Kirti, hugs and prayers going out to you.

We all grieve in our own way, but when my dad passed away we gave ourselves permission to simply experience our grief. I remember my mum and I crying together at the local department store while we were choosing some music for the funeral.

Hubby sounds very understanding and supportive, so given you can't be with you family right now, allow him that support role and do share your thoughts and feeling with him as I think that will be a great source of comfort to you.

Big hugs Kirti, I'm sorry for your loss. Give yourself time and permission to grieve in your own way. Lots of comforting thoughts headed your way.

Kirti, I am so sorry . It is very difficult. I believe that their is a whole other aspect when you are not there. Almost a disbelief. ( I lived in a different country from my grandparents. ) It is very hard to be feeling so overwhelmed and have no one else physically present who is experiencing the loss similarly. I think that you feel especially isolated.

With that said, I agree with Claudia and the others. Let yourself feel it. Talk to him. His spirit still exhists, in my opinion. It is a very uncomfortable feeling but it is the depth of your love in your turmoil.

My sympathies.

Thanks again for the comments. I have taken all your advice to heart, pulling out my wedding albums and looking at photos of my grandfather, talking to my mom, aunt and hubs about him and letting myself cry when I feel like it. I am still coming to terms with it, but I couldn't have done it without your comments. Thank you!

Do give yourself permission and time to grieve. Living so far away from home makes it doubly bad, I know. I was not living anywhere close to home when I lost my aunts and later my father. When I got word that my father was not expected to make it, I caught the next flight home and arrived at my sister's house in the evening. She was going to take me to see him the following morning, but he passed away during the night and I didn't get to see him that last time. While I had seen him each and every year (we always took trips home once a year to see our parents), I still felt guilty for not being with him when he died. I did come to terms with it, but it wasn't easy. At least I was able to attend and play piano for the funeral. I think he would have liked the fact that his daugher played rather than a stranger.

At any rate, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I know exactly what you're going through!

Im so sorry for your loss... its never easy losing someone you love and every loss is different. Just take time and realize grief comes in waves, or stages.... when my Dad died from cancer, he had been so ill it was almost a relief to have his and our pain over, yet when my Mom died (also from cancer, we had less than a week of knowing) so shock mixed with grief for a very long time... it does eventually get somewhat easier, but the hole is never really healed

Just another hug coming to you from Seattle...losing someone you love is tough but you CAN survive by doing just the kinds of things everyone else has recommended.

Love is a beautiful thing, isn't it? Our memories of those we have loved will exist long after those we loved have passed on. Hope is an important part of the equation, I believe, and gratitude for the rich experiences we had with our loved one. And hope is possible when we see that we have something beautiful to pass on to those around us -- love, kindness, sweetness, and grace. Blessings on you, my friend.

Big hugs, Kirti. I am so sorry for your loss. Being so far away does make it even harder. I'm glad you received so many helpful suggestions. Please take care of yourself and take all the time you need to grieve and remember your sweet grandfather.