IK - I just wanted to say, I really enjoy reading what you have to say, on any subject. You are articulate, intelligent, interesting and authentic. I admire and respect your opinion because you follow your own path. You are an original and I always look forward to reading your pov. I hope you will stay, selfishly I might add, because this community would be diminished by your loss and certainly I would miss having a kindred style spirit - one of the few - on the forum!! It would be lonely without you!! You can't please everyone all the time, even if you were to try, but especially when you seek to find your own path and are not looking to conform to group expectations. But it's that view point that makes your words, to me, so powerful and provocative. So I hope you'll reconsider and stay. But whatever you choose, I really admire you. Hugs.

I don't mind the look here because the brown is a cognac shade, so it looks intentional to contrast with the tights. I have a bigger problem with dark brown and black together...though I sometimes wear chocolate-colored boots with a black skirt.

I hope you don't leave the forum, IK. I enjoy reading your posts and appreciate your ability to speak your mind and be genuine.

IK, I too consider myself someone who expresses myself more directly than is really considered okay on the forum. I've also noticed that if I voice a "nay" early in a thread then it seems like everyone piles on to say only nice things and I feel like such a jerk! Oh, the humiliation!

I will say that Angie is, along with many others here, really amazing at being tactful and positive, and I'm taking notes and trying to learn! It's a great experience!

But maybe there's room for both of us? And Gaylene, and whoever else feels this way? You really do make things interesting!

I do think there is room here for many styles - both communication and fashion. I am also a very direct communicator and have on occasion deleted posts because I know that they are a bit more blunt than some would find acceptable. On the flip side, I often don't get to the end of a longer post because I lose interest in the topic before I get to the end.

I do hope you change your mind and decide to stay. Your contributions are valued by many including me. I don't always agree with the opinions put forward by others but it is often the dissenting opinions that make one think and reconsider which leads to a better choice in the long run.

As to the combination of colors, I also don't love this color combination but cognac is a much warmer shade than I favor in the browns. I really like the combo of chocolate or a darker brown with black and have used this combination. I have a pair of booties that are a similar color to the ones in your examples and never wear them. Some trends are best left to others but it would not be a very interesting world if we all said, did, and wore the same things.

Yes I agree with Dianthus and IK. I don't especially like this look either. To me...It just does not harmonize well with the outfit. It does not look like a "statement" boot either. It looks like a rather "off" color to bookend a rather nice ensemble.
I don't have a "poison eye" for it- or dislike it intensely.
I might think that perhaps they cannot afford a pair of black/ gray/ red/ boots and they are "making do" with what they have - which is not bad either. We can't have everything !
This color of boot is not something that would work for me personally since I do not wear these autumny colors. I would never spend money on boots this color and if given to me - they would probably end up at Goodwill. So perhaps that is where my general opinion is coming from - my own personal taste ( which I will freely admit is not very good ! )
I LOVE different opinions though. Diversity of opinions is important - it helps us see thru others eyes- make better decisions. I value a critical opinion, someone who will say the truth to me, about something over than a "Oh that's great ". It is easy to say the latter. The critical opinion needs thought and proper phrasing and puts you at risk...yet it is the only way to improve.
(Gahhh.... I am having problems evening writing this ! )

Your reply

I agree that it's best to be truthful. Still, the answer to most questions is, "It depends." I have a poison eye for certain styles and colors, but different strokes for different folks. Far be it from me to tell someone I detest something unless my opinion is solicited and the person asking me is receptive to an honest answer.

IK, I appreciate your POV, even when expressed in a different way than I would do it.

Just logging in to join you and Gaylene, Gryffin and Adelfa on the 'speaks her mind' bench. I start fires all the time, sometimes even unintentionally, by saying what I think. Sometimes I say things that provoke oppositional responses. I get the smackdown on a regular basis from forum members. I don't mind.

IK, I do hope you reconsider, since I really appreciate your directness and willingness to challenge others here.

I personally love wearing black tights with cognac shoes, although I'm not offended at all if other people hate it. Everyone's certainly allowed to have and express strong dislikes, especially for something as individual as fashion choices, and I think it is interesting to hear them aired and to discuss why people have such different responses to the same look.

Why do I like this particular look so much? To me, the cognac adds warmth, richness, and a kind of youthful, easygoing vibe to outfits with lots of black. Since my winter wardrobe is pretty much All Black Tights, All the Time, I also have to admit that liking this combination makes things awfully convenient for me. It makes it easier to justify buying cognac shoes, which I'm always drawn to, and gives me a no-brainer option for switching things out when I get sick of defaulting to the same few pairs of basic black shoes.

i'm coming into this discussion late -but wouldn't mind contributing a few thoughts:

1. I didn't get any sense you were being rapped on the knuckles for merely stating an opinion, and I'm usually the first person to jump to conclusions and feel defensive:)

2. all that blogger posts like the ones you've used as examples tell me is that dressing is not a science, and that it's even more acceptable than ever to wear whatever you want in whatever combination makes you happy; nothing really is right or wrong anymore, don't you find? I don't love the combination of black and cognac like that either - it strikes me as a look favoured by really young girls/women, so I don't give it much thought. I made a big change recently in the bloggers I followed when I realized I was old enough to be their mother.

