On the cusp of.....?

Sal

I always knew 2016 involved several changes for me, and our family.

1) My youngest son is now at intermediate (middle) school and is a very independent young lad.

2) My older son is in his second year at high school and settled and thriving.

3) My role as Board Chair for the Primary (Elementary) school has come to an end after six years. I did not restand at the last election and my position ends this week!! While this received only a nominal salary it was an important worthwhile and at times stressful position taking up quite a lot of time.

4) Our business is having an up and down year....depending on the next couple of months we may have to make some decisions. But on the other hand we are making excellent progress towards signing a big deal that will change the business in every way. Which way will it go...probably 66% likely to go ahead.....

5) I have never really dieted in my life. I have mostly been fit and active, and am lucky to be healthy. I have always been an average size - I do have a good body image and don't tend to obsess over my imperfections. But I also feel that as I age, my diet may have to change, otherwise my waist will continue to thicken, and that I could learn to curb some of my greedy tendencies especially snacking. This scares me a little as I am someone that does better when I don't obsess over food. I have signed up for an online coaching support group and have some goals in terms of increasing protein, decreasing sugar, and decreasing wine, plus some fitness challenges. The decreasing wine scares me the most although I am not a big drinker I do look forward to glasses of wine in the weekend and with friends.....

Adding to the general malaise are a couple of other factors - a sick cat (now much better), and most importantly, my parents have just been on a planned three week trip to the UK. My Mum broke her hip on day five, spending two weeks in hospital and then there were a lot of ups and downs, so they only returned home two days ago (three weeks delay due to health issues) and my Mum is very weak after the long flight from London to NZ, combined with her hip and existing medical conditions. I have almost been heading to the UK about three times but did not go in the end. At the moment she is pretty immobile.

So why am on the cusp?

My work from home position needs to change for my ongoing career progression so I am considering looking for additional/other work, but then if the business deal comes off I am extremely busy for three years!! I am missing the "importance" of the chair position and am considering what I can find to take the place of this role. I am nervous about confronting my diet and wondering if this really is necessary when I am actually fit and healthy..... And it has rained here every day for three weeks which always does my head in.

I do better when I am busy, and involved, and I feel a little distant and understimulated right now. I have a couple of simple actions to take that will hopefully improve that.

Thanks for reading this novel and I am interested in how you cope with these "flat", or "holding periods" of your life.

9 years ago

Off Topic

11 replies

Latest reply was from Helen11

Chris987

Veteran

You have gone a long way toward handling it all simply by identifying that you are in a transition. And you are dealing with a LOT, don't underestimate that Having family members and pets with health issues is stressful even without any other stressors in your life.

When I've been in those situations I tend to focus on the little things I can control since I can't make the big changes happen any faster or slower than they are going to happen. I do some amount of thinking about "if this happens I will do this......but not too much. I remind myself that I have lived through big changes before, I didn't always know how it would work out but I always did figure it out in good time and I can and will do that again. Then do something fun with family and friends.

One note on confronting diet...big kudos to you for being proactive about your health. Making improvements so you stay healthy in long term is a really great form of taking care of yourself. One of the best pieces of advice I ever received was something my personal trainer said....when it comes to food she recommends thinking in terms of overall nutrition (being healthy, eating the right amount of healthy food to nourish your body and maintain a healthy weight) ........do not think in terms of a "diet" you have to go on.

9 years ago

Anonymous

Sally - I feel for you, and think I understand a bit of how you might be feeling. I have had a tumultuous last , say , 3 years myself, and am finally thinking there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I'm sorry your mum has gone through so much - at our parents' age, travel is hard enough as it is without a serious health issue to make it more complicated.

I am self-employed, always have been, and know all too well the ups and downs of running a business. I don't know what your business is, but I'm curious how long it will take to learn the outcome of the proposal for the new contract (or whatever it is). That little bit of anxiety or uncertainty could be fuelling your general malaise over what-to-do-next career-wise. Do you find something new now? Or wait until you know if your business will need you ? Maybe focusing on health and fitness will be a good thing while you wait for the dust to settle on the work front - ?
It's certainly very real and true that as we age, even though we may be healthy, our fitness level and the requirements for staying fit and toned change dramatically. I'm a few years older than you , so I get to be the voice of experience here.

