OT-A bit sad with weight gain - YouLookFab Forum

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OT-A bit sad with weight gain

celia

Veteran

I really don't know what I want from this post, probably just a simpathetic ear or two(my DH really doesn't get that a curvier bottom is not a joy in my life)
Staying at home with DD has finally caught up with me and althought I try to motivate myself I have to admit that I've been feeling a bit depressed.
I knew I haven't been exercising, actually haven't been out of the house that much.
Putting on my jeans this weekend and finding them very snug on the hips(and confirming that they are indeed wider) freacked me out.
Why does weight sneak up on us?Does this means I will keep gaining weight?
I had already decided that 2012 would be a no shopping year and now I look at my clothes and am afraid that won't fit in them in some months.
I really am very sad about this.
Sorry for the rambling.

General

51 replies

Latest reply was from velvetychocolate

Mo

(website)

Veteran

It's okay to vent. For me, regular weigh ins keep me on track, but I know that doesn't work for everyone. But now that you are here, maybe just take small steps. I've mentioned before, but I do at least 10 push ups before bed on even nights and 10 ab moves on odd nights. It's not much, but that's just the point. Like brushing your teeth, it just becomes a habit. And the little things do add up. Hang in there. This time of year is hard for many of us with the treats and holiday meals combined with pulling out the jeans we hadn't worn all through the warm months.

ironkurtin

Veteran

You're not alone! Staying home with a kid is a major life change, and it can definitely knock you in weird ego places! Plus, we're socialized to see weight gain as bad.

Instead of punishing yourself with bad thoughts, what about rewarding yourself with good ones? Set yourself goals, and not ones based on how you look or how your pants fit, but about things you can do.

Like:
- I will skip rope 100 times in a row.
- I will hula 200 times in a row.
- I will run down the block with DD in her stroller. Then I will cross the street. Then I will run again.
I found these things super helpful, because they were goals *I* set for *me,* and not ones dictated by someone else.

Good luck! I'm rooting for you!

Queen Mum

Veteran

Do you have the option of joining a gym? For me, getting to the gym is a social experience and the combination of seeing smiling faces and exercise can really help keep depression at bay.

Turkey Vulture

Wow, I really know how you feel. You're not alone!

You know what worked great for me in meeting my weight loss goals? Sparkpeople.com. It's an online community where you can get positive support from other people who are working on getting in shape, and it has a really great program where you can keep track of your calories in all the foods you eat in a day. It analyzes what you're eating and tells you if you need to add more proteins, fats, etc. to maximize your goals. And you can track the exercise you do -- it will tell you how many calories you burned if you (for example) walked one mile in 20 minutes. It was a really amazing experience for me...the weight was easy to lose that way and I did it in a healthy, slow-and-steady manner and felt great about everything along the way. It's a very positive community that will keep you feeling good about yourself.

Depression really sucks. It's hard to have the energy to even do small things for yourself when you're depressed. But like Mo says, if you can find the motivation to start with very small changes, they become habitual and soon you're living a healthy lifestyle again!

*HUGS*

celia

Veteran

Thank you for your words.
@Mo , Yes regular weight ins did work until my child broke the scale and it has been awhile without replacing it. I am devising a workout plan I can do at home.
@ironkurtin, I think part of the problem of gaining weight is that my daughter doesn't use a stroller anymore and what for her is a long walk for me is not enough.It's been 4 years now and I guess I run out of ideas on how to coach myself.I am not so worried about how I look right now because I know that almost no one will notice that I have gained weight, I am more worried about being able to back track and don't gain anymore.
@Queen Mum, yes, I am thinking about it, but with the holidays that will probably happen only in January.
@Turkey Vulture Thank you, I will check out the website.