3. I like your writing and contributions here, because i recognize myself in much of what you say and how you say it; I don't love all of the aesthetics promoted here either - and in fact find it puzzling that so many love things that I just do not.....and it occasionally makes me think I'm investing my time and energy in the wrong group. But......i have not been a member here as long as you have, and still find it valuable to be encouraged to look at things with a different eye.

anyways - this is just me rambling now, I suppose to commiserate to some extent, but to also encourage you to hang in here to help provide that alternative opinion on things ....it IS appreciated.

I didn't see anything offensive or mean in how you expressed your opinion, IK. I happen to agree with you but that's beside the point. I think we try to be gentle in how we word our opinions when offering them to a fellow forum member, but I think it's a bit different with bloggers. Again though I saw nothing wrong with how you stated your opinion.

I hope you stay. I enjoy your posts and your take on styles as I too don't always like what others may love.

IMO two things are being confused here
our right to express an opinion
& HOW we express it.

I worry when opinions are expressed as set in stone judgements - as in no one should ever do X. Expressing things in this way ignores the fact that it is JUST our opinion. It also puts our right to self-expression above the feelings of others.

I think Angie expressed it perfectly,

"It is totally, 100% ok, to criticize anyone, and to be completely honest, but on YLF I would like that criticism to be written as if the people we’re talking about are here among us. Because they might be. Now or in the future.

This is especially important because a lot of the strong feelings we have about particular combinations are just our own poison eye. Not shared by everyone else, and perhaps not even shared by future us."

Good point, Caro.

LOL, what is it about black and brown that provokes such strong responses? The worst flame war I ever saw was on a debate board I used to frequent, and it was about whether it was okay to wear black and brown together. Lots of virtual blood was shed that day...

Anyway, I don't mind this look at all. I feel like there's enough contrast between black and cognac that it looks intentional in a "black tights are a winter neutral" kind of way. I wear black and cognac together all the time, although in So Cal we don't really "do" tights so I'm unlikely to sport black tights and cognac booties. (That, and I don't have any cognac booties...) If the boots were chocolate brown I would have a much bigger problem with it.

IK, I hate to see you leave. I think the very simple solution to your problem is just a tiny shift from "Nobody should ever do this, ever!" to "OMG I hate this so much!! I have a GIANT poison eye for this and cannot for the life of me understand why anybody would think it is okay to wear!!" If you could switch from "PEOPLE ARE JUST PLAIN WRONG TO WEAR THAT" to "I REALLY REALLY CAN'T STAND IT WHEN PEOPLE WEAR THAT" I think you'd be good to go. Is that an option for you?

I agree with Caro and Mary. It's all in the way we say things. Constructive criticism is great, regular 'ol criticism not so much. I hope you'll take Mary's suggestions stick around.

BTW, on another forum I responded to an all-call to send pics of outfits with boots. I sent them a pic of the same black pants outfit worn with black boots and with brown boots. They used my outfit pic, and it got over 225 responses, all going back and forth between the black vs. brown boots! Crazy!

I think we are dancing around the real issue here. I don't see this so much as a difference of opinion, or how it was stated. I feel like the forum welcomes diversity and is accepting of differences. It is also a known fact that some of us are more blunt and direct than others. I have no problem with that. IK, the issue, as I see it, is that you made it personal. That blogger most likely has no idea she is being discussed here and can not defend her rationale for her fashion choices. I realize that she has put herself out there into the public sphere, but I would have felt more comfortable discussing this in the abstract without identifying the blogger. That said, I do hope you reconsider leaving.

I wear almost exclusively black tights, and I do wear tights when I wear my tall brown boots with a skirt or dress, so you will see me in this combo occasionally. Oh well, I won't be pleasing you, IK, that's clear. But I still hope you don't leave YLF. xx

This may be a little off topic, BUT the other day I happened upon a site that was very 'nasty' about YLF and some of our posters. I wasn't planning on mentioning it because it was just awful, but this thread has made me think it's necessary.

There are plenty of places out there on the web where women can be critical, judgemental and unkind. Pulling one another down and just being down right nasty. It's also easy for these women to be so critical when they not 'putting themselves out there'. I have nothing but respect of everyone who posts here, whether it be outfit photos or comments. It's risky business, it exposes us.

The beauty of YLF is that we don't do that. We are inclusive, encouraging, positive and kind. I like to think that we are honest too.