Ramping up your exercise and nutrition education and practice can be absorbing and interesting - and challenging, and I find it a great distraction from financial worries when I'm confronted with those.

I found that I increased my reading level once my life outside of Jill's school needs changed - and I now often read a couple of books a week. That really takes the focus off of other things too and can help change your viewpoint on things when you are feeling down.

To end on a lighter note: I'd shoot myself if it rained for 3 solid weeks. Seriously. And I too love wine on weekends, or even during the week after a long day. It's one of my few pleasures, and despite trying to give it up completely many times, I just, well, enjoy it and try to be moderate.

Keep talking and asking questions - it's good for the soul.

xo
Lisa'

9 years ago

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Oh, Sally. LOTS GOING ON. And you always seem cool, calm and collected to me despite it all. I'll add positive, witty and gracious too. My hat of to you.

First, sorry about Mum. What an ordeal. Sending healing thoughts.

Second, you must be sooo proud of your boys. And glad that kitty is better too. What a relief.

Take the time to unwind and restore after you step down from Board Chair and see the business deal through to its conclusion. May I suggest not taking on anything else huge before then, but you CAN think about it. See people. Arrange informationals. Catch up on EVERYTHING. Breath. Learn a new skill. You'll know in a couple of months what the biz is doing, and then you can fire all cylinders.

As for nutrition, unless you are highly allergic to a food group, I don't believe in obsessive diets, but rather in mindful eating and enjoying life that is too short. Have a glass of wine over the weekend! Tea, cake, chocolate, bread, pasta! You're active and healthy, which is a LOT to be grateful for.

9 years ago

Sal

Veteran

Thanks Chris, Lisa and Angie. Your thoughts are all relevant and wise. I have been very busy for 14 years, and it is strange not to be as busy. But I sense I have been using busyness as a reason not to confront my career head on. We have an engineering consultancy with 12 staff, and I do the finance, marketing, writing projects and "general other stuff" from a home based office. We have been in existence for 12 years and we are highly specialised and have been successful. But it is getting harder and harder in some ways - compliance costs are huge, insurance costs, and it can be a little dispiriting. It has made financial and logistical sense for me to work within the company - due to travel, our lifestyle and the amount of running around after our sons. And it is fulfilling to be able to contribute to the growth of your own business. There is usually a trade off between stress and hours and convenience and having more than one income source and family life etc...

The deal is a big one and DH has been working on this for a very long time. He is close, but I know these things can fall over at any stage.

I do have lots of projects to do, and there are a few feelers I can put out. it has helped to write it all down.

9 years ago

UmmLila (Lisa)

Veteran

I would't call it a flat or holding period -- it does sound like a period of sustained stress more than anything else.

Like you and so many others, I am in a juggling act too. I am self employed full time, husband is self employed (and not managing his business well IMO), have a sick dog, have an almost-80 mom with health issues, trying myself to stay healthy and in shape as I head up to 50 and have had a difficult school carpooling responsibility that added about six hours to my week. I've offloaded one of these (the car pool) and it's crazy how much more relaxed that makes me despite everything else.

There's a difference between having free time you choose and empty time. And it's easier to have the empty time when the weather is pleasant, to be sure. Is there anything you've been wanting to do and not had time for? (I've been swearing I'll organize my sock basket for months but now that it's finally a little warm and sunny I don't think so.)

9 years ago

rachylou

Veteran

Oh, well don't take any advice from me! Lol. I'm terrible at being in between, changing pace, finding direction. When dd went off to school - I got a dog. Lol. A forever two-year-old, essentially keeping my life the same. I crave a base constant.

But it sounds like you know what you're about. That's good.

9 years ago

Maneera

(website)

Veteran

I feel for you, Sally. I'm glad to know that your mum is back and will continue to heal at home. And that your sick kitty is doing better.

I'm a lot like you. I like busyness....regardless of how productive it really is. I'll spend an entire day cleaning out my closets and rearranging and 'creating' more work for myself.

