OT: addendum--online LDR 1st time meet :P

i originally posted asking for SF budget tips, but i'm really embarking on something new for the first time and would love to hear your thoughts.

my "friend" is a cool guy i met online through a dating website a little while ago. we've hit it off, skype everyday (also met his sister LOL). we want to meet IRL and see how it goes.

i've meet some nice (and peculiar) guys from online before, but never one from out of state. and strangely enough, he has the most stable relationship qualities i've encountered EVER.

i'm taking it slow, but would appreciate any advice from those of you who met your significant others online, out of state, etc...he is totally down for relocating to be close to me (texas is too hot for him anyway, LOL) so that's on the table. we've been VERY candid about what we want (something serious, marriage/family minded, emphasis on compatibility, etc...)

i've known a few online/out of state couples who've met and married/lived together/are very happy, so i know it's possible. i am not afraid if things
don't work out, that is part of the journey of love sometimes. i just want to be as
wise, present and self aware as possible.

for now, i feel so wonderful, and i know i make him feel so happy too

i look forward to hearing from you thanks so much...

13 years ago

Sylvie

Veteran

My husband and I had never lived in the same city up till a year after we got married. I don't want to bore you with our story but yes, we are evidence that it can work out. I have several friends who are in/have been in LDRs as well - some of which have worked out and others which haven't.

Most of my knowledge is going to be related to the later stages of a relationship.

Have a plan for how/when you are going to be together. The lack of a deadline/plan can be very painful.

One of you may need to make a career sacrifice to be with the other. My husband and I have both made some sacrifices and I know a couple who has been apart for 5+ years because neither one of them is willing/able to make that sacrifice.

LDRs can feel like having the worst of both sides. You don't have the freedom to date/go out/flirt and you don't get the benefits of a partner by your side.

On a practical note, agree on how much communication you need to have to keep the relationship going. It can be hard to divide your time between "in person life" and "remote life". My personal minimum requirement was a daily phone call + one visit/month.

Talk about EVERYTHING (but you knew that already).

Make sure that you meet and spend time with each other's friends/family (when the time is right) so you're not just wrapped up in a bubble of couple-dom.

There are advantages to LDRs. You are forced to keep your standards high because you aren't willing to invest that much time/effort in someone incompatible. Also, it is so challenging to maintain a relationship that once you're together, everything else is easy in comparison!

Good luck! If you ever want to have coffee and discuss LDRs (I think we're in the same general geographic area), let me know.

cciele

So good to hear how happy you sound Lisa! I have no advice for you, not having been in an LDR, but am cheering you on.

And if you guys want to do karaoke in the city, let me know

cyan45

Active Member

thank you so much sylvie and cciele i am embracing your encouragement and advice...

sylvie, i'd love to meet up for coffee and discuss things. please let me know when/where works for you. i'm confident we will work something out.

cciele, be careful about that karaoke offer, he LOVES to sing LOL. i on the other hand, am reduced to nervous giggling

We can fix that giggling But I do know several KJs and a good friend of mine does several places in the city plus a low-key bar that is right near the airport! Message me if you want details

jayne

Hmmm, have a LDR now, but I was married 17 years and am very very happy with the freedom my LDr affords me at this point in life. But we have been together 3 years and plan to live together in another 5 (this is all related to us both having kids that will need to leave the nest first). SInce I have been married and it didn't work out, I would say that you never really get to know someone until you live together. My first year of marriage, or even the first 6 months, revealed more about my husband than the 3 years now with my BF. Waking up every day, dealing with life's irritations, and joys, cooking together, cleaning together, this reveals alot. And can set a great standard for the future. But it can also kill the romance and bring reality in close. I have more romance with the LDR, and less reality. SO the decision is, how fast do you want to get into the reality or how long do you want to prolong the excitement and mystery? Both are great, but assuming you are a younger person than I am, I would think you are more ready to enjoy the discovery of the reality and make a life together. I was at least, 20 years ago! And it was worth it, no doubt.

Hey, I want to go to karaoke in the city! I'm inviting myself along.

thank you so much jayne for your insights. i was in a LTR for 7 yrs, we lived together for a few, and our engagement didn't work out. i TOTALLY understand the living together vs. apart dynamic you mentioned.

i just turned 34 and am ready to settle down with the right person for me. my new love interest comes with his own history, and he wants something that will last too. he claims he is 'not a child anymore' and wants to be serious...despite the fact that i am one year older! hehehehe. go cougars j/k

anyway, all of you have brought up important things: the freedom & sorrows of LDR, sense of trust, patience/sacrifice, open communication, romance vs. reality...

i'll be skyping with him again tonite and look forward to bouncing around these topics. i will omit the fact that i sought advice from 'my fashion friends' for now (he doesn't need to know that yet!) LOL

i love you all, thanks again...

sylvie, as far as i'm concerned, you are IN woman! ;D

marianna

Exciting! I met my husband online. He was from Chicago and I from CA... and the rest is history!

Just be cautious and careful but have fun, too! LDRs are okay for a short period of time, but if you want things to work out in the long run, eventually one of you will have to move, IMO (like I did). That's definitely something to keep in mind and discuss.

Yeah Sylvie! Hm, can I message more than one person at once?

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