I love to give compliments, find it harder get them, and especially love it when my private “Style Council” aka my three (sometimes brutally) honest daughters tell me they like what I’m wearing!! I know that if they say it they mean it!

I am British so obviously I go rigid with embarrassment if any one so much as looks in my direction however I am secretly thrilled if I get a complement and have been in training on how to the receive one graciously.

I just came across this article and was reminded of this topic. Even if you don’t read the German, I’m sure you can tell it’s about the fashion choices of Angela Merkel. On one hand, it says she has gotten to a point where her fashion & politics speak for themselves, but on the other....there’s this article.
I suppose it isn’t your age or point in your career—not sure how Merkel could go any higher—but also about the field you’re in. https://m.gala.de/beauty-fashi.....12350.html

The compliments I receive these days are not related to my clothing. I wear all black because I run a restaurant. I want to be a kabuki stagehand rather than stand out. I want to look professional.

I get compliments from my crew that are very strange. The females will say sweet things like "you look pretty" when I have just applied makeup. Funny when it loses its freshness I never get that compliment. The other things I get from the females are "you have a great figure for your age." Kind of a backhanded compliment.

Then there is a cook, who I recently fired, who likes to come in and harass me. He used to call me "little lady." Last time he came in he asked if my b00bs were real. Fortunately I have always been thick-skinned about sexual comments. I am not a thick skinned person but for some reason I just take these comments in stride. I am from a different generation, not the me too generation, and just figured this is boys being boys who were going to harass you if you worked in their world. I have plenty of stories over the years of behavior that would be considered illegal but feared retaliation if I reported them. And the men that most upset me were not the harassers but the perfect gentlemen underminers who saw me as competition and back stabbed me. I'm not saying sexual harassment is ok. It's just there are many ways women can be undermined and they are not illegal they are prized male corporate warfare tactics that are rewarded.

This is a fascinating topic. Thanks for starting it.

As a young person in business I definitely did not like compliments on my appearance - and I don’t think I dressed particularly well. I veered from a bit too loud to a bit too conservative from day to day. And being blonde sometimes led to a certain type of jokes.

Fast forward 25 years and I am more comfortable in my own skin. I try to compliment others - and I like it when people notice that I have made an effort.

I very very rarely comment on weight and do not like others talking about this. People lose and gain weight for all sorts of reasons, good and bad. I struggled hearing people compliment a family member on her gorgeous figure when she was bulimic.

This is a very interesting topic. Sal raised a few good points. I am very careful about commenting about weight and appearance. I worked in an adolescence eating disorder clinic for several years. Body image is a very loaded topic.
I dislike men complimenting me on my appearance which seems to happen. I thought that would stop now that I am in my 60s.
I did have a young woman compliment me on the way I had put an outfit together. The way she said it felt very genuine and I felt good about that. I thanked her for it.
At work I would prefer to be 'complimented' on the job I was doing. My work didn't operate like that exactly but work is work.

Complimenting on body appearance is just weird to me unless the complimenter knows the subject is actively working on their body and comments on it (in essence, fishing for compliments). Even then, I prefer to give a “good for you for pursuing fitness and health” kind of response. Honestly, I’m just not looking that hard at people’s bodies, ya know?

I have gotten the “are those real?” question in my life, and I respond with a beat or two of a direct, expressionless gaze, and then quote Seinfeld’s ex: “They’re real, and they’re spectacular.” Making a joke always helps me deflect uncomfortable moments.

I get compliments on my dressing from time to time. I suppose it makes me a little uncomfortable, simply because I don't like a lot of attention, but I genuinely appreciate the compliments and would rather get them than not. I say thank you and often add some other piece of information, such as where I got a particular item or what my motivation was for buying a particular item.

When I give compliments, I generally try to focus more on the outfit itself rather than the person, at least if it's a stranger. So instead of saying, "You look great!" I will say, "That's such a pretty top" or "I love the color of your jeans" or "Those shoes are amazing!" I think that helps the comment feel less creepy and less body oriented. If the person I'm admiring is a friend, I will probably start with "You look great!" and then say what I like about the outfit.

