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One positive thing you got from your mother about style/clothing

April

Veteran

Happy Mothers' Day!

Many of us - myself included - have elsewhere shared the not-great messages we got from our mothers regarding style or our appearance.

Today, I am trying to think of something useful and positive that my mother imparted.

I would say that when I was quite young, like age 5 (1969), my mom still had all her glamorous 1950s items like gloves and rhinestone jewelry. She let me dress up in them and it made me feel that this sort of grown-up, feminine dressing was quite special, something to look forward to.

It was unspoken but I'll take it.

General

40 replies

Latest reply was from Junia234

cat2

Veteran

Hmm, a sense of independence? We didn’t have a lot of money, and in middle school she told me what I could spend on manufactured clothing and that she would help me make anything else I needed. She had a 40s sense of style but to her credit helped me make the then trending wide leg pants, and a lot of those 70s wrap skirts.

RachelNZ

My Mum gave us clothing allowances from 13 and we were responsible for deciding what we would purchase for casual wear. This didn't include our school uniforms and clothes we needed for playing sports. It was a really useful tool to teach us to manage money in a manner that didn't have major consequences. You had to weigh up options within the constraints i.e. the branded tee-shirt everyone was wearing vs a cheaper option.

From a style perspective, Mum makes an effort with her appearance and enjoys styling her outfits and I have definitely absorbed this from her.

nuancedream

Veteran

My mother never "taught" me style, but she was always stylish. I guess one thing I did learn from her was how footwear and accessories can make or break an outfit.

Laurie

Veteran

My Mom carried Coach bags when Coach was still considered to be an exclusive brand, even though she was not familiar or concerned with most designer wear (thus, nor was I!). She didn't swap bags unless it was very dressy evening outfits. That classic, flap over saddle bag with or without a clasp was the only bag I carried for 20 years, too.

JAileen

Veteran

My mother taught me to sew and knit, skills I use today.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

April, thank you for this positive thread! Gloves have become a huge part of your style, and now we know the root of the stylish accessory. This is where it all started

Generally, my stylish Mama led by example. I learned sooooo much from her. Top thing on my list:

It's not about the price tag of the wardrobe item (large or small). It's about the quality, fit, and how it's worn and styled. Execution and confidence make the difference.

LJP

Veteran

My mother taught me how to knit and sew , and led by example in decorating and entertaining and gardening . I followed her lead in sports like curling , and learned most of what I know about that game from her . I wish I had absorbed her ability to be quiet in the face of adversity , and how to carry on with dignity when you feel you have none .

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cjh

(website)

Veteran

Always dress up a little bit more than you think you should.

Irina

Veteran

I think I inherited from my mother her love of clothes and deeply ingrained need to dress neatly. Caring for clothes, mending, ironing was something never discussed, it was a way to live. It was probably rooted in having modest means for the most of her life.

Roberta

Veteran

A sewing machine! And a love of natural fabrics; cotton, linen, wool.

She never, ever said a word about what I ate or weighed, but she told me to stand up straight at least twice a day. That made an impact!

MsMaven

Veteran

My mother sewed most of my clothes as a little girl, as she did for my 2 sisters. She was very proper. For many occasions, such as shopping downtown, she wore hat, gloves, nylons, heels, and of course carried a bag. She worked for a milliner before marriage, and used to teach hat decorating classes in our front room.

Most important thing she taught: I'd say proper fit. She fussed over the clothes she sewed, and she altered store-bought clothes and hand-me-downs from our aunts.

And she also had perfect posture.

Late1950s.

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Suntiger

I can say lots of good things about my mom

She's always been accepting and non judgemental of my choices, style and otherwise.

She taught me about thrifting, and while it's not the majority of my wardrobe, interesting things can be found.

She had books like Color Me Beautiful around for my early style education.

We bonded over style. When my dad was watching sports, we'd escape to the shops! Pro tip- No One is at the mall during Superbowl

madeline

Veteran

When your clothes are pressed, you look well-dressed.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Ha, that's hilarious, Suntiger. Love it!

It's hard to pick just one positive lesson my mother taught. When I was little, she opened the trunk of her 50s clothes like your mother did, April, and let me play with the glamorous things I found there. She sewed most of my clothes (and some of her own), and very early on, she gave me choices -- what colour did I want the dress to be, what style of collar or sleeve (from the options on the pattern), what fabric (within parameters). This helped me develop my own taste. She taught me how to recognize quality construction. Later, as a teen, I had a clothing allowance, which taught me how to prioritize purchases and figure out what I could afford. In my early teens, she took me and my friends to the big city so we could shop there instead of at our boring suburban mall -- this was so freeing and so fun!

She loved clothes herself, but there was a period when, for a variety of reasons, she didn't spend much money on herself and let her style completely flounder. So in the 80s, when I worked in fashion retail during college, I was thrilled to be able to invite her to the store where I worked and encourage her to buy herself a whole new wardrobe following a major life transition.

I guess the best lesson she taught me was to have fun with fashion!

Zaeobi

(website)

Veteran

Her best advice was to never touch my eyebrows. Probably learnt first-hand from the thin pencil brows craze

Yeah they may not be 'perfect' according to fashion gospel (I'm sure most of us have seen the 'rules' on which part of your brow should align with your nose/ eye) but that's OK!

