I'm very sorry to post this out here on a fashion forum. However, if you are willing, I would really appreciate a little support (or kick up the pants). Maybe writing this down is helping me digest the news. I don't know.

I have just come back from the Dr who has surgically removed what she is pretty sure is a melanoma (malignant skin cancer) from my lower back. I can't believe she thinks I could have cancer. The biggest fear that I have after losing my mum to this dreadful disease a couple of years ago.

OK, now before I get myself carried away with being a total drama queen, the Dr has told me that whilst she does think it likely to be a melanoma, it was detected whilst it was small. She is hoping that the surgery she has completed today may possibly be enough for the outer margins to come back clear. (It was small enough that with a 1mm clearance around the lesion that I only required two stitches, so you can see, it's pretty tiny. Yes, I'm trying to talk myself into thinking it's not too bad.)

She told me that my vigilance in getting my skin checked regularly means if it is a melanoma, it was detected whilst small and hopefully before it had become invasive, which is likely to give me an excellent prognosis. (Yep, still trying to talk myself into it being ok.)

If pathology finds it is a melanoma and margins are found to be not fully clear, I will be referred to a plastic surgeon for more extensive skin removal (surgery and I'd assume skin grafts) and I guess other testing to check if it has spread. (This possibility is where I get scared. Melanoma, if it has spread, is very serious. Prognosis isn't good.)

My Dad said to me that today is a day to rejoice, not to be scared and that I have just had the biggest lottery win of my life - competent doctor, early identification, early removal.

I'm trying hard to feel this way and be brave and I actually sort of do. But I'm being honest when I say I'm also utterly terrified. I'm only 36. I have three little children and I have already been through so much bad stuff these past three years. Life was just finally getting back on track. I just want life to be boring for a little while. (Sorry, I know I'm feeling sorry for myself now and that's pathetic. I'll stop.)

I will have stitches removed next Friday and should hopefully have pathology back by then too (or slightly before then). So, please, cross your fingers and toes for me if you are willing.

Finally everyone, I really am sorry for being off topic. For what it's worth, writing this down has meant that I do feel better venting and confronting my biggest fears, so I can get on and be strong and positive for my hubby and kids. Thanks for "listening". I'm going to look at your lovely outfits now.

x
PS - If there is any good to come out of this horrible feeling - please let my worry and discomfort urge you to PLEASE GO AND GET YOUR SKIN CHECKED. Particularly if you are Aussie or living in a sunny climate.

This just goes to show that skin cancer can happen when you are young. It doesn't just happen to people who used sun beds. It can happen to people who don't even like being outside a lot. I was too busy playing the piano and violin to be outside that much when I was a kid and I'm going through this worry at the age of 36. I never sunbaked because I don't tan. I use(d) sunscreen. The lesion is on a part of my body that is only very rarely exposed to the sun. I'm floored this has happened.