My Epiphany - YouLookFab Forum

When asked what 5 things in my wardrobe I love and would want to rescue from a fire, I couldn't name a single one. Not one.

This really got me to thinking. This has not aways been the case. I am I finance, and at my last company, I had a lot of items I loved. Red Asian brocade skirt I still remember. Knee high leather boots. A black sheath.

Shortly after I started at the very male dominated company I currently work for, my boss at the time made several disparaging remarks about my clothes. Being young and wanting to impress, I completely changed everything about how I dressed. I started to wear the male "uniform" of our company - kahki type pants and a basic dress shirt. Most of the guys wore polls, I substitute for a knit.

I have worn that for 8 years. I started buying clothes that fit that model rather than what I loved. I now have a closet full of them.

Now is really not a great time to be changing style. I have a DD under a year, and we may or may not decide to have a second. As such, my size and shape could continue to wildly fluctuate.

Still, I have a few dresses on order to try out, and I will post here when I do. Maybe a few strategic purchases can help lay the groundwork for when the family business is settled.

13 years ago

Veteran

Oh wow. So sorry you had to go through that. It sounds like, under the circumstances, a very gradual move back to clothes that make your heart sing, and yet that fit in with the corporate culture anyway, is the way to go.

And make sure you own your weekends! Use them to find out what really rocks your boat.

Anonymous

I would never stop being feminine for male acceptance, their remarks to you don't make any sense. Don't men want women to be feminine? Anyway, I can't think of any clothing I would want to rescue from a fire. My sisters home burned last December and they lost everything. She was sad for pictures and irreplaceables, but not clothing.

Thistle

I guess it was more about your five favorite pieces of clothing. Still, it really made me realize I don't really have favorites.

K. Period.

Thistle, I feel for you. I also know exactly what you mean. Even when you don't have a required uniform, it is really easy to find yourself drifting into the mindset that work wear is a costume you put on for work. What a great epiphany to have and what a great time, with the season shift, to get to change things up. Even though you aren't going to go out and buy a new wardrobe, you can buy each new piece with this goal of making it work appropriate and true to you. That's cool! And how much do I love JR's comment about really making your weekends your own!?! That's so true. Multitasking is great, but a few pieces that make you feel like they are perfectly you will make your wardrobe feel so much more, well, you!

Caro in Oz

It's a great thing to understand about yourself & I can imagine it having a big impact on your life!!! I would start with buying a bag &/or accessories that really speak to you (they will always fit). Kind Regards, Caro.

Krista

That is one hell of an epiphany!
I kind of understand what you mean about dressing for what you think you should be wearing versus what you really want to wear. I've kind of been doing that for the past two years in the job I'm currently in. Not because anyone has said anything, but because it's what I think I should be wearing. I'm not very happy though, and it's been fun being here because I'm starting to discover what I really love to wear. We can go through this journey together!

Suz

(website)

This is a fantastic epiphany. I am really sorry that you've had this experience, but your recognition of what's been going on is priceless.

You're not alone. I was recently asking myself Sal's question (from Already Pretty) http://www.alreadypretty.com/2.....style.html

And I couldn't come up with five items that sing to me that strongly, either. I do have quite a lot of clothes I like now, (thanks to Angie and YLF and the good help I've received here this past year) and most of them work reasonably well together. Also, I don't often worry about what I will wear (a constant problem in the past). BUT, I don't really have many clothes that are super high in what our fellow member Jayne calls the "happiness quotient."

I want more of those clothes.

sarah

Wow, that sounds pretty painful, actually. Good for you for figuring out your reaction to your boss. Even if you're thinking of having another child, I'd say, dress for "now" - by the time you get pregnant, and give birth, you'll have spent a lot of days getting dressed in clothes you're not very excited about. Maybe you don't want to go crazy with a new wardrobe all at once, but at least getting some pieces that you feel good about would probably do wonders for your outlook. And remember, foot wear (boots, etc) doesn't really care about your body shape and whether you're pregant, post-partum, or none of the above, so that might be a place to start.

Jem

That's an interesting epiphany! I'm sorry you have sort of lost yourself these past years. That's happened to me before, too. I hope you can figure out what you love again and incorporate in your work wear.

I can't think of 5 favorite things either, right off hand. That's an interesting thing to think about.

RoseandJoan

That is a great insight Thistle. I think adding a few pieces over time which make your heart sing and work with what your currently own may be the way forward.

transition

Active Member

I would have changed too, but after eight years with the firm, I'd guess you've proven yourself and can dress at least a little more how you want. There's a LOT of professional fashion territory between khakis and knits and sheath dresses and brocade skirts, and I'd think you could dress in a way that's a lot more "you" without necessarily drawing attention to your wardrobe choices. (I'm in finance too, but we have to dress up more than you)

And if you're like me, if you have a baby number two, you may need to replace most of your clothes anyway. I just wouldn't buy any more of the clothes you don't like, test the waters with a few items you like better, and see what happens!

shiny

Interesting. I was fortunate that my very first boss is a fashionista, and petite like me. She took me under her wing and we'd go shopping together over lunch break. This was the 80s and women wore suits with gigantic shoulder pads, blouses with bow ties, skirts, nude hose, pumps. I couldn't afford much on my salary but she helped me see the value in what for me was viewed as "higher-end" brands like Ann Klein. I built a really nice professional wardrobe with her help. I can still remember each piece.

Then I quit my job to be a SAHM and that's when I felt confined to wear a "uniform." Jeans (mom-waisted back then) or khakis, black tee shirt, comfortable flat shoes usually black. And I never felt right in that uniform. I am just not a "casual" or a "gear" type. But back then, I'd never ever consider wearing skirts or dresses as a MOTG outfit. I'd have felt like I was not dressing for the role I was in. It also didn't help that I had a husband at the time who would berate me if I wore anything even remotely attractive out in public, but that's a whole long story. So those five years as a SAHM were my darkest, bleakest fashion period ...

When I went back to work in high tech, everything had changed and it was all about business casual. You could now wear jeans and khakis to work. Yes, it was basically the same as the SAHM formula I had come to loathe. You'd get strange looks if you wore a blazer or a dress or a skirt to work -- people would ask if you had a job interview. I found a balance and I'd wear dress slacks with v-neck sweaters, just slight upgrade on what everyone else was wearing, without being too conspicuous....

Finding YLF changed everything. It has been such a relief to find my own style and grow the confidence to wear what I love regardless of any unstated dress code. There are no "uniforms" in my closet anymore. And I don't care if I'm too conspicuous-- in any setting!

rachylou

I like the idea of some strategic pieces. Also, if you're doing khaki's and button downs, the J. Crew lookbook is probably a good place for ideas. Those are, in the end, very serviceable basics.

I can't think of any clothing I'd save from a fire. I'd be grabbing paintings and my computers and hard drives... ohmigosh, I really need to get my portfolio digitized... I expect the dog to run out on her own.

If I had room for clothing, the question is: My boots or Prada pumps, which cost about the same. Probably should do the boots. Prada is dime a dozen, I don't suppose. I should save my Gucci purse, though, even if it's a bit battered now. A gift from my late father. His style legacy to me. There's a sunhee moon tunic I really love the colors of, my black marc jacobs skirt, and this would-suit-Zooey-Deschanel tank from the $5 store...

Anybody have a van they can pull up to my apartment instantaneously in case of an emergency?

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