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One year shopping ban

catgirl

Veteran

Impressed - even implementing some of this would be a good thing for me (considering I'm about to post a dress I bought at the grocery store!).

http://www.forbes.com/sites/la.....er-income/

37 replies

Latest reply was from Louise

Maneera

(website)

Veteran

Very interesting, Una. Something's resonate with me a little too much - especially the 8 lotions and multiple body wash and tons of toiletries and cosmetics bought for fun. And of course, the many books you own and still haven't read!

I have been thinking....I put myself on a shopping ban for July and bought just the one dress. Yet, I haven't even covered half of my existing summer wardrobe yet! I'm forever chasing new and shiny things, without doing justice to them. Thankfully I've never been in debt, but that's not the point. I'm out of storage space for everything! It's a personality flaw in my case...shopping feeds me emotionally. But I need space to keep stuff, right? If I stop myself from buying clothes and shoes, I'll buy bed linen or books or ANYTHING under the sun. Pretty pathetic

I think I'm going to stay on the shopping ban for another month at least. I really need to start using/wearing everything I have. Instead, I'll travel more. It's exciting, it's new and it's thrilling.

Aziraphale

Veteran

This post really resonates with me. I've had an insanely busy year, and I've got another tough one starting in September, so over the summer I'm trying to get my house all in order. I am horrified by the sheer amount of STUFF we have. Mostly, my closet is under control, and I'm pretty good about not over-buying clothes, which is surprising considering how much other crap we've managed to accumulate. A lot of it is toys (I think we've overindulged our children!) and a lot of it is books or ornaments or other things we could happily get by without. It makes me a little bit sick to think about the thousands of dollars we've spent (my husband is guilty too) on unnecessary stuff that is languishing in closets or the basement.

anne

Veteran

I've been thinking of this over my lunchbreak while running on the treadmill - I am much more like this girl is (as in, as she is now). I almost never buy coffees or food for myself, saving them for social occasions (which are important to me, but only occur about 6-8 times a year). I usually borrow books from the library. While she had extra of items, I am always running out (just last week I was dishwashing with shampoo) I am generally of a frugal bent and upbringing!

I have unbent a little in the opposite direction. I spend more on clothes since I was on YLF. Last year I started allowing myself to spend a little on books (around $100 a year) to buy special items that I couldn't get at libraries (or couldn't guarantee would be available there) and have had SO much pleasure from that! I splashed out and bought a packet of pens recently because I was tired of never having any that worked.

Since DH does half the cooking now and we both work full time I sacrifice the cheapest options at times for what he likes to cook and doesn't take too long (eg we eat homemade tacos/ nachos nearly every week). Hospitality is important to us, and we have people over to eat every week during term time, thougth we don't serve fancy food. And being generous with money is important to us too, as has making choices about jobs that require us to live with less.

Arizaphale I sympathise. While I haven't spent much on my kids clothing or toys, even just from gifts and hand-me-downs they have heaps of stuff. Plus all the papers from school. At some point I need to restore some order too!

Maneera

(website)

Veteran

Oh Anne....you're so inspiring. It's not like you want to deprive yourself of stuff...you simple want to ensure that your hard earned money is put to good use.

I want to be more like you. I want to respect money and not over-indulge so much. I have recently started to change and am feeling very good about it.
I used to chase things.... now I chase experiences; and I realized that there are a million things I'd rather see and do than buy.

Anonymous

Oh, wow, this make you think doesn't it? I don't think I've ever been overly spendy though. I tend not to go overboard buying food or toiletries. I waste very little, to no food. I don't have piles of unused cosmetics and never buy take out drinks, like coffee on the go (mind you I don't drink coffee so it would be tea for me). Even so, it does make me wonder If I could be even less wastful in my life.

Staysfit

Veteran

I had a very spendy year, well two very speedy years, but in general I have been fairly conservative with my dollars. Maybe not as conservative as the subject of the article, but I certainly didn't spend frivously. I'm still not one to eat out, purchase fast food, purchase more cosmetics than I use, etc.

