Ok-- I have had it! Dressing and age - YouLookFab Forum

Category

General

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

Ok-- I have had it! Dressing and age

Elly

Veteran

Today must just be one of those days. I was at school today (no work) and I had a student I regularly interact with tell me that she thought I looked 18! Yes, I will admit I was wearing a sweatshirt with a animal on it (although when it is unzipped, like it was all day, you can't tell the print is an animal). But for gosh sakes--- I have visible grey hair! This has made me want to swear off all graphic tees and youthful looks FOREVER!

Then, I am talking to another student I have classes with and she asks me which secondary school my kids go to! I am sorry, but I am not old enough to have children in secondary school by any stretch of the imagination. I have also had young friends tell me that I dress like a soccer mom and "not in a good way." I always thought that they were being insensitive to the fact that I had a woman's body (mostly petite, slim girls)-- because they always commented on it when I was wearing the same jeans, t, and sweatshirt they were (well fitting too, and not mom jeans, just not skinnies either). Maybe there is something to their comments after all.

I definitely don't want to look like a teen or old enough to be my college-age friends mothers!

So ladies, do people ever mistake you for the totally wrong age group? If so, did it affect how you dress?

General

34 replies

Latest reply was from Kim

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

Not too long ago, I got mistaken for a sibling of my kids. Actually, that has happened a couple of times. Both times I was dressed in age appropriate outfits (once in a dress and boots, once in a button down and jeans) It hasn't affected how I dress, but I do make sure that I am not dressing in the college casual look anyway.

PalmFronds

Smiling and grimacing at the same time here...
I do understand the vexation. I am in my mid-thirties and thankfully often mistaken for just a few years younger, which is great. I am annoyed now when I am mistaken for someone WAY younger because at work it generally leads to some form of disrespect. Older is not great either. For a while I was dressing in all VERY professional garb because I did not want to look young at work, but now I am transitioning back to some trendier aspects that I like, such as colorful shoes and belts etc. It can be a really tricky balance, I agree!

Lisa

Veteran

Yes, on the very rare occasion I have left the house sans makeup and pulled back hair, people think I am my husband's little sister instead of his wife! I even get carded for purchasing alcohol. And this is a reason why I like my "face" when I leave the house.

And one time, I got into an argument with a manicurist who noticed my wedding band and did not believe I was old enough to be married. I don't mind a couple of years younger, but at 32, and having two degrees, having someone think you are still in high school gets annoying.

Ana

(website)

Veteran

Most people mistake me for being much younger, but it doesn't really bother me either way. I think it's because I am still in college and so most people assume I'm just "college age." I don't think it has as much to do with the way I dress since I try to keep it smart casual most days.

Funny story along these lines--I recently wrote an essay for one of my literature classes and in the essay I wrote something like, "If I had read this book at 20 as apposed to 30 I would probably have a very different view of the characters and their interactions." I got my paper back and the teacher had written, "This essay combines thoughtfulness with close reading of the book. P.S. I never would have guessed you were 30." But then I found out he's 47, and I would have sworn he was maybe 35 or 36, so you never know.

Kate

Veteran

People frequently think I am younger than I am, which has been a major instigator for changing how I dress and my haircut. It seems to happen a bit less now, though I still get carded (even when my friends don't).

On the other hand, while babysitting/nannying I have definitely had strangers assume that the kids are mine, even when the kids are old enough that I was 10 or 13 when they were born! So yeah, it happens.

In terms of "Maybe there is something to their comments after all." - use this as an incentive to post your WIW and get some feedback! We won't bite, and can offer suggestions (or can tell you they're crazy!).

Anonymous

I'm often mistaken for being younger than I am (which is 34, by the way!). But I figure as long as I'm dressed age-appropriately, I might as well take it as a compliment. Someday, I'll miss those remarks.

NK

The older I get, the worse I am at judging age, so I really try to keep my assumptions about other people's age to myself.

And I think it's sad that being told how 'young' you look is often considered a compliment in our society. But then, I guess I'm a hypocrite because I'd rather people assume I'm younger than I am rather than older.

I feel like I really struggle between dressing too old and dressing too young sometimes while so many of the of the women on this board just seem to have it down.

Sparky

Veteran

Oh lordy. I feel for you, Elly ~ those comments can be so frustrating! But those kinds of comments usually say a lot more about the commenter than about you, so I'd try not to let it get to me.

