My cabin revelation: I'm okay with the process (long ramble) - YouLookFab Forum

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My cabin revelation: I'm okay with the process (long ramble)

catgirl

Veteran

At the cabin, where I'm often in the same base layer all weekend, I don't have to think about clothing at all, other than how much of it to wear. Yet I still find myself thinking about outfits, or reading fashion magazines to relax. This time I gave a little thought to why I am okay with certain of my passions (climbing, making jewelry, reading, travel, running) but have been quite reluctant to admit that my love of fashion is here to stay, not just a to-do list to complete. I've been thinking about it more as a goal than a process, like "Once I have X, Y, and Z, my closet will be finished", which as we all know is a big fat lie.

The truth is, I love the process, and I love the tweaking and experimenting and seeing all of the inspiration here, and have to admit I may never be done with it (as my husband hopes!). It's fun and it's challenging for me, and just because it's seen as frivolous or wasteful by most of my real-life circle doesn't mean I have to feel guilty or act like it's not something I enjoy.

In other words, it's okay if there's no end in sight. It's freeing to have reached this (possibly obvious to everyone but me) conclusion, because it means I don't have to rush to find and buy everything I think I need in order to reach a finish line - because the finish line is always changing, and it's all about having fun along the way.

Angie, I know this is what you've said all along - told you I was a slow learner!

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31 replies

Latest reply was from Deborah

Adelfa

Veteran

I was just thinking, where's a post from alaskagirl....

catgirl

Veteran

Adelfa, I hope that's not a sign that I ramble too often!

goldenpig

(website)

Veteran

This is a great lesson for me. I made the mistake of telling DH that I was done shopping for my wardrobe. I thought I was finished (my SYC didn't even last a few weeks) and yet I'm still getting a few things here and there, like buying a different shoe size to compare with the ones I ordered previously, a new summer outfit, etc. So whenever a new box arrives he keeps saying "I thought you were done!" Whoops! Tactical error on my part!

I guess there is never a "completely done", is there? Not like we're going to wear the same set of clothes forever for the rest of our lives! I too have to come to terms with fashion as a hobby and that it's not something to be embarrassed or ashamed about, though he thinks I'm obsessed.

Adelfa

Veteran

Whoops, sorry for not being clear... I enjoy how you float concepts out for us to play with!

catgirl

Veteran

GP, I thought of you when I was hashing this out! I'm not in the same situation, in that my husband has yet to express any real feelings on the issue, but I feel like you also did not expect to "fall in love" with fashion as a pursuit and the resulting consequences. I know I had no idea how much fun I would have - it's the same creative satisfaction I get from making jewelry and putting together elements of color, size, style and so on. Unlike running or climbing, however, it doesn't get a lot of positive reinforcement from others, nor is it easily justified as "good for me" or "necessary". I just needed to make peace with it in my head.

On the other hand, it was such a joy to take my friend shopping. Just the other day, she told me she wore to church an entire outfit I'd picked out for her and was thrilled with the compliments. So it's not all my own selfish pursuit!

Thanks for the support!

jayne

Veteran

I so agree AlaskaGirl, I didn't get interested until a girlfriend said I was looking frumpy and then I just felt I had to do something. Started with magazine and then now it is blogs and I can possibly see pinterest in my future. But I have started quoting Angie to people IRL and telling about things I am learning and refusing to let anyone treat my interest like it is frivolous. he he, they cannot have it both ways you see, criticize clothes and the effort I make to change my style! And I know that if I don't want to go back to frumpy then this will be a lifelong challenge to be interested, be informed,choose well as my body changes and my life changes and give me hopefully this new community to feel a part of as well!

Firecracker (Sharan)

Veteran

I certainly recognize some of these sentiments. Thanks for putting my thoughts into words! It has kind of dawned on me, too, that my style is evolving (the book, Style Evolution helped me there). Some of the pieces I bought a couple of years ago to "update" my look are feeling a little passe now, as I'm refining and defining, and redefining what works for me.

goldenpig

(website)

Veteran

Yes, you're right Una. Before I joined YLF I thought fashion was pretty frivolous myself. I hated it when my mom would try to get me & my sisters to dress up. A year ago if someone said "You are going to take pictures of your behind and post them on the internet" I would have looked at them like they had two heads. And now look at me! I guess this is a pretty weird hobby and not very well respected. But it's a lot of fun! And I'm learning a lot from you Una, and all of you on the board. And I love how we not only talk about the latest clothes, but about ourselves and larger issues like body image and self-respect and what is going on in our day to day lives like getting older and other transitions in our lives. It makes for a much richer community. It's like my mommy board--in between all the threads on diapers and strollers there's a lot of philosophy going on and everyone is so supportive of each other. I'm lucky to have found two great online communities!

