Need Unobtrusive Outfit - YouLookFab Forum

For the next four Sundays, I will be observing possible ministers for my congregation guest preach at neighboring congregations in my denomination. This is on the down low: Those congregations aren’t supposed to know that a handful of their visitors that day is actually a ministerial search committee. Thus, I want to be rather invisible and forgettable and am trying to figure out what that would look like. I am Asian in a very, very white denomination so I can’t completely blend in. I will be driving to the church with another Asian who I call “my son from another mother” so it’s fine if I look like just another mom.

Dress code: More casual than I prefer but I own no yoga pants. Black slacks are probably too formal, but maybe black jeans or my dark gray corduroy ones? Solid sweater on top? Minimal jewelry. The orthopedic shoes below. Red Eddie Bauer parka since rain is forecast and the parka would blend in more than my red trench. Largish black shoulder bag that used to belong to my mom. Nothing funky (which would be those shoes if worn with a dress) and no magpie bling. Suggestions? Advice?

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5 years ago

Gretchen

Veteran

I would say to go with something really simple. Dark jeans or gray pants, casual top/sweater, nothing with extra detail or bright color/pattern.

JAileen

Don’t wear your fingerless gloves. Do have a beige coat? How about something pastel? No interesting jewelry.

Sal

Your plan sounds good. Interesting challenge when you are interested in fashion!!

Becky

Make sure hair and makeup are understated also.

Gigi

I would wear a low-contrast outfit. Maybe blacks and grays?

rachylou

Navy and brown...

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I like your plan. Let's see it on.

Oh wait. I can’t read. I see you have a red parka, black shoes, black bag...

DonnaF

As I survey the possibilities, I keep wanting to add a scarf, necklace, blingy belt, and earrings. This is HARD! I dug out my plain black socks and pulled out my plain gray fingerless gloves. If the rain lets up, I have a Uniqlo regular length jacket. . .

Runcarla

No red. Do you have a coat of another colour? Tan or black?

My rainwear is red, unfortunately. If it is only drizzling, I may try my Uniqlo packable puffer which is supposed to be water resistant plus pack a black foldable umbrella.

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Women Ultra Light Down Compact Jacket

bj1111

This is so the opposite of the current me challenge p

Barbara Diane

Every church is different but it sounds like you will stand out a bit even dressed more casually. Some congregations have few visitors and come speak to newcomers. I’d suggest having a backstory ready that you are comfortable with.

kkards

No ideas, but wondering why the congregation you are visiting isn’t supposed to know why you are there

minimalist

@kkards, it's a delicate talent search.

Minimalist...yes I understand that. But, don’t all the surrounding churches know that one of the neighboring churches is looking for a new minister? So wouldn’t they be expecting visitors? From what DonnaF said I assumed that she wasn’t there to recruit the current minister, but was in a the preaching of a visitor. Sorry to be taking this off topi but it’s very interesting to me.

Jane

So, I am thinking that you need four outfits for the four Sundays - or at least one outfit that can work four times. I would go for the calmest quietest outfit for the first Sunday and see how that works. Yes to darker colours. What JAileen says, no fingerless gloves :). The puffer and the umbrella sounds like a good option.

As a very white, very plain person who's new to your faith (so new, I have no idea what it is), and isn't fully comfortable in your congregation (too much hugging?), I would be very grateful if someone would go to the trouble of congregation-shopping for me, without me.

It's a lot to ask, but anyone kind enough to minister to me in this way could dress any way they pleased. If they happened to come across a pastor they happened to want to invite for pulpit supply in their own church, well that's a blessing!

I'm with bj1111. Maybe you could church-hop for both of us?

Joy

Interesting but you have a plan. I would suggest as many dark neutrals as possible. Or you could go all whack-a-doodle and wear a bathrobe as coat, lots of kitty prints, and bright colored sneakers. If you do not want to be hugged or talked to, have a wad of tissues in your pocket, blow nose often, cough, and tell everyone you are just getting over the flu and you would rather not get too close

I live in a metropolitan area with a fair number of churches in our denomination within an hour’s radius. We work hard to maintain the confidentiality of ministers in search because they may not have told their congregations that they are looking for a new job. It would be awkward if the current congregation found out and their minister did not find a match so wanted to remain with them. It’s a small denomination so it doesn’t take much to put together the puzzle.

Last December, congregations in search submitted to a denominational office electronic packets describing themselves and what they wanted, and ministers in search submitted packets describing themselves. Then the ministers were allowed to release their packets to up to 15 congregations which in turn would release more information about themselves. We reviewed these, video interviewed fewer, and then invite three or four out for a weekend in person interview and to preach at a neutral pulpit. We submit our preferences to the central office and the ministers do the same. If there’s a match that both sides think will work, the minister and family/partner will be invited out to meet the Board of Trustees, staff, and congregation and preach to them. The congregation will then vote on whether to call that minister. If the minister doesn’t get at least 90-95% positive vote, the minister will not accept the call.

DonnaF ...i'm the person who always wants to see "what's behind the curtain"...so thank you for the detailed response and the explaination...hope you find a great candidate who works well for your congregation!

anchie

Interesting to learn about the process, never thought that ministers are like other jobs, witn interviews, selection process, and voting.

Anonymous

@Joy lol!
Sounds like a fun project
Depending on the church, unobtrusive isn't necessarily neutrals though. If the rest of the congregation is more flamboyant, you'll stand out more if you're dressing too plain. Could you stake out the churches ahead to see what's the norm?
Eta-Easter is a good time to visit since all churches are busier that day!

It’s very interesting how different denominations do it. Some ministers seem to have to save up their own money to get a place and start a congregation.

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