Boy, I'm really pissed off for you. Good for you for putting your foot down and getting out of that situation. I wish you the best of luck in your job search!

Marianna,
I am proud of you for standing firm to your ethics of right and wrong.

We are the same personality type so I understand this completely. I am very shy , almost painfully so until I feel very comfortable in my situation and with co-workers, even so I am sill a bit of a loner.
I am always surprised how many people (after they get to know me) have said things like "we didn't think you liked us" " People think you are stuck up because you don't eat with us"..."we just thought you were unfriendly because you won't go out with us after work" the list goes on and on...all because we are shy and a bit introverted.
It does not matter how much I smile, say good morning or whatever UNTIL and only until people are willing to take the time to get to know you this is something that may come up again...
I have no advice other than..Stay true to who you are, as you get older you may become less introverted, but not much..it is who we are...nothing wrong with that. Just be aware how others may albeit~ wrongly~ view who you are, other than just shy and taking your job serious...we are very hard workers. People seem to misread that on the popularity chart We are notoriously non clique~ee

Oh, Marianna - I am so sorry for you, what a disappointment! But it sounds like you did the right thing in quitting. If someone actually had to quit to get the time off for her sister's wedding - that says a lot (all negative) about that work place.

I have to believe that if they are seeking high energy, bubbly whatever and you would have to be someone different to meet their expectations, it would wear you out there.

I also trust that you will find the right place to be -- where you can be yourself and they will see and appreciate your dedication and hard work!

Oh man! How frustrating and disapointing! That must have been a tough decision for you to make!

Years ago I had to quit a job I'd been at for a couple of years because there was no hope of advancement and they refused to supply us with health benefits, despite working us full time hours. When I explained why I was leaving and gave them two weeks notice, the biggest slap in the face to me was them stating they didn't need me to come in for the next two weeks! It made me feel completely replaceable overnight and I had to wonder why I'd bothered being so dedicated to my dead end job.

Hopefully you'll find something better soon where your skills and talents (and personality!) are really valued!

Marianna,
I am late chiming in but wanted to add that it sounds like it was not a good fit for you. My wish is that you will find a much better and healthier environment. There will be another open door.

Oh Marianna some MASSIVE hugs coming to you from me...

As a fellow introvert, I feel like this is a slap in the face to me too and am so glad you stood up for yourself and quit.

You DO deserve to be appreciated for exactly who you are and shouldn't have to change.

Thinking of you as you start the next phase of your life - finding a fabulous job that fully appreciates the very special person that you are.

Taylor, you must be my skinny twin. What you described is 10000% my personality too. People have told me that I come off as "stuck up" sometimes, but that's SO not the case. I'm glad someone understands.

Thanks again for all the kind words, everyone. Now I am having doubts about my decision to quit but everyone keeps assuring me that I did the right thing.

Taylor and Marianna, I know EXACTLY what you mean.

Actually, I was thinking about this today at work. The place I work at (not the Met) currently is very small. Only 6 of us at most. Everyone, besides me, is very outgoing and bubbly (can men be bubbly?). They're always making jokes and having funny/witty conversation, and that is just SO not a skill of mine. I always feel like they think I'm being rude or that I don't like them. But I just don't know how to respond to half the things they say. It's so uncomfortable.

Marianna, you did the right thing. Sometimes you do your best and it just doesn't work out. The longer you stay, the more other opportunities you would miss out on. You need to channel all your energy into finding a job you love and that loves you back. Based on what I have heard so far, it doesn't seem like you would have been happy working there.

I don't think I "changed" my personality at the interview, so much as I changed my approach. I forced myself to forget that the people interviewing me were strangers, and treated them as friends. I casually show my friends my portfolio all the time, and I never feel shy or self conscious. In a weird way it kind of works. I loosened up a lot and it seemed to help.

This is amazing. I have never met anyone who feels like I do -- and both Maya and Taylor just summed up some of my personality insecurities precisely.

Maya, I feel the SAME way -- I am okay one-on-one, but put me in a group of 2 or more people, and I have a hard time figuring out what to say, or how to respond to jokes/banter/etc. I'm always the silent one in the group, just sitting and listening. But I'm not trying to be rude! I just don't know how to engage in the conversation. Sigh.

I'm also probably too polite and well mannered for my own good. I don't want to interrupt or intrude, etc. My politeness gets in the way sometimes.

