I woke up to read about this on Facebook from friends in the US. The enormity of something like this... The incident itself was bad enough; I'm in tears all over again reading Una's description of the lockdown drill.

As for Suz's point of expecting parents' reactions, well, it speaks to what Lyn said --- you wonder what the heck you're doing bringing a child into this world, and because it shakes your belief in the overall goodness out there at a point when the deed is already done, so to speak...! My poor SO --- and *he's* not pregnant --- curled up and sat around with me till he was late leaving for work. He kept saying 'they just have to change the gun laws, don't they?'... and I know it's just a reaction from despair, because he knows, just as I said, that it's just. not. that simple.

Caro's story --- what can I say? My heart goes out to the poor mother, and to the child's schoolmates, as many years as it has been.

A friend on FB mentioned the mother apparently worked at the school, and the man shot her dead too? Is that true? And was their child okay? I don't own a TV and I'm staying the h___ off the news today for my own sanity and my baby. But I can't help wondering how terrible it is for the child, if s/he survived this tragedy --- hard as it is for the other parents and children, so much harder...

Argh! This hurts.

I am so shocked, shocked, glued to the news channels since very early today. You know, you leave your kids in school with the heartfelt belief that they will be safe and sound upon your return. This A%#$%*^ just broke that belief. I see my little nephew, he is 5, and wonder what kind of human being, if we can call this individual human, would have such an empty soul, to be able to carry this out. Then, this SOB kills himself, oh, the easy way out! Coward until the very end. I am disgusted.

I grew up amidst violence and you can never shake that away. My thoughts go to everyone affected. So very sad.

My neighbor, the mother of a classmate of my son's, was one of the staff killed. The more this event sinks in, the harder it is to bear the immensity of it.

Holy shit, Claudia, that's unreal. I'm so sorry. I think a lot of us here missed seeing this because it's the weekend.

I always feel weird about having people like on YLF reporting back that no one they knew was hurt in such an incident or natural disaster, because someone else is, even if we don't know them. But this does make it more real. I can't believe your son's friend has lost his mother at such a young age.

I've heard that on Monday many people will be wearing blue and yellow (I think these are the school's colors) in solidarity. Yellow's not my color and so I only have a blue and yellow scarf, but I'm in. I can post this separately if people think it's a good idea.

I think it is a great idea Mochi.

I read about this yesterday at work - a co-worker sent around a link. I am so upset I have been fighting tears, and yet so angry as well. It is hard to grasp the enormity of it. I cannot imagine being one of the parents going home and having an empty bed in the house. I just can't.

Makes me hold my daughter closer and be thankful for all that we have.

We are saddened in Australia, and send prayers to all involved.
We are also increasingly concerned and amazed that the gun laws are not changed in view of the telling stats. re gun ownership and correlating gun related deaths in the U.S.
Does it always have to come to this before anyone does something?

Lyn D., I can't explain it, but I realize that it makes no sense to the rest of the world. It's one thing that makes me ashamed of my country. I don't see anything changing anytime soon, unfortunately.

One person changing an entire community in only a few minutes. Elementary school families tend to be much closer than, say, high school ones. When only one family is touched, the rest of the community can rally and support them. But with so many families directly and indirectly affected, who is there left? The poor little boy whose birthday party was scheduled for yesterday! December, the holiday season, will never be a time of joy for so many families.

I've sent my daughter, now taller than I, virtual hugs via text messaging. She wants to be a teacher, then later, a principal. I hope and pray she never has to deal with such horrors. But her current goal is to be in an inner city high school, and they tend to have metal detectors and be safer than the mean streets outside.

A friend of mine posted this on Facebook, and I copied it to share. I think it's well worth reading, even if you're like me and don't have small children. Words of wisdom from Fred Rogers:

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Fred Rogers, on talking about tragic events in the news:

In times of community or world-wide crisis, it's easy to assume that young children don't know what's going on. But one thing's for sure -- children are very sensitive to how their parents feel. They're keenly aware of the expressions on their parents' faces and the tone of their voices. Children can sense when their parents are really worried, whether they're watching the news or talking about it with others. No matter what children know about a “crisis,” it’s especially scary for children to realize that their parents are scared.

Some Scary, Confusing Images:

The way that news is presented on television can be quite confusing for a young child. The same video segment may be shown over and over again through the day, as if each showing was a different event. Someone who has died turns up alive and then dies again and again. Children often become very anxious since they don’t understand much about videotape replays, closeups, and camera angles. Any televised danger seems close to home to them because the tragic scenes are taking place on the TV set in their own living room. Children can't tell the difference between what's close and what's far away, what's real and what's pretend, or what's new and what's re-run.

The younger the children are, the more likely they are to be interested in scenes of close-up faces, particularly if the people are expressing some strong feelings. When there's tragic news, the images on TV are most often much too graphic and disturbing for young children.

“Who will take care of me?”:

In times of crisis, children want to know, "Who will take care of me?" They're dependent on adults for their survival and security. They're naturally self-centered. They need to hear very clearly that their parents are doing all they can to take care of them and to keep them safe. They also need to hear that people in the government and other grownups they don’t eveen know are working hard to keep them safe, too.

