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Need healthy distractions

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

So my Dad decided to get his hernia repaired while he's still here. For the record he's been here since December 21st. Which means a several things. Next weekend is my last four-day weekend before I switch schedules in March. I was planning to go to Portland. That's not happening. I'll have to take more vacation time for his surgery. Which puts my planned March trip to Whistler in jeopardy because I probably won't have enough vacation. I had planned a wine party at my condo, that's postponed indefinitely.
The only time I'm away from my father is either when I'm at work, the gym or grocery shopping. Last weekend I tried to book myself a massage. I completely spaced the appointment because I was worrying about my father.
I'm on call this weekend so I'm actually hoping I will be busy because it will get me away from home.
Basically all I want to do is buy wildly impractical and expensive shoes. Laurence Dacade gold studded boots, I'm looking at you.

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15 replies

Latest reply was from Isis

jayne

Veteran

Strength! !

rachylou

Veteran

Oh, I hear you! How I hear you...

catgirl

Veteran

Do you go to movies by yourself? This is my luxury - sneak out for an early matinee. I still love the old-fashioned popcorn and ticket experience ALL BY MYSELF.

Caro in Oz

Veteran

I see movies too.
Hang in there, this too shall pass.

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

Oh Anna - I soooooooo relate to this! For me, it's like you're losing a bit of yourself. It's all well and good to give of ourselves and we don't regret doing it one darned bit, but it doesn't come without stress and sacrifices - like privacy and time.

Is there any sort of home care or respite service available that could come and stay with your Dad for a few hours during his recovery so you could get a break?

Isabel

Veteran

Is there a nice hotel where you spend a night or an entire day by yourself ? I fantasize about that all the time ..the movie idea is good too.

ManidipaM

Veteran

I wish holodecks were a reality already, so you could sneak in a mini vacation...

Hang in there, Anna!

Irene

Veteran

From what you explain, I assume you have no siblings to help you.

Maybe you have a REALLY good friend that could help you by staying with your dad for a little while? Who is he with when you are at work? Does he need company 7/24?

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

He's fine by himself while I'm at work. He can prepare his own food as far as lunch and breakfast. I've been cooking dinners though. It's just that my condo is tiny. So there's no escaping each other.

Raisin

Veteran

Oh Anna I can only sympaize. I had my MIL and 14 year old SIL here for the better part of a year.....and I love them, they are great, but you're right, the lose of privacy is hard. There's just no where to go. Oh, and her 2 small dogs annoyed me with their constant barking! Hang in there, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Kristin L

Veteran

Are there any classes that seem fun to take in the evenings? Or is there a book club you can join?

Anonymous

Does a neighbor or a local shelter have dogs you could walk? (Also good for meeting men, but that's a different topic.) How about a Zumba class?

Nicole D

Veteran

That is a tough one. Is he aware of the stress? Does he feel it too? I wonder if you could suggest a stay at a retirement home (not sure what the US equivalent is but here it is a place where meals are provided, medications doled out and nursing and personal support care available for a price. Not a nursing home). Because even after surgery there may be a convalescent period, heaven forbid complications etc.etc. Downside: $$ and it would probably mean a frank discussion with your father about the strain. But that might be necessary to maintain your relationship with him, otherwise resentment may fester.
You know: you need to take care of yourself to be an effective caregiver.
I wish you the best.

MNsara

Veteran

Anna, you're a dear for helping your dad out like this! But you're not superhuman and you still need to take care of yourself somehow -- and that includes the downtime, me-time, you're needing.

Can HE spend time at a bookstore (some folks here hang out all evening at Barnes & Noble, drinking Starbucks and reading), can HE go to a movie by himself (so you can go home and have your place to yourself for a couple hours), does he play cards and you could seek out a seniors' card group (community centers, nearby senior apartments?), etc.

If you haven't told him you're struggling with not enough time alone to regroup/feel balanced, that would be the first step. I know this conversation would have been hard for me to have with my own dad, . . but they deserve to understand what we need in order to keep ourselves strong enough to be helpful to them.

Anyway, if you're really just looking for (footwear) shopping alternatives, then you've gotten a few good ideas above

Isis

Veteran

I am not sure what to add, except to agree that it would be great to figure out how to go to movies, have your dad go to movies, treat yourself, etc.

Most of all, though, major props to you for being there for your dad. It is not easy for anybody, the person or the caregiver, to go through the onslaughts of an aging body.

How wonderful that you are able to be there for your dad. A true gift of love. He is lucky to have you!