My wardrobe, and therefore my style, is boring. What to do? - YouLookFab Forum

Category

Dressing

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

My wardrobe, and therefore my style, is boring. What to do?

Anonymous

I have learned a LOT being a YLF forum member for more than 3 years, but my closet doesn't really reflect that. I can quite happily tell everyone else what to do, but I don't seem to be able to practice what I know and have learned.

I'm unhappy with my collection of boring clothes. In striving to cut back on wasteful purchases, and to keep a tighter closet, I have sucked all of the fun out of my closet. I also am not interested in fast-fashion , or buying from those whose retail and manufacturing processes are environmentally and socially unacceptable (H&M, etc ) and being trend-carzy is not appealing either .

Now, it's not like I had a wardrobe full of colour and print, with a variety of silhouettes, but I did have a LOT more clothing . I have many nice , high-quality things, but they are all versions of one another. The breaking point happened yesterday , when out for some leisurely browsing combined with a sales call along one of our best boutique streets, I stopped in to a favourite shop to look for a pullover sweater . Black. (yes, sorry). The shop owner, who is a delightful girl of about 28 and who knows me fairly well, looked me up and down (in my all-black sweater and jeans outfit) and announced that there were a few black sweaters, "but you know, we specifically bought fall with a lot more variety and colour this year". Ouch. But looking at myself in the mirror in the hot fitting rooms while pulling sweaters over my head , I felt crappy and disheveled in my less-than-pristine black sweater (which I why I wanted a new one) , dull black jeans, and dull black sneakers. I wanted to slink out of there and go home. Anyways, this is all to say - I hate my clothes and hate my style (or lack thereof) and don't know how to approach what feels like a long over-due makeover.

I think my biggest roadblock is a lack of body confidence and a fear of looking silly or kooky. I stick to a very few silhouettes that provide coverage of certain parts of my body I care not to highlight . I'm way past the age of needing to feel constrained by fear of what other people think , or by my own insecurities - but somehow they still rule. I have become quite fascinated by a blogger I've followed for a couple of years - Shauna Robertson at Chicover50 - whom I share nothing with in terms of appearance except for perhaps the hair. Anyways, I often dismiss her look as too kooky and slightly off , but there is something very appealing about how happy and comfortable and interesting she looks . She's wedded to a few stores (Anthro primarily) so her look is influenced that way - but look at all of the colour, the fun , the everything ! Am I just envious of such a big wardrobe and a big budget?

How can I open my eyes to introduce more fun and interest to my style? Where does one start?

Dressing

77 replies

Latest reply was from Elizabeth P

Tanya

Veteran

Ah Lisa, I am sorry you feel this way. Maybe start with one beautiful statement piece, something that sings to you? It could be a beautiful color, or pattern, or unusual cut etc. It should be something that you see and fall in love with. And then you build an outfit around it.
For all that is worth, I don’t think that your style or clothes are even close to boring. Your Smythe jackets, for example, are incridible. And you have the best accessories.

Anonymous

Thanks Tanya - but herein lies the rub: I'm not necessarily attracted to unusual and colourful things . I can look at them intellectually and appreciate the construction and colour mixing, and the suitability for other people - but they aren't pieces I want to buy. Trying to get past this mental roadblock is the challenge....and figuring out which colours or styles I might start with. (And the funny thing about my Smythe jackets is - they are all very classic and basic, except for the metallic one which is on it's last legs. Nothing interesting there!) You are a colour afficionado - I wish I had your confidence in that regard.

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

What do you want to project?
Harder or softer?
Polished versus rough around edges?

I'm think some velvet pieces would be good.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I understand how you feel. I felt like my style was really boring when I first discovered the world of fashion blogs and YLF. I then went a bit overboard on experimenting and buying and experimenting some more over the following years. I got a little wacky sometimes and definitely went into some territory that didn't stick with me for long, but it was helpful to discover what I am NOT, stylewise.

I think you have to be willing to take some chances and make some mistakes. It might mean buying a piece that is NOT expensive and terribly well-made to try out a color, pattern, or cut that is a little outside your comfort zone. I made the mistake of buying some really quality, expensive pieces that ended up not sticking with how my style evolved.

