Now I am so depressed - YouLookFab Forum

Category

Urgent

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

Now I am so depressed

ironkurtin

Veteran

I am trying on dresses for a fancier event in Austin. Dearest hubby took one look and said, not nicely, "You have a tummy. You need Spanx."

I have lost 15 pounds, after working out and making a complete lifestyle change. I weigh less now than I have for years, including all this new muscle mass. And, you know, I'm REALLY working out, and if the baby pouch isn't gone now it never will be. I've lost enough weight that my SKINNY friends are saying I should stop (although TBH its not anything I'm doing deliberately anymore, just healthier diet and exercise.)

So really, I'm pissed at DH for thinking I look less than svelte. And depressed that my body isn't yet "perfect." And mad at this stupid dress for not fitting the way I hoped. And depressed - did I mention depressed - that at 42 with graying hair that maybe dresses like this are just not possible anymore.

Gah.

Well, at least I have on Happy Socks.

This post has 3 photos. Photos uploaded by this member are only visible to other logged in members.

If you aren't a member, but would like to participate, please consider signing up. It only takes a minute and we'd love to have you.

Urgent

53 replies

Latest reply was from ironkurtin

Caro in Oz

Veteran

I think most women wearing this dress would need Spanx:) I would need an iron corset. Perfection is unattainable.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

(((HUGS)))

Hubs may need a little gentle but firm talking to, which I leave to your discretion.

Dana, I LOVE THAT DRESS. Who cares if you have to wear spanx with it!! Why is that important? Bikini models have their abs photo shopped to look more 6-packish. You've gone through a brilliant journey with your body, and should be proud of it. End. Of. Story.

Make piece with the frock with spanx, or move onto another frock style.

Chin up gorgeous lady!

catherine

Veteran

You look really fit, in my opinion. And quite stylish, too. Sorry you had to have a comment like that.

ironkurtin

Veteran

http://www.yoox.com/us/3429132.....38;sizeId=

This is how it is supposed to look, only longer. Sorry for the lousy pics. Dark room.

Caro in Oz

Veteran

The model photos don't show a side view & there is a fold just under the tummy line which suggests a tummy of sorts.

What Angie said about hub

Kim

Veteran

Good thing I'm not in your city, I'd have to come and smack your dh... Lol lovingly of course...

Remember that THIS body bore you a child, is healthy and strong and does many good things for you every day. It's not a 15 year olds junior body or a fitness models but it is YOURS and has been good to you (and to dh too if you have had kids together, if you know what I mean.

You are fit and healthy and look fab! You are a looooong way from not being able to rock this dress, Grey hairs and all!

Anonymous

Awwwww that 'shucks

.... But hey, coming from the land where women are obsessed about being perfect to the point of risking their health - oh boy the things I've seen- I actually think all of us imperfect women should be hugging ourselves Real.Hard.

Cheer up, you look great!

catgirl

Veteran

Dresses like this were never possible for me. Even if your DH is the picture of male perfection physically, he needs to clap his trap!

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Oh honey. I understand. My thighs will NEVER go away, and my stomach is flat even when I'm overweight, so, you know how the grass is always greener...?

That said, you look marvelous. You did before your transformation, and you do now. Some people, husbands included, just don't realize how these comments can hurt. I'm sorry.

Aziraphale

Veteran

Boo. Agree with Angie about hubby. As for the dress, I like it. I also can see that you are slim and fit, and I think that if you don't like how the dress looks on you, then it's not the right dress. You could try it with spanx, but if you still don't like how it looks, move on to something else. Dresses are make to suit different bodies. There will be one that's perfect for your unique shape!

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Booooooo! I think you look great! Your dress is so pretty - I hope you can still have fun tonight!

I think most people would need SPANX for this dress, even those of us who haven't had babies!

ironkurtin

Veteran

It is so crazy that by the time I can afford Rick Owens, I can't wear him anymore. Doesn't he design with his much older wife as his muse? Surely she cannot wear these things without lumpiness?