Here are my tales to make you laugh:

Two years ago I was picking up my kids from preschool. One of the little girls there looked up and said, "Ooh, that's your grandma!" to my sons. Now, I was looking plenty ragged that day b/c I had walking pneumonia (I was diagnosed later the same day), but please don't tell me that I look like a granny when only in my early forties. The preschool teacher pulled me aside and said not to worry, the little girl was busy looking for all sorts of alternative family arrangements, as she came from a family with two mommies. But I was mortified and it did make me think about dyeing out the gray in my hair.

When I had just graduated from college, I started working as a teacher in a British school in Brazil. My first day, I paused in a hallway, and an 18-yo boy came up to me and asked if I needed help. He thought I was a new student and . . . . that I was in a grade BELOW his. "No!" I said with as much authority as I could muster while craning my neck to look up at him. "I AM YOUR NEW TEACHER!" Boy did I wish I looked older and felt more self-confident at that moment.

Apparently my wish was granted ~ and then some ~ by the little girl at preschool.

Queen Mum

Veteran

anytime I get carded I practically kiss the waiter or clerk. (hasn't happened in a while... hmmm)
but I hear you. I want to feel that I don't look like a little old lady, but don't want to think I'm portraying an 18 year old either with my dress or actions. I do get some surprised looks when I tell people that I have 4 teenagers (one in college) but I just take that as a compliment.

taylor

Veteran

I can never tell peoples age, I have given up trying:)

People always ask my husband and I, how old our children are when we are out with our grandchildren 5mo. and 4 yr old.... We always smile and thank them for the ego boost, these are our grandchildren:)

Elly

Veteran

Thank you all for replying. I got a kick out of some of your stories, and am glad someone can relate.

Kate-- unfortunately by the time you posted I was already showered and in my lounge clothes or I would have posted.

I guess it just was the last straw for me when I had someone guess me to be way younger and way older on the same day. Sometimes I don't understand why people can't keep their mouths shut about things like that! Occasionally mistaking someone's age can be a compliment, but I don't know many 20-somethings that like to be mistaken for younger or older.

However, it has prompted me to rethink what I have been wearing and my appearance.

biscuitsmom

Veteran

I was mistaken for being my salt/pepper haired husband's MOTHER once! OUCH....I need either a cane or walker to get around and while waiting for him inside the bank the greeter casually asked if I was waiting for my son (she saw us walk in together) but when I told her no, thats my husband, she did a double-take and got all flustered-lol....Im only about 5% grey with red hair! On the flip side, I was twice mistaken at the hospital for my (4 yr older) sister's daughter...lol, so I guess it evened out!

Isabel

Veteran

Elly - I like Sparky's point of view regarding the person who comments.

I have had two utterly opposite situations. I am 46 and I was was out with my kids ( 7 and 9 ) and the woman referred to my "grandchildren". I just laughed it off....I looked pretty good that day, better than her ; ) but I told her that I was an "old" and both laughed it off.

Then, about 10 years ago , my friend's daughter who was 6 at the time asked if I was a "teenager" ( My friend was 51 at that time. ) This is one of my favorite memories of all time, btw.

I just shrug my shoulders. I think kids ( even college age ones ) just can't tell age. I still can't. But if maybe you need to tell your friends that instead of name calling they could give you some gently, constructive, advice.

Srujana

Veteran

I routinely get told that I look like my mother's sister. While this is flattering for my mom, its less so for me (she's double my age).

But on the whole, that hurts less than the instances when I'm out alone with my brother and get told that I have an adorable son. Seriously?!? He's 10 years younger than me, and I would get this reaction A LOT from when he was about 3 or 4 up until he turned 14 and outgrew my height by about a foot. Being told that you look like a toddler's mom when you're barely entering your teenage years is *not* an ego boost =/

CarlyQuinn

I'm 28 and am horrible at guessing people's ages, i've pretty much given up.
I usually get carded when buying alcohol (store or restaurant) and it makes me feel good that they apparently think I look closer to 21 than to 30. I've also had customers at work ask me how school went that day, and be surprised when they find out I've been married for 8 years with 4 children. So, ego boost. I'd much rather be mistaken for younger than older. I don't think I dress terribly young, yeah, I still wear a lot of juniors clothes, some graphic tees and such, but I think (hope) I can pull it off and be 'youthful' instead of 'juvenile' (like the almost 50 year old at work who also wears graphic tees...I would like to grow old gracefully instead of being drug kicking and screaming, but...we'll see) I don't want to be mistaken for a teen, but early 20s? works for me
Pictures would help! Then you could have a whole community backing you and you could go out with confidence, knowing you look great.

