My body neutrality practice

Jules

Just some musings about where the struggle with body image has landed for me in middle age.

I won’t go into my whole history with body image and weight. It’s not outside the usual for women of my age, culture and body type. Nor is this going to be about my diet or exercise habits.

At some point I realized that what I’m doing isn’t so much about working to reach some perfected state of mind but just an active daily practice. I’m not at some magical place where I dance around naked loving my 52 year old body. I just live in it and practice the following on a daily and long term basis…

- actively engage with and follow social media with a diversity of ages and body types enjoying their unique style (THANK YOU ANGIE for providing this forum and modelling this for us!)

- actively avoid content that shows a tendency to verbalize hatred for any aspect of their own or other women’s bodies. “Our bodies, Ourselves” - I can no longer separate the two and misogyny hurts. I don’t engage because their views are not my business, I just avoid.

- I comment positively on friends’ and family members’ achievements, style, hair, hobbies and interests but not their bodies. Frankly, I don’t notice most people’s weight fluctuations much anyway. Who cares? I do notice with my daughters but say nothing unless they are bringing up a need for new clothes and then it’s a neutral ‘maybe your size has changed, let’s go shopping and see’, never ‘you’ve lost or gained weight’

- I don’t engage much with diet or body talk from my friends. It’s situational - if a friend wants to go on about her new devotion to protein or avocado for health reasons I’m polite enough. I have a huge interest in food and cooking as a source of both pleasure and self care/care for others, so I do talk about that with friends who share my interest. Avocado you say? Delicious on toast with some tomato and salt!

I think those are the main points. Shout out to all the many fab ladies here who post outfits and are positive or just neutral about women’s bodies, and of course, Angie for providing the forum for it.

2 weeks ago

Off Topic

16 replies

Latest reply was from Kyle

Carol

(website)

Veteran

Body neutrality is probably the best stance, especially when thinking about how you are going to treat others' bodies.

I was raised in the thinnest state in the Union (Colorado), by parents who would die of shame if they got a single pound overweight. I also lived in Los Angeles, which is a celebration/torture of beautiful, thin bodies--however you look at it.

I will always love how thinness looks, especially by people who wear it well--supermodels, actresses. But for many years now, I have not been able to make myself slim down. I finally realized it's because my spirit wants me to eat the food I need for my mental health. My current goal is to get a better physique without necessarily losing weight. That's why it is so great that there are plus size models. Many of those women are demonstrating gorgeous, fit figures that do not have to be thin.

2 weeks ago

judy

Veteran

Yes! Sounds like you are in such a good place with it all...taking care to be mindful of what you consume via media and shifting your focus.

Recently I was eating lunch in a store that also has delicious ready to eat food and some tables to eat at, so close that I could easily overhear the conversation of two women about my age while we were all eating our lunches. Like you've mentioned in your post, their entire conversation was the protein/fat content of the food they ate. While I have been there, and of course one might have health reasons to do so, it made me a little sad that what appeared to be missing from their talk was the sheer pleasure and appreciation of the food. (or other things besides the food!) Embrace and appreciation of life and pleasure in an embodied sense feels much better to me.

Someone once mentioned to me something she heard on TIKTOK and I've taken it to heart: "Our bodies are the least interesting thing about us."

2 weeks ago

Sal

Veteran

I love your attitude Jules and this is one I totally support - and mostly achieve.

I find it sad to see so many people depriving themself of pleasure with food, or in their bodies, because of insecurities both deep set as well as from media consumed. And we do have to consciously decide how to behave - and keep making these choices.

2 weeks ago

kellygirl

Veteran

I, too, found myself nodding in agreement while i was reading your post. So well said! I've not heard the neutrality term--due to my living under a rock but I love it and strive toward it!

2 weeks ago

Jenni NZ

Veteran

Good thinking Jules. I am under the same rock as Kelly.
I have been working emotionally on trying to have that for decades, with mixed success. Thank goodness I did read The Beauty Myth at age 30 or I am sure it would have been worse. Naomi Wolf turning into a conspiracy theorist and also being discredited for one book is weird but didn’t take away my liking for that first book of hers.
I agree that the forum helps, and things like Project Pan where we try to use up beauty products rather than just buy more and more in the pursuit of that myth.