Maybe do a bit of shopping just for fun and ideas? Put no pressure on yourself to buy, or even try on, unless you're really feeling it. Just see what appeals to your eye, without any expectations. Take pictures or make notes on colors or patterns or textures that appeal to you. Just an idea. I think you need to find the fun and adventure in this whole endeavor rather than look at is a stressful overhaul kind of project. Does that make sense?

krishnidoux

Veteran

Lisa, I want to start off with ho gorgeous you are. You truly are a beautiful woman, with a solid sense of style. I have often admired how you play with geometrical silhouette and dainty accessories that suit you so well. I just visited the blog Chicover50 and have to say that if you have a kind of similar hair do, you are different from this lady and therefore it makes sense that you wouldn't want to go in the same direction or all the way as she does. She has a different built, whereas you appear to me as more delicate, and I have seen often in pics you post how subtlety (finesse) works well for you. You know how to play it out so well. For example, your yellow fall outfit that is so dynamic and effortless. Yet it totally respects and highlights your delicate feminine features in small but essential details: pointy booties; tribal necklace but with shiny metal and a pointy shape; jacket's perfect fit... Another example: in a recent wiw post, the floral print is busy and fun but also carefully not too big; there is the metallic touch again with a to-die-for cuff bracelet; and ho - did I mention these super cute pumps. What I like about your style is the contrast you always pull between refined elegance and bolder cuts.
This said, I understand your feeling, and have felt this way myself too. Maybe you are in need of a change. It's a good time to test new proportions and new vibes.
You say you don't like fast fashion and I agree. But... when one is in the process of changing, it's sometimes not so bad that there would be cheaper options to test the waters. Zara and the likes carry items that are cheap enought that you can play around with and how you feel in them before you spend more in other stores.
Another strategy is to empty your closet and fold away anything that is not making you full of joy: but do not throw out, just store for a while. You are in a process so don't hurry into purging: only hide some things in order to rediscover others. You will find yourself with a very reduced wardrobe, and sometimes the physical space in the drawers and on the shelves help open mental space to welcome new inspiration.
Then concentrate on one maybe neglected item that has potential and play around to see how many looks you could pull out of it. Often this is how I discover a new silhouette for myself. Hugs to you.

unfrumped

Veteran

Don’t be so hard on yourself! I anyways think you look WAY cooler and more put- together than I do- not that gives you any comfort, duh! I’m wondering g if “ color” should be interpreted more liberally— when you wear olive and other “ almost neutrals” you look very vibrant. You don’t havd to have shrieking colors— though you certainly may do so. I think it’s more about ruch shades that work with your coloring , textures, layering on the interest

I also think it’s perfectky fine to stick with a few silhouettes because I find it’s hard to get proportions right if I just add s random style of pants or skirt or something. Everything has consequences re: what shoes, what tops or vice versa. If I’m too random I have to buy a whole lot of other things to make it work.
You might want to identify your “ aspirational” retailer. Is there a maker that tends to have things you drool over but can’t typically afford ? Then try to see what if is and either if it comes out at a lower price point or if it’s sonething you would save up for and buy instead of 3 cheaper items.
I found that some makes produce things I think have that spark of fun or elegant style for me, but I may think they’re overpriced ( paying for the name, not on sale, whatever). Then I buy something else instead and wonder why things look boring. I do thing I have to chose , or sacrifice- can’t have LOTS of items like that.
I have read some advice on building by the best outfits one could make, kind of one by one. SYC for even one or 2 outfits that you think hit the mark or come close, and analyze what that is.
Also I go for the idea of shopping in one of my best outfits— something I think looks really sharp and fits perfectly ( that also forces me into more intentional shopping rather than too much noshing). Best colors, put together with shoes and bag, usually a jacket that makes me feel more confident. That makes me less likely to feel drab, to think that “ okay” clothes look better than what I have.
You really do look great.

Liz

Veteran

On a purely practical note, nothing — but nothing — makes me feel dumpier than wearing a slightly too-warm black outfit in bright sun. I feel faded, hot, irritable, dumpy, and totally out of sorts. I felt miserable just reading your description of your day, and I wasn't even there.
Stick me in a dressing room on a day like that, and I am guaranteed to hate myself and everything I try on. Especially if there is a Cute Young SA talking about the latest fall fashion.
IF something like this happened to you, go a bit easy on yourself as you think all this through. enjoy new style directions, but go easy on yourself as you do.