I have to say though, that if you get in the habit of making multiple clothing purchases, it can become addictive. That's why I have planned a period of no spending, which has actually turned into a period of highly controlled spending. It breaks the pattern and really makes you think about what you are doing!

Anonymous

Anne struck a cord with me. She lives a lifestyle somewhat similar to my parents and siblings. Their lifestyles are very austere. At a young age, I evaluated their lifestyles and failed to see the need for such extreme austerity. I purposely decided I would find the middle ground between their lifestyle and one of opulence. I wanted balance.

With some effort, I think I achieved that balance. But over the years, there has been some slippage into overspending on unnecessary items. My budget indicates that the greatest slippage is in the areas of clothing and dining. I do pay myself first, but there is an unconscious agreement with myself that I am allowed to dip into "savings" to cover expenses like NAS. I would be fine if "savings" was off limit except for "emergencies." I just never defined "emergencies" and that money is just sitting there so it is hard for me to not dip into it.

One more thing. There is no scale for me to measure myself against. I think I achieved that coveted balance, but how do I confirm that?

crutcher

Veteran

NOOOOOOOO........Not even my abslute best side likes this idea...It might work for some but, let me tell you, I couldn't give up my coffee run, my trip to the bookstore and hey, my magic button which brings wonderful clothes...Human beings indeed differ...Great to see and read about different ideas but...no can do...smile..

Runcarla

Veteran

Like Anne, I'm fiscally austere, however DH likes his creature comforts, so the compromise is pretty comfortable. 10 years ago our financial advisor actually suggested we spend more money on ourselves, and that is when we started to travel more.

With the very rare exception, we have packed lunches for work - for 25+ years, and dining out was for when travelling or very special occaisions. Also, until just last year, we had one car. (We plan to go back to one vehicle when we retire in 2 years.)

I agree with the 'pay yourself first' suggestion - we had automatic monthly withdrawals for savings plans. We also chose to live within our means. With the exception of a house mortgage, or a car loan, we never borrowed money to finance a standard of living we could not afford.

I'm not going to deny myself shopping to build an attractive wardrobe. I find forums like YLF useful because they inform better shopping, and there is lots of inspiration on how to mix things up in ways that I would not have thought of. The whole idea of 'capsule' dressing for example - is genius for how not to get bored with a modest collection of clothing!

A complete shopping ban sounds a little extreme, and I wonder that it doesn't lead to a bulimic lifestyle of binging and purging of belongings?

Anonymous

Thanks for sharing this, Una! a few years ago, I stopped getting my morning fancy coffee. I realised I was spending at least $600/year, and the quality was inconsistent. After the terrible factory fire in Bangladesh a friend told me that sweatshops exist because people like me buy the clothes. That was another wake up call (though trying to buy US, European or Canadian made doesn't always solve the problem both in savings or worker quality of life). Right now, I'm trying to be more conscious -- I ended up returning most of what I bought at NAS which is something I wouldn't have done in past years.

Aziraphale is inspiring me: DH and I are trying to declutter as we ponder whether to sell our home and live on a boat (though I'm still 'getting accustomed' to that idea, it's motivation to have a good old clear out). And Maneera reminds me that experiences are more rewarding than stuff. I really appreciate posts like this and all the comments and great ideas Fabbers share. Will watch with interest!

Summer

Veteran

I feel incredibly lucky to have grown up before living on credit was even possible, let alone an acceptable option. The thought of being in debt, even by a relatively small amount would be horrendous for me.

Of course, it would be wonderful to just "see it and buy it", and I have the cards in my wallet to make that possible, but I certainly wouldn't enjoy receiving a monthly bill that I couldn't afford to pay off.

I do like to treat my family and friends, and to have a few small treats now and again - I'd have to keep that coffee! - but only because I've already made allowances for that in my budget. Boring, I know, but easier to deal with than a mountain of debt.

Sorry to sound like a starchy headmistress!