I know what you mean by being too polite. Besides being afraid to intrude, I am always afraid that if I let my guard down, I actually WILL say something rude.

So the other day, the new assistant creative director commented that I was wearing the Garnier colors (Garnier is one of her clients). At first I didn't understand what she said so I was like "what?" She repeated and showed me a picture of the Garnier line she was working on. And I had no idea what to say. I just said "...oh." She seemed to expect more of a response though, and probably thought I was being rude or dismissive, but I just don't know what to say.

I guess I could have said some nonsense about how I really like green with black and white, but honestly, I just hate small talk, and I'm not good at talking and working at the same time.

WOW Maya and Marianna...everything rings familiar with us...I just had to join back in.
The irony of all this is we are EXTREMLY sensitive to others feelings and empathetic (animals included)and I have always wondered WHY can't people see how sensitive we are and how easily hurt we become with their rude and aggressive assumptions.

I don't think you changed your personality Maya...we are great adapters Large social situations are SO extremely difficult and exhausting for us we adapt just to get through.
I can't tell you the last work related Xmas party i attended...

Guys my heart goes out to you with these struggles. I am a very sensitive girl too.

I have been wondering if it would be helpful to try and learn some stock 'small talk" responses to help you get through the work day. Not sure that I can think of any in response to that comment of your Boss but perhaps others can. Try to roleplay in your mind what you can say when you are interrupted at work so you come across well. I often think over interactions with others after the event and try to work out how I could have dealt with it better next time it comes out. Perhaps watch others in the work place and see if there are things you can copy from what they say.

I think the key is not changing your own personality, but making sure people are comfortable with you, and that your work is not being hidden. I have to say that this really seems harder for you in the US than in Aus. Too much self promotion is a bit frowned on here, and I don't think our education system so relentlessly promotes talkativeness.

Is any of this making sense? I am more introvert than extrovert myself, and in particularly am almost phobic about using the telephone in social settings. But I am bit older than you, and have learnt some skills in those years. I am also ideologically committed to hospitality and being welcoming to people, so I have had lots of practice in getting over my shyness.

Taylor, how do you cope with your clients as a stylist, and your customers at AT. I imagine a level of outgoingness if almost required to do those jobs?

Good point anne.
I deal one on one in hair...I am in my comfort zone and familiar space, I know my craft well and I love dealing with people one on one.
Retail was a fluke for me and turned out to be a great experience ...At my age I am still learning. I also deal mostly one on one at AT...again knowing inventory and being focused helps me able to deal with people. It is mainly large social events I prefer not to be involved in unless I know most everyone otherwise it is extremely uncomfortable, and I shy away from aggressive, and loud people. I think Marianna and Maya (and others) may feel the same.
I am very fun to be around...honest:)

Oh how very deeply frustrating this whole situation must be for you, Marianna. I can only say that it's probably for the best - even if they had hired you after all this time, their treatment of you so far is probably a good indication of how things would have gone in the future too. I bet you would have encountered similar frustrating situations, just at a higher level.

Be good to yourself, and I'm sure the job search will go well ((hugs)).

Marianna, you made a good, self-confident decision to leave. I know you will find a better place and a better fit. What's the point of not being appreciated? It's disfunctional and no one needs that, day in and day out.

On the other hand, I feel the need to go against the tide of some of the other comments and agree strongly with Michelle. As an introvert, it's really, really important to learn social skills in the workplace. And you can learn them, even if they don't feel natural.

I am not saying you need to pretend you're someone you're not, but it's not all about you and your discomfort. Some of your colleagues might feel just as awkward, and being warm and friendly can go a long way. We're all just human, after all.

Marianna, I am so sorry to hear it wasn't the right fit for you in the end, but I have a lot of admiration for you for sticking with it as long as you did! You will find a place that is better suited for you, just keep trying. This is my sixth career in 20 years in the workforce, and as much as I love it, I won't declare it my last. Because you never know where things will take you! Keep your chin up and keep forging ahead.

I am also going to echo Laura's and Michelle's comments. Learning social skills so you can interact with your co-workers in a comfortable and productive way is essential to success in the workplace. And it's important to learn those if you are introverted or extroverted; I walk into a room and as my husband says, I just naturally take it over, so I have had to learn to tone it down, to let other people get a word in and make their points, not always be the center of attention, etc. That essentially "goes against my personality", but I don't see it that way; I'm not making myself *less*, I am letting others be *more*.

