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OT- finding YOUR ideal weight

modgrl

(website)

Veteran

This is not a rant on what is considered curvy or I'm feeling overweight or don't love my body or whatever. I'm conflicted about my weight and I was hoping to get your opinion.

I lost some weight over the last year and I was pleased with how my clothes were fitting. My problem areas were also a little better but not completely resolved. The thing I noticed around this time was that my face started to show tiny fine lines especially around my eyes and my skin looked thin and papery. I tried every day and night cream, high and low, vitamins, water, potions of all kinds. I eventually became resigned to the fact that I was approaching 40 and there was probably no way to turn back the clock.

Then I kind of stopped watching what I was eating and inevitably the weight crawled back. My problem areas are back, but the skin on my face is perfect. There is not a single fine line, even around my eyes. No more pores, laugh lines or crow's feet. My clothes are tight but when I look in the mirror I am happy.

Have you faced this issue and how have you resolved it?

General

67 replies

Latest reply was from kitty400

Queen Mum

Veteran

I battle this CONSTANTLY!

I know this isn't going to answer your question in regards to having to choose between body and face, but I think you just have to decide where you are happiest along with determining what kind of diet/lifestyle you are willing to keep up.

I would really like to be 10 pounds lighter (and am happiest with my face on the thinner side), but I can't seem to maintain that weight for very long. So I've have to determine what kind of work out regime I''m willing and able to keep up and what kind of diet I'm willing to live with. I know I can lose weight if I give up all the yummy stuff, but I don't think I'm willing to live like that. I like my pizza and goodies, and so I have to resign myself to the fact that pizza and goodies is not going to equate to my ideal body. It's a trade off that only I can decide for myself.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I'm afraid it's a fact that the same fat we don't want on our waists is a great little filler for those wrinkles on our faces! I eat a fair amount of fat in my diet and drink lots of water and many have told me I don't look my age - maybe it helps?

EDIT: I'm right there with Kim in rather enjoying my pizza and a glass of wine than weighing a few pounds less and nibbling carrots and celery sticks only

RandomThoughts (Andrea)

Veteran

I find that I like my appearance best about 6lb lighter than I currently am. I lose the little saddle bags, my tummy is flatter and my face is thinner. For me, I find my face looks better when I'm thin because I have a weak chin. Any fat around my face gives me double chins in no time, especially when I smile even if the rest of me looks fine. I've been blessed (cursed) with oily skin so lines are really not an issue (but adult acne is).

However I HATE working out. It's boring and I have no one to keep me honest. I keep vowing to start dragging myself out of bed early in the AM to go running and then not doing it.

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

RT- I never thought about it before, but I have a weak chin and the same experience.

Jenna S.

I've never had to deal with aging and weight specifically, but I do believe there is a happy zone of weight where your body wants to be, which differs from person to person. I try to feed my body healthy foods, but I don't monitor what I eat and allow myself indulgences. I also try to get outside and be active, and I love hiking, bike riding, walking around town, and even rigorously cleaning, but I don't have a real work-out "regimen."

I ascribe to the belief that my weight fluctuates naturally with seasons, hormones, stress, and other factors, so I don't fret over 5-10 lbs. Of course, this can be regarded as a luxury, because I've never felt the need for serious weight loss, and I don't mean to sound at all patronizing to those who have. But I dress to camouflage some things and highlight others, and you can't really tell the difference in photos where I'm 10 lbs. heavier than in ones where I'm lighter. I look just as happy in photos either way.

kellygirl

Veteran

Lol--now this is something I can relate to. I'm close to 10 lbs above my "ideal" weight (although I'm not sure it's really "ideal" since I can't seem to maintain it anymore.) I managed to get back down to that weight a few years ago and was surprised at how much older I looked--seems those extra pounds do wonders at keeping the wrinkles at bay. Would I trade the extra pounds for wrinkles? I'm honestly not sure. My current clothes fit. I'm in decent physical shape. Overall, I'm happy. Like Kim, I'm not sure the pay off is worth the effort. Of course, I go back and forth on this. I'm not sure it's ever resolved completely. I do think being happy is the main thing.

catgirl

Veteran

i'm dealing with this issue now. I actually don't weigh a lot more than I used to - somewhere around 8 pounds more - but my body shape has changed as I've lost muscle tone and gone up in size. I generally don't care about the number on the scale, but my size and how I feel. I have weighed the same as I do now but been happy with what I see. I am hoping to resolve it through getting back into running and hiking while my shoulder heals.

MsMary

Veteran

OMG, this really hits home with me! I've lost almost 55 pounds in the past year and have been HORRIFIED to discover that the double chins have transformed into a turkey neck! Uh, no. Just, no.

I may or may not be scheduled for a facelift on July 8...

Laura

(website)

Veteran

You can save your ass, or save your face.

(They said that on Sex in the City, right?)

rute

Veteran

Yes, that problem becamos more noticable as we age! We must find a balance! That's why at the gym I always told them I do not wnat to loose any more because I'm not 20!

For me it's not a question of a number on the scale.. is how I feel in front of the mirror. I found that gaining muscle helps. I do not loose any more weight but I'm toned!

