You know, it hasn't been that long since people were dead by 45. Getting old is actually a great privilege that most people who lived before us never had. So yes, we will look older and then we'll look old, but the alternative is to be dead. So while I want to look like the best me I can, I want to be at peace with who I am and what I look like. That's worth working towards.

Runcarla, this response became longer than expected! Your mother sounds A bit like mine. I see the generational influence is strong. I have had short hair since High School when I had it cut into a pixie because I had two swim team practices a day, and it didn't dry - ever! I have loved it short ever since. I color my hair right now, and probably will continue to for a long time. I'm not sure I'm ready to embrace grey hair. My paternal grandmother whom I loved dearly was prematurely grey, and her hair was beautiful. She never colored her hair. My maternal grandmother colored her hair and wore heels right to the end of her 92 years of life. My mother, aunt, and first cousins who are older than me, all continue to color their hair.

My mother recently told me that I should grow my hair long again. When I asked her why, she told me that men consider long hair more attractive. I hate to admit, but it was a good thing I had a hands free phone, because I was rolling on the floor with laughter. There is more than one reason this was funny to me. My mother is an interesting lady. She is a well educated professional in a male dominated field, and has continued to work full time into her mid 70's and shows no sign of stopping. She knows that as a physician I have also worked in a male dominated profession (especially in my training, and early career). She obviously knows that I have been with my husband for 29+ years and happily married for 27. So why in the world would I need to be more attractive to men???

Oh, this reminded me that when I was on the swim team, my mother became alarmed. She warned me that it would be bad for me to exercise so much or to lift weights because I might become too muscular which would be unattractive to men. (Clearly her fears never came true because even with weight lifting, I was a bean pole in High School). Once again the theme of doing what is attractive for men....In my mothers case I now see her comment as having a strong influence of generational standards. I am fascinated by how easily my mother fell pray to it even with her education and background. Can you imagine anyone in the United States or Canada discouraging their children to exercise now?! What do you think?

I am going to turn everything on its head a bit now and say that the long hair being attractive for men is actually something that is supposedly reproductively sound. Thick, shiny, long hair signifies health and fertility and men would therefore be more prone to pick a partner with long hair. I suspect my mom may be onto something with the muscular arms and shoulders thing also. The more classically feminine one looks, the better ones chances are from a reproductive perspective also. Muscles tend to make one think of testosterone/masculinity, and not femininity. So, maybe she is more driven by reproductive drive than I am. I think that is possible, just like some women are more dominant over hormonal cycles than others- haven't we all experienced this synchronization of monthly cycles?

By the way, kudos to you Runcarla for being in such great health. Not everyone gets to your age in such great shape. It's a combination of taking excellent care of yourself and the genetic lottery.

I've been thinking about looking older (or younger) since reading this thread yesterday.
My personal experience is that hardly anybody really looks considerably older or younger than their age, once you take the time to truly look at them (and assuming they are not ill, which may affect looks)
I think certain things can make a person appear older at first glance:
bad posture; shuffling gait / not moving in a youthful way; facial wrinkles and sagging; grey/white hair......
Other things initially may make a person appear more youthful: glossy hair; moving gracefully; toned body; certain clothes; smooth, glowing skin...
However, once you really look at them in real life, not photos, I think most people actually do look their age range.
I'm friends with a woman who is absolutely convinced that she looks 15 years younger (20 years on a good day) than she is. But when you look at a woman who is really that younger age, there is no way they would ever pass as being the same age.
Do any of you know women who, on closer inspection, truly look considerably older or younger than they are?

^ I guess I've always looked at it from a slightly different perspective. If you are 45 and look great, that is what 45 looks like. If people tell me I look younger than I am, I don't think I actually do look younger. I simply think that person has an outdated perception of what 44 looks like. Most of my friends my age (I am 44) look GREAT. Do I think we look 30? Absolutely not, because we are what ages 40-45 look like.

And Minnie, you are absolutely right that a 20 year old woman and a 40 year old woman are worlds apart, not just in looks, but in their composure, confidence and attitude (or at least hopefully all those things are different). Youth is beautiful, no doubt about it. But women at every age can be beautiful and captivating and fascinating in all sorts of ways. People really limit themselves when they think that only one age, one look, one weight, one style or one anything can be beautiful.

A lot of things can be argued from the point of evolutionary biology. But "nature" doesn't outlaw murder or grant human rights, either. In other words, there is a lot more to human beings than biology.

Interesting.
I want to be the best and most attractive version of myself I can manage. This involves hair color and thinking about fashion, and just trying. I feel so much better about every aspect of my life taking this approach.

My mother essentially gave up on her personal appearance in her early 30s when she stopped coloring her hair. When she was my age, she was wearing frumpy pantsuits with short gray hair in no particular style. While she wore makeup, it didn't look like she was, and didn't make much of a difference. I look at old pictures, do the math, and I'm shocked at how she pretty much turned 30, decided she was 'old' and then made it happen. I had lots of time growing up to think about her approach, and not take it.