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New house blues

nuancedream

Veteran

Mr ND and I moved into a new house last Friday. While there are things we like, it will be a long process before either of us feels somewhat comfortable. We haven't been here a full week and we're already talking about an exit strategy within 2-3 years that may include moving from the Seattle area. Hopefully, we can sell the condo before the interest rates rise again. I can't help thinking we made a poor decision and maybe we should have stayed in the cramped condo until I retire in 2026.

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28 replies

Latest reply was from LAR101

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Oh, no! Sorry to hear that

Can you pinpoint what is making you unhappy in your new home? Has something happened?

It takes a while to make a house a home. I empathize with the MESS and inconvenience of it all! One DOES feel unsettled for a while. I hope that in time, things will get better. Good luck, and hang in there.

ETA: Thinking about an exit strategy is a good thing. Greg and I are always doing that! It's good to have options, make plans, and think about what is next. Seattle was suppose to be temporary for us - 19 years later....

Helena

Veteran

Oh ND, I'm sorry to hear that - that's so stressful and frustrating I'm sure.

I know for myself a big decision or change can be quite disorienting - both our first and second (current) house I remember sitting in asking, whaaaaat were we thinking. Obviously you might be very different and I don't know the whole context etc, but perhaps once you've had a little time to adjust, you'll feel a bit better xx

In any case, sending you huge love in your decisions and process, and hoping you'll find ways to make it work better for you regardless of the ultimate outcome.

rachylou

Veteran

Oh gosh. Is it the place, the neighbors, the area…?

My fam has a half a heart to leave California or the Bay Area… but everwhere else seems so awful… gak!

Minaminu

Veteran

oh dear! what is the reason for the change of heart? it can take a while to put your stamp in the new place and feel homely.

nuancedream

Veteran

Angie, I do like the neighborhood because it's so much quieter than the neighborhood around the condo. We inherited 3 chickens with the house. Taking care of them plus keeping the coop clean is something I'm doing now but I really can't see myself doing this for the long term. The yard is lovely, but there are a lot of plants and flowers that need care or need to be removed. Plus, we need a new gas water heater. The list of things we need to do seems to be getting longer each day.

Helena

Veteran

Oh yes, that would be a huge change from a condo! Fwiw, I find the more I remind myself that I will actually never get everything done at my house, the calmer I am ... sort of being tongue in cheek but actually it's quite true ... condos win in that regard hands down. One step at a time ... and as Angie says, nothing wrong with an exit strategy, if only to take the pressure off.

Runcarla

Veteran

When we moved 8 years ago, DH and I did a walk through of the new house and wrote down EVERYTHING we wanted to repair/change/improve in a little book. Each room got its own page. We DID NOT tackle everything all at once, but when we did accomplish a ‘thing’ we crossed it off the list. In 8 years, we’ve accomplished quite a lot - but not everything! We plan to repeat the exercise this fall, and then will prioritize where our resources ($ and time) can best be spent for the most happiness - and start all over!

Sounds like you’ve got a small holding with chickens and garden. Post an ad and see if you can give the chickens a new home. You might want to hire a yard service for the rest of your property. (My neighbour has a garden service that comes 4 times a year to tend his beds, and they look as good or better than most in the neighbourhood.). See if there is a local horticultural school or landscape architect program with students looking to make a few bucks to tend your garden.

FWIW, gardens look their worst at this time of year. In another month they should be put to bed until spring. You can always convert what beds you have over to low maintenance perennials with lots of mulch and minimal weeding (that you can hire someone to do for you.)

You’ll probably feel better about the house when the condo sells.

Also, no matter how perfect a new home seems, there are always surprises! Even with inspections, etc. The A/C unit servicing our house died 3 weeks after we moved in - in July - with temps regularly topping 30degC (high 80’s) and in the first 12 months we had to replace every single kitchen appliance (fridge, stove, dishwasher, microwave!)

rachylou

Veteran

Oh wow. Ok. Lol, chickens! Gosh, you’ve got a homestead. I like Carla’s suggestions.

JAileen

Veteran

Our house was really awful when we bought it. The previous owner had been a heavy smoker. We had to pull up all of the carpet and toss the drapes, wash the walls, paint everything and refinish the floors before we moved in. You might be wondering why on earth we bought the house in the first place. The neighborhood is quiet and has a good school.

Kate

Veteran

New house blues. Oh, how I remember, even though it was 22 years ago.