Her best implicit advice was around fit - I had many an outfit tailored or made from scratch when we would go visit family. My solutions around western wear are a bit more temporary (belting to create a waist, rolling up sleeves etc), but similar principles still apply.

Bijou

Veteran

To dress to please myself - as a child she had no problem with me wearing long dresses when playing outside. She thought it was good that I was getting wear from things that I would quickly outgrow - nothing was kept for 'good', and I could choose my own clothes.

bella

(website)

Veteran

So many things! I think my mother has always been fashionable in a practical way and she always pays meticulous attention to grooming. But since you insisted on one thing: Don't buy skirts if you don't have the tops to wear with them. She would always make sure that the skirts we were about to purchase had tops that went with them. If we didn't already have one at home, we'd buy 1-2 tops together with the skirts. She knew that otherwise, they'd be orphaned. I still follow her advice.

Staysfit

Veteran

My mom taught me to always wear comfortable shoes. Sage advice which I continue to follow.

Helena

Veteran

My mom taught me that it's nice to have something "a little bit different", meaning just a little detail or unique touch to make it your own. And that navy never fails. She (and my dad) also has no time for brands and marketing so even in the brand-conscious 80s I had to learn confidence and contentment in my BiWay outfits (Canadians, who remembers?!?) when the 'cool kids' all had Polos, and it's served me well my whole life to know I don't need what others have to feel good about myself.

ChristelJ

Veteran

With my mom, putting together outfits was an enjoyable creative process. She taught me it was ok to find pleasure in playing with one's wardrobe. Mom was and still is, in her 90s, quietly elegant and enjoys picking just the right necklace for her outfit each day. I have inherited her love of the process of getting dressed, and her love of necklaces, too!

RobinF

Veteran

When I was young, my mom was always interested in style and dressed stylishly even with very little money. She was the cool mom in mini skirts and bell bottom pants.

As an adult, she was my best shopping partner. We were able to bounce things off each other in a way that made shopping decisions easier, even though our personal tastes were different.

Jules

Veteran

Specific to fashion, i would say my mother taught me to embrace colour and pattern. She also never said anything negative about my fluctuating weight and body changes as a child and teen. On a bigger scale also applied to the decorative and fine arts, she taught me to appreciate artisanal crafting traditions over the mass produced. She travelled widely in her lifetime and didn’t buy a lot in her later years, but always had an eye for authentic, unique small maker items. Here is a straw bag she bought in Columbia maybe about 10 years ago. I always admired it and after she passed I found it hanging in her closet arranged to face out with this scarf tied on it. Now I have it on the back of my closet door at home and of course brought it along with me to Costa Rica this week.

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April

Veteran

I asked this question of my high school best friend, whose mother I know very well, and she said "How to work the markdown racks".

That was one I learned too, but I found it was something I had to unlearn in later life, when it was saddling me with a closetful of orphans that had all been 40% off. A useful skill when you have quite a limited budget; less useful when you have to make outfits that actually go together.

I guess I wish our moms had added something like, "But you must be just as picky among the markdowns as you would be on something expensive."

The Cat

Veteran

The following are things that I have learnt from my mother and that she is still practicing at the age of 91:
- Wearing a column of colour instantly makes you look more elegant
- The power of these finishing touches: well-coiffed hair; visible lipstick; necklace and/or earrings; neat, polished footwear; a bag which coordinates nicely with your clothing
- Aim to buy quality items at reasonable prices and with an eye to how they can be combined with items you already have in your closet

Suz

(website)

Veteran

April, that's what we have Angie for!

In all seriousness, I'll bet a lot of us wish we'd learned the second part of that dictum from our mums. Oh well. Onwards!

rachylou

Veteran

My mom believed in nice clothes - no buying things ‘you’ll grow into’ etc. - even though she was aggressively frugal. And sophistication. And knowing who you are and dressing accordingly… for marketing purposes lol

Eliza

Veteran

Such a great thread! Rarely would I quote another post verbatim, but Angie captured the essence of my mother’s style lessons. She knew herself and took pride in how she dressed; she focused her budget on the most impactful pieces. Angie’s statement described her well: “It's not about the price tag of the wardrobe item (large or small). It's about the quality, fit, and how it's worn and styled. Execution and confidence make the difference.” Thanks, Angie.

Gail

Veteran

My Mum was very stylish and ALWAYS looked put together right down to her hair, footwear and nails. She had a small budget but managed to spread it around with a few really good items and filled in with others . Once she had a massive stroke at age 62 everything came crashing to a halt and it was very sad to see this once vibrant dresser only be able to wear items that she could wear sitting comfortably and that my Father could easily dress her in. I always remember her telling me that scruffy badly looked after footwear could ruin an entire outfit !
Miss her.

kkards

Veteran

Like Bijou my mom thought me to dress to please myself.
Like you April my mother thought me how to work the markdown rack, and like you I’ve had to unlearn that. Or perhaps better to say learn a different approach then the one that was drilled into my head.
On a practical note she thought me a lot about how to recognize quality and how to care for garments of all kinds.
Over time our taste and style has diverged but I still love shopping with her. It’s always been an activity we’ve bonded over. In fact I’m in the airport heading home after a Mother’s Day visit and yes we hit the mall. It’s getting harder as she’s 88 and doesn’t have the stamina she did only 5 years ago, but still something she really wanted to do.

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