A couple years back, I had too much work. I'm self-employed too as a content writer, and work was in abundance. There never was an end to projects, and I liked it that way. Then I decided I wanted to only do projects I actually *like* or basically - stuff I would read myself. Plus, content writing is slowly dying as everything on the Internet is becoming more visual (lots of visuals, very little content).

So I made a conscious decision to hold off and give myself time to 'think'. I'm clueless career-wise too....I have no direction and it bothers me a lot. But I do know that driving myself crazy regarding this will NOT help.

May I suggest that you 'learn the art of relaxing' in this period? It's very important, yet few of us really know what it is to RELAX. I always wanted to 'do something' every second of my day and that left me tired & cranky when my work flow dwindled. I'm becoming much better at relaxing these days.....but it took time.

What I do still do is read a lot. Like Lisa, I find that it's the perfect escape. I also write when I'm idle. In fact, when I was in a phase much like the one you are in last year, I wrote a blog (https://thediaryofaserialdreamer.wordpress.com) and it really helped me. I don't write in it regularly anymore....but I know I will if I'm in one of 'those' moods. Maybe this post will strike a chord with you: https://thediaryofaserialdream.....-for-long/

Relax. Unwind. Breathe. Cook (if u enjoy that). Play around with your wardrobe. Do whatever you find therapeutic. You have been through quite a bit; it'll help for you to take a breather while the work deal plays itself out and you have some concrete answers that tell you what direction to take your career into. Good luck!

9 years ago

Sal

Veteran

Thanks Lisa, it sounds like we are facing some of the same things, even though you are about on the other side of the world!! Getting rid of that driving sounds a very good plan!

Cheers Rachy - yes pets are perpetual children, yet so wise as well.

Thanks Maneera - I will look at your blog and will comment more on your off topic post. I appreciate your kind and wise words:)

9 years ago

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

Nodding my head as I read your current challenges and thoughts - I think many of us in the same basic age group share some of these. I know it's hard to deal with any type of illness or injury no matter what age, but it makes it so personal with it's a parent. Wishing your mom a speedy recovery. Your sons are both coming into their own I imagine, that must be exciting and challenging too.

And my gosh speaking of rain - the rain here in Texas has been really relentless. We needed it to catch up after a long drought but it seems to be coming every day and now so many places are flooding. The forecast is for more rain every day this week and into next. Sigh.

I think many of us on YLF must have gained a few pounds over the last year - maybe we need our own support group :-). I've been trying to get back into regular weight training again as it's always the best way for me to get back in shape. And not baking too much bread (one of my favorite hobbies). Otherwise I don't diet much, just watch my portions and that darn wine at night.

Best wishes for your work/business opportunities to turn out the way you want. You'll find the right balance. Keep pushing forward, right?

9 years ago

Sal

Veteran

Thanks TexStyle...I think there are a lot of us on the forum between 40 and 60 and you can get pressure from aging parents and your own children, plus running your own business, and there is more pressure on all of us to be progressing in a career, keep slim and trendy etc..

Mmm, those extra pounds do go straight to my middle now!! I want to tweak my diet a little, I manage five healthy days and eat mostly decent meals, but I am sure my snacking is letting me down a couple of days a week.

I find the rain a challenge and I bet in Texas it would be hard too - but it sounds like it was sorely needed.

9 years ago

Helen11

Veteran

Oh Sally, what a lot of things to think about!
I don't have any wise words, but please know I am thinking of you and your mum's recovery. I hope she feels better to be home again.
Six years as Board chair for the school is a big commitment. And the work and time required is often not recognised by outsiders. No wonder you feel a bit flat after finishing up.
Do you have other small projects in mind? Photo albums, reorganising furniture or decorating, getting to the bottom of the ironing basket . Maybe that's just me!
And as for the rain! I once lived in a place where the microclimate was such that it rained every day for 3 months! Everything in the house felt damp all the time. We should have installed a fireplace, but instead decided to move 'home' where it is much drier.
Though it's rained today, with the traditional downpour right at the end of the school day!

9 years ago

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