Two days ago my mom passed away. She suffered for long time and I was preparing myself for this. But it is still hard. I probably haven’t properly processed it yet because it is difficult to believe that she is not here anymore. Sorrow comes in waves. I am fine for a while and then some little thing reminds me and I am a mess.
I was her only child and she was always there for me. Always put me first, not wanting me to worry until the last moment. She was always very generous, liked to entertain and cook and was famous for her dinner parties. She loved fashion and we had always great time shopping together. She loved to travel and was fortunate to visit many countries all around the world. Before she retired she was head of accounting department in a big company and she had also her private accounting firm that she was very proud of. She was very good and respected in her field.
I am back in my home time for the funeral tomorrow. For the first time I am staying in a hotel since we sold our family home this summer. My mom was living in nursing home last couple of months and died in hospital. I came just in time to see her for the last time before she passed. She have opened her eyes for a moment and desperately tried to say something but was too weak. I will be thinking about it forever, not knowing what she wanted to say.
My father is also not doing very well and is not able to come to the funeral.
Hope all goes well tomorrow, I had to organize everything and had no previous experience. I even managed to buy new navy coat this morning since all my coats are bright. I am going with a navy and not black, hope it is not going to be scandalous in my small home town. Tradition here is to wear black and not only for the funeral but for (at least) 40 days after. But I don’t wear black and don’t have any in my wardrobe. Hope I don’t need black clothing to show how devastated I am.