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On line shopping

Debbie

Veteran

I have typed this twice and I keep losing this.
My husband came in our bedroom tonight and wanted to talk about my shopping.. I thought it was budget and I was ready to do battle because I am under by quite a bit.
It wasn't. He wanted to discuss the amount of merchandize that is coming in and of the house. I have kept one package out of five this week and he thinks it is ridiculous I explained that right now it is easier for me to try things on at home. There is more variety in merchandize and brands. Paying full price does not bother me but I will not do that in store when I could punch the keys on my computer and save 40%.( Banana Republic I am looking at you.
Any suggestions on how to break this return cycle or hide it better..
Thank-you!

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20 replies

Latest reply was from pastrygirl

deb

Veteran

Is he home when the delivery is made?

Marmee

Veteran

What exactly is his objection to the packages coming and going? Is it boxes piling up? The time you spend returning? The UPS carbon footprint? Maybe if you understood his thinking you could explain your reasoning.

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

If you two have agreed on a budget and you're sticking to it, why does he care? (Not that I'd put it that way to him, I'm just saying.) I think a lot of guys don't understand how much harder women have it most of the time as far as finding things that fit. Most guys can go to any store and buy clothes that are passable, at least, without even trying them on.

When I get in a buy / return mode, I have to admit that I don't make a point of making sure my DH can see all the packages as they come in and out of the house. I don't hide things - that would make me uncomfortable - but it's definitely not front and center. That's a little easier for me because I work at home and am usually home when stuff arrives. He does get aggravated sometimes with the cc bill, because with shipping and return times often the return isn't unti the next payment cycle which makes it look like I'm spending a lot more than I ultimately am.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I agree -- maybe try to find out what his concern with the deliveries actually is. Then you can better address it. Perhaps he is worried about the environment, perhaps he is convinced you are keeping more than you are, perhaps he just doesn't understand the issues for women. Good luck!!

Glory

Veteran

you might need to go underground

just kidding - I agree about finding out on what his concern is. I really need to try things at home - those lying mirrors in some of the stores make me crazy. I either look fabulous in horribly fat - there is no middle ground.

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

With all my recent Eileen Fisher purchases from eBay, my hubby has done some brow raising at the number of packages (and frequency) arriving to our mailbox. My situation is a little different in that I can't EF here as no store carries it and I have explained that point, as well as the fact that I can find new-with-tags items on eBay at a significantly less cost than new from the EF web store, which also charges a ridiculous price for shipping.

Like others have suggested, I would try to find out precisely what the concern is.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I admit I keep the boxes to myself for the most part. But I do sometimes have to ask him to print return labels from his work computer, and he does pay the credit card bill, so it's not like anything is being subverted.
But if I have 3 things come and go that I take myself to the post office, no need to bother him with it. Or, rather, it should be no bother to him

rachylou

Veteran

I agree with the others. I think it would be helpful to know what the difficulty is precisely re. packages.

Where I work, employees (and admittedly I'm not one, I'm a contractor) can have personal packages sent and delivered to the office. It's more than acceptable and routinely done. The company has this policy so folks don't have to run all around the place and stress out during lunch and so forth.

It's also the new economy. Google has launched a service even to go to your local Target and other stores and buy/deliver things like paper towels and garbage bags for you... Actually, that's kind of old fashioned, isn't it? Ringing up the grocery for a delivery.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I've found that stores will honour their online discounts, Debbie.

Also, it's inevitable that return rates are high with frequent online shopping. To assume otherwise is unrealistic. I'm sure hubs will understand that. xo

Debbie

Veteran

He honestly just thinks it is a waste of time. You should go to the store get what you want and move on. Between the boxes for me and the things I've ordered for the house it is a lot. Almost all of the clothes have gone back and that frustrates him.

He has never once mentioned the clothing budget so I asked him today if that was a concern and he said no how can you be over budget if it all goes back.

He did ask me about the remodel budget though. He said he never knew a bathroom needed so many accessories. lol

Debbie

Veteran

Angie BR will not honor its on line discounts at least not here. It is an argument I have had quite frequently in my local store.