We bought and renovated a town house in DC on Capital Hill. It was a huge project, but the buying process alone took almost two years. We had an insane seller. Along the way, our mortgage company went under necessitating finding a new one; we had to wait out the renters in the house, which took almost a year, and the second set of renters (the house was split into two apartments) absconded in the night abandoning all their stuff; and then the seller was himself foreclosed on, at which point, the house had to be relisted for sale—for only 24 hours, but still... . There were six other offers and our bid was definitely NOT the highest. Still, the small savings and loan in Baltimore which handled the sale, selected us. I think they took pity on us, but we did have cash in hand. It was a time in DC when properties to reno and turnaround were red hot. When we heard we had gotten the house, I had a melt-down and didn't want it. My poor husband. We even spent the next weekend looking at other properties outside DC. We were stuck with it. I hated it.

I remember walking to my hair salon, miserable, with tears in my eyes, right after that weekend. My lovely hairdresser looked at me with a smile and a greeting and I burst into tears. Just sobbing, you know, where you can't breath and you hiccup at the same time, and can't get words out. That thing. She took me by the hand, led me upstairs to her station, sat me down, locked the door, and rubbed my shoulders, murmuring it's okay, it's okay. She didn't know what the hell was going on, but she was awesome. I don't know where they put their other clients. I was there quite a while.

Twenty-two years later, we're still here. I'm very fond of the house, though I did dislike it for quite a while there. The massive reno, which took 9 months, had plenty of its own issues. However, the roof garden and a backyard redo made up for a lot! And we have a fabulous neighborhood, and neighbors.

Hang in there, nuancedream. Carla has given you great advice, and I'm sending you a truckload of hugs and empathy!

RoseandJoan

Veteran

I have no answers only lots of empathy, our house is currently under offer and we hope to move into a rental by the end of September until we find the right house to buy. Sometimes the doubt can feel like whiplash but I am sure you will move through this.

Cardiff girl

Veteran

You have got some good advice above.Give it time.Moving house is a massive upheaval and l think there is always abit of post decisional dissonance involved.

RobinF

Veteran

Moving can be overwhelming for sure. DH and I have been married almost 38 years and in that time have lived in two apartments and five houses we like the change and the potential of making a house that is ugly look cute. That being said, we always have lots of renovating to do and it is a lot of work getting each place how we like it. The last time we moved I said it is forever - we will see.

Hopefully as you adjust you will feel the positives more than the negatives. If not then the exit plan is solid.

Bijou

Veteran

I would be getting rid of the chickens asap, cleaning a chicken coop does not sound like fun. I hope your condo sells quickly and things settle down for you. Moving is very stressful, but know you have options and can move if this is not the house for you.

SarahD8

Veteran

I agree that if chickens are not for you then you should certainly re-home them! I bet someone in your neighborhood Buy Nothing or Facebook group would take them off your hands lickety-split. This is Seattle after all!

Also agree that this is the absolute worst time of year for gardens in our area. Everything spent and dried out. Sorry that you are feeling regretful, hope that some deep breaths and taking things day by day will bring some peace.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Nuancedream, it's all very understandable. Chickens and a garden to suddenly have to contend with is overwhelming! I'm with SarahD8. You will re-home them in a flash in Seattle.

If you aren't gardeners, may I suggest getting a crew in to help out every few weeks. We had that in the our old home in Madrona (lived in a craftsman), and it was a life saver! We also had an irrigation system put in that took the edge off.

CarolS

Veteran

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. You have some excellent suggestions to help mitigate some of the immediate issues of chickens and more garden than you want to tend.

May I ask what inspired you to move now and what attracted you to this house? I'm assuming there was a lifestyle goal or two involved? Can you find a way to celebrate or take advantage of those?

Especially in the early stages of such a big change, all the "negatives" of the change can suddenly seem predominant and we can lose sight of what we've gained. (I'm going through similar on a much smaller scale with a new car. New car rides better and I feel much safer on the highway, but I am still frustrated that I've lost my spot for keeping my garage door opener handy, and I don't like the new cruise control as well as the one in the old car, etc.)

I do hope that with time and a few tweaks you start to feel happier and more settled. And if not, an exit strategy will probably help you through it!!

Style Fan

Veteran

ND, you have gotten some great advice from the YLF members. I am so sorry that you are having a difficult time. Moving is very stressful. Chickens!

Anonymous

I sympathize, moving is pure hell, even without chickens. Yes, rehome those chickens, you don’t need to be dealing with that. It WILL get easier!

Firecracker (Sharan)

Veteran

I feel for you! I hope it gets better by the day. I find exit strategies a huge help if I'm feeling trapped. Even if I never use them, just figuring out the ways really helps.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

ND, I sympathize! It is so hard to move. You've got some excellent advice from Carla and Angie and SarahDB and others re prioritizing tasks, dealing with the chickens, and the garden.

Switching from a condo to a house is a huge step in terms of "things to look after." We moved from a townhouse in Ontario with a very small pavement garden to a suburban place in Victoria with a massive garden, and at first I found that overwhelming.