JAileen

Veteran

Very interesting article. I read about someone a couple years ago who was so frugal that he had saved something like $500,000 by the time he was 35 with an ordinary job. But he was doing stuff like asking friends for their castoffs and then using duct tape on his shoes, etc. So not something I would want to do. But I do think I'm frugal in many ways, with a veggie garden, cooking from scratch, using the library, and shopping at the thrift store for some items (not undies or shoes!). Also, I don't eat out or go for coffee very often, mainly because I don't like doing those things. When I get together with friends we usually go for a walk with our dogs.

unfrumped

Veteran

This resonates with me a lot also, in tandem with the Marie Kondo book, particularly in a "retirement contemplation" time of life. Meaning, am I doing what I really want to do or would I do something different if I knew it would be financially feasible/sustainable?

The best part about her article to me is the reminder to make changes based on goals, not because you're trying to be right or wrong by someone else's standards.

Have you ever read The Tightwad Gazette? The author does go to extremes to pinch pennies, but does so almost as her calling/ career and as a challenge. And yet, her entire point is that she is doing it so that she and her husband can make specific career/retirement choices and can spend money on what is valuable to them. As in, they had 5 children and bought a rural farmhouse property.

So, she proposes asking yourself questions like, do I want a new sofa (or latte's, or shoes!) or do I want to go to Paris? Because so many of us say, oh, we can't afford this or that, but in reality we spent the money on something else.

Maneera

(website)

Veteran

I've read everyone response with great interest. And while I constantly think I buy too much and indulge too much, maybe I overthink? Here's why:

I'm 31 years old and my husband is 34. We own two cars, both bought on cash. I saved like crazy for my SUV two years ago and I made it happen. We bought our 2BHK apartment in Oct 2009, and while the house loan (mortgage) was for 20 years, by the end of 2015 we would have paid it all off. So basically, by the end of this year, we will have zero financial liabilities. We both work hard and play hard too....we live a balanced life by ensuring we aren't working 24x7 but also pursue interests, both as individuals as well as a couple. We've never not been able to pay off credit card bills either. In fact, we are so averse to the idea of debt, we pay our bills every 15 days! Apart from the house loan, we've never been in debt. In fact, I've never once wanted something I couldn't afford in life. Also, we decided early on in our marriage that we didn't want kids. So there rarely is a need to be more sensible with our money. To top that off, my husband is exceptionally good at financial planning.

As for other expenses, we aren't overindulgent. We eat out twice a week over the weekends. I cook all other meals from scratch because cooking is a hobby. I don't drink coffee at all but my husband needs his Starbucks everyday. And that's ok. What's the point of earning well when you're not going to use that money to enjoy your life? What are you going to do with that money otherwise?

I also feel that my need for new shiny things comes from my childhood. Like Sterling, my parents were frugal. My sister and I had only a few clothes and shoes and had to wear them out to get new ones. When I was a child, my ambition was to grow up and earn so well that I never craved for a thing. Whatever I desired, would be mine in a heartbeat. But I feel I took that ambition too far. Debt is not my problem, wastage is. I feel bad now that I have so many beautiful clothes, bags and shoes but rarely repeat any outfit in a whole season.

I think what I'm striving for is a balance here. I don't want to not buy stuff.....I want to make better choices. I also want to put my money to better use and travel more. Earlier, that wasn't a possibility as we had two large dogs and feared they won't be cared for properly if we took off. Now we have one, but we also have a very reliable helper boy who stays in our home and takes care of our dog when we're away. So the idea is to not buy meaningless things excessively and instead, travel more and more. I really think that will make a difference in my buying pattern.

unfrumped

Veteran

Maneera, I think you are on the right track. If we are fortunate enough to have a reasonable income, and good health, then we can have a lot (taken generically, things, experiences), but most cannot have everything. So do you want to take fabulous trips instead of buying as many clothes and household items? And even, do you want to travel more economically (not uncomfortably!) so you can travel to more places? And then, though it's hard to think of this while you're so young, would you like to be able to retire, take a sabbatical, change jobs to something that pays less but is more fun, and do so earlier rather than later? And be able to continue to do a lot of things that may take $$ during times of less $$ coming in? These are the tough questions!

catgirl

Veteran

I bought a book in the 90s called "Simplify Your Life" which had something like 100 things you could do from small to huge changes, like downsize your home, eat the same thing everyday (large batches of homemade muffins for breakfast, etc.), don't get the newspaper, and of course, wear a "uniform". It is remarkably hard for me to make even small changes, but it did open my eyes to how one could be frugal and not suffer.