Pat_P

I can sympathize. I have a small wardrobe and I don't like a lot of color or pattern. For myself, I've found small things can make a big difference. Since my clothes are usually kind of simple, I find I really need the scarf, belt or necklace- or whatever- to help me feel together and not boring. I've had to really trust my instincts and buy some things I wasn't sure how much I'd wear - and they have made all the difference. I don't know if the same process would work for you. But I want to offer my encouragement, and also add that I always love your style!

Laura G

Veteran

I'm sorry you're feeling so down. On the other hand, acknowledging what you're unhappy about is a turning point. It could be the start of something beautiful!

We all have body parts we don't want to make the center of attention (well, maybe Jessica Rabbit doesn't). I'm not sure I'd call it insecurity. More like acknowledging that fashion is architecture and not everything works on every body. I don't think that's something you have to overcome to have a great personal style. Actually I think it's essential.

It's possible there are other silhouettes that would work for you, that you have never thought to try. OTOH I've noticed in the few months I've been at this that the number of silhouettes I wear is *shrinking*, as I try endless combination and notice that the real winners all have certain shapes in common. It's possible if you added a little of the color and pattern you seem to be longing for, you might be perfectly happy in just the silhouettes you're already wearing.

I share your fear of looking ridiculous, or kooky, or my personal favorite, mutton dressed as lamb. And I don't suggest pushing that boundary at all. But there's a world of possibility between where you are now and that boundary.

I'd start with Pinterest. And I'd start by pinning the looks you like from Chic Over 50, the ones that look happy and relaxed and not kooky. I found that my ideal (for me) look just sort of magically appeared as I freely pinned anything at all that appealed to me. It's like it was inside me all along and the board allowed me to see it. Ok, getting a little woo-woo here. I think I'll stop.

kkards

Veteran

lisap...i wish we where able to chat IRL becuase i'm not great at expressing myself with the written word...

I hate my clothes and hate my style (or lack thereof) and don't know how to approach what feels like a long over-due makeover.

I think my biggest roadblock is a lack of body confidence and a fear of looking silly or kooky.

so....back when you did have body confidence, did you like your style? i'd start there, and then figure out how to make that style work for the body you have now....

as for looking silly or kooky, well, yes we are all going to make some mistakes and wear something that looking back we know was just "off"...but it's just clothing, relax most of us are not that important that anyone is really going to remember

and finally, i don't find your style boring...not cutting edge, not super trendy...but just because its not cutting edge or super trendy doesn't mean its boring.

Laura G

Veteran

OMG! I just went and look at your WIWs. NOT BORING! Not.

So the question is, what is it about your wardrobe that's boring *you* right now?

K.M.

Veteran

lisa p., I empathize, as I've felt the same way and still do many, many times. Including the perplexity of having spent so much time thinking about fashion and my wardrobe, learning here from YSF, and still feeling that my clothes don't represent my insights and aspirations.
Having said this, I always look up to you here in this forum as someone with such a clear sense of elegance and of your own style and fashion in general. Sometimes we can be our worst critics, which is not to say that the feeling is not valid but that it has less to do with our actual clothes and more with... other stuff.
Also, we're always changing... what made me happy for a while starts to look frumpy or unoriginal later on.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Lisa, the answers to these questions is what I do for a living. They are both easy and difficult questions to answer. FWIW, here's my two cents:

We all love a quick fix, and modern life has become about what we can do as fast and effectively as possible. (So I like Tanya's suggestion). But being happy with our style in the long run and evolving it in a way that works with who we are both on the inside and outside is about the slow fix approach and looking inward constantly, (and Anna is on the right track with her suggestions).

I sound like a broken record, but it's my philosophy as a fashion and style professional: you can't effectively start afresh and move forward without clearing up and cleaning out first. You can't build on what you have without knowing exactly what you have and how you feel about it. You need to do a proper closet edit and review. I know you've tried to edit your closet but for all sorts of reasons - which I'm not saying are invalid - you lost momentum. Clear out the stuff that you no longer like or that longer fits, and look at what's left. Push through the process with the help of friends if that makes things easier. You will feel SO much better when that's done. This is the hardest part for you right now, and I know that your insecurities take over at this stage. I WISH I could fly out and help you do this right now! When it's done, things will begin falling into place more and more easily. Trust me. The way you're feeling about your style and wardrobe is not uncommon.

