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OT: Family Dinners?

judy

Veteran

I watched this well done video this afternoon and I got all choked up. I know, I'm so sappy, right? Shauna and Danny have a great website. (and she has the best laugh!)
http://vimeo.com/13985863

It made me curious what people's habit's are.

Like Shauna, I grew up that way and also did that with my kids. Though the folks I know tend to cook for themselves, and eat together too (and I'm proud that my grown sons know their way around a kitchen), I hear that many people don't any more.

I hope this isn't too off topic here. But I figured out a long time ago that cooking my own food at home leaves a lot more money for....clothes!...for one thing. So maybe it's relevant.

What do you do? Do you eat dinner together as a family? Do you or your mate cook your own food (as opposed to frozen or take out)? Do you teach your children how to cook? Do you think it's important?

General

55 replies

Latest reply was from Dusty

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

I don't have kids, but my husband and I cook dinner almost every night. This last month we got a costco membership and stocked up on meats at Costco, and we signed up for organic vegetable delivery. I've been having a lot of fun coming up with creative dinners. This week:

Salad of greens, beets roasted with honey and balsamic vinegar, sweet black cherries, avocado, poached chicken breast...and goat cheese! Yum. This was the best.

Parmesan-crusted chicken breast cutlets with marinara sauce and caesar salad

fillet mignon done in butter and oil with garlic mashed potatoes and steamed broccoli

I love good food, and having everything on hand without really have to think too hard motivates me to cook, and also keeps us from eating out since our veggies will go bad if we do! So far it seems to have saved us quite a bit of money (yes, for clothes...(-:)

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

I never understand when people say they don't cook. The cost of eating out every single meal (or even just one meal every day) is astronomical!
I cook pretty much every day, and as much from scratch as possible. We just can't afford to do it any other way. I've become pretty good at using things up down to the last drop, and I am proud when I can do this rather than let food go to waste. I grew up with home cooked meals most days, and sitting down to the table most days. When the kids were smaller, I insisted on us all sitting at the table, but now we eat together in the living room- watching something on the TV. My kids already have basic cooking skills, and they are learning more all the time. I do think it's important for them to learn to cook for themselves, and also how to make healthy food choices.

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

My mom told me that when my older brother and I were babies she read a news article about a single mom who died in her apartment and her older son (who was maybe 2? I can't remember) actually fed the baby and so the baby didn't die. This inspired her to make sure her kids could take care of their most basic needs at a very young age. She said one night when my brother was still a toddler she woke up some rustling in the kitchen - it was my brother getting himself some yogurt because he had woken up hungry! She said she felt like she had succeeded.

I have no idea how real the story she heard was, but I thought it was funny how it influenced the way she raised her children.

My dad owned his own business and early on my mom started nursing and worked nights for several years. This left dad to do the dinners, and often he would come home late and cook up whatever was in the fridge! He's a big of an inventor, and this applies to his cooking as well. Let's just say some nights were more successful than others! But we never went hungry...

Melissa

Jenava, that beet salad sounds amazing. I would eat it right now in a heartbeat.

Khris, I know! How do people who don't cook afford all that eating out? I visited some friends in Long Beach once and cooked for them, and was shocked to learn that they couldn't tell me how to use their oven.

I didn't grow up with family meals at all, so it has been a long slow slog getting to the point where I can make a few things with confidence. We (which mostly means I) now cook almost all of our meals at home.

Does anyone else who cooks most of the time feel exhausted by the process? I do enjoy cooking, but I often feel exhausted by the constant nature of it--must plan, must shop, must cook, must wash dishes, etc, for three meals a day 7x/week. Is this just me? Maybe it has something to do with not having had family meals as a kid, so the idea of constantly putting in so much effort doesn't reflect my childhood norm and makes me tired.

Beth

Veteran

Growing up, we nearly always ate dinner together as a family. DH and I don't have children, so we eat less formally. He doesn't cook and I don't like to (nor am I very competent), so we tend to eat simple meals like salmon, brown rice and steamed vegetables.

Melissa, I don't enjoy cooking for the same reasons you listed. All that work and it disappears in 30 minutes or less! My mom is a fantastic cook, but she really loves it. I'm sorry it didn't rub off on me.

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

I do find it exhausting, Melissa. This weekend, I baked a batch of muffins (and icing to go on top), a batch of crackers,made a huge pot of beans (and the subsequent 48 bean and cheese burritos), a tray of lemon bars, two pizzas, homemade meatballs and the pasta and sauce to go with them, and a double batch of waffles- and most of that is now gone. It's never ending!

taylor

Veteran

Now that my kids are grown and gone, and my husband is retired, he does ALL the cooking. I am really glad after all the years of cooking 3 squares a day , treats, B-days Holidays,... I am happy to hand over the cooking to someone else. I only cook on holidays now.