Aziraphale

Veteran

I also find it difficult to make changes. And I don't have any intention of living as frugally as the young woman who wrote that article! But there must be a happy medium.

I'm also watching my mother die slowly and horribly. There's nothing like it for focusing your energy on what's important. The pleasure of buying lost a lot of its oomph once I realized that what I need to collect in life are experiences, not things.

Angie

(website)

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Maneera

(website)

Veteran

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through Aziraphale. It's very hard to watch a parent go....nothing like that to make you prioritize your life. It's hard....

A similar incident happened in our lives last year. At the young age of 60, my father in law died of a stroke. He was in perfect health and was reading a book late into the night. By the time my mother in law found him, he had been dead about 2 hours. That really changed some things for us. We realised life's too short and unpredictable to plan things and leave them for the future....saying stuff like 'someday I'm going to go to Paris' or 'someday I'm going to claim I've lived on every continent, even if it was just for a month'. Because THOSE are the things I really really want. Not have a closet full of things. Things are nice, but things are not my ambition.

As for your questions Unfrumped -- they are so so wise. I ask myself such questions all the time. I have taken a sabbatical twice already in my young life. I've changed my career too....to a far lesser paying one but one I enjoy more. I was an architect/ interior designer with crazy working hours that took a toll on my health. One day I just gave it up...just like that. I started writing instead because I enjoy it a lot more and I'm very good at it. It gave me so much free time. I saved on the 3 hours I wasted on commutes everyday, driving such long distances. Instead I started exercising and spending time with my dogs more. I loved it, hence I put in a lot more into my work. As a result I got more and more clients and reached a happy place with my work. Because it's freelance, some months are amazing finance wise and some aren't. But even then I make sure I use my time productively and actively pursue other interests when work pressure is lesser. Somehow, I've never felt financially pressurized even with lesser work. Maybe I'm subconsciously making wiser choices then?

Yes, I would rather have fabulous vacations than things. And yes, I'd happily choose economical travel if it's fun!

YLF is definitely making me think more and be wiser. I see so many people who are so passionate about fashion and look great but aren't overspending all the time. People plan their purchases! And add only few pieces per season! It's new to me. To be honest, I've never planned purchases before. YLF will have a positive effect on my life. It already makes me want to be able to show my creativity by playing in my closet too....and as a result, I haven't felt the need to shop:)

Una, I can't ever eat the same thing over and over! Aren't there creative ways to be frugal? Frugal is different from cheap...so a happy balance is kind of tricky.

Kirstjen

Veteran

I agree that experiences are certainly more memorable than things.

It can be hard to, in the moment, stop yourself from the impulsive purchases, at least for me personally. It is easier for me if I actually make a formal commitment to not shop for clothes for a month or 90 days, or quit buying cosmetics & toiletries until I use up what I've got stockpiled. If I do that, I tend to stay away from websites & stores that would make me break that commitment. It's a lot easier to go cold turkey for awhile than it is to back away from the mascara when you are already in Sephora.

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

The part that resonated with me in the KonMari book, and this article as well, is to take a hard look at your goals and values and make sure your spending is in line with that. I certainly have had problems with thoughtless spending (who hasn't in our society) but also with trying to conserve to a point that it was reducing my quality of life a lot. Like Anne mentions, sometimes it's worth it to me to spend money to save time. I grew up with very fiscally responsible parents, so if I can get by with what I have, I try to do that. But if 'investing' in a better kitchen tool will improve the time I spend in the kitchen, or a sturdy pair of shoes will make me enjoy my day, it's worth it. The real problem is that you can talk yourself into buying almost anything with that rationale - you have to make sure that you're being honest with yourself!

