy, great idea in class! We are having lunch sometime next week...still waiting to hear which day from her I get the feeling cuz I dont work anymore she thinks Im available *anytime*

Barbara

Veteran

Incredibly rude! It's like she's saying "you don't count." I actually ended a friendship over this very issue. It was hard to do but I really don't have time for people who don't care about me!

greenglove

(website)

Veteran

Horrid!!! Someone should clue this woman in as to how rude that behavior is, she must not be aware of this although that is hard to believe.

Isabel

Veteran

This is one of the few things in public that infuriates me. You absolutely should be annoyed. I don't know when it became ok to completely snub the person you're with. I won't pick up my cell phone if I am at a cash register, much less in a social situation.

I have a dear friend that has a habit of doing this and I am very honest with her about it. It is almost like an addiction to feeling important !!!

BTW : Many years ago, when I worked, my boss and I were having a lunch "meeting" but was spending the entire time on the phone. I ate and then left and went back to work. She called me and asked why I had left. I told her it was obvious she had more important things to do and so did I. ( I was in a secure position... )

Katiepea

(website)

Veteran

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr - I HATE THIS! (Yes, I'm screaming at my computer).

Is she off-hand in other respects? If so, I'd seriously contemplate making myself unavailable in the future (or at least making her pay for your meal).

If she repeats this at lunch in the future I suggest you pull out your phone and send her a text message (whilst she is texting on her phone across the table from you), saying that it would be for her to nice to put aside the phone and have a face to face conversation with you since you have gone to the effort to catch up with her in person.

But maybe I'm just fantasising.....

Scarlet

Veteran

I think texting and telephoning at the table is very rude! If I were you I would have been steaming. Unless there is some kind of emergency it is completely inappropriate. I think it is a kind of illness that people these days cannot just be where they are for half an hour.