We eat each and Every meal together, but we do eat out several times a week too.

Katja

(website)

This is so funny - I just came from a conversation (at the dinner table) about these very things: cooking from scratch, eating dinner together, watching TV.

We cook from scratch, eat together, and don't watch TV (in fact, our TV is in the basement and TV watching is sort of viewed around here as a solitary pursuit). When our kids were age group swimmers, we waited until after practice (8:30/9:00 pm) to eat so that we could eat together.

We were talking this evening about the fact that we always hear about the decline of family dinners, and were wondering what the real numbers are, and how much they've changed over what period.

I'm pleased to say that all my kids (ages 20, 22 & 24) are terrific cooks as well as bakers (bread & desserts).

judy

Veteran

Jenava, your menu sounds amazing! Beets with cherries?? I have to try that. I know what you mean about using all your veggies. I liked hearing about your Dad and his inventions.

And Khris, I too feel satisfied if I can use up everything I have in creative ways with no waste. It's not just about money, but about all the energy it took to get it from the store to the apartment, let alone all the people who grew it and drove it to the market. In that way, I feel conflicted about eating in front of the tv or the computer, though of course we do at times. I find it hard to pay attention to the food. I feel like it's not honoring all that work!

Plus when I was a kid, at those mandatory mealtimes (no tv) I felt like I learned some valuable things. We had a big family, so we got schooled in manners and conversation and all that. It was interesting seeing my parents talk to each other too. But it wasn't a Norman Rockwell painting. There was plenty of sibling rivalry and some good old marital tension. But we were together, however a motley crew that we were.

Melissa and BethW, it is work and most of it falls to me too. My husband wasn't allowed in his mother's kitchen growing up :). But kitchen gadgets like rice cookers and instant read thermometers...and thank God for Alton Brown...have convinced him real men can cook. So he does things like bacon, very scientifically.

I find too if I keep it simple it isn't as overwhelming. If I start to get resentful I am probably doing more than is needed. I really like eating more than I like cooking and it's easier if I lower my expectations. Some meals can just be a doctored can of beans on toast or tacos, or grilled cheese, ya know? Or rice with a fried egg and parmesan cheese. Other times, the works like steak and frites and salad and maybe even desert.

No matter what it is we eat, I liked the sentiments of the stay at home dad in that book by John Irving, The World According to Garp. He felt like making some dinner and eating it together "redeemed the day." I read it a long time ago, but it made an impression on me.

judy

Veteran

Taylor, that is great he is cooking for you. Does he like it?

Katja, we now have the tv in a remote part of the apartment too and I really like it that way. I am watching much less of it and not during meals. I'm impressed that you waited to eat with your children til later in the evening after they were swimming. I know that practices like that interrupt many meal times. That's a commitment to family dinners.

Well who are all these people that they say don't eat together? It's not the ylf folks. Do you think it's a case of "them" and it's not really true?

Katja

(website)

I did a little googling.

Here's a NYT article from 1990 saying the 80% of American families have dinner together:
http://www.nytimes.com/1990/12.....amily.html

On the other hand, here's a news report from this year claiming the number is more like 50%:
http://cbs13.com/local/family......88882.html

And here's an academic study on the subject:
http://www.kon.org/urc/v4/schwarz.html

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Khris and Melissa, there are places in the world where eating out is MUCH cheaper than buying groceries - let alone expending the effort of making meals yourself. Hong Kong, Malaysia and Singapore are to name but a few of those countries. Food for thought :0)

Growing up, my Mum who was a great cook, allowed us to mess around in the kitchen all the time. My brother and I are both competent cooks because of it. We also always had dinner at the table. No ifs and buts.

I LOVE cooking. Spending 9 hours in the kitchen cooking up a storm makes me relaxed and happy (I used to have a little catering biz when we lived in France). I also love to grocery shop and try out as much as I can within my dietary restrictions (no mammals or melted cheese). Greg does not cook at all and that's 100% with me. The kitchen is mine! I cook only from scratch and about 5 times a week - covering as many cuisines as I can. Greg is fab to cook for because he really appreciates my cooking. We like to eat out too and do.

judy

Veteran

Angie, I had no idea that eating out could be less expensive than groceries, anywhere! That is so interesting.

I kind of like being the boss of my kitchen too! It's great when the people we cook for appreciate it. My husband is so easy to please in that way.

It can be such a creative outlet. Hmmm...I have a little bit of this and some of that, what else would work? That is the part I like best, that intuitive muscle we have to use. Kind of like putting together a good outfit.