Queen Mum

Veteran

Celia- yes, that makes sense to wait until January, but you can have it to look forward to!
Are the holidays typically a hard time for you?

ironkurtin

Veteran

Aha! Well, then it's time for DD to go to preschool or a daily playdate, and for YOU to focus on YOU. If you're not doing preschool, maybe there's another mom you can swap time with. Don't be afraid to make yourself a priority! The best thing for a kid? A happy mom!

celia

Veteran

@Queen Mum, actually no, I don't like any of the traditional portuguese food and sweets for the holidays.I blame it on my very recently sedentary life.
@ironkurtin, DD can only go to school next September. But I like your pep talk

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Then that leaves Santa to bring an exercise video game to put under the tree! Fun for all ages

celia

Veteran

I like that idea Mo

catgirl

Veteran

Celia, I totally understand. I'm in the same boat, and it's been long enough now that I'm worried it's a permanent change in my body. Partly it's life, and partly it's biology taking its course. My advice (which I'm trying to do myself as well) is to take little steps and don't expect it all to change back at once. If you can feel better by exercising, that is a start, and the body changes may take longer.

Do you have anyone with a child the same age? Can you trade off days with her, like you watch the kids one day while she has time off, then you have a day to walk, run or hit the gym? Other moms probably feel the same way as you - I remember feeling crazy when my son was too big for the stroller, but too small to keep up. Now I can't outrun him!

Big hugs... I'm going to restart my weekly fitness threads, so feel free to vent or post there too.

Mochi

Veteran

I think the advice to let the change happen slowly and not expect immediate transformation is spot-on. It is a very challenging time for you, and the balance between meeting others' needs and treating yourself well is very hard to do. But please keep at it, and give yourself constant credit for your efforts! I've been basically doing well with an eating plan, and today I fell off the wagon. But overall I'm still doing really well. Try not to beat yourself up--self-compassion is more important than anything.

Makrame

Veteran

I have the same fear that weight gain will just keep creeping up, so whenever I notice a gain (like going up a size in pants), that usually serves as an extra stimulus to try to lose weight.

While exercise is important for overall well-being, I know that for me (and most women I know), food is the key to weight loss. In fact, I usually gain a couple of pounds when training for a half-marathon.

Lately, DH and I have lost a few pounds. The only change we have made is started eating a lot of fatty fish (salmon), baked and served in small amounts over a large green salad. Basically I buy a large salmon fillet every week and a large bag of romaine lettuce at a warehouse store (like Costco), and that's our weeknight dinner for most of the week. This seems to have helped since we haven't really changed anything else.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Celia, I understand. I've been there too, but not even for the very good reason of having children -- my lifestyle had simply gotten too sedentary.

The thing that made me lose weight was training to run an endurance event. Even though I was at my peak weight, I didn't set out to lose weight -- I did it to set and meet a goal for myself that I never would have expected. I raised money for a good cause and became part of a team working towards a common goal (Team in Training, for the Leukemia &Lymphoma Society). It was good for me in all kinds of ways -- socially, emotionally, and in my health, both physical and mental. I'm now motivated to stay in shape, even when I'm not actively training for an event, so I'm running short runs (3 miles) 2-3 times a week and now I've also resumed my yoga practice (2x a week) which I'd mostly neglected for the last few years.

I'm not saying this is what everyone should do, by any means, but I think it's worth noting that any activity with a social component and a goal is very helpful in keeping most people on track when it comes to fitness. I *knew* I had to keep up with my running during the week so I could eventually meet the goal of being able to run the better part of 13 miles, so I kept showing up and logging the miles, even when I didn't feel like it. And every single time, when I was done, I was glad I'd done it. Exercise is an excellent tool for helping alleviate depression.

I hope you are feeling better soon! This can be a difficult time of year too. Hugs to you!

velvetychocolate

Veteran

I spent the past year gaining and losing the same five+ pounds over and over again. Very frustrating, but then it was quite a crazy year - moving, turmoil and all kinds of stuff going on.

Meanwhile, my husband put on some weight. He finally said it was bothering him when fall rolled around and he went to put on some jeans (instead of shorts on the weekend) and they didn't fit him all that comfortably. He was kind of shocked. He wears dress pants to work all week, and it was so hot over the summer that it was loose-fitting shorts on the weekends. Imagine his surprise when the jeans he'd worn for years didn't fit.

