Oh, Mac - so sorry to hear this.

Please know that there is life after a big breakup!

A very, very good friend of mine wrote a great manual for moving on after a breakup. It's called "It's a Beakup, Not a Breakdown." It really is a great guide for moving through the loss. Honestly - I'm really not trying to sell her book - but it really has some good advice!

http://www.amazon.com/gp/produ.....1598691724

She also has a website with some good stuff on it! If nothing else, you might at least feel like you're not alone -

http://lisasteadman.com/

hugs...

I am so sorry to hear this. I haven't had such a long-term break-up but if it was me, I would want to leave town. Get out of town, be it a cabin in the woods, a beach house, your parents' house, your sister's. Just somewhere that isn't home. I think it will clear your head. Then, like Katiepea said, game on. Live the best life you can and don't let him get you down!!
From the few things I've read that you've written here, I know you're intelligent, articulate and passionate. I know you will get through this.

I'm really sorry! Even though it doesn't seem like it now, life will get better. A few years ago I had a 9 year relationship go up in flames, and spent several years sorting things out. The good news is that now I am 40, single, happier than I have been in ages, and I don't miss him at all. I actually feel like I am really lucky to be in the place I am now.

Everything will be ok, really! Hang in there.

Wow Mac, I am so sorry to hear this.

I have no advice as I have never been in your position, but I love Katie's story and I once more applaud the strength of the YLF women.

You always start the most intelligent, articulate, thought-provoking discussions here and that is 100% a reflection of who you are and what you have to offer. I hope you remember this and carry yourself proudly. It's his loss.

Thanks, Ladies.

Michelle and I are finally going to meet in person.

Angie: yes, it was I who did the actual breaking up but he'd been acting in ways that made it very difficult to continue, so I feel as tho' the split was very much mutual.

Stringy: yes... I considered getting a new hair style but I'm terrified of not only feeling dreadful but LOOKING dreadful, too, if the style doesn't suit me. However, I like the way you think and figure this might be as good a time as any to finally get my ears pierced.

Mellllls: I'm heading out of town for a few days, on my own: fancy hotel with a big pool, comfy beds, fresh air, etc. Internet connection too, of course, since being in touch with friends - and that includes YLFers - will be of the utmost importance.

Oh Mac, I'm so sorry that you are going through such a heartbreaking situation! Good for you for reaching out. You've got such great advice here...and story, Katie. I wanted to add another voice of support that you will get through this, you will.

You bring up such interesting questions on the forum, Mac, that it's often had me wondering...and wishing...that you had your own blog. Have you ever considered that? It can be fun...and empowering to pour yourself into something at a time like this. (But please don't stop sharing here!)

Mac - I'm so sorry that you're going through this. The best advice I got was from a dear friend when my ex-fiance and I broke up. She told me to let myself grieve. I don't know why, but it helped me to use that word and to think about the process as something "real." It made me feel like it was legitimate and okay to be devastated for awhile but that then I could move on when I was ready.

Mac, I wish I had some advice but it sounds like you've already gotten lots. Going out of town, getting a piercing, new hairstyle, etc all seem wonderful ways to "start fresh".

Though I've never had an LTR that ended (teenage loves don't count and are certainly not 10 years!) I have lost loved ones. It's a terrible feeling. Take good care of yourself.

No good advice, just wishing you the best right now, and letting you know we're all here for you.

I'm glad you got a plan Mac. A big, fancy hotel sounds perfect. Take care of yourself. And don't forget to eat. That is my biggest problem during break ups, loss of appetite. You need to keep eating to keep your emotional strength up.

Mac, I'm late chiming in but just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you. When my marriage was ending, the hardest thing for me was having to tell everyone. It was exhausting and humbling to have to keep acknowledging it in conversation, but I think ultimately that process does help you move through it and get to a place where you feel less raw. It will happen, but give yourself time to get there.

I found music helpful too. Just as when you're first in love and every song on the radio seems to be about you and your feelings, breakups can be the same. Indulge yourself in whatever music comforts you.

Mac, I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult time. I'm glad to hear that you are taking the opportunity to get away - it sounds like the best thing you can do right now. I agree with crw - allow yourself time to grieve. Listen to sad songs, watch sappy movies, look over pictures but set yourself a time limit! On that day, tell yourself that you are done wallowing in sadness and you are ready to start your new life! It's also a good time to try something new - maybe a new group of friends, or maybe a fun class (basket-weaving, italian cooking or jewelry-making or whatever tickles your fancy!). Hang in there, it will get better!

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Mac, I'm sorry to hear about this but hope you find comfort knowing you did what you had to do. You were brave and that is to be commended. I always threw myself into my work following a break-up. It's amazing how much you can accomplish with no distractions!

Oh Mac, my heart goes out to you. I'll never forget that feeling of the ground giving way under me during a particularly hard breakup. The guy broke up with me a few weeks before the end of my first semester of grad school, right before finals and major papers were due. I remember gritting my teeth and telling myself that I would NOT let this guy railroad my masters degree. Like Katiepea, I decided the best revenge was to ace my studies, take care of myself and get in great shape.

I also relied heavily on family and friends ~ spent countless hours on the phone with my mom and my closest couple of friends, who were there for me at just about all hours. Their soothing voices calmed me and their anger on my behalf helped let me let go of my own anger. I also made sure to get lots of sleep, and figured out visualization and meditation techniques to fall asleep and stay asleep. Keeping a journal, where I poured out everything, helped a lot too.

Hugs to you.

Mac, what a bummer. That's a painful situation to deal with even if it was your decision.

Three years ago I went through a difficult breakup that rocked many of the plans and foundations of my life because I had put all these plans into place around the relationship, and they all kind of fell apart.

After the breakup happened, I had a very helpful and kind conversation with a family friend. I can't do justice to exactly what she said, but essentially she shared a story with me where her family had decided to make a very major life change, and a year after they put the plans into motion, they all decided that it was a huge mistake. She said that after a while, rather than thinking of their original plan as a failure, she started to think about the rest of their lives from that point onward as a clean slate.

Somehow it was just the thing I needed to hear. It took me several months to internalize that advice and get my life in gear, but I decided that I needed to think about the breakup not as a tragic ending, but as an opportunity to start over and do something new.

However, I fully believe that it's okay to grieve a bit over the end of an important relationship, too. Be patient and gentle with yourself, okay?

Mac - big hugs. I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this. The three things I'd suggest: a) spend time with girlfriends, b) sleep in a bed other than the one you and he slept in for at least a few days if you can, c) it's a great time to exercise: releases all those negative feelings/energy while getting you in even better shape.

Big hugs, Mac.

Ear piercings is a great idea, right in the spirit of things! ((hugs again)) Sounds like you're taking good care of yourself so far.

Hugs, Mac. I was going to say something along the lines of Katie, but her story says it all. The best advice I got was to get "revenge" by being the best I could be. Read, take classes, travel, find a new hobby that you love, volunteer...

Thanks, ladies. As you can imagine, I'm still grieving but going up to a lovely hotel for 2 nights of swimming, crying, watching dvds, crying, going on long walks and crying did me the world of good. Here are a few of the pretty views that helped me feel the tiniest bit better.

http://s878.photobucket.com/al.....he%20City/

Looks beautiful, Mac. I really think that crying can be healing.

How about planning some fun outings with your girlfriends?