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Nice things.

shipskitty

Veteran

I really loved this article from the Toast (via Already Pretty). For some reason it really resonated with me and I just wanted to share:
http://the-toast.net/2015/01/27/nice-things/

General

24 replies

Latest reply was from

K. Period.

Veteran

Lovely! What a great article. Thanks for sharing!

old chic

omg, I love this article! In my sixties, I no longer need serviceable basics, and I will only replace them, when they wear out, with moderately priced, decent dupes. But I, too, believe it's important to splurge on the wonderful, unexpected and luxurious thing that grabs hold of your imagination and won't let go. Money can't buy happiness, but sometimes spending a bit more than you "should" can help you feel better in your skin.

crutcher

Veteran

Hey listen world, I so deserve nice things...I deserve to wear something that makes my heart sing...not like a heart attack but the other sing, like happy sing...Listen to this world and move over to accommodate me...smile..
Wonderful, insightful article...a must read...Guaranteed to make you think and order that wonderful thing that has you thinking...

approprio

(website)

Veteran

Yes. This.

Anonymous

My mother was like the writer's mother, and taught me to shop the clearance racks, etc. I still feel a twinge of guilt whenever I pay full price for something. Still, my mother did make me feel deserving of nice things. I think many women sacrifice for their children and don't think it matters too much what they wear - just make sure the children have what they need. Then this mentality continues long after the children grow up & leave the house. The miserable "style" options at the mall for older women may reinforce their idea of not looking stylish but instead dressing in what they think is an "age appropriate" way,

LACeleste

Veteran

Enjoyed this a lot. Thank you!

Aziraphale

Veteran

I reeeeally enjoyed this article. I am a believer in balance in all things, and I like nice things too. Sometimes it's worth it to splurge. Sometimes it makes more sense to be cautious. But I'm really glad that woman bought her perfect moto jacket. It made me happy to know that she went for it -- I think she chose correctly.

Runcarla

Veteran

Like the writer...like bettycrocker...and I still have struggles.

However, 25 years ago I heard Oprah Winfrey talk about using the good stuff and put my China into every day rotation. I also have the very best of linens on my beds.

Slowly, I will chip away at the sartorial bucket list. Hoping this will be the year of the Burbury trench!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

What a terrific article. Thanks for the share, Shipskitty. Maybe you can post it in the Link Love next week when Inge asks in case people miss it here?

Anonymous

Wether anyone deserves anything is an uncomfortable judgement for me to make but if you're buying clothes so that you can get dressed to live your life it's much simpler if you just buy the best answer to the need, expensive or not. Loved and taken care of looks great on people of all ages.

Helenedith

loved this article, thanks for posting it.

MTBGirl

Veteran

great article. enjoyed it immensely!

trekkiegirl

Veteran

What a fantastic article, such a relevant topic and very well written. I was moved, and it also gave me a lot to think about.

Thanks so much for sharing!

Summer

Veteran

I found this article poignant and illuminating. Actually, it's quite upsetting to think of any woman feeling that she doesn't deserve nice things, so sad.

I'm glad the writer bought that jacket: I'm sure it will bring her years of joy and compliments.

Thank you for sharing.

Mona

Veteran

What an insightful article! thanks for sharing.

Louise

Veteran

Ooh I love nice things, in fact I spent £13 (including p&p, like that makes it any better!) on a beautiful red locker padlock for the gym when I could have spent 3 quid on one but do you know what, I love seeing it hanging there on my locker (aside from the fact I never have to remember my locker number cause there are no other red locks). If I'm gonna spend my hard earned pennies on something I want it to look nice, we deserve nice things x

Aziraphale

Veteran

Another one of my mom's friends died today. She was not old. Buy beautiful things from time to time, and then use them, because you never know when your time is up.

We all deserve beautiful things.

Catnip

Veteran

What a beautiful article. I have to say it made me cry. As an older woman I sometimes think about all the times I've not been as well-dressed as I could have been, but I also think about my mother who felt she deserved nothing special. Today I wear some of the items I gave her years ago... a beautiful scarf and a gold pin come to mind. She would wear them once, to show me that she liked them, and then never again because she believed they were somehow too good for her.

It took me years to get over being embarrassed by my mother's dowdiness, and to overcome that learned tendency in myself. Fortunately, with enough effort and blogs such as this one, self-improvement is possible.