Thistle

Veteran

Interesting read! We'll have our house paid for in a year despite having two kids in daycare (more than double the cost of our mortgage!) That will be the last of our debt, so I feel fiscally responsible.

Weight fluctuations of having those two girls has played serious havoc with my wardrobe. Yes, I have spent a lot there, but not sure I could make do with what I had before. At least not comfortably.

Interestingly, I think I spend way more on the girls than I should. I know this relates to me growing up in a very poor household., and now that I can afford cute outfits and fun toys for them, I don't think twice about it. Still, that is one area I wouldn't want to cut back on.

Perhaps if I thought of putting the money in their college funds instead . . .

Runcarla

Veteran

Thistle, some kind of savings plan for education would be wise. We set money aside for the DS's starting when they were around 7 or 8. When they went to school there was no impact on the family's standard of living, because they tapped into funds that were already dedicated for the purpose.

DS#2 told me (this spring when he graduated) that with the exception of a prince from a foreign country, he was the only person in his peer group without a student loan.

anne

Veteran

Just wanted to say that our lives aren't that austere!! I feel like I created the wrong impression slightly, perhaps because I am happen not to spend on the same things as the young lady in the article.

But we get take away every 2-3 weeks, DH loves coffee so though he tries not to buy it too often, we have a coffee machine and grinder at home (DH loves coffee so much that his version of the 5:2 diet is just to drink lattes on the 2 days!) Like Carla, my DH likes a few more creature comforts than I do so it balances me out somewhat.

My upbringing wasn't poor either. My parents prioritised things like travel (and generousity) and education. And I shell out a fair bit for piano lessons and sports stuff for my daughters.

I do like to give them experiences rather than things. So I took DD12 to the movies for her birthday, and DD9 iceskating.

anne

Veteran

I have just learnt that my city has the most expensive coffees in the country ( I think about $4 each)!

Lyn D.

Veteran

Ta Una!
this has been one of those threads I go away and still think about.
What I struggle with is having to consider my family- I can downsize my own life only within the boundaries of the lifestyle we all live in.
If I was a single person with steady, paid employment I could make much bigger changes more easily.

Sal

Veteran

Great article. I have some areas where I can waste money, funnily enough clothing is not really one of them. My area is food; I rarely throw food out but can choose expensive meats or cheeses at times, and buy some things that could be home made. I am a keen cook and entertainer. I think it is good to remind ourselves that the cost is not just to us but to the environment ehrn we over purchase. I need reminders of this at times. I don't put myself on strict bans but try to have months with very little spending. July has been like that for me.

Anonymous

Just sent the link to my daughter who spent a few weeks this summer decluttering her room. She is 21 and soon to be graduating college.

I have spent the last several years decluttering myself and stopping myself from buying things that at the time were a "great deal". I used up the stuff I had and then bought stuff mostly on sale that I knew I would use. I keep a budget spreadsheet and make yearly comparisons of our spending so that DH and I will have a better picture of what we will need in retirement since we are nearing 60. The last 2 to 3 years we have saved over 50% of gross income, mainly by cutting back and thinking twice about what we buy. We do go out to dinner several times a month, I do not have a clothing budget, but do stop to think about what I need to replace in my wardrobe.

What I think really woke up my DH about his spending was cleaning out his parents house these last 4 months and all the stuff they had accumulated that we are just paying people to haul away now. There were many items that were new/never used. Some we were able to takeover to Goodwill ourselves, some went to auction, and finally the rest had to be hauled away to either be donated or junked. That part cost nearly $1000. dollars and still more stuff needs to be hauled away. I just think of all the money that was wasted buying that stuff and now paying someone to get rid of it.

Anonymous

Another book people might like is "Your Money or Your Life." I can't remember the author, but if you are interested, you can goggle it. I read it in college. It was eye opening to say the least.

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