Did anyone get as choked up over the video as I did? That little hand reaching up over the counter for the peach, or was it an apricot?...really got me.

Frances

Back when I was a student, I used to cook all the time. I would shop at several different stores plus the farmer's market, make soups, stews and casseroles from scratch, bake a batch of muffins every week and toss them in the freezer, make my own croutons and bread crumbs, etc., etc. Nowadays, I'm just too exhausted when I get home from work to spend the precious hour or two I have before bed cooking a big meal and cleaning up afterwards. I live alone in a small apartment, so there's no one to share a big meal with and I feel guilty about food going bad. It happened again this past weekend--I bought all the vegetables to make a lentil soup from scratch, but other chores and obligations consumed the entire weekend and I just couldn't get to it. I did manage to wash the celery and parsley and store them properly, so there may be hope for them if I can find a spare 2 hours sometime this week.

I still genuinely enjoy cooking--but only when I have plenty of time to do it in a leisurely way--usually over holidays or vacation time. And I still grind my own coffee and make a breakfast smoothie from scratch every night before going to bed, if that counts at all. I don't have a TV, and I don't eat out much at all. This will sound sad, but most weeknights my dinner is a bowl of raisin bran and a banana in front of my laptop with my YLF family. Thanks to all of you for always keeping the dinner conversation scintillating and not forcing me to eat canned beets!

shana

Veteran

Yes, I remember that when I was in Taiwan, the streets would be packed in the evenings - it was way cheaper to eat out than cook at home!!

We try to eat as a family for all of our meals but I have to admit I've been slacking off since my husband has not been around My older son is also a REALLY slow eater so sometimes I start cleaning up while he's still eating! This is probably why his table manners are atrocious!!!

Growing up, my mother worked evenings and so the family meal was only on the days that she was home though she did do all the cooking. We only ate out once a month as children!! My husband's family was the polar opposite - they ate every meal together - his dad even came home from work for lunch!

We try to limit our eating out to once a week. We do lots of BBQ in the summer so my husband is doing some of the "cooking". I also try to buy as much of our produce from local farms in the summer and I rope my son into helping me pick fruits & berries (we have terrific blueberries in New England). I love to bake & also love to throw dinner parties & cook for a crowd but I do find it sometimes monotonous cooking for the family day in and day out.

MNsara

Veteran

After approximately 30,000 meals prepared (not to mention purchasing the food, hauling home, and cleaning up afterward!), I have begun to take the easy road. . .lots of grilling, lots of leftovers, and more eating out. I think I have earned it.

While growing up, my family put TOO much emphasis on FOOD, so my husband and I are trying to temper it. After all it is about the connecting with people at meals, right?

We still eat most every dinner together, even if it is leftovers. But I refuse to prepare anyone elses' breakfasts or lunches - at their ages (15, 21, 24, & 60) that would be downright dysfunctional!!

Maya

Veteran

I need to live in one of those places where eating out is cheaper. Only they are all hot and humid so I"d be miserable.

I can't cook. No matter how hard I try, everything I touch turns to inedible dirt. I have no instincts and no talent. I am clumsy and clueless. I have given up.

How I will survive when I move out remains to be seen. But I'm now wondering if that's the reason I was 95 pounds in college.

I sometimes eat with my family. Sometimes I don't. If we're all at home, we do, but sometimes we have other obligations and I get home very late so I don't expect everyone to starve until I'm back. As a kid, we did all eat together. But I stayed out of the kitchen, for my mom's sake. I would have hated to ruin the entire meal with my reverse Midas touch.

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

A couple others have mentioned that cooking relaxes them...I often find this true as well, as long as I'm not rushed. Isn't that funny? It's like therapy for me. Of course, if I had picky eaters to cook for, or was very tired I probably wouldn't feel this way.

Katiepea

(website)

Veteran

I'm probably sounding like a 60's housewife here, but I do try to prepare a proper meal for dinner and I like for the entire family to sit around the table. My boys are still learning table manners and I think the best way to socialise them is to practice every night.

It is a rare 'treat' for my boys to be allowed to sit on the floor and eat their dinner (usually if there is weekend movie that is a special one off occasion).

I do sometimes use a frozen meat type substitute (hubby is vegetarian and I am not going to the effort to prepare two meals!) if I am exhausted/sick/in a hurry, but otherwise will prepare from scratch. I can't say I find it relaxing though....

MNsara

Veteran

I agree, Jenava! I actually DO love cooking, but not churning out meal after meal!

I look forward to the day (soon?) when I can cook for fun - lots of experimentation, lots of adult flavors, lots of time

judy

Veteran

Frances, you're making me hungry for raisin bran, seriously. I eat gluten free though and I haven't found a good one. Oh gosh, crispy cereal with cold milk? It's delicious. Isn't it amazing how washing and storing your greens makes them last so much longer?