Anonymous

I purposely didn't read this article the first time I noticed it - because I knew just what this was going to say. This has been a point of contention, guilt, shame, embarrassment, etc between my mother and I for my entire life. She is of the "I don't need nor deserve anything nice" variety, and has suggested that I follow suit, often shaming me when I do buy something nice. "wow, I wish I could afford all the nice things you do". Etc. I sometimes think that this guilt and shame I took on made me the way I am - oftentimes trying to justify buying things I don't need by saying "I work , earn my own money, and I deserve it"....but never really believing it. As a matter of fact, I believe the opposite to be true : that I do not deserve the things I buy therefore I am a bad person. The process leaves me feeling really awful.

My mother still never wears the "nice things" given to her - for example I bought her new tea towels and oven mitts a few years ago because she was still using the same ones she had when she was first married (well it certainly seemed like it) - and they still sit unused in a bottom drawer somewhere. Oh, they are too good for me, she says. Same with gorgeous silk scarves , gloves etc -. I don't know what to make of it all, nor how to figure out why and how I took from it what I did.

Sigh.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Lisa, my mother is similar. I buy all her clothes, but she really only wears the super duper practical Land's End ones that I buy on sale. Once or twice I got her out to a shop and she bought some truly "nice things" by her standards -- a Louben jacket, two flattering skirts, some pretty blouses. Some lovely costume jewellery. And -- guess what? She never, ever wears them!! In fact, she has forgotten that she has them. She also forgets the nice quality crepe pants and blouse I got her a few years ago for Christmas. (She doesn't have dementia, by the way...at least not in any serious way. But she's legally blind, rarely goes out, etc. And she "saves" nice clothes for special occasions. Which means hardly ever wearing the things she has.)

It's a hard legacy to live down. I have tended to follow her example (until YLF) -- not buying much of anything for myself. Or (more accurate) I took a sort of famine or feast approach; either starving myself of any new (let alone nice) things or buying up more than I could really afford in a quick rush. Part of this had to do with constantly fluctuating, insecure income. And yet part of it was about that feeling that I didn't deserve anything.

The funny thing about my mother is that I can tell that as a young woman, she did have a few nice things. Not many, but some, and she wore them with pleasure. She still talks about a Harris Tweed suit she got when she was a young woman working in Montreal.

I like what Aziriphale said. We should all treat ourselves from time to time and enjoy our beautiful clothes.

Angie's first rule is: Have fun with fashion.

Her second rule is: WEAR THE HECK out of your beautiful clothes.

Gaylene

Veteran

The article was so interesting because, to be honest, I was raised quite differently. As immigrants at the turn of the century, both sets of my grandparents worked very hard to gain a foothold in a new country since they literally started with just a few dollars in their pockets and a small trunk of personal possessions. Yet, even then, they chose to spend whatever bits of extra money they might manage on books, music, and "nice" things to use everyday. My parents had much the same philosophy--that everyone ought to have a few "good" things to treasure, enjoy, and, most of all, USE. By choice, my mother continued to work even after her marriage and birth of my sister and me--a decision almost unheard of for a married woman in the late forties and fifties. She designed and sewed almost everything in her work wardrobe, as well as beautiful clothes for my sister and I.

Until YLF, I never realized how many women suffered from feeling they didn't deserved nice things or had mothers who constantly were critical of their daughters. Listening to these stories has made me realize how fortunate I was to be raised in a family that felt every member ought to feel special and worthy of "nice" things.

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

After my grandmother died her closets were full of outfits, many with the tags still on them. She had a lot of nice stuff she never or rarely used. But I'm not sure it was about not feeling good enough, for her, it was that she loved to shop and acquire things, especially when they were a bargain. She was more of a hoarder than a saver.

I wonder if this is as much about what brings people joy? I mean, presumably all of us here get a real charge out of nice, well fitting, cute clothes, or we wouldn't hang out in YLF. But for some people it genuinely doesn't matter, or they don't want to wear something 'fancy' if it feels dissonant with how they see themselves. There's definitely a generational thing happening and gendered expectations, but I dunno, I worry that we're imposing our values onto other people too much.

UmmLila (Lisa)

Veteran

Really like this article. I thought about re-posting it to Facebook. But my mom is my Facebook friend and I think she would get mad if she read it, viewing it as a dig at her behavior. I'm dying to know if she wore the red wool jacket and colorful silk scarf I got her for Christmas yet. Or the Eileen Fisher felt jacket from the previous year, for that matter. I suspect not.

Anonymous

Thanks for the link Shipskitty. So poignant and though provoking... and so, tomorrow, I'm busting out something fab to wear and I'm also going to have some green tea in my best china