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Maybe she wears spanx.

ironkurtin

Veteran

Yeah, probably custom-colored to her grill. Or maybe she just doesn't eat.

http://www.loganneitzel.com/bl.....Lamy_1.jpg

http://farm8.staticflickr.com/.....0872_o.jpg

Jjsloane

Veteran

Unfortunate that DH said it, but he probably meant well? You look amazing in that dress, but even with your figure I would not feel comfortable without the Spanx hug. There is a reason they are so popular with those on red carpets - they give added help and confidence.

Tina.b

Veteran

That is a super fab dress and you need to wear it. It looks fantastic on you! There is no shame at all in wearing spanx. I think they're one of the best inventions ever. They just give that little bit of smoothing.

I've been coveting my friend's new Rick Owens leather jacket and I think I need to save up for one this year.

Thistle

Veteran

I second Angie having the talk with DH.

You look amazing, and you have worked hard for it. More importantly,you are stronger and healthier than you have ever been.

Alway, always remember, it's not you, it's the clothes.

Mochi

Veteran

Hi. I'm not saying you wouldn't have felt bad if your husband had mentioned anything, even in a trying-to-be-helpful way. But if you're reporting correctly, he was rude. I think that's the bulk of the problem, not the dress. The dress is going to be a difficult one for 99.999% of women to carry without the aid of Spanx, and even with Spanx most of us would not look half as good as you. You should be in awe of your ongoing success.

I wouldn't worry about the dress...it will surely work with some minor Spanx help. As for your husband, I have no idea whether a talk will educate him. Probably you should try? Guys should know better by a certain age.

cheryle (Dianthus)

(website)

Veteran

Sometimes people just say stupid things. I think that happened to your DH.

I think you look just as good as the model does in the dress. I've seen your before and after pics and you look amazing and I admire you for the transformation you brought about. Do not allow a little comment to detract from your hard work and success. It is so not worth it.

Traci

Veteran

I get that your husband started it, but you're being extremely hard on yourself and now you're taking it out on Rick Owens' wife too?

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I actually think the dress looks better on you than the model, FWIW.

Mona

Veteran

I will repeat what Caro said. perfection is unattainable. I am sure 99% of normal women would show tummy like this in this dress. You have worked hard to get the body you have right now. You should be proud not depressed.

Anonymous

You are one hot swimming robot, don't forget! Who wouldn't need Spanx in that dress?

ironkurtin

Veteran

Traci - No offense meant to Owens's wife. She's a free spirit who seriously wears a grill on her teeth; I can't see her giving a poot about Spanx! She's also really, really skinny. That's all I meant.

catgirl

Veteran

I just want to add, when I was depressed and skinny to the point of getting joint infections and needing intervention, I still had a belly. I have never experienced a flat stomach and don't think it's genetically possible for me. You've done amazing things - now use that strength to wrestle DH into submission!

Classically Casual

Veteran

IK, I'm coming out of lurkdom to say that I've closely studied some of the most beautiful women in the world on the red carpet at Oscar time (via my TV), and one can often see tummies under their beautiful gowns. It's how our bodies are designed. Emaciated is not an attractive look in my opinion...

Congratulations on your weight loss, fitness level and maintaining it!!

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

You look good. Husband is a dolt. I have a stomach. I inherited it. My mother who was much skinnier than me had a stomach. I'll always have a stomach. It shows in my slash neck DVF dress that I wear for the opera. I used to wear Spanx tights with it, now I don't. I don't think I physically repulsed anyone with my stomach.

rae

(website)

Veteran

You have an amazing body! Not even as a competitive athlete could I have worn that dress without lumps. If not the tummy, it would be the rib cage, or possibly even the indentation of the navel... it's just clingy in *exactly that spot.* DH maybe doesn't have the tact to be trusted with the Dress Hunt Prelims? I know I don't show DH anything until I am really leaning toward keeping it, lest I get some random comment that busts my bubble. :T

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

We are built the way we are built IK - when I was a size 0 and weighed 105 pounds many, many years ago, I had a pooch. There was no way I was overweight - it's just the way I was shaped.

Our bodies are amazing and I agree completely with Kim about what your incredible body has achieved, both in terms of fitness and in bringing your beautiful child into the world.

Hubby used a poor choice of words, that's for sure. Maybe he needs the sign my Mother had on my brother's bedroom door when he was a teenager: "Be sure brain is engaged before putting mouth into gear".

Chin up honey - you are gorgeous and it's the dress, not you.

12