The first thing I suggested was daily weighing. Even if you don't have a plan yet in terms of food or exercise - the daily weighing helps you learn what normal daily variations are, and it will also help you stay somewhat in place (ie. not continue to gain). My husband used to weigh himself only very occasionally, and I think this is why the weight gain snuck up on him. The weekend summer shorts were a nice relaxed fit, and the dress pants are loose enough that you don't notice these things right away. Jeans are a little trickier - but then, he wasn't wearing jeans for several months there.

Daily weighing isn't meant to make you feel bad at all - it's just one little aspect, but I think it might help a lot.

Several years ago, I put on a whole lot of weight...and I can tell you for sure that I was *not* weighing myself at all back then. I just didn't want to know, and I didn't want to go there.

Hang in there - you won't keep gaining. No, not when you suddenly take notice like this. Even if it takes awhile to come up with a plan, and even if you don't "do" anything in particular right away, acknowledging what's going on makes a major difference.

Mamapicklejuice

Veteran

Celia - Don't feel like you have to put your child in preschool or drop-off playdates to stay/get in shape! I had my eldest at home for 6 years and if anything, I lost weight during that time. The key is staying active - if you go to a playground, make sure you're up and walking around, not just sitting on a bench watching the activity. For wintertime, perhaps find a mommy and me gym class...where at the very least you will be walking the whole time. I like Mo's idea of squeezing in push-ups or sit-ups. Putting on a few pounds does not mean you are destined to keep going that way. We're here for you!

rosee

Veteran

I sympathize with you about the weight gain, and want to encourage you to stay in good spirits.
I didn't just gain a size however, I gained 80 pounds (size 4 -6 to size 12 -14) and it seemed quite suddenly, mostly due to medications. I get very frustrated getting dressed in the morning, but now I have some good pieces.
After reeling from the shock, I realized I had to stay in good spirits to lose this weight. Any little effort helps. Getting down on myself or getting frustrated (my specialty) only seemed to add a few more pounds. I can't compare my exercise efforts to my former athletic self, but am happy with just getting out for a good walk or doing some stretches right now. I have to build on the exercise with time. I also realized that I would have to make my health program a priority in the new year, b/c though I have taken some efforts, my work schedule and my health program didn't work well together. I need my health to be able to do good work.
I don't have children of my own, but I left my career to do childcare for the past couple of years. I've noticed the things you've mentioned (like taking long walks for a child is not enough exercise for an adult). Try to fit in some exercise in your day anyhow. DVDs help and preschool kids like copying adults doing them most times. Others have made great suggestions too.
Anyway, what I wanted to say is keep your spirits up and find a plan that works for you. You may likely find great new habits that help you keep off the weight and -- bonus -- your children will pick up these good habits by example.

kellygirl

Veteran

You are definitely not alone, Celia. I think incorporating exercise is key but it doesn't mean you have to go to the gym. I find that simple things like taking a brisk walk or going for a bike ride really help to burn a few calories. Start slow and be kind to yourself.

qfbrenda

Veteran

You don't have to join a gym! You can exercise from home. Think about if there are forms of exercise you have ever enjoyed: walking? swimming? dance? It can be anything. I love dancing so I have lots of complicated exercise tapes and it doesn't feel much like exercise to me--it's just fun.

Exercise helps to maintain weight, but I have to agree with the person who said eating was her biggest factor. It is for me too. I work out all the time but my weight varies depending on how I've been eating.

And here's another vote for Sparkpeople.com. That is a fantastic site that helped me lose weight, and is helping me maintain. I keep track of my exercise minutes there.

The biggest things that helped me lose weight were exercise, tracking exactly what food I was eating, and weighing myself often. I still weigh myself almost daily.