Anonymous

Women who are always "on a diet" or are generally too thin suffer in the face for it, whereas women with a bit more fat have healthier looking faces...I've read that somewhere! I was miserable and anorexic at 118 lbs...I felt and looked terrific much heavier at a size 12, now I'm a bit heavier still at a size 14/16 (not putting weight on here!) I look like I weigh MUCH less than I do. I was undergoing a medical test a couple of years ago and the lady there who was filling out my paperwork wanted to know how much I weighed. I said I wasn't sure so she looked me up and down (I was wearing tight clothing) and said she would just write 130 lbs....well, I laughed out loud! I haven't weighed that since....well....a long time! So she wrote down another number that was also ridiculously low. Of course I didn't complain! I'm happy that I look good enough to weigh 130 (ish) in other people's eyes. I do carry my weight well, I always have, and I think an hourglass shape helps with that. I have good muscle mass and strong bones with a medium frame. I'd love to be back in a size 12 average, and maybe I will again. But I'm not meant to be the size I was at 18, and I'm ok with that.

Queen Mum

Veteran

Rute makes a good point. If you aren't doing any weight training, that could help give you the best of both worlds. You'll be toner without having to loose the wrinkle free face.

Having said that though, I love the look of laugh lines and a few wrinkles on a lovely lady. Nothing to be ashamed of at all!

Lisalou

I haven't found my ideal weight, so I'm no help there. But I agree that having some fat in your face makes you look more youthful. That said, I am not at all opposed to a little injectable filler--it can work wonders! I realize that stuff is not for everyone, but I'm unashamed to say I love it (when done well). That, of course, does not answer your question though!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

It's a fact that a face with a bit of extra sponge remains wrinkle-free for longer! Just look at how badly Audrey Hepburn aged (in her face) because she remained completely gaunt her whole life.

Sarah

(website)

Veteran

I think my wrinkles are just from getting older vs. weight loss, honestly.
However, I am getting baggy on my inner thighs and tummy.
I care far more about my body fat percentage than I do about my weight. I never use my scale.
I feel happy when I'm healthy, even with my imperfections.

Aziraphale

Veteran

Yup, it's true: if you lose a lot of weight and you're over 40, chances are your face will get more lines.

I have noticed that as we age, one of two things happens: either we lose facial fat, resulting in a gaunter, more wrinkled appearance, or the fat stays put but starts migrating south, eventually resulting in jowls. I'm afraid that one or the other happens to EVERYBODY. On the whole, slim men and women tend to end up with gauntness in the face, and heavier ones get the jowls. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with genetics.

thimblelina

(website)

Veteran

Isn't it ironic that at the age we all have our "best" face we are usually in throes of some teenage angst or another and hating it?? I just try to remind myself that all any of us ever really have is *this* moment, *this* face... and then me and that face try to find something enjoyable to do together and take our minds off ourselves! LOL...L

Bookarella

Veteran

I think that I remember a study where they compared identical twins. They found that the one that had more weight in their face tended to look younger. They also showed the effects of sun damage, too. Very scary! I do think that some lines are just inevitable with aging. Now that I am (ahem) 40-something I have days that I just kind of obsess over the changes going on with my body. Then I realize that some of the most wonderful women I have known have these lines and such, and I think no less of them for having them. I am in the process of losing weight now and have a number in mind that I want to get to. However, if I decide that I need to stop before I get there then I will. I want to look (and feel) healthy not starved.

Aziraphale

Veteran

Haha, Thimbelina, so true. I remember this woman I used to babysit for when I was 14, who said, Enjoy your youth, my dear because it only goes downhill from here!

Having said that, I sort of like the look of lines on a person's face. I don't think young faces are necessarily more beautiful than older ones. I guess at around 20, I had the "best" face I was going to have -- you know, the teenage zits had mostly gone away, and there was not a line in sight -- but I don't really like my face any less now than I did then. I've got the odd line I could do without, but I don't have a problem with the crinkles around my eyes when I smile. I think it adds character.

Irene

Veteran

Really, I think that when people get older, they look better with a bit of more meat. But then again, it's not like people can really choose. Some women are thin and will ever be thin and there's nothing wrong with that. So what if they get more wrinkles? They do add character!

Jonesy

Veteran

This sounds stupidly basic, but I truly believe that we should seek balance, in terms of our health, our eating habits, our exercise, and our feelings toward our bodies and faces. Personally I am not interested in a lifetime of deprivation so that I can wear a particular size or weigh a particular amount. I love to cook and to enjoy food with my family! I love dessert! And wine! Of course I realize that there are women who are naturally quite slim, but that is not the case with me anymore, so I would have to suffer to be skinny. So I am at peace with my body and what I weigh, and I love exercising because of how it makes me feel (relaxed, less stressed, better able to get a good night's sleep, powerful and competent). So that's my mantra: find balance and do what makes you the happiest!

In terms of aging, wrinkles, etc., I can genuinely say that I don't find younger faces to be more attractive or beautiful or whatever. I find signs of aging lovely and interesting. I find it outrageous that someone would say it's all downhill after the teen years. So much self-loathing in that kind of statement! Part of my feelings might come from the fact that my mother died when she was 30--any life beyond that point feels like a gift to me, to be relished and appreciated. Why waste precious minutes criticizing ourselves and being unkind to who we are and what we look like?

