OT- Feeling helpless and lonely

ramya

Here I am far away from home with hardly any friends here...

I am feeling lonely and upset :(... I know its not really that bad but some days are worse and some are good...

I also know that this is just the fact that I am not used to sitting at home and was always surrounded by friends.

I have tried making friends but then this is a place where most people work ... So that makes it even more hard to make friends...

I know I am cribbing but felt the need for some warm hugs:(

13 years ago

General

40 replies

Latest reply was from Kate

Sona

Veteran

warm hugs Ramya. Does your husband know how you are feeling? Could you volunteer at some place say the library? it may be a way to get out and about and meet some people.
Thinking of you.

13 years ago

Laura

(website)

Veteran

You will make friends! There's always a period when you first move somewhere when you don't know anyone and feel out of sorts. It's not easy but it's part of the experience. (((hugs)))

13 years ago

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I'm so sorry you're feeling lonely, Ramya! That must be hard. I've lived in the same area my whole life, so I've never had that kind of experience and I can only imagine how challenging that must be. Sending hugs!

13 years ago

ButterflyLady

(website)

Veteran

Sending lots of hugs to you.

13 years ago

Krista

Veteran

Ramya,
I've been in the place where you are right now. It sucks, doesn't it!? I don't mean that in a way to diminish the overall experience of moving to a new place - I'm just validating the feeling of loneliness. Here you are, supposed to feel happy and grateful about a new challenge (and I know you do), but you feel lonely for the comforts of home. I get it!

The only way through it is to talk about it when you're feeling it. So you're doing the right thing. And then, eventually, it passes and the new place starts to feel like home, too. It's possible for two places (old and new) to feel like your home, it just takes time. You will get there!

Hope you get all the hugs you need from the Forum right now! Hugs to you!

13 years ago

Anonymous

Lots of hugs!

Not sure if this is an option for you, but I've made a lot of girlfriends at the gym, especially in the group exercise classes. Volunteering is another good idea.

It will get better!

13 years ago

ramya

Veteran

Thank you all...

Sona yeah my husband knows.. he tries his level best poor thing... And takes me to introduce his office colleagues... But then they too work you know...

Krista you put my feelings to words perfectly...

Alicat gym isn't an option... and I have a language problem to volunteer sadly... but I try and go for a jog and meet kids and make friends with them and their doggies :)...

Thanks for all the suggestions ladies...

13 years ago

Glory

Veteran

So sorry to hear this but sending positive thoughts your way. Too bad about the gym because I too have met wonderful women there. The jog is a great way too! Hugs your way!

13 years ago

Traci

Veteran

I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling, Ramya. Settling in to a new place is hard. Is this a temporary move? or permanent?

13 years ago

harmonica

Veteran

Lots of hugs Ramya!

I second what Krista says. Norway is very different from India and I know it can be really hard to get to know people, especially when many are working and have their own lives. It takes time and effort to adjust and make friends. Hopefully get confort from the forum, as well as meeting other people where you live.

To work on the feeling of loneliness, I think it is a good idea to volunteer and also make a schedule of day to day routine (when working, that comes easily, bt when staying at home you need to push yourself and that can be really hard). As for volunteering, you could ask at the library if they have any idea where they might need a hand. I'm not sure if the library would accept a hand, though. (there might be some restricting rules here) You could also go to the Red cross (they have several really good groups directed at younger people, elders, foreigners etc)

As for daily routine - get some exercise every day (walking, biking, swimming, whatever), preferably with others, make a theme for each day of the week (i.e. monday - cleaning day, thursday - baking day, wednesday ---), read the newspapers at the library, write handwritten letters to friends and family (I love getting those letters, but it is sooo rare), start learning norwegian - maybe there is a course you could attend? Do sightseeing in your town (get a travelleres guide / visit the tourist info and start visiting whatever is recommended)

I hope I'm not being very instructive, because that is not my intention. These are just inputs for you to consider. You probably already are doing some of these thing, so just take it with a pinch of salt.

Hugs again!

13 years ago

ramya

Veteran

Oh Harmonica trust me I consider you my friend (I know that may sound strange)... but then knowing few of you who were already in Norway helped me a lot when I was moving... Kinda saying my brain look you already know some one there... So there you go... Dont ever hesitate giving advice to me... It helps :)...

I like the themed week idea... Gives something to look forward to

Traci thank you so much,,, This is a long term move...

13 years ago

harmonica

Veteran

It's really great if you can find some of the ideas working for you. Social media is a strange place, but electronic relations can be just as real as RL relations. Especially when you have such a warm, accepting and respectful community like YLF

13 years ago

April

Veteran

Ramya, I'm gathering from other comments that you're from India but now living in Norway? Is there a community of Indian expats anywhere nearby?

