La Pedestrienne, I'd be interested to know more of your thoughts on

free speech vs safe spaces.
Rachylou, what is bad neighborhood etiquette? I admit I wasn't taught much of the etiquette you mentioned, so I haven't taught my sons either.

I agree with Rachylou about the lack of etiquette training. I do, however, want to know more about about bad neighbor etiquette. I've always followed the Golden Rule. It works in most instances.

I think there are numerous reasons for feeling awkward in social situations where the "cues" aren't the ones you normally encounter. Rachylou is right that etiquette training, while helpful, goes only so far because the "rules" can shift rather precipitously depending on roles, culture, age, gender, and situation. Wanting to retreat to a "safe" spot is a very human reaction whenever any of us feel out of our comfort zone

Generational differences in social situations can be especially tricky because we share so much, yet can think and react quite differently. It bothers me to hear people in my age group being negative about younger people, just like it bugs me to be dismissed as an "old lady" by someone younger. We don't learn much about each other by resorting to narrow, pre-conceived categories. I think a big dose of respect and kindness on both sides works better to smooth out our differences.

Bad neighbors are a whole other ball of wax, betty. Lol. I meant bad neighborhood.

Bad neighborhood etiquette has as many little rules as 'proper etiquette.' For example: You don't ask what people do for a living, but a little 30-second elevator speech about your values is instead the norm (not into bragging, gossip, game playing, loyalty, respect, courtesy, keeping it cool, etc.). There are only two paces to go at - a saunter and a dead run. If you see one of the scary denizens and start walking faster or cross the street - that's very offensive. You keep your head up but you don't take notice. If you do take notice, you have a compliment ready, 'cuz there's no other reason to be staring. If you catch someone's eye, pass close, you nod; mayhap exchange a little banter. You keep your eyes on your own test paper at all times.

There's more of course. But like now, living in a very very good neighborhood, everything is different. You cross the street so everyone can have a sidewalk to himself. You don't have to say hello at all when you pass, because we're all too important and busy for that. And at the same time, you expect to have your business poked into, to be quizzed about what you do.

It may be that government division recruits a certain sort of individual or skill set that leans more introverted. That's why they aren't proficient at small talk. Just a thought (smile).

Thanks for the explanation, Rachylou. Living in the South or Midwest, most folks wave, and strike up a conversation if they see you in the supermarket, bank or whatever. My DH and I have had to deal with neighbors who have given us fits over petty things, but that's because they're Southerners who haven't mastered the art of minding their own business. They're not bad people; just nosy, with no boundaries.