My personal style aesthetic is particular. It is narrow. I don't have any desire to jump on any trend bandwagons. I quite possibly bore you all to death with my black outfits, limited silhouettes and repeat garments BUT the YLF community includes me, encourages me, and constructively comments on my outfits. There is no harm in phrasing things 'nicely'. I personally do not like brown shoes and black tights, but you know, the right outfit, the right combo and I could change my mind:) If I felt an outfit with this combination didn't look right I might suggest an alternative rather than just outright saying I thought it didn't look so good. It's all in how we communicate and remembering the purpose of these communications.

I am possibly a lot more direct than many of you might think, but diplomacy has served me well Working in the community and the church taught me much:)

IK if you are reading this:) I would have been interested for you to elaborate on what exactly it is that you don't like about the combination. I feel that might have produced a very different discussion.

I believe that we can and do have excellent discussions here with varying views shared. Before I came to YLF I had developed a somewhat 'superior' attitude about fashion and what was wrong and what was right. I am glad to say that YLF knocked that out of me, in the nicest way of course, and now right and wrong doesn't really factor in at all. And we stray into dangerous ground when we start directing our criticism at individuals like these bloggers.

Having said all that. I have always appreciated your views and your posts. I would be very sad to see you not return because of this.

Damn, I joined late to this discussion. Well, I like it, I wouldn't style it exactly like that but I like the combination brown+black. Just yesterday I was talking about it with my sister. She's in her late 30's and I'm in my early 20's. She wanted a pair of riding boots and I asked her If the ones that are black with a brown strip above and she said that she never understood that color combination, that she's too old school for that and likes to combine colors that actually match. And I said that I do like it. And there's no problem. Just different perspectives. She's more classic. And I like to experiment more, everything is going to look ridiculous in 15 years, anyways, haha.

Those pics that you shared are more of a mustard brow, in my opinion. But I don't think the colors look bad, think of leopard print: yellow, brown and black together. Terrific. I like the first outfit more because the hair color echoes the color of the boots, the whole outfit looks more cohesive.

Also, I feel like I AM brown and black, if that makes sense. My eyes and hair are brown and my eyebrows are black and I like it. My cat also rocks the look! Haha.
Just curious, how would you style those boots? Do you have a similar outfit so we can see your point of view?

By the way, @Deborah, which site was that? What did they say? (Yes, I'm gossiping).

There's a site that posts nasty stuff about YLF members? I find that really disturbing, enough so to get off Internet forums if it's true. Good grief.

Who would DARE to diss us?

Dixie, I am in love with your cat. If that's not proof that the colour combo can work, then nothing is. Maybe the secret (as so often in fashion) is a good shot of white.

I saw something like that on a blog. It really took my respect for the blogger down that (unlike Angie!) she would not just allow but initiate criticism of another forum. I considered saying something in the comments, but I decided to just stop following the blogger after that post. There is plenty of jr. high clique-type behavior on the 'net; rather than get involved and add to it, the best I can do is avoid it. And AG, please don't leave!

IK -- you have valid reasons to have a poison eye, and these are worth discussing. As others have mentioned it is just a matter of how a critique is phrased; typing (especially compared to talking directly to someone) is imperfect and un-nuanced communication.

Ladies, I am sorry. Please don't be too perturbed. It was all very general and no members names were mentioned at all as far as I could see. It certainly wouldn't stop me from participating here. It seems the whole purpose of it is to criticise blogs and bloggers. I didn't really 'get it". I don't read it, it came up in a search when I was looking for something else.

If you really need to know shoot me a PM as I don't think it's appropriate to name it here xx

Not leaving and not sure I want to know more- but I will PM if I do. Sheesh. Like life isn't hard enough.

Regardless I feel YLF is a safe and secure environment. It wouldn't stop me posting.

Una, it's just like the 'nasty' girls at school. They need to grow up:)

Am I the only person who finds the thought of a forum dedicated to trashing another forum hilarious? The image of someone spending copious amounts of time reading through threads on a forum just to go on another forum to snark is beyond bizarre. Do these people really not have anything else going on in their lives? Might I suggest they read a book? Volunteer? Go for a walk? Brush their teeth?

I'm assuming the average age must be thirteen or fourteen... Thanks Deb for giving me the my best laugh of the week--or maybe even this month!

Generally those forums are not dedicated to trashing another forum; they just happen to do it fairly often. Those threads within those forums are almost always started by someone who formerly posted on the forum being criticized and was then either banned or not allowed to post either in the manner they wished or the content they wished. So it is usually started as a personal problem, and then, well, you know the internet. People love the anonymity and take the opportunity to say things they would never say to someone's face. It happens regarding a LOT of forums, and the bigger or better-known one is, the more there are those who wish they had similar success and thus criticize them. It's a crazy world.

My pleasure Gaylene! It does sound like a lot energy spent on something that is quite unproductive.

Oh, I'm pretty sure I know the forum of which you speak. They snark on everything.

Ugh, I think I know the site you mean and if it's the one I'm thinking of, I saw the thread. Thankfully it never really picked up much steam, but seeing it did make me much less inclined to post photos and identifying info here.