I can't vouch for their quality, but there seem to be several online communities that connect people from other countries living in Norway.

In the past, I have also moved to a new place with a husband, and even though it was in the same country and there was no language barrier, it was isolating. I'm sure the language thing makes it that much harder -- sending warm thoughts your way.

13 years ago

missvee

Veteran

What a shame you are struggling, I am so sorry. There must be other people in the same situation. Do you live near Oslo? Perhaps there is a centre for immigrants and refugees where you could volunteer. The fact that you are an educated woman and fluent in English means that you have a lot to offer others. What about other expat Indians? Perhaps the Indian consulate if there is one, could put you in touch with others. And just another suggestion, do something entirely new - get a puppy, take up skiing, go to a cooking class, whatever you like. Try not to worry about your lack of spoken Norwegian - if you learn a few stock phrases you will pick up words gradually. Maybe you could tutor people wanting to improve their English in exchange for improving your Norwegian. Sorry for this rambling response. I know how isolating it feels in a new place and I hope that you start to feel a bit better soon.

13 years ago

anne

Veteran

Hugs from me too.

My friend runs a friendship group for immigrants (here in Aust) and has real empathy because she used to be an immigrant in Sweden. Finding something like that would be really helpful, I think.

13 years ago

MsMary

Veteran

Warm hugs, Ramya! You are so brave to have moved so far away from home, and I can only imagine how lonely it can feel! I hope things look up for you soon!

13 years ago

morethanbeige

Veteran

Just chiming in to say that I have experienced these feelings also and can relate to how difficult moving to a new place can be. Hang in there and lean on us, as my experience was that it changes and things will look up. Hugs to you, Ramya.

13 years ago

Anonymous

Big jugs, Ramya. It's even hard to relocate in the same country, let alone to one with a different language and customs. You have had some good suggestions. This might also be a time to find a creative outlet. My hardest move as a stay-at-home wife was eased when I signed up for off-loom weaving classes at a shop. It could be painting, learning to cook a different cuisine, or taking up a new sport.

13 years ago

rute

Veteran

You'll make new frend and meanwhile you can always talk to us!
hugs

13 years ago

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Awwes, no advice from me, but big hugs! *Squish!*

13 years ago

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Ramya, I am so sorry you are feeling sad and lonely. It is HARD and you are very brave to do what you are doing. Wishing you all the best as you find your feet in your new home.

13 years ago

Anonymous

I'm really sorry you feel this way. I completely understand and relate. I moved to the US at the age of 18. I felt so out of place at the beginning. It does get better, you will make friends, I promise.

13 years ago

celia

Veteran

Hugs to you.
When you change countries it is like that in the beginning but little by little you get to know people and find friends and fun things to do.Don't despair, it will be ok.

13 years ago

Parsley

Veteran

((Ramya))
It is so hard being far from home in a foreign culture.
Please hang in there, and it will get better!

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13 years ago

rae

(website)

Veteran

Ah, big hugs and good luck to you. I can only imagine... I have a hard time making friends, so I feel lonely a lot, too, but it must be much harder in a whole new country. I hope some of the other suggestions work for you. *hugs*

13 years ago

Freckles

Veteran

Big cyberhugs.

If you get out of the house and wear a smile it often brightens your day as do the hellos you give and receive from strangers on the street. I find when I feel housebound I do not necessarily need a friend but multiple hellos from strangers or acquaintances make me feel part of the world or community. That might be a small start.

You never know where or how you will meet a new friend.

13 years ago

Jonesy

Veteran

I'm sorry it's been so hard for you and you are hurting! It sounds so trite, but I do think it will get easier with time, as you settle in and develop a routine. I like the idea of trying to find some groups of expats to pal around with, at least initially. (((HUGS)))

13 years ago

MNsara

Veteran

More {{{hugs}}} to you, Ramya! Others have given you some wonderful ideas and encouragement. I haven't had to do anything like this (although often I've WISHED I could move away

Someone mentioned gym and it wasn't an option, but I wonder if there are yoga classes in Norway? I find that there are lovely people in my classes - and some are available to chat and get to know.

Also, are there any continuing education or adult education classes available? In the US, we usually offer a variety of personal interest classes through the public schools - evenings/weekends - that teach crafts, hobbies, technical stuff, etc. Another place to meet people with that common interest.

Do look for a place to volunteer where your limited Norwegian is okay and gets practice! Around us, we have Second Harvest, where people pack foods for those in need, and great English is not necessary. I'd hope there's something around you too that you can try.

13 years ago

Mochi

Veteran

Sorry you're feeling alone and out of sorts, Ramya. It's really tough (my first six months in Tokyo were extraordinarily lonely). I think you got great suggestions from everyone. I will send great vibes for you to start finding your groove in Norway!

13 years ago

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