Once you've edited properly, look at what's left, and take it from there. Look inward and build on the looks and vibes that you like for the season(s). Maybe it's brighter colours this season? Maybe it's olive and black? Road test and asses how you feel along the way. Make mistakes - we all do - but we also learn from them. Don't take it too seriously. Manage what you can within the constraints that you have. It takes time and that's okay. (Janet is wise).

As for your fascination, (and envy as you put it), with some bloggers - that's a very natural reaction btw, and applaud you for being honest and open about it. To be inspired is great, but for them to make you feel bad about your own style is not. Remember that most outfit fashion bloggers receive free clothing which is not reflected in their budget. Many of the outfits they wear are not what they would wear day to day. Many are about creating a beautiful outfit and picture - which is an important part of fashion and style, and I am not dissing it. But they aren't necessarily into building effective and manageable wardrobes within a budget over time, or showcasing what they really wear when they run errands etc.

And last, we can greatly admire the style of another but not want to sport it ourselves. It's right on them, but not necessarily right for us. I'm back to constantly looking inward to create a style that makes us look and feel fab.

Dear Lisa, you have a keen sense of style and enjoy fashion. You are hard on yourself and absolutely do not give yourself enough credit. You are a very attractive woman who has a lot going for her. You're blessed. If you can see your way to clearing out "some of the cobwebs", it's all going to fall into place, and become easier and easier each season.

As always, I'm here to support and help you in any way at all.

DonnaF

Veteran

I think of your wardrobe as a backdrop for your fabulous jewelry collection; you don’t want it to compete too much in color, pattern or cut.

Anonymous

Laura - good idea about starting a very random pin board. I really like that, and it makes a lot of sense. My boards are so specific - and it might help to look at photos with absolutely no initial fashion judgment just to see what pops up. Thank you!

Pat P - I'm with you on the importance of accessories. My meltdown here probably has more application to my casual wardrobe , rather than my work wardrobe - and accessorizing casually is something I need to improve on . Good thoughts..

Liz - you're making me laugh, which is a good thing. . That is exactly how crappy I felt yesterday. It all started out with good intentions (always does) but it was unseasonally warm and I could not get the right outfit together. Sometimes all black can look just miserable.

unfrumped - couple of good points you've made, thank you. Going shopping in my best outfit is usually a given. Saturday was some sort of bizarre aberration . But more important is the point about how adding new things comes with consequence - having to buy a different shoe or boot, having to add a different pant or top, etc etc. And that is another thing that wears me down, but also starts expanding my closet by too much. It's a slippery slope, isn't it? Identifying an aspirational designer or bridge brand would be a good idea - might do that on pinterest too. And finally, YES to rich colour and texture and interest rather than kooky rights. I HATE purple - lol.

krish - laughing at how i had no idea what outfits you were describing until I looked. I think my fascination with the Chicover50 woman is with her outward confidence and fit little body I don't know how to translate those looks into something I could wear comfortably. A big part of me is drawn to the liveliness of her look- I bet she doesn't get hot and flustered in her crappy black Lululemon sweater while trying to yank pants on that don't quite fit. Ha. But I do like your idea of putting away some of the boring stuff and seeing what I can work with - maybe it will help identify holes to fill.

janet - I really like the idea of shopping with nothing in mind - just to look. Works hand in hand with setting up a no-judgement Pinterest board. Good idea!

anna - and of course you're right - velvet would be a great fabric to add! Have you seen the new Smythe pre-holiday collection in velvet? It almost made me cry it is so beautiful. But I also cried at the prices: $700 Cdn now. I will be checking out simple velvet tops asap though - thanks for this simple but perfect idea. Identifying the image is a little harder, and that's a very good question. Maybe softer yet still polished. I'm done with rate. I have enough of it in my closet already .