Marigold

I've never gave it much thought... Never struggled with weight either, though. I was extremely skinny as a child and teenager, and only in my 20's gained a more womanly figure. I do think I'm at my ideal weight, or more a weight that my body aims to have, as my weight doesn't really budge much no matter if I work out or not (more not though) or what I eat, the only time it went up was when I was pregnant but it came off pretty quickly too. It's a pattern that women in my family seem to follow (not all, but most), being skinny up to the 40's then weight creeps up, something I'll need to watch out for later!
Wrinkles depend on the skin type too, the oily/combination skin I have is said to get wrinkled later than the dry skin, but wrinkles are deeper. I do have a lot of gray hair already though (I'm 32), I have to color my hair regularly because YIKES!

thimblelina

(website)

Veteran

Ha! I love dessert too! And wine! ... Together even!

Aziraphale

Veteran

Jonesy, I don't think the woman I babysat for was a self-loather. I think she was just trying to tell me to enjoy my youth and beauty, because those are things that many teenage girls take for granted. A woman is usually in her physical prime from about 16 to 25, in terms of health and vigor. I don't think that can be disputed. But yes, it's also totally true that some women are more attractive at 45 than they were at 20. Beauty is a complex thing, and there is more than one factor involved -- and some of them are psychological. A wrinkle-free face does not guarantee beauty any more than a wrinkled one prohibits it.

Elly

Veteran

I am in my early 20s and I have very noticeable lines on my forehead and around my eyes, in particular. I've never had a sunburn in my life and take care of my skin. Part of it, I am sure, is my illness, but the other part is how my face is built and genetics. We have pics of my dad at 24 and he has the same wrinkles at me--- we have similar facial features and tend to make all the same scrunched up expressions. Gaining nearly 25 pounds has made no difference in them. My mom, on the other hand, is 48 and has no wrinkles.

But, this discussion does bring up a good point--- a good portion of research in medical and biological anthropology is focused currently on weight, diet, and mechanisms for survival vs. diet. These studies are spurred on by the diabetes and obesity crises amongst Native Americans and other semi-circumscribed ethnic enclaves. So far, they have discovered that there is such thing as a "happy weight" or a set-point for your body which may be totally different that someone else's despite being the same height, size, age, ect. There are many genetic cues that impact the set point. Science has proven that your body tries to maintain this weight and barring some sort of crisis (illness, extreme stress or trauma) the body will attempt to get the calories to maintain that weight or will attempt to burn more calories to maintain it. However, when we continually significantly overeat and under-exercise, we can raise our own set points. On the other hand, to lower a higher set point one has to maintain the lower weight for between 2 and 5 years before the body resets itself. However, many women reach for a weight that was their ideal in high school, which isn't healthy. Very few women are completely finished developing until their early twenties.

My happy weight in high school was 135, and is now 145--- even when I have gotten down to 135, I can't fit into the same clothes because my hips have literally widened. I am currently about 5 pounds from my ideal. I gained weight like crazy after a med change and was up 20 pounds, but all by 5 came off like it was nothing.

dakota

lol It's exactly what Laura said. In preparation for our 41st class reunion, we posted our photos with our rsvp. Everyone wanted to know what my skincare routine was because I looked so good. Well, it was the 60 extra # I was dragging around. I have since given up my a** for my face ;o}

Cilleena

Veteran

When I was pregnant a couple of years ago, I was 40 pounds heavier and under 40 years old. Now that I've lost all the baby weight except for 10 pounds, I see a lot more lines than I did. I think it's a result of both turning 40 and losing the weight. Breastfeeding is making me hold onto those last 10 pounds, at least, I'm pretty sure it's the breastfeeding.

I have to say that even though I will gain even more lines once I lose the weight, I'm willing to make the trade because I don't like the fullness my face still has. I'm also uncomfortable with the way my tummy, back and arms look. I made peace as best I can with my behind and saddlebags. But, I've never had a problem with my waist and tummy before my last pregnancy. I also rather like some character lines. I don't like the gaunt, drawn look though.

Jonesy

Veteran

Elisabeth, I *am* disputing that the ages of 16-25 are the peak years in terms of health and vigor, and that it's all downhill from the age of 25 :). For example, early adulthood is the high point in terms of prevalence of mental health issues; adolescence and young adulthood are the age stages in which eating disorders are most prevalent; long distance runners and other elite endurance athletes tend to peak in their 30s; middle adulthood is generally characterized by enhanced feelings of personal power, confidence, more adaptive coping strategies, sense of strength, etc. In general, I think youth is overrated.

catgirl

Veteran

Jonesy, I am with you there. I think I looked and felt my best in my 30s, when I was in the best physical shape of my life. I was a pudgy teen and definitely not at the height of my potential then. I do not mind the normal signs of aging - I have dry skin and have had laugh lines since my 20s, as well as white hair. My concern is more with my ability to do what I want to do and aging gracefully.

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