I have a 6'7" husband and I've learned a thing or two over the years about how people "notice" you because of that.

When I met my hubby (at 20) all I could see was his height (and his cute face!). After about 30 minutes the idea of the height difference passed away between us and I no longer see it *AT ALL* even after 30 years!

My kids are all tall and I don't notice that either. But, if I see someone I DON'T know who is 6'7" I think "Wow, that person is tall..." and I go on my way.

Those who spend more than 30 minutes with you in their lives will see past all the outside (if they notice the scars at all) and see the inside (as Suz has already shown). That's who you truly are and that's what people will remember about you. Make that part the most beautiful part and that's how you'll be remembered.

And to that end I have a big fat scar that runs from left to right, and top to bottom RIGHT ACROSS MY NOSE. It's been there since I was 16 years old and nobody has *ever* made a comment on it. I know they may see it, but they probably don't care! LOL

Hi, Mona;

Sorry but I have never really taken note of your complexion; just notice your gorgeous hair and style. Actually, I only notice the skin of babies because it is usually so perfect and we all start out that way. Well, most of us. I remember that my little brother had clogged pores.

Do you know about acne.org? Pretty good reviews of products, regimens, etc. Dan feels that the 10% benzoyl peroxide in ProActive is overly harsh and recommends 2.5% - 5% as just as effective and not as likely to irritate the skin, and he has recommendations regarding moisturizers. I think Dan is in his 40s and has to be careful so he doesn't get cystic acne. He has lifelong side effects from a round of Accutane. My daughter had pretty bad bacne (back acne), and we got it pretty cleared up using his method, but teen that she was and is, she slacked off and it came back. But it was an amazing change after a couple months.

Most women probably have some physical feature/aspect that they are self-conscious about -- and that no one else notices or even cares about! Just remember that even models are air-brushed and Photoshopped.

Hi Mona,

I too think you are beautiful (even though you were not asking for my opinion, I can't help wanting to point it out).

I have had adult acne since I was about 23, on and off, I currently have 5 pimples settling down from a cystic state (and many more hyperpigmentations). They are really going down right now which makes me feel more at peace, but I try not to get excited about it because I never know if things will be clearing up or flaring up again (most likely the latter).

I agree that people are misinformed about acne, thinking it's about dirt (Mary Douglas who wrote Purity and Pollution would have interesting thoughts on it I'm sure; humans have a great need to divide the world into "clean/pure/safe" and "dirty/contaminated/dangerous"). I have had someone ask me if I'd been hitting the chocolate lately. Unfortunately, not eating chocolate has not cured my acne. I find it better not to discuss it with the general public (who would make it worse with their soaps, essential oils, and toothpaste!)

I've read that treating acne is almost more an art than a science (there or so many co-factors and even for professionals, treatment is a bit "this might work", never a certainty). I love acne.org for the real life experiences, empathy, experiments, and seriously intelligent options. There are things I haven't had the strength to try yet (like eating totally like a diabetic should, or ideal circadian rhythm practices, or a proper elimination diet - one woman found oranges were the culprit!), but knowing these options are available to me gives me some peace and hope. I won't try Accutane or birth control but I like knowing I have a choice. It makes it feel less like acne is visited on me by some malevolent force! And yes, if you look closely you will find many celebs with makeup covering pimples; (I am sure they are all expected to go on 'tane or we would see more of it). And they are still beautiful.

I follow a Paula's Choice regime, mixed with some of Dan's ideas. I try not to draw attention to my skin but if I do, people usually say it is amazing (either they mean the unblemished parts, or when my skin isn't flaring/flaking and I wear foundation, they really believe it's all great!). Except for BP (which I don't like as it flakes and oxidises my skin leaving it dull, so I use it only on active spots), the treatments acne has led me to use (BHA, AHA, occasional jojoba oil, sunscreen) keep my skin even and soft and with a good texture.

I only learnt about makeup to cover my acne. I do a clever no-makeup look and I'm proud of that knowledge. I would love to go barefaced but I also really enjoy my Holy Grail, wonderfully textured and shaded, miracle (to me) foundations.

I dream of a day when my skin stops breaking out. It has mysteriously happened before, during my first pregnancy when I quit work, and more recently when I took a trip to Sydney (I believe the extra light may have influenced my hormonal system, but acne being what it is I'll never really know!). So I live in hope.

I've always just assumed when I'm older, I'll have the means to get something cosmetic done if I have scarring (always hard to tell under the hyperpigmentation). They can do good things with lasers and maybe other treatments. So I think your worry about being old with wrinkles and scars may be solvable.

Mona, I love what Suz said.

Something that has really come to light for me was when I looked at a picture of myself from about 10 years ago. I said to my husband, " I was cute." He said, "But you never thought so. "

Then it hit me, when I am 60 will I look back to pictures of now and think that I was "cute". I probably will. So sometimes I picture my 80 year old self looking back and appreciating it. Then I appreciate it too.

But to answer your question, people's faces just don't really jump out at me. It really is a total package.

Kim, thank you so much for uplifting words. 30 minutes is all it takes.
DonnaF, I discovered Ance.org a few years ago and use Dan's regimen daily. I actually use his products most of the time but I mentioned Proactive as more people are aware of the name and basically they are both benzoyl peroxide but different strengths. I am so glad that your daughter was able to get rid of the bacne. The problem with using benzoyl peroxide is that it makes skin look so dull and llifeless. Thank you for your kind words.
Fruitful, thanks for your detailed reply. I have never heard about Paula's choice but now I am curious. Also, which AHA and BHA do you use? I have used the one from Ance.org's website but it didn't do much for me. I also used jojoba oil sometimes, but the problem with that is that by the time afternoon rolls around, my face is so shiny and oily and i have to use blotting papers continuously. I also haven't found any good foundation that gives me even coverage with a little bit of luminosity. What brand of cosmetics do you use?

Isabel, that is a great technique. Thanks for sharing. When I look at my pics from ten years ago, I also think the same thing that i used to be pretty. Although, at the time I never thought I was.

As I type this response, I have no less than 4 cysts on my chin alone. I feel pretty damn ugly today. Your post and the responses have been more helpful to me than you can imagine. I have no real idea what triggers these breakouts nor what fixes them - it is a luck thing, imo. I love the idea that while people may notice our problems and imperfections, they don't really care. People are not going to love me more or less because of the way I look. And if they do, well they are not worth having around anyway.