You have to find ways to learn to be *more*, maybe even like Anne suggested finding some stock small-talk lines to use, or just practicing being in larger groups and figuring out how to make that work for you. Even just smiling when you are at your most nervous can do wonders to warm people up to you. And you do have a GORGEOUS smile! Use it to your advantage.

This conversation made me remember something I was told while writing a book on etiquette. The woman who was the etiquette expert said that etiquette boiled down to this: making other people feel comfortable.

I love Kristen's example of how other personality types also adjust to put everyone at ease.

Marianna, you'll have to keep us updated on your job search -- it sounds like the job market is on the upswing and your timing is good.

Marianna, I feel a little rude adding my two cents here since I rarely participate on the YLF forum, but your story makes me heartsick! I've been following the thread of it off and on over the past few months when I've had time to visit the forum, and I cannot believe how unfairly you've been treated. I sincerely believe there's a place for quiet and somewhat shy people in the workplace (I'm always been one of these types and have struggled to overcome it). Of course you want to have employees who can converse intelligently and get along with the rest of the staff, but you also want people who can put their heads down and get their work done! I am so impressed with your courage to make a break from this place and move on. I feel so strongly that you're an enormously valuable asset and need to find a place where your talent and intelligence are recognized, appreciated and given opportunities for growth and development. I have such a strong feeling that you are going to find that place. I hope it's in your chosen field of television, but please stay open to the possibilities--you never know what kind of wonderful opportunities can come your way when you're open to them. I am sending good thoughts and positive energy your way!

I thought of something else today that I wanted to post that will probably make you (and other introverts) feel better!

A couple of months ago, I was at a meeting at the Met to discuss the fall range and get my long term project assignment. There was another intern there and she was very chatty and doing a lot of talking, and I was feeling very insecure because obviously I am not chatty and talkative (unless with friends). Anyway, after we got out of the meeting and I was walking back to the other building with my two supervisors, the first thing one of them said was "Ok, D--- is a nice kid but she talks way too much." The other supervisor agreed, saying she was too domineering and that he had discussed how it might hurt her professionally.

And for what it's worth, my supervisor LOVES me, shy or not. He specifically requested for me (out of all the other interns) to stay for the summer sessions and he really hates that I'm only there twice a week and wishes he could hire me. I heard this from the head of the department and it was very validating. Unfortunately the museum is really struggling and there is going to be a huge budget cut for the arts in the future, so I don't think it is happening But still, a huge confidence boost for me. There ARE places out there that will appreciate you and while it is important to learn basic workplace "social skills," don't change or compromise your personality for it.

Marianna, I'm so sorry that you have had this rotten experience.

I'm very glad to read that you have the inner-strength and self-esteem to realise that you deserve to be treated better - because simply, you do!

Thank you again sooo much everyone. I have taken all your comments and advice to heart. Frances, thanks for de-lurking and sharing your thoughts. I really appreciate it. Maya, thanks for sharing that story -- it's very valuable to remember that being too talkative can hurt you too.

I just want to say, I am NOT unfriendly. I am very friendly and I say hello to people and smile, etc. I just am not a bubbly, talk a lot kind of person.

I am so late to this thread. I'm sorry that I missed it earlier. Marianna, I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself and I know you will find the right job.

I wasn't going to bump this thread to bring it up again, but I have a point I wanted to make that might be helpful for shy people to hear. I definitely can be shy in many settings, but once I'm comfortable I'm usually not, so I can see both sides.

More extroverted people are often also better at tooting their own horn (not necessarily in a negative way.) I think this could play into these kinds of workplace situations very often. If someone is more chatty and open generally, chances are they are also more chatty about their accomplishments and the work they are doing. Bosses don't always realize who is doing what, and even if they see you are doing good work and they like you a lot, if they are not hearing it as much from you, it may not get noticed as much. Now, I'm not saying you should always be talking about all the great work you are doing, I am just saying that sometimes this can be an advantage to people who tend to talk more.

Not all bosses are as astute as Maya's at the Met. He sees good work, he notices where it comes from and he doesn't get swayed by talk. Many other people are just not like that. They need to hear from you all the great work you are doing in order to know you're doing it and to have you on their mind. Being able to subtly work into conversation what you are working on is a good thing.

