Need to remove shoes in Indian home (in California)? - YouLookFab Forum

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Need to remove shoes in Indian home (in California)?

MsMaven

Veteran

Sorry, I don't know what region the family is from. Here in Silicon Valley we often say our neighborhood is like a mini-United Nations. I know many of our neighbors from Asian countries don't wear shoes in their homes. When we were in London a few years ago we visited an English family who removed their shoes indoors. I have so many foot problems that it is painful for me to go barefoot. I apologized to the hostess, but this was at the end of our trip and after walking over cobblestones and rough streets for two weeks, I couldn't bear to take off my sneakers. And my podiatrist told me never to go barefoot.

We are going to a concert and dinner in SF at a private home tomorrow and I'm trying to figure out what to wear. It occurred to me that protocol would require me to take off shoes--my DH has similar problems. I can stand to walk on thick carpeting a few steps, but hard floors are painful. I have some ugly Hilton slippers (DH brings them home from business trips) but they don't help much.

It may be I'm worried for no reason--this is California not London. Still, maybe not. What do my wise cosmopolitan Fabber's say? I'm kind of embarrassed to even have to ask so late, especially since I don't even know what the proper dress will be. It is Silicon Valley after all.

Dressing

20 replies

Latest reply was from MsMaven

Ledonna N.

Veteran

Maybe you could purchase new shoes for the trip and only wear them indoors. Most family's don't want you to.bring outside germs into the homes. We ask people to wear socks and footies.

Colette

Veteran

Is it possible you have a pair of 'indoor only' shoes you could bring along and switch into? My dear neighbors are from India and when you enter their home for a party, all guest shoes are lined up next to the door. I always remove my shoes when I visit them.

Maneera

(website)

Veteran

Hmm....I know what you mean. This practice is way more common in South India.

I've never ever taken my shoes off in someone's home. In my personal experience, people don't expect you to take off your shoes for social get togethers. In fact, some people try to remove their footwear at my front door (assuming I'd want that) but I insist they wear their shoes. I have 2 dogs, so if my floors & carpets can survive all that hair, it can survive more dust.

There is a practical reason ppl do this in India. This country has absolutely filthy roads. Filthy is an 'understatement'.....you have to come to India to know what happens to your shoes when you walk on the roads here! But in Silicon Valley? I am not sure they'd ask you to remove shoes....though I could be wrong.

I'm guessing your hostess may not insist on no footwear in the house. But Incase she does, just carry a pair of Flip-Flops (pretty ones that are also comfy) in your bag and tell your hostess politely that you have too many foot problems to go barefoot. Same for your DH. I don't think they'd mind you wearing clean shoes in their home, like Ledonna points out.

MsMaven

Veteran

Ah thank you all. I do have a pair of new sandals yet to be worn outside my own house. I can bring those with me. I was thinking of wearing seldom-worn shoes. True that generally when we go out we walk few steps out of doors--just from parking to the place we are going.

Alas I wear my flip flops out of doors. We have a lot of wildlife here. I've been meaning to post photos of "my ducks" and "my turkeys." Actually, they were here first long before our house was built.

heather.enhui

My experience with "remove your shoes" households in the Middle East and China (including my own home) is that no host would ever want their guest to feel uncomfortable, and so even if removing the shoes is the cultural norm, if you would be in pain or uncomfortable removing your shoes then you would not be encouraged to do so. I keep an assortment of house slippers at my door, but if I knew my guest was more comfortable with their own shoes on, I would never, ever object. In fact I would be upset if they felt uncomfortable.

Anonymous

I agree with bringing indoor or unworn shoes, but only use if asked to take off your shoes.

Sally

Veteran

I am married to a South Indian and live in a community where everyone is pretty much Chinese or Indian and everybody takes off their shoes. I can't imagine not taking off my shoes now. I do have friends that bring slippers because they are uncomfortable about taking off shoes. I stayed with two Indian families in SF and I took off my shoes so best to prepare for it.

rachylou

Veteran

So...Having resided in the Silicon Valley, it's been kinda my experience that there IS an expectation that you remove your shoes in no-shoe homes. And it all depends on the host. Some make exceptions when they entertain; some don't. I will say this, tho, American born people with no shoe households - I, ahem, feel they're more likely to insist. It's that good old fashioned American sensitivity at work, lol. But then I'm from Hippyland and people who like to 'expand' others... Ahem. Anyways, I vote go prepared too.