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

(I was writing a novel while others were giving Lisa GREAT ideas. My hat off to you all for being proactive, sensitive, empathetic and kind).

krishnidoux

Veteran

Angie's words: "...But they aren't necessarily into building effective and manageable wardrobes over time, or showcasing what they really wear when they run errands etc."
And this is what I like so much of Angie and of YLF, the accent on wearability and authenticity! Things that look great on paper (and on screen) might be less so when they prove difficult to wear IRL.
Your words: "I don't know how to translate those looks into something I could wear comfortably." I think there is the key. It has to change in our own eye before we can see the outfit in our closet. What I mean by this is that sometimes we don't think "comfortable" in terms of stylish. Or sometimes, we start with stylish, and *try to* aim for comfort... but how about starting from pure comfort, and working from there into style?
If your DH was to tell you right now "Put on something, let's go to the movies, we can make it for the next showtime", what would you go grab? Take that thing, and now start to work with it.

Joyce B

Veteran

This just goes to show how different you can see yourself from what others perceive. I always find your outfits fun, enjoyable and inspiring.
I think you are getting very good advice from the other fabbers, so I will not try to add anything fashion-wise. It’s mostly how you feel about your style, which is very important, too as fashion should feel like fun but we may just not feel it for ourselves.

Anonymous

K M -" what made us happy earlier now makes us feel frumpy and unoriginal ". YES.

kkards - yes. "Way back when" - I did like my style, I think. But I don't remember what I thought about anything at that time (30's and late 40's I guess) , lol. I've never been trendy, and have no interest in basing a wardrobe on trends, but I do wish for more liveliness and interest. I used to say about myself " if it has fur, sequins, tassels or studs, I'm in". Now , not so much , lol. See, I am boring in my dotage.

Angie - you'll be pleasantly surprised to hear that I have completed the edit to the extent I ever will. Otherwise it would all be gone, seriously. I know what I have, and can see most of it. There is still stuff there that I would never buy again if it were in front of me in a store, but I can wear those things when it matters least. As for letting a blogger make me feel bad about my wardrobe - mmm - I hate to sound like I'm always pushing back, but I'm not sure that's what I meant here. I know she gets most of her clothes for free , but that isn't the point. I am fascinated by her bright and lively style and wish I could figure out how to create a version of it for myself . My confusion lies with where to start. Which category to focus on. How to identify a colour grouping that will work. etc. And I sure wish you could fly here too - although the shopping here would make you cry with it's limits.

Donna F - thanks, I do agree . Which is maybe why I have been so cautious with buying more interesting clothes. Balance here is tricky.

Krish - you know what that would be? A black or navy sweater, leggings and sneakers. Mind you, I don't care what one wears to a movie, but to a restaurant: that would be the challenge. I would pick my stand-by : silky black top, tons of jewellery, jeans and high heels. BORING:) You are being so helpful - and I'm such a dumb, resistant student.

Anonymous

And yeah, it would be GREAT to have a closet with pieces in it that were more interesting and statement-y ....instead of all of these grey, navy, olive and black sweaters.

JAileen

Veteran

Grey, navy, olive and black. Well, except for black, that's my wardrobe. I always thought your outfits were really interesting, not boring.

Barbara Diane

Veteran

Lots of great points. My first thought was, would you have been happy if you had found the black replacement sweater? How much did the SA's comments affect you/did you give them more power than you should?
Get out to a holding area the clothing that doesn't fit. And get rid of anything that you know you will never want to wear again. I often find if I get out of my head and ask mySelf "Do I want to wear that (or again)? or where/when will I - Really-wear that?

When I am freaked out about what to wear somewhere I usually remind myself that most people will be so concerned with what they are wearing to not notice what most others are wearing. And it is important to consider how noticeable you want to be.

I moved myself from below par to at least par. Now I wear better clothing, accessories, some makeup. I am no longer embarrassed. That was a very big step for me. Now do I sometimes want to look even better, yes, but then I also need to think about who am I comparing myself to? I'll often look around a room and see that I fit right in. That is such a relief.

When I want a further change, I tend to try on a lot of different styles, colors, etc. And ultimately I realize that the colors I wear and the styles I already pick are the most flattering on me. So, sometimes what you are doing works, and you don't have to try something else.

Sometimes thinking of expanding my style is easier changing it. Is there a color, texture, layer, accessory combination I can experiment with?