As others have said, gardens tend to look worn out at this time of year. I arrived at my own new house in mid-March -- still winter. When I moved in, I gave myself permission to essentially just watch the garden for a year and see what it did, before making any decisions. I barely even did any weeding since I wasn't always sure what was what!

The previous owner had hired people to cut the grass and despite the expense, I continued on with the service. (I am allergic to grass and Mr. Suz is allergic to any gardening, LOL. In the long run I would like to get rid of all the grass but that is the long run.) I have also asked these guys to do a few odd jobs like some of the pruning (which is endless in our climate). I do most of the weeding and tending of the beds myself, and over time, I have come to realize that I actually like this job -- it is meditative.

There's always something that needs doing in a house, so what Helena says is pretty useful. If you acknowledge it will never get done, it can make things easier.

BrieN

Veteran

Sending you all the best wishes for the sale of your condo. It’s so stressful when the first place hasn’t sold.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Ohhhh, I’m sorry — that sounds stressful and disappointing! I agree with the advice to try to rehome the chickens asap. I bet someone will be thrilled to take them and the coops off your hands!

Not quite the same thing, but we are currently planning a big remodel. Mainly the kitchen and laundry room, but the changes extend to the entire first floor and loft above. It’s time-intensive, expensive, and exhausting, and we haven’t even started demo yet! About to place the order for the cabinetry this week, after a LOT of planning and back and forth. It’s for both kitchen and laundry and it’s a lot.

I’ve been having some anxiety that we’re spending too much, doing things that are too extreme, gambling on a manufacturer in Europe, etc. I’m worried about an expensive regret down the road. But I guess everyone who does something like this gets cold feet. All we can do is make the best decisions at the time, and hopefully correct or be content with the results. I hope you find solutions for your issues and don’t have to bail so soon.

Jules

Veteran

I like Suz’s suggestion to just leave the garden for a while, and/or hire a service to do regular or one-time maintenance. It sounds like you some eye/interest in gardening but it’s ok to just put it on the back burner for now during the ‘overwhelm’ phase. If plants have been neglected or affected by the heatwave, some will survive and some may not - but it’s probably too late to change the outcome (maybe some unwanted plants will ‘remove’ themselves!). You could also buy yourself some pretty potted mums or other seasonal annuals, and place them strategically around the garden to add cheer - but only if this is something that will increase *your* appreciation of your new home, not if it’s gonna feel like just another chore that brings you no joy.

NancyW

Veteran

After 30 years we moved from a small condo to a much larger home with a yard. I moved in a few weeks before my husband and started cleaning and that is when I saw every flaw at close range! I shed some tears and flogged myself with regret, but also took some deep breaths and moved my concentration to the things that I liked and was excited about. I did not share my worries with my husband as he was traveling and I also thought that my feelings would regulate. Big changes bring big reactions. Runcarla and others have great advice for you. Hire someone to prepare your garden for winter and rehome those chickens! Try not to feed your worries as everything changes and good memories will be made in your new home.

April

Veteran

ND - not sure what your yard aesthetic is but you would be in good company if you chose to remove any invasive plants, replace them with natives, then just let them do their thing.

Doesn't help you if you feel committed to a more manicured look, but it does greatly reduce the work of managing an outdoor space.

Mr. A and I have bought and sold 8 places together. Two NYC apartments, one house in Pennsylvania, and five houses in Connecticut. Two of the CT houses were unpacked and set up by me, by myself, because Mr. A lived in NYC during the week and only came to CT on weekends. One CT house sat on a tenth of an acre and one on 4 acres.

So I'm here to offer my support. Unless you thrive on chaos (and really, does anyone?) there is little more overwhelming than moving.

Anonymous

I think once you're fully settled the chickens and the garden won't feel so overwhelming. It doesn't all have to be done at once!

LAR101

There are no perfects. Take a leap of faith and say that you made a good enough decision for now, especially with what you knew at the time.

The chickens and yard are not the big picture so don't let them upset your balance.

Hopefully you can rehome both the chickens and coop in one transaction. You might have a local NextDoor app or a local Facebook ’Buy Nothing’ group or Craig’s list.

Right now, you might have a fussy gardening yard. Before selling, sometimes yards get refreshed with annuals because they’re an easy way to get quick color; but they are fussy gardening because they require replacing. If you have annuals, just replace them with mulch and watch the garden for a year. Eventually, you’ll probably want more right sized shrubs (to avoid trimming) preferably local natives. Shrubs, low growing groundcover will be longer lasting slower growing. Less color but less care.
To space shrubs properly for their full size, the yard looks empty at first, which is another reason, annuals are preferred for resale. But don’t try to do it now. Just try to go for low care and observing right now.

I hope this is just a temporary stress for you and you can regain your balance and enjoy your new home. Wishing you luck!!