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OT- I feel so guilty :(

biscuitsmom

Veteran

I have a very dear friend (Steve) who has had mental health issues and has been hospitalized a few times in the past because of them. He has been unstable recently, spreading over several weeks, he called and sounded possibly suicidal(depending how you interpet what was said) so yesterday I called his MD to let him know (I dont know his Psychiatrist's name) and the Nurse I spoke with told me to try and get him to a ER room. I said I didnt think he would go, thanked her and hung up. Minutes later I got a call from the local Police Dept (!) saying they were going to do a welfare check on him and needed to know his apt #, which I reluctantly gave them. Now I cant locate him, the cops wont talk to me, I dont have any of his families phone # and I feel horrible! I really thought he could just get a dosage adjustment on his meds and never thought it would go this far....how I wish I could turn back the clock 24 hours

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22 replies

Latest reply was from biscuitsmom

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Aww

*hugs* - I hope things work out for the best; but it seems like you have done all you can do. I am not sure how american laws work, but if you're a Canadian, and you have cause for concern about the mental health of someone, you (as a friend) can obtain a medical certificate for a mandatory examination (Form 1; I believe).

Sona

Veteran

biscuitsmom: you did the absolutely right thing. We can send the cops out to check on someone if there is cause for concern. My hope is they found him and he was hospitalized. If someone refuses to seek treatment voluntarily this is the usual course of action. He may be palced on a 'hold' in the hospital until a paln can be formualted for his safety. The worst scenario: is not doing anything. Kudos to you!

Meredith1953

Veteran

Biscuitsmom,
It sounds like you have done the responsible thing. You made the call and also provided the information the police needed to go check on him. You may have just saved his life. Please don't beat yourself for not being "allseeing". ((Hugs)) to you!

biscuitsmom

Veteran

Thank you SO much, ladies! I really appreciate your input.

Louise

Veteran

You did the right thing, hopefully he's somewhere getting medical treatment x

rae

(website)

Veteran

BM, if no one can locate him, chances are he needed this. Even if he wasn't planning to harm himself right then, it doesn't sound like something to shrug off.

I actually had a very similar situation once, where a friend sounded suicidal on the phone. I called another friend of ours who had been hospitalized before and he said without hesitation that we should call someone - we didn't even know her address for sure, but it turned out she really did need help, had ODed, and was taken to the hospital.

I hope your friend is OK - don't feel guilty... imagine how you would feel if you did nothing and something horrible happened... *hugs*

Victoria

(website)

Veteran

you have done the right thing, even though you may feel very bad about it. But you were trying to do whatever is best for him, which is saving his life. I hope your friend is ok, and I am truly sorry you have to deal with such a difficult situation:(

Anonymous

I don't quite know what to say that hasn't already been said. You absolutely did the right thing and should not feel the least bit guilty. I hope your friend is OK and that this situation gets resolved quickly.

MsMary

Veteran

Hugs, Biscuitsmom! I definitely agree that you did the right thing! It takes a strong and loving woman to take action to help a friend in these circumstances!

goldenpig

(website)

Veteran

You did exactly the right thing Biscuitsmom--hope everything is OK with your friend and don't feel bad whatever happens--you did the right thing by helping.

christieanne

Veteran

Hugs and supportive vibes to you and your friend. It is so hard to deal with mental health issues and get any support out there. I think you took the most caring, thoughtful actions you could have at the time. Let's just think positive thoughts for your friend.

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

Just echoing what everyone else said - you did the right thing! It's hard to feel like you're getting in someone else's business, but there are so many suicides (and, in the case of Seattle recently, a shooting rampage that ended in a suicide) that really could have been prevented if someone close to that person had just had the chutzpah to say something to someone.

I do hope he's not upset about it (and likely he won't know it was you, right?) but even if he is, you did the right thing. Good for you.

mrseccentric

(website)

Veteran

you did the absolutely right thing!!!!

well, it's terrible to say but what if he had harmed himself and you'd done nothing? i know people in that situation and it's truly awful. good for you for looking out for your friend, you are a stand up lady big hug, steph

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

Totally agree with everyone else BM - you did the right thing. This is a difficult situation no matter how it is handled. I hope your friend is ok. Please don't beat yourself up about this.

Hugs.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

You did what was right and you did it out of love for him. TWO rights don't make a wrong!

It is hard; I know because I've been in a similar situation. But the awkwardness will be over soon, and he will be more likely to get the help he needs.

Isabel

Veteran

You did the right thing. It is now in the hands of the professionals. FWIW, this is exactly what the anti-suicide hotlines do in MA. You are a good friend. Now, these professionals know to look out for him. It is very possible that they have already contacted his family.

Hang in there.

biscuitsmom

Veteran

Thank you all SO much! I cant tell you how much I appreciate all your support and kindness..... You made me feel SO much better about what I did! He did *finally* call me late last night, TG! I saw him today and he is kinda teetering, imo. Really high-strung and upset about his living situation and all the stress he is under....The police did see him and left him in his apt, which I really dont think was the right decision :(. Im going to keep close tabs on him and see if I can talk him into seeing his Psychiatrist or someone else.... thanks again!

anne

Veteran

So glad to hear that you have heard from him!

Deborah

Veteran

You are clearly a good and caring friend. when a friends well being is at stake a good friend will step up and take the "tough love" road.

biscuitsmom

Veteran

Thanks I was SO relieved when he called... he's still really stressed out and more than a little edgy...he wants to move out of his apt NOW, but has most of a year left on his lease. Its not a good spot, but he was very familiar with the building and its tenants, having a friend that lives there who he visited very frequently....he used to walk home fairly often from there because of all the fighting, police calls to the building, etc so I really tried to talk him out of moving there, but he wouldnt listen to me

Kari

Veteran

Oh goodness. My thoughts will be with you and your friend. I've been... Well, not exactly where your friend is, but I've struggled through periods of intense depression, and it's hard to even see the love and support of friends who care for you when you're in such a dark place, until you emerge later. It's like being stuck in a cloud that you can't see through.

You sound like such a caring friend and I hope he can see that, but even if he can't right now, you absolutely did the right thing if you felt his health and life were in danger.

Perhaps keep some numbers of local crisis hotlines handy in case you or he need to reach out for emergency help. You do not have to necessarily be at the point of suicide to utilize helpful support resources like that.

biscuitsmom

Veteran

So true, Kari and thanks for the great ideas.... glad you found your way out of that struggle