Helping Children Feel More Secure:

Play is one of the important ways young children have of dealing with their concerns. Of course, playing about violent news can be scary and sometimes unsafe, so adults need to be nearby to help redirect that kind of play into nurturing themes, such as a hospital for the wounded or a pretend meal for emergency workers.

When children are scared and anxious, they might become more dependent, clingy, and afraid to go to bed at night. Whining, aggressive behavior, or toilet "accidents" may be their way of asking for more comfort from the important adults in their lives. Little by little, as the adults around them become more confident, hopeful and secure, our children probably will, too.

Turn Off the TV:

When there's something tragic in the news, many parents get concerned about what and how to tell their children. It's even harder than usual if we're struggling with our own powerful feelings about what has happened. Adults are sometimes surprised that their own reactions to a televised crisis are so strong, but great loss and devastation in the news often reawaken our own earlier losses and fears – even some we think we might have "forgotten"

It's easy to allow ourselves to get drawn into watching televised news of a crisis for hours and hours; however, exposing ourselves to so many tragedies can make us feel hopeless, insecure, and even depressed. We help our children and ourselves if we’re able to limit our own television viewing. Our children need us to spend time with them – away from the frightening images on the screen.

Talking and Listening:

Even if we wanted to, it would be impossible to give our children all the reasons for such things as war, terrorists, abuse, murders, major fires, hurricanes, and earthquakes. If they ask questions, our best answer may be to ask them, "What do you think happened?" If the answer is "I don't know," then the simplest reply might be something like, "I'm sad about the news, and I'm worried. But I love you, and I'm here to care for you."

If we don't let children know it's okay to feel sad and scared, they may think something is wrong with them when they do feel that way. They certainly don't need to hear all the details of what's making us sad or scared, but if we can help them accept their own feelings as natural and normal, their feelings will be much more manageable for them.

Angry feelings are part of being human, especially when we feel powerless. One of the most important messages we can give our children is, "It's okay to be angry, but it's not okay to hurt ourselves or others." Besides giving children the right to their anger, we can help them find constructive things to do with their feelings. This way, we'll be giving them useful tools that will serve them all their life, and help them to become the worlds' future peacemakers -- the world's future "helpers."

Helpful Hints:

Do your best to keep the television off, or at least limit how much your child sees of any news event.

Try to keep yourself calm. Your presence can help your child feel more secure.

Give your child extra comfort and physical affection, like hugs or snuggling up together with a favorite book. Physical comfort goes a long way towards providing inner security. That closeness can nourish you, too.

Try to keep regular routines as normal as possible. Children and adults count on their familiar pattern of everyday life.

Plan something that you and your child enjoy doing together, like taking a walk, going on a picnic, having some quiet time, or doing something silly. It can help to know there are simple things in life that can help us feel better, in good times and in bad.

Even if children don't mention what they've seen or heard in the news, it can help to ask what they think has happened. If parents don't bring up the subject, children can be left with their misinterpretations. You may be really surprised at how much your child has heard from others.

Focus attention on the helpers, like the police, firemen, doctors, nurses, paramedics, and volunteers. It's reassuring to know there are many caring people who are doing all they can to help others in this world.

Let your child know if you're making a donation, going to a town meeting, writing a letter or e-mail of support, or taking some other action. It can help children to know that adults take many different active roles and that we don't give in to helplessness in times of worldwide crisis.

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I do not think this is the appropriate place (YLF) OR thread (General) to discuss gun control laws. In fact, this whole CT discussion should be in Off-Topic. It's a bit disconcerting to see a thread on the tragedy in CT being pushed down with threads on dresses, boots, etc.

If people really want to duke it out on gun control, please have some respect and start a new thread in the Off-Topic forum.

Janet, thank you for getting us back on-topic. My heart is so heavy with grief for those poor children.

We will be moving this thread to the Off Topic part of the site.

Janet, thanks so much for posting that; I think it might be valuable information for many parents. My children (8, 10 and 12) still haven't heard about the news because they didn't hear it at school and I've made a point of keeping the telly off. I just cannot decide what or IF to tell them before Monday.

The scariest part to me is that this could have happened almost anywhere in the US. Our school has locked doors and a buzz-in system, but the doors once buzzed open don't open into the office. THey open into a hallway, and no one HAS to check in at the office (although you are supposed to). So a couple of guns under a coat, tell them you are there to drop off a check for school lunches for a child, and you are in and more or less can go wherever you please. The locked doors mean nothing. Short of turning schools into armed fortresses or prisons, how do we stop things like this? Like someone already mentioned, many large, urban schools have metal detectors and a police officer on duty in the building and ironically may be safer from this sort of violence than smaller schools. I live in a very small community, but there are nuts everywhere, and I don't feel any safer here. This is an event that ought to shake every parent to the bone.

Thanks Janet.

Thanks, Janet. That's a really sensitive article for these times.

As a European, I have yet to understand how on earth it is legal to own a gun in the States. Makes no sense to me whatsoever. It's way too dangerous. Anyone can go overboard once in a while -maybe not that overboard, but you get the idea-. But if you don't have a gun, I guess you can't shoot one.

I can't imagine how hard this has to be, to all of you. And then those poor little children -the ones that died and the ones that went through it and live to tell (and remember). It's too sad.

I hope everyone's kids here on YLF are alright and safe.