That is so great that you've been able to pass on your fashion sense and help your friend! I also was thrilled to read Claire's account of her Dress For Success volunteer work. I haven't been able to help anyone with fashion or share my passion with anyone in real life yet, although I have been hanging out in the MomWear section of my mommy board and posting a lot about fashion and YLF, and have inspired some people there to start dressing up more and trying belts and new MOTG outfits etc. And I got several of them to join YLF, so I feel good about that!

MsMary

Veteran

Amen, Una! I'm kind of in the same boat, I guess. I had to replace my whole wardrobe when I lost a lot of weight, and I, too, thought at some point I'd be "finished." But I guess there is no such thing. There's always something to tweak, and Lord knows there's always something new and fun coming out that I want to try -- like my new bright green blazer!

I've decided as hobbies go, fashion isn't a bad one. It keeps us off the streets, right?

fern

Veteran

Oh yes, this has been something that I'm beginning to see too. There is no finish line. But I am happy to begin to have a working closet and feel like I'm refining it & developing it, and not feel like I'm starting from scratch. (What did I wear?)
I didn't own jewelry & understood vaguely that scarves added something to an outfit. Now I've found a whole new world of beautiful things that I can put together in combinations that are meaningful to me. There is nothing wrong with that!

Marley

Veteran

Oh, this is so true Una - and I have really experienced it this past year, SYCing! When I first started SYC, I thought that I would not enjoy the forum as much or looking at fashion magazines or walking through clothing stores, etc., but I soon realized that that was not the case - which led me to the revelation that my love of fashion did not have so much to do about buying things for myself (which I had felt some guilt and shame about) but rather had to do with creative expression and learning about color, proportion, body-types, texture, etc. and it ended up not really mattering that I couldn't go out and buy the latest greatest thing - in fact it took the pressue off - the anxiety that I used to feel about needing/wanting whatever was "new" in fashion faded away - and I learned to appreciate and become more aware of what I already had hanging in my closet. I learned to create new outfits that I would have never thought of before, because I would have just pushed "old" pieces aside to make room for the new ones. Whenever I felt a twinge of desire for something new, I was able to remind myself that it was OK if I didn't get that - there would always be another "perfect item" next season and the season after that - it would never stop and I could enjoy it indefinitely. So - yes, I agree with you - its a process, a journey, something that never has to end - no matter your life circumstances, your lifestyle or your bank account!

catgirl

Veteran

Glad to see I'm not alone!

Marley, you are truly inspiring and I love what you've learned from SYC - you are so stunning and stylish (and I've seen you IN PERSON!), I can't imagine a better philosophy than yours.

Lantana

Veteran

I loved reading your thoughts from a cabin in Alaska. I spent a deliriously happy day in a cabin on a lake in the Alaskan wilderness a little more than a year ago. How special it was. You are a lucky girl!
Una, thank you for your post; it, and the responses, have given me much food for thought.

shipskitty

Veteran

I identify with a lot of what you are saying here Una. I was brought up in a household where fashion was considered pretty frivolous compared to other pursuits and it is really only a pretty recent love for me.

There's a weird guilt associated with love of putting clothing together and with owning a choice of bags or shoes instead of just one utilitarian black bag or pair of black shoes.

Balance is still important of course but why should it feel any different to any other hobby in my mind? And why can't other people around me view it as a hobby too?

DragonflyJane

Great topic! When we had our own renovation business, I didn't have the time or energy to think about anything much - let alone fashion!

It's taken me a few years though to accept that it really is ok to be interested in looking & feeling good and that includes my newly restored passion for fashion!

I always tell John that a happy wife means a happy husband!

Meredith1953

Veteran

We are all evolving constantly! What a fun challenge it is to try to get our "outsides" to express our "insides". No reason for this process to EVER be done! I still don't like just shopping in department stores but definitely enjoy the honing of one's style with web shopping, Polyvore etc. And of course this wonderful community to get feedback from!

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Interesting thread. I was not a fashion follower when I was younger. Designers and fashion shows didn't make sense to me at all. Now I consider various aspects of style and fashion one of my main hobbies and am totally fine with that. I don't think we need to justify thinking about clothes any more than someone has to justify interest in sports or microbrewing their own beer. Even more than that, how we present ourselves actually makes a big impact on our lives - both in terms of our self-confidence and how others perceive and receive us. Of course it is only one aspect of what we are, but an important and enjoyable one, and I truly see no reason not to be proud of our interest.

ButterflyLady

(website)

Veteran

LOL at Jane - A happy wife means a happy life - all husbands should remember that!