And just being mindful of what works and doesn't. Just this week we had a colder spell. I thought I didn't like my v-neck cable sweaters anymore. I put one on and I loved it. The next day I put a casual button up under it and I felt frumpy. Note to self-I like it without a button up. Then I pondered, and thought that maybe if I added a bold necklace the necklace might counteract the button up enough for me to feel like me. I'll find out when the weather goes colder.

Breathe, lots of ideas. Good luck finding a velvet top.

Barbara Diane

Veteran

Wow, lots of people wrote while I wrote. Looking forward to catching up. This is interesting.

Barbara Diane

Veteran

Boring because someone outside yourself -maybe your age? - would think it is boring, or boring because you are bored with it? YFL consensus seems to be that your wardrobe is not boring. But that doesn't mean that you aren't bored with it.

karen13

Veteran

First - I alway enjoy your WIWs. I'm sure you only post a curated selection, but what you do is polished , stylish and cohesive.

But I get that you aren't feeling that way in all situations. So maybe start with one outfit. Find a look or two you like and make it yours, even if it means having to get top, bottom, shoes, etc. You won't need jewelry - your collection is wonderful. Then use what you learn as a jumping off point.

I totally get the concerns about buying one new piece and suddenly needing to the rest of the stuff to support it. I am doing that right now and it is annoying, but probably because it wasn't intentional.

Lots of great advice here. Thanks for a though provoking post.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

I am fascinated by this thread. Lisa from the outside you do look far more together, stylish and interesting than you feel, so just keep that in the back of your head.
You have a lot of wonderful advice above, that I am also absorbing it.
I am going to suggest something that I normally do not, despite my own inclinations. Consider going to a nicer consignment shop and trying some new ideas. It does not have to be color - it could be avant garde design, texture, different neutrals, different accessories, belts that you haven't worn in a while, etc. If you find something it will be cheaper and more environmentally friendly than anything in a high end store and it will be unexpected and interesting. See what appeals to you. For me that is where all the fun, and my most interesting clothes happen.

rachylou

Veteran

Ok. I don't know that this is your problem, but I definitely have a problem with attention blindness. I walk into a store and I see: black cotton tops with puff/cap sleeves, red and blue plaids, farmhouse dresses done in black silk... and I think that's about it. I'd laugh, except it's not funny. I don't know how Deborah finds all her avant garde pieces. I'm pretty sure I've been in shops where there were some but I was unable to SEE them.

I try various strategies to get around this. Pick out one thing with a certain feature in advance and try to go looking for it. Make myself take second looks at anything I dismissed fast. Ask a sales person for a suggestion and just go with it, whatever it is.

... but it's tough. I had this trouble with dog names. When I decided to get a dog, I had created this long list of great names. But the search process was so frustrating... when I succeeded in nabbing Lilypup, I completely blanked out. She is named after someone who was on the radio that afternoon!

Debbie

Veteran

I get this because it is how I have been feeling. I felt like I needed to be kick started. I needed a starting point. I am trying to steer myself away from black because honestly I have too much of it. It is hard and I did buy a new black top.

I love burgundy so I am adding those pieces.

For what it is worth I look forward to your WIW. You always emit a confidence that I envy. I think the Pinterest boards are a great idea. For me I walked through a couple of stores that I never shop in and did a different perspective.

Anonymous

shevia - you may have just made a brilliant suggestion with trying out a consignment shop. It's been on my mind lately - as I drive past a particular one everyday that has caught my eye. And you're right - this is the perfect way to try out new things without buying fast fashion garbage. I'm going to do this. Thank you.

rachylou - how is it that your stream-of-consciousness made sense and hit another nail on the head? Maybe I just am not seeing the trees for the forest And I too wonder where Deborah finds all of her cool stuff because I have NEVER seen anything like it in any store I shop in. Duh. Thanks - you're smart and when you're not confusing me, you're making me laugh.

Barbara D - interesting question about what would a new black sweater have done to my mood? Well, yes, I would have felt good for achieving my goal, but then likely realized that my wardrobe was still full of boring body-hiding sweaters. I picked black as my goal because it was safe and I know how to wear safe. You've brought up a good challenge - getting stuck in a safe rut.

12 3