Need some advice - YouLookFab Forum

Hi guys, I have not been around much at all because I have been really limiting my shopping. In fact, I've been delving into minimalism and working hard on blogging which has been really great for me and my family. This has been a good year for us. But I really need help and I know that you guys are just the group to ask!

I have three kids (twins age 10 plus 5 year old) and C-sections for all three so I have never returned to pre-kid shape but I was able to lose the weight after the pregnancies and go back to my normal size which is 5'6", about 125-130lbs.

I have dealt with anxiety for years and over the last 2 years have finally been able to get it under control with meds and lifestyle changes (minimalism has been hugely helpful). The big problem is, my weight has continued to go up so that I am now at 160 lbs. Still flat chested and just look very overweight for my small frame. Big thighs, big belly, still size A bra. I have talked to my doc, am switching meds and trying to get back to more regular exercise. It's frustrating because dietary changes don't seem to help and even when restricting I am barely able to maintain. I'm constantly in fear that people will ask if I am pregnant, because I look it. In the past I've been pretty happy with myself, just not really giving it much thought and relatively content. Now I feel extremely self conscious and I just don't know how to flatter this new *awkward* shape. I keep trying on clothes that fit but look like maternity on me and I'm freaking out a little. Summer is here in the deep South and every day I am struggling to find something comfortable that is not a tent. I feel like most of my friends who are *not skinny* have a more proportionate figure. My dang boobs just won't gain any of the weight making me look so awkward. UGH.

So, I have pared and pared down my wardrobe and am so very much enjoying the smaller selection but for summer I have almost NOTHING and it is HOT. In the fall/winter I was able to do loose tops and layers and leggings and for summer I am just at a loss. PLEASE HELP. Especially with styles that might be more flattering. I would so much appreciate any advice and/or commiseration. I can post pics if I must *shudder* but I think you guys get the idea. Looking 13 weeks pregnant, small chest, cringe on face, still wearing winter wardrobe.

6 years ago

Staysfit

Veteran

Oh my! I am so sorry about your experience. I hope your doctor successfully finds medication that still helps your anxiety without contributing more to weight gain. I imagine life with three young children is busy. Finding time to exercise must be challenging. I have no idea what type of exercise you plan, but I suggest you consider some combination of weight lifting and aerobics. There are many time efficient bodyweight exercises that you could learn. In terms of what to wear, it seems that summer would be one of the easier seasons because loose clothing is still an option, but maybe in lighter materials like cotton and linen. Inge and Angie have showcased multiple plus sized fashion bloggers who have exquisite style and taste. I think that it would be a good idea to take a look at these posts for outfit inspiration. Good luck!

ETA: I hate the term plus sized so I am sorry I used it here. I need to think of a better way to word this. Suggestions welcome!)

Liz

Hugs! I think this is one of those times when you have to work on disbelieving your own thoughts about yourself. I guarantee you look far better and far more normal than you think you do.

Would it be helpful for you to go review Angie's guidelines for dressing the apple shape? Hopefully some of our "apple" forum members will chime in with specific suggestions.

Also, summer clothes get harder wear and washing than winter clothes. You might need to give yourself permission to buy a few more items than a strong adherence to minimalism would suggest.

ETA: You might consider changing your subject line to what you need advice about -- you'll get more input and help that way.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Melanie, don't worry. We'll find you something fun and fab to wear. I'm sorry that you've been battling. Sounds tough and I'm sending healing thoughts.

Practically though, I need a better sense of your body type so that I can make accurate suggestions. A current pic would really help.

unfrumped

Hugs too.
I am a pear shape so it's also possible for me to get tops that veer into maternity look unintendedly - small in shoulders / bust but maybe too much A- line or volume.
Things that help are looking for your best proportions, hem lengths and hem styles. For instance, maybe shirttail hem instead of straight, or asymmetrical hems, and find the " sweet spot" for length. Fabrics that drape a little - not clingy but not stiff and tent like.
Some summer dresses might be your friend if shorts are tight/ hot. I'm not taking my own advice but you'll get advice to have a professional bra- fitting.
And get a great haircut!
You might need to do more retail research- hard of course with kids, but maybe can get some " me time". Try on a bunch of stuff even in brands orvprice points you might not actually buy, and with no pressure to buy, just to get some ideas.
Be sure you have a few fun, comfortable exercise outfits/ sneakers to encourage your exercise plan.

minimalist

Oh, hon. I also have a body type that just doesn't look happy and abundant with extra weight. (I look manly rather than pregnant, but neither is fun.)

Comfort in the heat is so important. Some Eileen Fisher garments work for me, and some of their newer looks (they're trying to appeal to a younger market) might be worth trying out.

My body composition changes a lot depending on the types of food I'm eating consistently, rather than on how much. Maybe changing approaches (rather than blanket restricting) would be more effective for you? I don't think there's a one-size fits all nutritional guideline, and have no specific suggestions.

Pictures really will help Angie and members make concrete style suggestions. As far as I can tell, everyone here is loving and accepting of all bodies. People may point out the effect of clothing choices on perceptions of proportion, and I'm probably the most direct and undiplomatic here in that regard, but I've never heard criticism of anyone's body here.

Melaine

Active Member

Thank you all! *Deep breath* I really needed someone to entertain my freak-out moment! Already feeling like I have some good options out there, and like I just need to go find them. This community is always so positive-you guys ROCK! My poor hubby is doing his best to encourage me but sometimes a guy just can't connect with these issues, ykwim? I will come back soon with a pic to get some more ideas. THANK YOU ALL.

Have just posted new thread with pics.

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