Like MaryK, I am late but I am happy it is resolved. The advice here was great.

Some people give gifts about themselves instead of TO people. That drives me nuts because there is an agenda. I understand where her husband is coming from. It is very difficult to be in a situation where other people decide what you need ( or so they think ). The one side about the iPad, is that maybe someone can throw in a Netflix gift card and say that it is just for entertainment purposes.

Unfortunately, your friends are not going to be able to go into a vaccuum. One of the toughest things that I found about being sick was that I had to comfort other people. One of the other women in my LiveStrong program and I were talking about this the other day. It takes up soooo much energy to make other people feel better about one's predicament.

Thankfully, most people will abide by the boundaries. When my artery burst a couple of years ago, people wanted to visit me at the hospital. I was in ICU for 11 days and in the hospital for 14. I didn't want any company or flowers or cards. Some people I know were offended others just laughed when my husband told them that I didn't want to get too comfortable in the hospital.

Sometimes being treated with kid gloves when one has cancer is maddening. People practically drool on you.

Una, I think maybe your friends SHOULD get the Great Dane puppy to give to ipad lady. You know, as a reward for being so caring. One good turn deserves another...

Una, your note was brilliant. Short, sweet, and to the point. Maybe someone will enjoy the iPad. I believe one must accept any and all gifts given. Once when I was really into yoga, about 12 years ago, I went on a retreat. The teacher wanted to give me a bean-filled eye soother type of thingy that she made. I said no, that's ok. She then said, "you know, you should always take something when someone gives it to you. Even it it is a receipt they are handing you, take it. It is ungracious not to accept a gift." This lesson has stuck with me permanently, and yes I gladly took the eye pad (unintentional pun there).

ok, ill start by saying i didnt read any of the comments about this womans behavior which is definately questionable.

from a strictly bare bones practicality point of view, the Gift of Life Transplant house has very few computers, like three in an upstairs common room. and having a laptop and ipod touch with wifi (which the whole house does have) were my MIL's saving grace there so she could stay in touch some with her social support system while FIL was waiting for the transplant, since a caregiver always needs to be there with the transplant candidate. also the common areas in the Mayo clinic have wifi so the ipad could be used when waiting for appointments and test results. they would typically go over very early in the morning for bloodwork and be at the clinic for several hours waiting for results and doctors appointments and would stream some netflix or read the hometown newspaper electronically or other activities to help pass the time. the ipod touch was great or this as it was smaller and easier to carry in my MIL purse.

perhaps you can negate the frustration and irritation felt by pointing out these useful points. PS MIL and FIL were not "into" technology before having the stay up at Mayo for nearly a year, but it really did help.

they also set up a website on Caring Bridge which you might do for them for status updates and where people could leave comments etc. becsuse it will be a ton of communication and can be overwhelming. this way you dont have to respond to a million group emails and they could set a certain amount of time to and read peoples messages then take a break.

I think you handled it wonderfully, Una, and in the only way possible. Unlike iPad Lady, you put your friends' desires before your own feelings.