I hope that makes sense.

Marianna- you're probably ready to let this topic die, but I have to add one more thing. I"m also shy and introverted- to the point of being just too damned shy sometimes. I get a lot of "Why are you so quiet?"

Anyway- just wanted to mention that I used to work at a TV station- a local PBS station. Our station was full of "us"- meaning quieter, introverted, more sensitive types. And we became a tight knit family. When I stopped into a "regular" station to pick up a tape once, I was jarred by the louder-glitzier personalities. I would've never fit in there, but the PBS station was a perfect fit. Loved it! (Really hoping your experience wasn't at a PBS)

Wherever your job search takes you- I'm sending warm thoughts, hugs and best wished. I think you did the right thing.

I'm sorry to hear the job didn't work out. But glad you are moving on. I also find it hard to "fit in" when a workplace expects bubbly personalities. It's never been my thing, I'm a real wallflower in a group. The right place for you will come along. It is frustrating because in the workplace you sometimes deals with cliques and popularity contests as much as you did in high school. Eventually the perfect place will present itself to you. Keep you chin up and head held high. You'll get through this bump in the path.

This sounds like more proof that life just is not fair!
I believe in you Marianna, and I believe you will surpass any job mold they would have put you in. It is easy to see that you do not want to work for them. Their hiring practices are shameful.

Marianna, I'm sorry for chiming in super late. I'm really sorry to hear about the job, and I'm very frustrated on your behalf.

I'm also an introvert, so I get where you're coming from. And I'm sure you're not unfriendly at all. I haven't met you in person, and you come across as very warm and friendly in your pics and posts. I'm sure there's a work place that would appreciate and reward your skills and personality. It sounds like this one truly wasn't a good fit.

I'm also proud of you for standing up for yourself.

Hi Marianna, I am pretty new to YLF but having come across this thread and identifying with the way you (and Maya) describe your personalities I wanted to mention a book that I actually found quite helpful. It's the kind of thing I am embarrassed for people to see on my shelf, and parts of it are a little cooky, but several sections really helped me, especially for how to interact in horrible work-related networking events. It is called the Art of Mingling by Jeanne Martinet. Wish you lots of luck in your job search.

Hi Marianna.
I've been following this thread but have only now decided to chime in - I am an introvert too, even online! Firstly I hope you are feeling good about your decision. I think it was the right one. I also hope that the job search is going well. I used to work in a library and I can assure you that quieter types were valued there. Then i began teaching. Teaching kids was okay but when I started teaching adults I found it very difficult. Then I found that I could "act"! It is the "fake it 'till you make it" theory. I would basically pretend that I was bubblier and more talkative; in the lesson breaks when I was expected to chat this was really useful. Although I dound it very difficult and stressful at the beginning I ended up loving my job and I was very sad when I had to leave. I am sure you will be able to find your coping mechanism if you should need one in your next job. Good luck!!

I just saw this now - I'm so sorry, Marianna. I think you did the right thing, and I know there's a great job out there waiting for you.

I've struggled with shyness/introversion for a long time, too. One thing I do want to add - I've been really amazed with how that has changed as I've gotten a bit older. I used to read/hear that you gained a lot of confidence in your 30s, and I didn't really believe it, but it seems to be true. The other day I was at a work meeting and I realized halfway through it that I was contributing, stating my opinions, etc. with no fear at all - and even just a few years ago, the thought of doing that would have made my heart absolutely pound.

Marianna - a BIG hug to you. Firstly, I think it takes a lot of courage and intrinsic confidence to take a stand. And you have done that. Secondly, taking a stand often opens up more opportunities that you couldn't see previously and I hope that will be the case for you. Thirdly, I coach a lot of people and no one succeeds by changing their personality. They succeed by more fully embracing their personalities. So if you're quiet in a group setting and say that you are a great listener, then let's figure out how you can showcase your listening strengths more visibly. Fourthly, people do need to see your strengths - I work a lot with people to figure out what is their "brand" what makes them uniquely them and how it distinguishes them from others.

My heart goes out to you in this situation and I am also very, very inspired by your story. I would be happy to talk to you on the phone about your situation and how you might enter the next one better architected for success. If you're interested, just send me a private message and I'd be happy to chat.