2 weeks ago

cat2

Veteran

I have been focusing on:
1. Getting as much exercise as I can given my existing health restrictions: currently a wonky knee.
2. Getting out in nature as much as possible; even sitting in the yard or dining outside counts.
3. Hitting the numbers that really matter: bone density, heart health, cholesterol, and Vitamin D.

I try to ignore the rest of the nonsense as much as I can. When I was cheerleading I was at the top of the BMI scale because I have a lot of muscle. I kept most of it with just weekend training. And have been building it back up in retirement. That muscle reservoir and really strong bones are going to come in handy as I age.

I am seeing the damage the Ozempic age is already doing in adolescents. Can we get more people to learn about the Female Athlete Triad so another generation of young women doesn’t do permanent damage to their bodies?

2 weeks ago

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Jules, beautifully written! You are wise, self-aware, eloquent, and DD is lucky to have you as a role model. I'm with Sal and Kelly in loving your attitude! I much appreciate your thoughts here, and applaud you for sharing them. (Thanks for the kind words too, and my pleasure )

Practicing Body Neutrality comes up frequently with my clientele, who are absolutely awesome. And while these conversations are private and I am a vault with the info - I'll share that they share many of your thoughts. Here is the last post that I wrote about Body Neutrality:

https://youlookfab.com/2024/10.....-yourself/

I'm about to make myself a yummy slice of avocado on toast, so high five!

2 weeks ago

Bijou

Veteran

A great post and you made me smile at the thought of myself dancing around naked loving my body! Neutrality, now that is an achievable goal.

2 weeks ago

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I’m working on this. Even at the age of 60, it can be a challenge! Our old programming can be very hard to overcome.

2 weeks ago

Jules

Veteran

Janet, the thing about a practice is that it’s not about my feelings but 1) what I put out into the world and 2) what I choose to consume and interact with. What’s in my head can stay there. In this way I’m moving forward with the times and not perpetuating the problem.

2 weeks ago

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Jules, your daughters are super lucky to have you! You are an excellent role model. I really like what you said in response to Janet, too -- it's less about what's in our head from old programming (whatever that might be) and more about focusing on what we do and interact with, who we listen to, what we support.

I like what cat2 said too -- focusing on getting outdoors and moving, and on the health numbers that actualy count (so, not BMI, but the ones she mentions) makes so much sense and helps take the focus off the trivialities.

2 weeks ago

Jules

Veteran

Thanks Suz, along with everyone else who commented. I don’t want to go back and edit what I said to Janet but I regret the bit about moving forward with the times because it’s not exactly what I meant. But you got my point - it’s about what we say and do, not how we feel. There may be a short term boost in expressing the negative thoughts aloud but in the long term I’ve found the daily effort of filtering hatred of woman(‘s bodies) out of my words and my life has way more benefit to my wellbeing and soul and is much more aligned with how I see my greater self as a feminist.

I’ll be frank, I personally would love if everyone considered how their comments about their own bodies might affect the other people around them, including on this forum. And it’s not just because my precious feelings might be hurt by someone’s comment about their thighs or aging neck.

‘The personal is political’ - bell hooks.

1 week ago

Jules

Veteran

Thanks Angie for your lovely post. You’ve been my role model in a lot of this.

1 week ago

cat2

Veteran

Jules: So many thoughts, but one thing that has also helped has been trying to talk to myself the same way I would talk to a friend. I would never go up to another person and diss her neck!

1 week ago

judy

Veteran

Some videos turned up in my youtube feed that I found very supportive of body neutrality. They depicted very much older women, both visual artists, both so vital and happy, talking about their crafts. While they had style...after all, dressing ourselves is a 3D art, isn't it... their focus appeared to be the inspiration that translated to their work, the body being the instrument (rather than the object). I loved seeing wrinkled women not trying to look younger, or apologize at all for their looks. It wasn't even mentioned. How freeing.

1 week ago

Kyle

Veteran

Thank you for sharing this important message, Jules. I wish I had learned these lessons many years ago, but I’m learning now and rethinking the unhelpful beliefs I have cultivated over the course of 50+years.

1 week ago

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