Newborn and smoking

elpgal

I know this is a post and run but TS's post reminded me of the immense wisdom on this forum. I have a similar conundrum. My parents offered to care for my baby for a few months but dad is a chain smoker. He smokes outside but still reeks of smoke. I am reluctant to have him around a newborn after reading about third-hand smoke. He will not discuss this issue with me but he wants to come visit. My mother and the rest of the family think I am being unreasonable because of my stance. What would you do?

13 years ago

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11 replies

Latest reply was from londonkiwi (now back in NZ)

catgirl

Veteran

Okay, bear with me here because I am pretty extreme on this issue.

I would never EVER let a smoker near my newborn. Once they are one or so, maybe i'd give some leeway but a tiny baby? Sorry. I hope your parents will understand since it's their grandchild's health at stake. Therre's just too much with newborns - if some kind of respiratory reaction occurs you won't know if it was smoke or a cold or a formula allergy or something you ate or what caused it. KWIM?

13 years ago

MsMary

Veteran

What does your doctor say?

13 years ago

Isis

Veteran

He smokes outside? I'd ask your doc but this could be ok if you are certain he'd never smoke around the baby.....

13 years ago

elpgal

Veteran

Una: My instinct is the same as yours. I wonder if I am unnecessarily being a hardass. Having my parents care for the baby is tempting (not for financial reasons).

MaryK and Isis: We asked the doctor when we were 'interviewing' pediatricians and they recommended a smoking jacket. The official AAP stance is that there is no safe level of smoke for a baby but this is a recent development.

If my parents can't care for the baby, we will have to use daycare. Per the daycare directors we have spoken with, they do not screen workers for smoking outside work
hours.

13 years ago

MsMary

Veteran

My feeling is that in an ideal world, the baby wouldn't be exposed to any smoke at all. But if your dad will promise to smoke outside, wear a smoking jacket, and wash his hands and face every time he comes back inside, I'd go ahead and leave the baby with them anyway. Putting the baby in daycare would introduce a ginormous variety of UNKNOWN variables and hazards, and in this case I'd say "stick with the devil you know." And it would be ridiculous to put the baby in daycare when for all you know the daycare workers are smoking on their breaks.

13 years ago

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

I don't think I'd let my parents care for my child if they were smokers, but this is my personal belief. I don't really know what a smoking jacket is ... and I'm not very good at pediatrics.

Another way to think about it is - we grew up that way. Gramps and Uncles would always smoke when I was around, and I have tons of pics where I'd be sitting on my Gramp's lap and he'd have a cig in his mouth!

Then again, I have really bad restrictive asthma. :p Maybe that is why!

13 years ago

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Lyn, you're probably right about that. My best friend has chronic respiratory problems, and her parents were heavy, in-the-house smokers all during her childhood. I know it's just anecdotal evidence, but I understand there is research to bear this out. My young niece's son (now 4 years old) is constantly coming down with respiratory illnesses, and unsurprisingly, his mother (as well as others living in her household) has been a smoker his whole young life.

I think MaryK makes a good point. I would try talking with your parents and making your concerns and conditions clear.

13 years ago

Anonymous

I sympathize as I had a DMIL who smoked. I'd sit your parents down and educate them about the possible health problems that can develop, backed up with study findings and definitely saying, "The baby's doctor says...". Usually people will listen to doctors and it will keep you from seeming unreasonable.

13 years ago

Echo

Veteran

While the third hand smoke issue would bother me, there is also something to be said for having family care for your baby. People with a vested interest in the child are just a better bet, IMO. If your father could keep his indoor clothes as "clean" as possible by wearing smoking jacket and wash his hands and smoke outdoors, I would try it and see how things go. To pay significant amounts for what may not be any better (daycare workers who smoke) seems foolish. In a grandparent's home, one can almost guarantee that if that baby cries someone will hold him/her. In a daycare setting, maybe and maybe not. Additionally, there will be far less exposure to viruses and other illnesses in their home than in a daycare.

13 years ago

elpgal

Veteran

Thank you for sharing your experiences. I am still thinking through this. We won't be sending the baby to my parents' home; they will be visiting us from India to stay with us for a maximum of 6 months. So, it is a temporary solution to daycare and comes with added issues of us sharing our space with them. OTOH, none of the daycares I toured appealed to me. We are crunching numbers to see if we can afford a nanny.

Lynn* - a smoking jacket is just that. A jacket that you use for smoking and remove when inside.

I too grew up with my father and almost everybody we know smoking indoors. I think it took till the 90s when they all started smoking outdoors. I don't have any respiratory issues but lots of allergies and chemical sensitivities.

13 years ago

londonkiwi (now back in NZ)

Veteran

Do you know, it never occurred to me to ask whether any of the teachers at my daughter's day care smoked. I don't think any of them do though, I certainly haven't smelt any smoke on their clothing or breath.

If your parent's are visiting anyway, you will need to establish ground rules about smoking, so if they are good about observing them when you are around is there any reason to suspect that they wouldn't when you aren't?

Enjoy your little baby. DH and I were commenting the other day that it was quite amazing that a year and a half ago our daughter could have a bath in the sink and now is standing on a little stool to wash hands and brush teeth.

13 years ago

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