I've come to a similar realisation, Una. I came to YLF when searching online for a final, once and for all 'capsule' wardrobe. I found Angie's MOTG formulas, and then this forum, and decided that I didn't really want a 'this is it' collection of clothes, but that I wanted to have a bit of fun with them.

I truly realised it when I was talking to a friend who admitted to me that when she was working, a decade or so ago, in a corporate, formal type of job, that she had five suits and five shirts that worked under all the suits, and she just picked a suit and a shirt every day of the working week, no real accessories or jewellery. The idea of that would once have delighted me - a small amount of clothes, really working hard - but instead I was sad, as she missed out on so much fun, and creative expression.

My other hobby is decluttering and organising - liking clothes and liking getting rid of stuff make interesting partners!

MNsara

Veteran

I adore it when someone can succinctly say what floats abstractly around my head

So true, that it's not about being 'done'. And that's it's okay to love the whole process!

Life changes, body changes, style changes, taste changes, all keep us (and our closets) constatnly evolving. That's a good thing

Jonesy

Veteran

I think this is a wonderful epiphany, Una! I totally agree with you! I suppose there can be natural ebbs and flows, but no, I don't think it's something that will be "done" once you've purchased that last pair of booties or whatever!

Like you, I am definitely a bit "closeted" about my YLF/style, uh, interest (ETA: doesn't sound like you are as hush hush as I am, so you probably wouldn't refer to yourself as closeted :). It's really not considered acceptable in academics, I'm afraid. I remember being so shocked at the academicchic women: Since they were all grad students and just putting their love of style, bargain hunting, fashion right out there, I was frankly worried for them that it would harm their job search. Crazy, but that's what I thought.

ETA: Thanks for your comment on my thread! (I didn't want to bump it)

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I love this, Una! I think when I began I had a sort of dim idea that at some point I might be "done," (although I also knew I would always want to renovate...gah, if I can do it to my house which is so much tougher, I ought to be able to manage it in my wardrobe!)

Actually, that's a good line for me to tell my husband. He is okay with all I have purchased so far but he definitely thinks in terms of being "done" or "not done" buying and doesn't get that I will continue to pick and choose, weed out and adapt, even if I DO weigh the same!

I know for me it will always be an ongoing process. Because our needs continually change, too. At some point I might be working at a different job, or need clothes for a different climate or a different kind of workout capsule. So there is always change afoot. And that is as it should be.

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

Here here Una! I could not agree more with what you've said here.

Mochi

Veteran

Great comments and totally agree. Love it when we get philosophical here

Anonymous

GP, in a way i am at a similar point. But I tell myself i am done shopping for my wardrobe now I'm shopping for myself.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I marked this post as a favourite

Una, THIS IS WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT. You hit the nail on the head and I am delighted that you have reached this point. Iris Apfel hasn't crossed the style finish line at age 92 (and she doesn't want to) - that's the point

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Yep, you are so right! I get in the mindset of - if I can just find that red cardigan - treating my closet like a puzzle that needs these final pieces. That leads to a hunt, and then the pounce, and so it repeats ad naseum, each time thinking or hoping I'm that much closer to finishing the puzzle, completing the task, checking this off my 'list'.
The reality is we have enough to wear already, and it's not about finding that perfect set of items that will make our closet 'complete'. I was slow to get this one, too, lol. So you have company there.
I am starting to look at contained maintenance, for lack of a better word. Like Queen Mum's one item a month plan this year. That type of thing. Recognizing that it is a journey and not a destination made me excited to see about navigating my own journey instead of willy nilly acquiring a never ending list of wants. The upside to this whole epiphany is it takes off the pressure, as Marley said, of getting those last perfect pieces to 'complete' your wardrobe. Whew - what a relief, I don't have to track down A, B and C by April LOL!!

catgirl

Veteran

Aw, Angie, thanks. *blushing and shuffling feet* I'm slow but I do move along...

MNSara, I'm not sure this was succinct - you were much more so in your lovely response!

Jonesy, Mochi, Anja, Shannon, Suz, Shevia, Meridith, BL, DJ, Shipskitty, Lantana - thank you all.

I couldn't have picked a better ship on which to sail the fashion seas than YLF!

catgirl

Veteran

Mo, glad you and I are on the same timing! Even the one item a month isn't working for me as other items are always cutting in line and jostling their way to the front. How rude of them!

rae

(website)

Veteran

IKWYM about items cutting in line! Especially when the original item, waiting patiently in line, does not assert itself.

And it's so true, since WE are never "finished," our styles can never be finished. Wouldn't have it another way.

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