OT: how to tell a friend you're allergic to their perfume?

Melissa

I hope my fellow forum members can help me figure this out. One of my friends has started wearing a new perfume (and applies it pretty heavily) and it gives me a terrible headache every time I'm around her! I am pretty sure I'm allergic to it.

This is a friend we spend a fair amount of time with, and I don't want to offend her, but it feels kind of horrible to always try to sit far away from her in a group setting. And then it isn't always possible to sit far away, like when we rideshare, or go to the movies.

What should I do? Would you suck it up, and endure the headaches, or say something? And if you'd speak up, how? If it helps, this particular friend is a voluble frenchwoman who tends to be on the dramatic side.

My partner has also said the he dislikes the new perfume.

Thanks for any advice!

14 years ago

General

12 replies

Latest reply was from rae

modgrl

(website)

Veteran

Are you allergic or do you just not like it?

14 years ago

(website)

Veteran

Hmmm, not sure there's much to be done other than avoid close quarters. Her perfume is her choice, even though it does affect others . . .
If you were close friends you could joke about her heavy hand with applying it but if she's just an acquaintance and tends toward the dramatic I'd leave it alone and keep my distance.

14 years ago

Melissa

Active Member

To be clear, I am allergic to it (headache reaction) and my partner just doesn't like it. If I just didn't like it, I'd suck it up for sure, but the headaches are fairly icky.

14 years ago

Louise

Veteran

I think it depends on how close you are to her. She may take the hump if you avoid her? and if she says anything to you you've then got to explain why you're avoiding her she may be upset that you were't honest in the first place? I know in my small circle of friends I'd be honest and I'm fairly sure that they wouldn't be offended I know I wouldn't x

14 years ago

Isis

Veteran

I would definitely tell her in a kind way. I know I'd want a friend to tell me.

14 years ago

rae

(website)

Veteran

I'd say something like, "Please don't think I'm avoiding you guys by sitting so far/driving my own car/etc., but I think I'm allergic to one of your perfumes or lotions or something..." That way she would not be singled out, and no one would think you're being stand-off-ish without a reason.

14 years ago

Linn

Active Member

Melissa I know just what you're talking about. Some fragrances seem to go straight to my head literally and give me a headache.
I think it would be better to be up front with her than to try to avoid her. I'd tell her as tactfully as possible that while the fragrance smells nice there's an ingredient(s) that is causing you to have a headache every time you're around her and she's wearing that particular fragrance. She should take the hint when you tell her the headache part. If she doesn't take the hint then you might have to spell it out for her & ask her not to wear it if she will be around you. A true friend would not take offense and could possibly be a tad upset for causing your discomfort. Anyway it's worth a try. Best wishes.

14 years ago

Kim

Veteran

Could you kindly mention how you've noticed "lately" that most perfume has started to bother you, and you are not sure why? Mention the headaches and ask her advice...Let her take it from there...

14 years ago

Steph

Veteran

I would just be upfront and tell her. You're not being offensive and saying the perfume stinks or anything, just that you are allergic to it. I would say something like "Have you started using a new perfume lately? I have to admit that I'm allergic to it--it seems to be giving me headaches." Then see what she does. If she doesn't make an effort not to wear it around you, I think that is pretty insensitive, and in that case, you'll have to continue to avoid being near her.

14 years ago

Claudia

Veteran

I have this problem with perfumes, too. I REALLY understand your problem, because it isn't that this is just a mild irritation but an uncontrollable physical reaction that makes you literally sick.

I don't think there is a way to judge her reaction beforehand, she may have had this experience herself with a chemical scent and understand, or she could be offended and think it's ALL your problem. I'd be kindly honest and direct. I'd want to know if it was me and it was my friend, coworker or relative that was being effected.

My daughter wore a new lip gloss once and I was driving her in the car with the windows rolled up with the heat on and I thought I was going to have to pull over from how sick the smell made me feel. It actually gave me a migraine with dry heaves that lasted for hours. I think that today so many fragrances and perfumes are almost all purely synthetic chemicals, that it is a chemical sensitivity problem. I bought a scented candle that made me feel violently ill once I lit it, yet I bought it because the quick sniff in the store was pleasant. So I also understand that it isn't the smell itself that is bad, at least not at first, but the physical reactions that then causes a bad association, like if you get sick eating or drinking something, you then have a knee-jerk avoidance/repulsion from then on.

Good luck! I really feel for you.

14 years ago

Isabel

Veteran

Oh boy. I go through this all the time !! And Modgrl really solidifies the confusion in people's head. SOOOO often people think that it is a preference call when it is a health issue. Certain perfumes trigger my asthma and give me migraines. I have insulted friends and my sister by saying that it triggers my asthma. However, you need to protect your health !!!! So I generally say that I love their perfume, hand lotion, etc, but that I am afraid it makes it hard for me to breath because of allergies. It helps if you have an inhaler in hand as you say this.

Once on a plane a woman sat next to me with very stong perfume. I had to use an oxygen mask......the woman was FURIOUS when the stewardess told her one of us had to move. She said I just didn't like her perfume, that it was very expensive. In the end, I passed her a note ( because I couldn't speak due to the asthma ) and told her that if anything happened to me, I had written a note to my husband telling him to look for her and sue her. She got very cooperative after that.

It is a pain...and it says more about the other person than you !

14 years ago

rae

(website)

Veteran

Isabel! OMG, what a horrifying woman... so sorry you had to go to that length to protect your health.

14 years ago

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