Glory

Veteran

I also vote for an indoor pair of shoes which if necessary you can tell the hostess that they are for indoor wear only.

Bonnie

Veteran

Construction workers in our new built neighborhood always cover their shoes with some sort of baggy looking shower cap thing. It's not stylish but it works.

Helena

Veteran

I would suggest, plan to bring an indoor pair, as close to slippers as reasonable ... bit if at all possible, I would just tell the hostess your dilemma and ask what she would prefer you to do. Most people appreciate respectful honesty and want to make their guests comfortable. Good luck!

Anonymous

Bonnie has an idea with covering your shoes indoors. If you know a realtor, they can probably lend you the shoe covers that are used a lot at their open houses. Maybe even a big size of footie would go over a shoe.

Jaime

Where I live (Pittsburgh)all kids remove shoes immediately coming into a house and most adults too. I am like you in that it hurts my feet to walk barefoot because of my high arches. I am the exception who always wears shoes indoors. This drives my husband crazy as it 'tracks in dirt' and my kids just think I am nuts for wearing shoes indoors.

If I were you I would get a pair of TOMS or similiar (Target has a ton now) and wear those.

shedev

Veteran

Can you call the hostess to ask her what her preference is?

unfrumped

Veteran

I would hope that clean, obviously "indoor" foot coverings like footies or slipper socks would be allowed, and then if one actually has some kind of arch support issue a stuctured slipper with orthotics or something.

I can understand completely being asked to removefootwear that has been outdoors, if the host feels that is best for their home, but I would hope I would not to be expected to go barefoot, which I would find very chilly most of the time! But I do not know the range of expectations. (so actually I'd also hope the host to offer some "guest slippers" of the sort they have in mind, or to tell me in advance!)

Diana

Veteran

So I'm a barefoot-whenever-possible-indoors person, but in your case I would bring some indoor shoes in your purse just in case. I don't know anyone with a no-shoes house who would object to those, as they basically function as slippers and are not dirty. I think Toms, as mentioned above, would be a good choice, as would some fold up ballet flats (like Tieks, or there are a million cheaper versions). Or, heck, even indoor Birkenstocks.

catgirl

Veteran

I would bring socks or indoor slippers (mine are a pair of real shoes - Born mules) and just explain. We remove shoes in our house, as do guests, because I'm Indian AND it's an Alaskan custom, but if someone is elderly or has health issues, I would feel very rude insisting on a shoes-off rule.

MsMaven

Veteran

Thanks for all of your advice. I asked DH about our host. Apparently there is no hostess, because DH says he has no children and hasn't mentioned a wife, although he talks about his parents. He is from Tamil, by the way. I believe he's going to be one of the performers. I've met him before and he's a very nice person, so despite my momentary panic last night I think it will all work out. Maybe I can get a photo with him.

To make things worse I've been on my feet all morning and they are killing me. Supervising (ha!) watching the tree service remove my favorite tree planted too close to our house, and do the palms and cypress. Maybe a photo will show up later. I still haven't figured out what I'm going to wear. Weather isn't settled here yet.

Jen W

I was at a gathering in San Jose tonight in the home of an Indian family and my friend sent out an email ahead of time letting everyone know that theirs was a shoe-free home. I think in this area it is good to always be prepared as most homes I visit are shoe-free regardless of the family's culture. I would definitely bring a pair of indoor shoes to protect your feet and to ensure your own comfort.

MsMaven

Veteran

I'm glad I brought this up because this is a good discussion that I will remember for future events. We had a great evening with our gracious host and shoes were not an issue. It was a cosmopolitan group and we had some great conversations with an interesting array of guests. The house was on a hillside on top of steep flights of stairs but with fabulous views toward the west and the ocean.

I also worried whether jeans were appropriate and got out and ironed my winter ponte pants, summer dressy pants were way too tight around waist, arg!) and I worried about not wearing spring colors and went for black, white and charcoal. Well, most women and many men were in jeans and all the women were in black, white, navy and one wore cobalt. Some women very well dressed in heels and pants suits, others in perfect jeans and black or navy tops.

Now, I will say that we've been to social events in SF in years past where the dress was definitely designer, especially Chanel, and as I remember, sequin pants. If you remember those, you remember the era.