Lisa

Veteran

I know this feeling. When I switched from a lab where I stood and walked all day to a desk job, I put on weight. I wasn't used to sitting so much. I had to think of creative ways to work in excercise. Walks on my lunch, getting up to ask questions of co-workers. I try to remind myself every little bit helps. Even if I do not set aside a larger block of time to exercise I figure small steps can add up too.

celia

Veteran

Thank you all. I guess I needed someone to listen and understand, and you are all very special people who give your support and made my day a little brighter.

There are a lot of factors that contributed for this but I guess that the main one was feeling down. I think every mother here can relate with the feeling that no matter what you do you feel like you never do enough for your kids. But somehow it doesn't feel like you are working and I was feeling like I wasn't doing anything significant in life(some family comments may have had some influence now that I think of it).

Your words were very encouraging and I'm devising some plans to keep active and happy.

@Una, I will take on your offer of a weekly check in on your thread.

For those of you who advice swapping with other mothers, I would love the idea but I see more people interested in living their children with me than to offer to take care of mine.

rae

(website)

Veteran

I very much sympathize with you right now! After three months of health issues keeping me on my rear doing no work outs, feelings of depression sneak up on me more and more. It's not just the panic about weight, but also the endorphins I'm not getting from the movement.

Is there a nearby park you can go to? Have the kiddo tire herself out while you sneak in some things that let you watch her at the same time? A friend of mine will do leg lifts hanging from the monkey bars, skip rope, do weights or lunges while her kid plays.

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

Celia- I just wanted to commiserate. My weight has crept up, too. It's frustrating, depressing, and frightening. But, it's also a challenge to find your way back to self love- whether or not you loose the weight. I hope we can both make it there!

soobee

Veteran

I've noticed around my area lately that some mothers have their kids on little trikes that come with a long handle on the back to push them. I thought this would have been brilliant for when mine were too big for a stroller and too little to go for a "good" walk. Maybe you could shop around for one?

Aida

Veteran

Big hugs Celia! I think the hardest thing is just getting motivated to START. Once I can get going a few times a week doing something it usually gets easier to KEEP going. You've already gotten great advice, so I just wanted to offer commiseration and to remind you to keep being kind to your sweet self

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Big hugs, Celia! This is a tough phase of life. You are so right that it is difficult to fit in exercise when you're with your kids once they are out of the stroller and not yet walking quickly enough. But you've heard some great advice here about how to fit in just a little bit every day.

Weight gain, even if it creeps up, doesn't have to be permanent. I gained more than 30 pounds in a period of about four years due to a sedentary lifestyle and some less than healthy eating habits. This coincided with my daughter's early years. So I know what you are talking about.

But eventually I lost the weight through exercise and a better diet. I, too, had an online community of support and it really helped!

These are the darkest days of the year; I'll bet many of us feel a little low just now. Hand in there, and as Khris says, I hope you can be kind to yourself and recognize your true beauty whether you lose that weight or not!

Sveta

(website)

Veteran

Celia, hugs! have been there too, it is not fun. (why do you think I walk to work?:--0
I have gained a lot of weight when we moved to Canada. I did not really noticed that and it creeped on until I began to see health issues. What helped me to take it under control if to watch what and how much I ate. I was surprised to find how much is it! I found that writing down all you eat for a week is really eye opening. I have changed my eating habits, took care to get food with more fiber in it and it really helped. I never dieted (too boring for me) but watched the portion size and fiber intake for a while and then it became automatic.
On the activity side you can join YMCA: they have a very decent price for a family membership and have a lot of classes and activities for kids and babysitting services. It may do good both to you and to you little one.
Good luck and keep us posted!

Anonymous

Celia, you've gotten some great exercise and food advice. As once a SAHM, I know that you need to get out a bit. DH should be able to put DD to bed one night a week so you can go take a class or go to a book club or something else just for you...someplace where you are not known as a mom but for your own talents. My getaway was taking classes in weaving and later teaching it at a yarn shop. I needed the creative outlet and adult conversation.
For others it may be intellectual stimulation, physical activity or community service.

Lantana

Veteran

What great support you have here Celia. May I suggest you have a basic health check? Make sure your iron levels are OK, that sort of thing? Above all, be kind to yourself.

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