MsMary

Veteran

I have absolutely no idea whether I look my age, or younger, or haggishly older, or what. I had my hair gray for a couple of years, and that made me look much older, but now that I'm back to blonde I'm just clueless.

agrace

I would take these things as a huge compliment. Think about how many billions of dollars are spent every year for plastic surgery, Retin A and other similar prescriptions. to achieve the elusive fountain of youth. To me, these are all compliments. One caveat - I agree with what chewyspaghetti said about not dressing in the overly college casual look. If that is not being done, then it can just be taken as a compliment in my opinion.

RoseandJoan

Veteran

Eeek Elly, we have all been there. I think your friends are probably being really insensitive to how these comments are making you feel. Age is hard to judge as is what is age appropriate (just look at the disagreements on the forum about the latter).
I agree with Kate, if you wish to put your mind at ease please post pics for reassurance.

Louise

Veteran

My mum and I often get mistaken for sisters, not sure if that's because she looks young or I look old!!! probably best not to ask!!!!!! x

Anonymous

Elly, I just noticed that you're 21. I think being mistaken for age 18 isn't that "off" of an assumption for people to make, nor should it be insulting.

As for the whole "soccer mom" thing, I think that's probably because soccer moms tend to dress too "young" and have hijacked what is probably perfectly suitable clothing on someone your age (hoodies and jeans). Why your friends would choose to call you this (particularly when they're wearing the same stuff) is more of a character issue on their parts than a style problem on yours. But we'd love to see pics of what you're talking about in order to better give our opinions!

bj1111

Veteran

several years ago well into my thirties, i visited a friend. her son (about 8 at the time) pulled his mom assigned and asked her if i was a kid or a grown-up.

does not happen any more. i'd just be glad to be carded.

MsMary

Veteran

From where I sit, 18 is definitely NOT "way younger" than 21. From my ancient viewpoint, 18 and 21 are essentially the same age, or certainly within the same very small margin of error.

And the last time I got carded, it turned out the bartender was on probation in my court and was trying to kiss up to me...

Marley

Veteran

I'm with MaryK on this one: 18? 21? really, I would never be able to differentiate between those 2 ages! I'm serious - what would an 18 year old wear that a 21 year old wouldn't/shouldn't - or vice-versa - especially on campus?

Barbara

Veteran

Dang, Elly! I wish I had your dilemma! I work on campus with 18 to 25 year olds ALL DAY and I'm 56, although I don't look OR feel my age! No chance of anyone thinking I'm a kid, or should I say, "an emerging adult."

Nope, haven't been carded lately. LOL!

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

I am a senior medical student and I absolutely hate take-your-kids-to-work-day. Someone will ask me (probably more than one), where my parent is. I have stopped being Grade 9 (13?) for at least 13 years!!!

The older I get, the more it happens! lol. I must be regressing

RandomThoughts (Andrea)

Veteran

If anyone thinks I look young, I'm happy! If they mistake me for 18 YAHOO! Probably won't happen any time soon but hey, hope springs eternal.

I did get carded not too long ago and I started laughing. The kid asked me what was so funny so I told him, "Wait until you see the birth date on my license."

Happily, I can say I have never been mistaken as older. Routinely I get about 5 to 8 years under. I figure if I am being mistaken younger, it's not due to being dressed age inappropriate, else I'd look like mutton dressed as lamb which I feel actually ages you. I just take the compliment.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Wondering how you would post a picture here because I had this exact scenario happen to me a couple days ago. I got carded for wine at the grocery store wearing casual possibly 'too young' clothing. But I live such a casual lifestyle and it was 90 degrees out . . . and I'll never be the conservative dresser.
http://www.facebook.com/photo......1456754575
I don't know if that link works or not but here is the crux of my issue. And honestly this is why I first wandered over here.

This post has 1 photo. Photos uploaded by this member are only visible to other logged in members.

If you aren't a member, but would like to participate, please consider signing up. It only takes a minute and we'd love to have you.

Kate

Veteran

Wow Mo, I never would have guessed that you're 40 - My guess was anywhere between 15 and 30 based on that picture. You have a great body for 40, which is part of why you look younger than you are. I think the hoodie and shorts make you look younger too - if you were wearing a cardigan and walking shorts or a knee-length skirt I would have guessed more like 25-35.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Kate, thanks for the kind words. As for the dressing your age thing, it doesn't help that my job for the last 16 years requires jeans and a t shirt as the uniform - really! Add to that living in either the mountains (Tahoe) or for now the beach (FL) and you get a seriously casual slant on everything. I have nice tailored clothes but mostly they hang in my closet. So I'm trying to find the balance. I'm sure if I come around here for a while you gals will help me in that endeavor.

12