Shana, you have those great little tiny blueberries there! My mom picks them too, in NH.

MNSara, I guess making it too much about the food we can risk missing the moment of being together. Some of my favorite meals are those where I just open the fridge and see what's there. Maybe there is some cold meat I roasted, and there's some cheese, olives, bread (for those who can eat it). Maybe that pasta can be a salad if I add such a such.

Maya, you crack me up with your reverse midas touch! I think you will survive. Every one can boil water...for pasta. Add some butter and parmesan cheese, the good expensive kind. (it lasts a long time!) A lot of cooking is just assembly of quality ingredients that aren't even that perishable.

Katiepea, I have way too much 60's housewife in me too. I realized it watching Mad Men. I was just Sally Draper's age in the series. Like Betty, I often ask :"Did you eat?" when my family walks in. Did you read the shorter article that Katja posted? It said that children were less depressed and had bigger vocabularies when they ate with their parents. But sometimes I wanted a break form my boys too. They weren't good diners til they were about 8, though I tried.

Frances

Judy, I forgot to thank you for posting the link to the video. Sometimes watching these cooking videos is the next best thing. If I can't make time to cook, I can live vicariously through Nigella or Giada's videos, where the kitchen, cookware and resulting meal are far more beautiful and I gain far less weight. I love these internet videos--especially the how-to technique videos, like those from Epicurious. Amazingly, I only recently learned from such videos how to properly store parsley and basil so they will keep for up to a week!

Anonymous

Thankyou for posting that video Judy. I really liked the background singer and music. You're right the mom does have a wonderful, fun laugh. The little girl looks so much like her mom.

I wonder where they were in the video? It looks to me like they are over here on my side of the sound. What do you think?

Kate

Veteran

Growing up my family always ate dinner together, unless one of us had an activity that necessitated that we eat before or after the rest of the family. I live with my boyfriend and if we're both home we eat all of our meals together, though about half the time we watch a tv show or movie on a laptop while we eat (we don't have a tv). We also have a friend who lives a couple houses away and we make a point of cooking and eating dinner with him several dinners a week, and even share the occasional breakfast or lunch. It's more fun that way, and just having a friend with us really provides a special sense of family/community.

marianna

Veteran

Unfortunately I never learned to cook. I can "assemble" meals, and when I attempt to cook something my fiance claims it is tasty (although I personally never like what I make)... but really, I have ZERO cooking skills and zero desire to learn. At the same time, I love food and I love the process of eating, especially with family! I also really like going out to nice (or even not so nice restaurants). I spend way too much money on eating out. Eating out at restaurants with family and friends is one of my favorite pastimes.

judy

Veteran

San the music sounds like Sigur Ros. They are an Icelandic band. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sigur_R%C3%B3s Shauna and Danny do live "near Seattle" it says on her site. And she talks about living on the island so it must be one of those like Bainbridge or Vashon ?

Kate and Marianna and all, thanks for your responses to my query tonight. It's been so interesting.

RoseandJoan

Veteran

I have become a fast fresh food maker, when I return home from work tonight (Ben is on back shift so won't be around) I can guarantee my girls will be ravenous. I have some left over chicken and potatoes in the fridge so will probably throw together a Spanish frittata. There are times when I do resort to a frozen pizza though. We sit together to eat lunch and our evening meal but breakfast is much more informal.

Dawn

(website)

Both Alan and I cook and bake for each other, and we wait to eat dinner together in the evening unless one of us are working until late that evening. Sadly Alan is a perfectionist and has high expectations when it comes to dinner so this has started to take the fun out of being able to pull together a simple, tasty pasta dish from whatever is in my fridge. I don't think that it is actually deliberate but I ended up having to threaten to stop cooking for him or to stop cooking completely if he didn't stop making me feel guilty that I'm not the type of woman who is happy to work 8 or 9 hours a day followed by cooking a gourmet meal in the evening.

My mother made sure that all of my siblings could cook from a young age, even if it was something simple like a baked potato and cheese. I also took home economics in school, and continued to learn how to cook when I moved out.

anne

Veteran

We make eating together as a family at the table a priority, and manage it for all five of us about 4 teas a week. For 2 evening meals my DH is away and for one my DD7 has it later when she gets home. We also have lunch together with those who are home most days of the week. I generally cook the meals myself but we get take away every so often (maybe once a month, bit more in summer and while on holidays). DH and I go out to lunch together a bit less than once a week.

I enjoy cooking but do sometimes find it rushed and love the fact that I can cook extra and freeze casseroles, curries etc for use on a busy day.

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