I told him today that I have two more packages coming this afternoon and he just threw his hands up and said I give up and laughed. It will be ok. He is just going to have to adapt.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

HAH. Well. Hubs is a scream, Debs. You carry on ordering online. xo

That's too bad about BR. J.Crew is excellent at honouring their online discounts. Wish they were all like that. xo

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

Where I live online ordering is pretty much the only shopping I do - not just for clothes (and I buy for both of us) but for all kinds of things. Receiving packages is nearly a daily thing here and at first I think it was an adjustment to get used to, but now I think we both understand it's just the new way of buying in our house. Also, I think the first year or two when you are really trying to figure out *your* wardrobe, a lot more trial and error is in order. I think I would explain that part in guy speak - that you are a woman and woman have a need to look good to themselves in order to feel good. Also, if it's one of your fun hobbies in life, then he certainly wouldn't want to ruin it for you, would he?

I worried myself for a while that I wasn't properly tracking all the returns and making sure I got credits but now I have a system in place to make sure. Not to mention since I've kind of done a lot of experimenting I now have a better idea of what I'm shopping for and I'm not buying/returning quite as much.

Maybe a short online ordering break is in order - then when you do order, try to batch things together so you're trying 3 tops at once instead of one, etc. It feels psychologically better and it's a smaller footprint to do it that way too. Most of us would rarely take just one top into the dressing room, right?

Suja

Veteran

Debbie, my husband has the same concerns! He thinks I spend way too much time in the buy/return cycle. He wants me to focus on reading, writing, and exercise, the things I wish I had more time for.

He's right. I do want to spend less time on the buy/return cycle and have more time for other things. I am shopping retail more but the lack of promotions and inventory makes online shopping inevitable for me. And like Angie said, returns are inevitable with online shopping.

Shopping is tough because clothes are both a necessity and a hobby for me. For me, it is figuring out how much of shopping is the hobby part and whether the time I spend on the hobby is leaving enough time for my other life priorities.

I dont' have a solution, just letting you know that I have had this conversation with my husband many times.

Anonymous

I don't have a solution but my DH will seldom return anything. I really think that men have a very different pattern of shopping from women. If a white shirt worked in the past, chances are that he buys the same one, then is disappointed if anything has been changed, but still he keeps it and doesn't go looking for a better one.

Thistle

Veteran

My DH didn't get it until he endured jeans shopping with me. He takes the same size in Levi's every time. We walk into the store, pull his size, he does a quick try on, and we buy them. It's more about wash than anything so he can see the color in person.

He couldn't believe there was no inseam sizing on women's jeans. He was mystified by the size charts as they varied wildly between brands, different cuts of jeans in the same brand, etc. after that experience, he has never given me trouble for my returns. He thinks women's sizing is "stupid and needs to be standardized" but he has never again questioned the returns

Gaylene

Veteran

I hesitate to suggest manipulation here, but I'm willing to bet that (1) if you agree with your husband that you ought to stop buying online, (2) ask for his help to go jeans shopping on Saturday afternoon in a crowded mall (a la Thistle), and (3) make a face at having to pay full price because the store won't honor the 40% online discount, you might have him begging you to go back to shopping online. You wouldn't even need to go far as asking him to return an item "on his way" because it didn't work with the rest of your wardrobe. Harsh, but probably an effective way to get him to change his mind.

Debbie

Veteran

Thanks everyone! We talked about it again tonight. Several of you have pointed out that men shop differently. He just doesn't get it.
Texstyle-he did say that he does worry that I am not getting all my money back. I am but maybe I need to track it better for him.

Deborah

Veteran

Debbie, I think Im a bit lucky in that my DH is an online shopper too:) If the concern is that you are not getting your refunds then tracking that in a way that he can see clearly might be helpful. I all my online purchasing using paypal, so I can track any refunds easily. Now that I live in a regional area, and I work, on line shopping is SO convenient and it's kind of fun waiting on the parcel:) I make sure my DH knows that there is enjoyment in this process for me. Every now and again, he does ask he how I paid for something. For someone who is not very good with money (me) I am remarkably good at stretching my clothing budget lol. Im sure you hubby will come around.

pastrygirl

(website)

Veteran

I don't have anything constructive to say, but I do have a funny story. My son, a second grader, had to draw a picture of our house/property and was very elaborate. House, trees, shed, garage, climbing structure...and a Fedex truck and UPS truck on the driveway!