I'm in my forties, and I do sometimes dress down to avoid being noticed, especially if I'm going to be in the company of a lot of men. Sometimes I also avoid wearing makeup for that reason. I can certainly understand the need to dress very conservatively if you are female in a male-dominated field, especially when you are just starting out. I use clothing for lots of emotional reasons: to feel happy, to feel relaxed, and to feel safe. It all depends on your emotional need at the time.

Another thought, and do recall that I am rarely if ever in a corporate environment and most of my compliments come from fellow congregants: My most touching came from a shy 13 year old girl who said she liked my style. A teenager!!! (Her moms dress in colors that flatter them, but not a whole lot of style though I love them both dearly.) So in retrospect I think I dress not to get compliments but to show that one can be in one's mid-sixties and dress with a little flare and fun and not look like one has given up. And no doubt with my gray hair, these kids think I am in my 80s!

When I was younger I was the absolute worst at taking compliments - cringing, denial, embarrassment. With age I have learned to be more gracious (I hope). I mostly get hair comments - so much so I started carrying around my hairdresser's card. Or hat comments - people love my wide hats.
I am shy but am free and flowing with compliments whenever I see my friends, and working on complimenting people I see regularly through work or routine.
It is interesting, if not surprising, to see what a complicated and loaded topic this is for women.

I guess it is a complicated and loaded topic for women, although I don’t really find it so. I know my husband and I have discussed it and he would genuinely like to give women ( he works with almost all women, there is one other male in a staff of about 8, and there are a lot of women clients) compliments if he really likes something about their outfits. He has learned that is essentially safe to do so about footwear, very occasionally skirts provided they are longish skirts, and maybe earrings. Pretty much above neck or below knee. He is very conscious of not wanting to be thought inappropriate. And I think it’s kind of a shame how much he has to worry about it when I can give a woman a compliment without worrying about it. I am more careful I suppose about giving a man a compliment though, maybe just a comment on a really nice shirt or sweater. I recognise these things can be fraught. But mostly it would be nice to just have a genuine human interaction? Humans have paid attention to appearance since the caveman ( and cave women) days right?

OMG, Janet, you and I are so opposite! It often takes me a minute to figure out what you’re saying, and some of your comments push me to write more clearly. I treasure that about you—learning to understand other people is hard, and so important. But that last comment takes the cake! I understand your logic, but truly cannot “get” it. Even in the privacy of my own home, with my kid in the other room, trying to say those words makes me extremely uncomfortable!

I feel your post less about compliments and more about dressing to fit in vs. dressing to stand out (or just in a more unique & personal way). Certainly when I am in a new work role or other new-to-me situation I tend to want to blend in and not seek attention, and that’s reflected in how I dress. As I get more comfortable I get a little freer. I’m in kind of an interesting situation where I work with all guys who are not fashion concious or even really business casual (IT - old jeans and tee shirts are considered appropriate for even for big city conferences) so I can really wear just about anything and no one will say a word. They did more when we were all younger but now nobody cares at all which works for me!

FI, I’m laughing but I can tell that my comments often do challenge you. Thanks for appreciating a differing perspective!

For what it’s worth, regarding that last bit about responding to “are they real” body comments... I did not always respond like that. I’ve had “me too” moments in my younger life that were based on a premise of flattery and manipulative compliments. They cowed and shamed me at the time, but I’ve grown a lot since then. If anyone tries that with me now, they best prepare to feel uncomfortable themselves.

Sometimes awkward compliments can be deflected by focusing on the climate of the conversation. I've had some success with stream of consciousness redirects like " I'm not sure I really like where this is going.."

Also I have no problem running away if necessary hahaha

"Are they real"?!?!? Yikes! I say call out the offender and say sweetly "Are what real?" Make him feel ashamed!
I don't mind compliments if they're not creepy aka "you look gooood" from men. It's a small town and I'm in a very public job, so can't say B%¿¿*^ off. I just say thank you", make sure my wedding ring is obvious, and don't engage further.