I'm not a MOTG although I will be someday (like 3 years or so). But I do wonder how I will handle being one when I can barely keep my life together as it is.
Katiepea, you story made me cry. I'm only two years into my career but to be honest, I don't have a huge desire to "move up". I think moving up would be at the expense of time with my family and future children and I'm not sure I want that. To me, that's the balance I would strike...still having the career but still having the family...we will see.
Kate, my mom was the same way as yours....and both her kids moved 8 hours away to go to school (although my sister has recently moved back). I felt the same way after we left, and in fact one of my aunts said something to that affect to me that my mom must be heartbroken that both of us moved away the first chance we got. Eventually I said something to my mom about it and she sees our independence as proof she did an amazing job with us....she has 2 incredibly successful, independent and happy daughters so she must have done something right. I think about some of my mom's friends whose kids are still around and, not to be harsh, but they aren't successful, they certainly aren't independent, and they aren't as happy all the time....so maybe she is right. It's now been six years since the last of us left for college and I can say my mom has created a life that doesn't involve around her kids. It took time but she is certainly there now.

That was probably the longest post I've ever written.

What a heartbreaking story Katie *hugs*. Thank you for sharing though. It just shows how complex this issue is.

So, a while back on BBCI, I saw a story about how different countries handle parental leave (I say parental and not maternity and you will see why). There was some kind of trade-off system where the mother would stay home with the baby for the first 6 months? Year? I don't remember. Then the father would take leave and stay home while mom went back to work. And this was paid leave, too. I think it continued this way for a certain amount of time but I don't remember what that was. This was in one of the Scandinavian countries, or maybe the Netherlands or Switzerland...I don't remember (obviously I don't remember a lot of details and can't find the article, but you get the most important part of it).

Sooo....when I am president, I would (first of all eliminate Congress since they would just get in my way) enact a similar law. Mom and Dad trade off staying home until baby reaches 12 years old. Since I would be a fantastic president and put money to good use, no one would mind paying taxes and there would be plenty of money to pay off our debts to China, pay for parental leave, and fund a free cupcakes for all program. I'm sure all of you would vote for me.

LOL, Maya you are so cute! I wish you would become president some day!

My parents ran a retail shop for the first 17 years of my life. When I was in grade school my mom went to nursing school, and then worked nights. I never really thought about how this affected me until later when I started to question my own direction in life. When I have kids I want to make sure to have enough time to guide them and help them learn about themselves. My parents were too busy and even though they loved my siblings and I very much I do feel like I ended up taking a very long road to learning to really feel confident about who I am. And, in fact, so have my siblings.

It's funny, I actually came on here this morning to delete my story as I woke up feeling that it was probably a bit too personal and 'raw' to share. This is an uplifting forum, not a forum to make people feel sad.

However, if my story manages to be a "stop-check" for a mother with adult children who was a SAHM who now lives with regret and now feels the whole "grass is greener on the other [career] side"; maybe makes a SAHM feel a bit better that it's ok to have children/family as "your career" (an older friend in fact calls herself a "professional grandmother"! :-)); or create a moment of reflection for a working mum caught on the merry-go-round of life/career, then the post has been worthwhile, so I'll leave it there for a while. x

For me it is that I feel guilty that my husband works really hard to support us. That is the truth and I feel that I have to at least meet a minimum standard. He doesn't get to have someone help him if work gets tough, he doesn't get to take a walk in the middle of the day..........though my days are filled with taking care of our nuclear family as well as my parents and my sister ( who is disabled ).

At the same time, I used to do what he does now ( same job ) and he says he would rather do his job than be at home with the kids.

When we started to have kids, I was ready to retire from the working world! I don't feel pressured to stay at home with the kids. I feel fortunate that we can get by on one income in order for me to be here with them.

Granted, as with any job in or out of the home, there are dreary tasks to do but since we took our time to have children, I really wanted to focus on the goal that I am raising future adults...someone's future spouse, future parent, future mentor. They are not just byproducts of my marriage, they are potential blessings to someone's life.

At the same time, I do dedicate some time to pursue passions and interests that are beyond my mothering duties and circles of friends. Being a mom is not all I am, but it is an important, albeit temporary, dedication of nurturing these young impressionable apprentices of mine. So at this time in my life, the scale must and should tilt a bit more towards raising them than into self pursuits.

I've always been a people watcher and interested in what makes people tick and what matters in the end. The answer I always get pointed towards is relationships and making memories with the ones you love.

Katiepea, there is great empathy on the forum, your life will resonate with many, I'm sorry you were robbed of time with your Mum.

AJ, I think you have hit upon a key issue of choice, many people due to the cost of living need to work, or alternatively the cost of childcare force a parent to stay at home. To have the choice to do what is right for your family in terms of raising children is something as a society which needs to be worked on.

I had no choice but to work part time, but since the recession and Ben's enforced pay cut I am so relieved I am also earning. I would have liked the choice to work fewer hours but it is simply not an option.

Katie, your story resonated with me and I'm glad you posted it. My Mum was diagnosed with 4th stage liver cancer and was gone in 12 weeks (she died at 59 which is almost 10 years ago). This event changed my life. Like you, I reevaluated everything that was important to me, and think about the world differently now. Bless you for giving your family top priority. They are fortunate to receive extra special Katie attention.

AJ and Julie, thank you for imparting your wisdom upon me. I appreciate it.

Maya, you'll get my vote for President if Lucie is your vice.

I have actually thought "Lucie 2012" in my head several times. She is a true independent. A maverick, if you will.

Katie and Angie, I'm so sorry for your losses. I'm close to my mom and I dread the day she won't be here (or I won't be here). It's so important to not take your parents, and your kids, for granted!